2. ACT ONE
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Phil and Luke look through a box labeled "magic stuff".
PHIL
Just keep looking, the perfect
trick lays somewhere in this box.
LUKE
I heard the hardest trick is
revealing a dove. Mainly because
they suffocate and die in coat
pockets.
PHIL
Which is why you have to practice,
or else you’ll have to make an
awkward trip to the dumpster during
your wedding recital.
Claire enters.
CLAIRE
What is going on here?
Phil ties a cape around his neck with a top hat on.
PHIL
Just getting ready to sell a house.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
A really nice mansion just went on
the market and it’s owner is none
other than The great Madator, a
famous magician that I loved
watching growing up. I bought his
magic kit, and even released a book
later called, "Magic for Dummies".
I learned everything from that man.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY - CONTINUED
CLAIRE
You should probably lose the
outfit.
(CONTINUED)
3. CONTINUED: 2.
PHIL
You’re right I should focus more on
what trick I am going to do.
CLAIRE
Would you do a magic trick for any
of your other clients?
PHIL
That one client Mrs. Jenkins loved
it, but because of her condition, I
think she genuinely couldn’t
remember what card she picked.
CLAIRE
In all honesty honey, he is
probably just looking for a
Realtor, not a another fan trying
to show him a trick.
Claire starts to move Phil away from his props.
CLAIRE
Just be yourself today and I’m sure
you will do great.
PHIL
You’re right, I am still going to
get an autograph though.
Phil sticks a head shot of Bruce in his bag.
PHIL
Also, I should ask him to sign my
handcuffs. Have you seen them?
CLAIRE
I think they’re in the bedroom.
Claire looks at Luke awkwardly.
CLAIRE
Actually, I have no idea.
OMITTED
CAMERON & MITCHELL INTERVIEW
MITCHELL
Lily is at that age now where she
can start playing sports.
(CONTINUED)
4. CONTINUED: 3.
CAMERON
I am all for it. As a former
college athlete, I know first hand
how important sports can be in a
child’s life.
MITCHELL
I on the other hand, don’t feel
like we need to pressure her into
sports. I remember how my dad was
always trying pressuring me to get
involved, and because of that, I
never was any good.
CAMERON
All I am saying is that Lily could
potentially be really good at
sports.
MITCHELL
Because she is Asian.
CAMERON
No, I did not say that. I just just
think she could excel at a sport
that involves running and sprinting
and moving quickly to other
defenders.
MICTHELL
Because Asians are fast?
CAMERON
That is absolutely not the reason.
PAUSE
But I mean have you seen her run?
INT. JAY & GLORIA’S HOUSE - DAY
Gloria answers the door and lets Cameron and Mitchell in.
GLORIA
So did you two find what you were
looking for?
CAMERON
We got some great information on
all the sports that the school has
to offer.
(CONTINUED)
5. CONTINUED: 4.
MITCHELL
And I got some information on
clubs, like gardening, and arts and
crafts, stuff that isn’t so
competitive.
CAMERON
Right, because colleges are always
offering scholarships to kids that
are great at planting flowers.
GLORIA
You two really don’t see eye to eye
on this. It reminds me of a sister
and her husband when they were
deciding on whether or not they
should let their son run with the
bulls.
CAMERON
Yes it’s exactly like that.
MITCHELL
Hey do you know where my dad is?
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - BILLIARDS ROOM
Jay and Manny play Ping-Pong. Jay spikes the ball as Manny
misses. Mitchell and Cameron enter.
MANNY
I don’t understand. I took every
shot that mathematically made
sense.
JAY
It takes more than brains to win at
a complex sport like this.
MANNY
You know, being overly competitive
could mean you’re compensating due
to a lack of self-confidence.
JAY
You know I almost tried out for the
Olympics.
MANNY
Thank you for proving my point.
Manny walks off in defeat.
(CONTINUED)
6. CONTINUED: 5.
MITCHELL
Dad, I see you’re still beating
your children in sports.
JAY
I’m just trying to find new ways to
bond with the kid. I didn’t expect
him...
MITCHELL
To take loosing so hard?
JAY
To be so bad, he has worse eye hand
coordination then Joe.
CAMERON
I’m sure you two will find a way to
bond. Not all of us have the nature
to be competitive.
Cameron looks at Mitchell.
JAY
Cam, you probably didn’t know this,
but Mitchell was actually pretty
good at ping pong.
CAMERON
Oh really? well I played in
college.
MITCHELL
You played at college, every dorm
has one of these tables.
Lily enters.
LILY
Are you two ready yet?
CAMERON
Actually, daddy’s are going to play
a quick game.
MITCHELL
No we are not?
CAMERON
Mitchell, this is perfect, both of
us are good at a sport finally. We
can show Lily first hand on how
much fun being competitive can be.
(CONTINUED)
7. CONTINUED: 6.
Manny enters.
JAY
Hey kid, I got one dollar that says
Mitchell beats Cameron.
MANNY
Seems like an unfair bet.
CAMERON
I’m sorry, but apparently no one
seems to think I can carry my own
around here. When in fact, I can. I
can carry a lot. I once carried a
pregnant cow up a hill to give
birth right when the sun was about
to set. It was beautiful.
MANNY
Are we still talking about
Ping-Pong?
CAMERON
Mitchell, pick up the paddle.
Mitchell pulls Cameron off to the side.
MITCHELL
Fine, how about this, if I
win, Lily gets to decide what she
wants to do. If you win, she plays
sports.
CAMERON
Oh Mitchell, I am loving this side
to you. You’re on.
Cameron goes to the opposite side of the table.
CAMERON CONT’D
This is going to be a piece of
cake.
Cameron tosses the ball to Mitchell as his back is turned.
Mitchell catches the ball without looking. Cameron becomes
intimidated.
8. 7.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Alex sits at the counter looking through her books. Luke and
Haley sit in the family room watching TV. Claire is putting
away dishes.
ALEX
I cannot believe this is happening.
CLAIRE
Honey what’s wrong?
ALEX
I forgot to do an assignment. How
could I forget? And it’s due
tomorrow.
CLAIRE
Ok, slow down, you still have all
day to do it.
ALEX
You don’t understand. I need to
create my own experiement. If I
don’t get a good grade on this then
I’m going to end up like brainless
and pretty over there.
LUKE
(to Haley)
Ha! She called you brainless.
CLAIRE
Ok, listen, I know you are stressed
out but humiliating your siblings
is not going to solve your
problems. Figure it out.
Claire exits.
ALEX
(to herself)
Come on Alex use your brain. What
kind of experiment can I do? More
importantly, where am I going to
find my subjects to test on?
Alex looks at Haley and Luke. Luke is staring at a pillow
while Haley touches up her make up. Alex gets an idea.
ALEX
(To herself)
Hello Brainless and pretty.
9. 8.
INT. PHIL’S CAR - DAY
Phil drives with a smile on his face.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
After I left the house I felt
determined. Do I usually sell
expensive houses? No, but there was
a freshness in the air, and a
singing tone from the birds that
sang, "you can do it Phil."
Phil begins to walk towards the house still smiling when a
red convertible comes racing from around the corner and
stops in front of Phil. The window slides down and Gil
Thorpe pops his head out.
GIL
Well, Well, Well, if it isn’t Dumb,
Dumber, and Dumbphy.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
And then the air became toxic and
every bird flew into a tree and
died.
END OF ACT ONE
(CONTINUED)
10. CONTINUED: 9.
ACT TWO
EXT. STREET - DAY
Gil steps out of his car.
PHIL
Gil, what an unpleasant surprise.
GIL
That’s where you messed up, the day
you think I’m going to let you sign
a mansion over me will be the same
day pigs fly, and my wife stops
taking her happy pills.
(Serious)
But seriously, I think my wife is
going to leave me.
PHIL
Oh my god I’m so sorry to hear
that...
Gil starts laughing.
GIL
I swear Phil, sometimes its just
too easy.
PHIL
Well you should know something. You
should know that today is
different, today, I am going to
beat you Gil.
GIL
This isn’t a two bedroom mobile
home, this is a six figure, this is
the jungle, have you ever been to
the jungle?
PHIL
Yes, I’ve seen Tarzan.
GIL
This is going to be a breeze. Come
on let’s do the thing, I’ll show
you how a sell a house.
Gil starts to walk towards the front door.
(CONTINUED)
11. CONTINUED: 10.
PHIL
I actually do have a couple
questions.
(Realizing)
Very funny,
PAUSE
Not!
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - BILLIARDS ROOM
Cameron and Mitchell finish their game. Mitchell is standing
victorious, while Cameron is covered in sweat. Jay and Manny
sit and watch.
MITCHELL
Well it looks like the college
athlete is...
CAMERON
Don’t even finish that sentence
Mitchell.
Manny hands Jay one dollar.
MANNY
Thanks a lot Cameron.
JAY
It’s not his fault, that’s just the
world of gambling, sometimes you’re
lucky, sometimes you’re not.
CAMERON
Ok, enough of this!
(To Mitchell)
Double or nothing.
MITCHELL
Cameron, it wasn’t even close. Do
you really want to play again?
CAMERON
It was a fluke game. I wasn’t even
trying. Double or nothing, we can
make a new bet.
MITCHELL
Well I would like to change the
curtains in the family room.
Cameron is offended.
(CONTINUED)
12. CONTINUED: 11.
CAMERON
You just woke up the beast.
Mitchell puts the paddle in his other hand.
CAMERON CONT’D
What are you doing?
MITCHELL
Well since we have raised the
stakes. I think I’ll play with my
good hand now.
CAMERON
Your good hand?
MANNY
Cameron, I think you just woke up
the beast.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FAMILY ROOM - DAY
ALEX INTERVIEW
ALEX
Is it morally wrong that I am going
to expose my siblings faults for an
experiment that I will share with
my class?
PAUSE
As a future scientist, I don’t feel
like I have to answer that
question.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FAMILY ROOM - DAY
Alex sets up her experiment.
ALEX V.O
It’s pretty simple actually. My
study is proving that even the
simplest riddle cannot be solved by
people that do not get along. So I
hid the remote..
Alex hides the remote in the fridge in a plastic bag.
ALEX V.O CONT’D
left a note on the table with a
riddle..
(CONTINUED)
13. CONTINUED: 12.
Alex places a folded notes that says Haley and Luke on the
table.
ALEX V.O CONT’D
And even set up some booby traps in
the process.
Alex places a mouse trap under the couch, and a bucket of
water in top of the bathroom door.
ALEX V.O CONT’D
I’ll keep a record of how long they
take arguing compared to how quick
they are able to find the remote.
If they ignore the instructions,
and refuse to work together, then
they will run into things that will
only make them angrier..
ALEX INTERVIEW
ALEX
And that will only make my
experiment that much better.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - FAMILY ROOM - DAY
Haley and Luke sit on the couch. Alex watches from a
distance hiding.
HALEY
Where’s the remote? It was just
here like 20 minutes ago
LUKE
Hey look at this.
Luke grabs the note on the table.
LUKE CONT’D
It’s from Mom, it says that she
placed the remote somewhere while
she was cleaning, but she forgot
where she put it.
HALEY
Let me see that.
Haley looks at the note.
(CONTINUED)
14. CONTINUED: 13.
HALEY
Its a list of all the places she
cleaned today. If we walk through
all those spots we will find it
eventually.
LUKE
So it’s like a scavenger hunt?
HALEY
I guess it is.
LUKE
That is...
PAUSE
Awesome!
HALEY
Well, if I know one thing about
Mom, it is that she is really
forgetful, so we better stick to
this list and work together.
LUKE
Deal.
Alex gives a, "Are you kidding me"? look into the camera.
EXT. MANSION - DAY
Phil and Gil knock on the door at the same time awkwardly.
Bruce answers.
BRUCE
Well I knew one of you people would
be coming once you saw my ad.
GIL
Hello there sir, my name is Gil
Thorpe, number one Realtor in the
area, I’m here to discuss selling
your house.
PHIL
And I’m Phil Dumphy, and though I
am not the number one Realtor, I am
number one, at keeping it real.
BRUCE
Well those were some introductions.
Hello, I am Bruce Madator, please
let me show you my house.
15. 14.
Phil and Gil walk through the door frame at the same time
and collide awkwardly.
INT. MANSION - DAY - FOYER
Bruce takes Phil and Gil on a tour.
GIL
This is a lovely house
PHIL
(step behind)
Just so lovely, beautiful, it makes
me want to buy it from you right
now.
BRUCE
Let me show you the upstairs.
INT. MANSION - DAY - UPSTAIRS
Bruce shows Phil and Gil the upstairs.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
I’ve been going head to head with
Gil for years now, and If I’ve
learned one thing, it’s that you
have to take the upper hand early.
You have to stick out, and show
your client that you really care.
INT. MANSION - DAY - UPSTAIRS
Phil feels around in his bag for the head shot picture, Gil
turns to Bruce.
GIL
I know it’s not necessarily
appropriate but I cannot hold my
tongue anymore.
Gil pulls out the head shot picture that Phil brought.
GIL CONT’D
I am a huge fan of yours sir, is
there anyway I could have an
autograph?
(CONTINUED)
16. CONTINUED: 15.
PHIL
(To himself)
Oh No.
BRUCE
(To Gil)
I have signed this picture so many
times, that I should be sick of it.
However, I actually enjoy the
reminders. I would be happy to sign
it for you.
PHIL
(To himself)
No!
BRUCE
So you like magic?
GIL
Are you kidding? I love it! I used
to watch you all the time as a kid.
PHIL
(To himself)
No!
GIL
In fact, I would be honored if I
could show you a trick real quick,
if that’s alright?
BRUCE
I would enjoy that!
PHIL
(to himself)
I think I’m going to pass out.
GIL
Let’s just say, if you pick me,
you’ll get the most...
Gil reaches behind Bruce’s ear and pulls out a one hundred
dollar bill.
GIL CONT’D
For your money.
Bruce claps and laughs, Phil is heated
(CONTINUED)
17. CONTINUED: 16.
PHIL
(panting but trying to remain
calm)
Wow, well that’s not really
considered magic, but still very
entertaining. Hey, if you have a
deck of cards on you I can show you
how to do that even better.
GIL
I actually don’t Phil, but you can
have your wallet back.
Phil checks his pocket real fast to see if Gil actually did
it.
PHIL
(laughing)
It’s right here, nice try
GIL
Oh that’s right I took your belt
not your wallet.
PHIL
My what?
Gil holds up Phil’s belt and Phil’s pants fall down, Bruce
laughs and claps for Gil as he takes a bow.
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - BILLIARDS ROOM
Montage: Mitchell spikes the ball repeatedly as Cameron
misses.
Cameron hangs his head in defeat. Jay now has multiple one
dollar bills in his hand that belong to Manny. Lily enters.
LILY
Are you two done in here yet?
CAMERON
Mitchell, take her away, I don’t
want her to see me like this.
MITCHELL
Oh come on Cam, It’s just a game.
CAMERON
Everything I ever trained for was a
waist.
(CONTINUED)
18. CONTINUED: 17.
MITCHELL
Cameron, you are the one that
wanted to show Lily how fun
competition can be. What kind of
lesson are we showing now? That
it’s only fun if you win?
CAMERON
Duh!
Mitchell takes Lily into the next room.
MANNY
I hope you’re happy old man. Not
only did you beat me today
athletically, but now financially.
Manny gets up and walks away.
JAY
Come on kid don’t be a bad sport.
MANNY
I’m just going with the theme!
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY
Phil walks in heated. Claire is putting away laundry.
PHIL
We are code red right now Claire!
Phil walks over to the closet.
CLAIRE
What happened?
PHIL
No time, I need to find it.
Phil digs through the bottom of the closet.
CLAIRE
What are you talking about?
Phil reveals a binder that says "best tricks"
PHIL
Plan B.
(CONTINUED)
19. CONTINUED: 18.
CLAIRE
You really need to reconsider this.
PHIL
I’m sorry Claire, but there are
things you should never do to a
man, and it’s not stealing his belt
and exposing his boxers. It’s
stealing his past. Will you help
me?
CLAIRE
Absolutely not.
Phil turns towards the door.
PHIL
That’s fine, I have a plan B for
that too.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - BEDROOM - DAY
Luke and Haley search under Phil and Claire’s bed. They find
another clue.
LUKE
Look at this! It is one of the
batteries to the remote.
HALEY
Wow, we are really good at this.
LUKE
Yea, plus I am having fun too.
HALEY
Strangely enough, so am I.
ALEX INTERVIEW
ALEX
So the plan has hit a couple walls.
I was not expecting them to get
along. So It looks like I’ll have
to switch some things up.
Alex walks down the hall quietly. She hears Luke and Haley
coming from around the corner. She quickly runs into the
closet. Haley and Luke walk past the closet. When Alex opens
the door it is revealed that she entered the closet that had
the bucket of water on top of it and Alex is drenched.
20. 19.
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - BILLIARDS ROOM
MITCHELL INTERVIEW
MITCHELL
It was nice to win, and technically
Lily did get to see the problems
with competitive sports. But at the
same time, no one should see their
father as a loser. I knew I had to
make things right.
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - BILLIARDS ROOM
Mitchell walks back in with Lily.
MITCHELL
Yea know what Cam, I am actually
not done yet. I think I would like
to bet some more.
CAMERON
You have already won everything
Mitchell, what do you want? My
heart and soul too?
MITCHELL
No, I want Fizbo gone.
Cameron is shocked.
CAMERON
How dare you try to wager my
favorite thing in the world.
MITCHELL
That’s right, one more game. If I
win, you have to throw away your
Fizbo costume.
Lily runs over to Cameron.
LILY
Daddy! you have to win, don’t let
him take Fizbo.
Cameron looks at Lily and gets confidence.
Manny Enters.
(CONTINUED)
21. CONTINUED: 20.
JAY
What do you say kid? One more bet
for all the marbles. Double or
nothing.
MANNY
I must admit, I have caught the
gambling fever. You’re on, as long
as Cameron is ready.
Everyone looks at Cameron
CAMERON
Don’t worry honey, Fizbo isn’t
going anywhere.
(To Mitchell)
You are on.
END OF ACT TWO
(CONTINUED)
22. CONTINUED: 21.
ACT THREE
INT. PHIL’S CAR - DAY
Phil and Gloria head to the clients house. There is a
covered up prop strapped to the top of Phil’s car. Gloria is
wearing a flamboyant dress.
GLORIA
This is so exciting.
GLORIA INTERVIEW
GLORIA
I wasn’t surprised Phil asked for
my help, I used to be part of many
performances in my country. My
cousin almost mastered the multiple
swords going through the big box
trick. Until I accidentally stabbed
him in the kidney. So yea, almost!
EXT. MANSION - DAY
Phils walks to the door dragging his prop and Gloria
follows. The front door opens and Gil walks through with
Bruce.
GIL
Geez Dumphy, You leave here pants
around ankles and you come back
with a box and a Spanish lady?
PHIL
That’s because this isn’t over yet.
GIL
Actually it is, Bruce already
signed the contract.
Gil pulls a signed contract.
GIL
You lose Dumphy, again!
PHIL
I don’t even care about the
contract anymore.
Phil looks at Bruce.
(CONTINUED)
23. CONTINUED: 22.
PHIL CONT’D
Mr. Madetor, I know this in
unprofessional, but I have to tell
you that Gil is a fraud. He said he
was a fan of yours only to beat me
to the punch.
GIL
I have no idea what he is talking
about.
PHIL
Don’t you? You see Gil claims that
he has been doing magic since he
was a kid, but the only trick he
knows is how to remove a part of
clothing off your body without you
noticing.
GIL
That’s accurate.
PHIL
(To Bruce)
I have been learning your tricks
since I was a kid, and I would like
to prove that to you now.
BRUCE
(to Phil)
You really want to do a trick for
me?
PHIL
If it’s Ok?
BRUCE
This has been the strangest
encounter with Realtors I’ve ever
experienced, but going along with
theme of the day, what the hell,
why not.
PHIL
Thank you so much!
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - BILLIARDS ROOM
Cameron holds up the ball to serve, over-examining his hit.
He smacks the ball as hard as he can and scores. He throws
his fist excitedly. Jay runs back into the room with bag of
popcorn and sits down next to Manny.
(CONTINUED)
24. CONTINUED: 23.
CAMERON
I’m feeling it now Mitchell!
JAY
What’s the score?
MANNY
20-19, Cameron is winning, first to
21 wins!
Cameron serves again. Mitchell returns the hit, it goes back
and forth. Mitchell and Cameron lunge, dive, and GRUNTING
and YELLING trying to reach the ball. Cameron misses the
ball again and falls to the floor.
LILY
(throwing her popcorn down)
You can do it Daddy!
MITCHELL
I know?
LILY
I meant the other Daddy.
Jay rubs his fingers together towards Manny.
JAY
Get ready to fork up again kid.
Cameron puts one hand on the table. He stands up with a
determined look.
CAMERON
No honey! Don’t worry, Fizbo isn’t
going anywhere.
Cameron intensely stares down Mitchell and Mitchell serves.
The ball goes back and forth and then Cameron GRUNTS and
smacks it back. Mitchell lunges over exaggeratedly,
deliberately missing the ball. Cameron, Lily, and Manny
celebrate.
CAMERON
I win! I win!
LILY
Yay! Daddy you saved Fizbo!
Cameron begins to run around the room celebrating. He scoops
Lily up. Mitchell makes eye-contact with Jay, and Mitchell
shrugs with a smirk on his face.
(CONTINUED)
25. CONTINUED: 24.
MANNY
Time to pay up old man!
Jay pulls out his wallet and hands Manny ten, one-dollar
bills.
MANNY INTERVIEW
MANNY
The bet: $10. Finding that ping
pong table: Totally priceless.
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Alex, still drenched, runs to the fridge and grabs the
remote. She runs to the couch and tries to place the remote
underneath it. Then, she hits the mouse trap on her hand and
lets out a quiet scream. Luke and Haley enter. Alex runs
into the hallway with the trap in her hand.
HALEY
So if all these clues add up then
the remote should be..
Haley opens the fridge, but her and Luke find nothing.
LUKE
What the heck? Are you sure we did
this right?
HALEY
Are you suggesting that I don’t
know how to read?
LUKE
You probably didn’t look in the
right spot.
Haley and Luke argue. Alex is finally satisfied.
HALEY
Stop, arguing isn’t going to find
it, and my show is on soon.
LUKE
Let’s just look under the couch.
Alex is fed up and bursts from out of the hallway.
ALEX
What is wrong with you two!?
(CONTINUED)
26. CONTINUED: 25.
HALEY
Us? Have you look in the mirror
today?
Claire enters.
CLAIRE
What is all the yelling about?
ALEX
Haley and Luke aren’t arguing like
I planned!
HALEY
Excuse me?
LUKE
What do you mean planned?
Claire looks at the note in Haley’s hand.
CLAIRE
Alex did you try to do your
experiment on your brother and
sister?
ALEX
No, kind of, maybe, yes.
HALEY
Are you kidding me? What is wrong
with you?
LUKE
Not cool Alex.
Haley and Luke walk away together.
CLAIRE
Well, looks like you have some
making up to do.
ALEX
I know, but how am I going to do
another experiment?
CLAIRE
No? I mean’t that you need to
consider what you did today.
ALEX
Like find the answer within the
answer? interesting.
(CONTINUED)
27. CONTINUED: 26.
CLAIRE
How can you not see what I am
talking about?
ALEX
You mean like an experiment within
an experiment? Everything that can
go wrong while trying to do a
study. That could actually work.
CLAIRE
Ok, you clearly do not see what I
am saying.
ALEX
I’ll just make my study about
myself. Good suggestion! Thanks
Mom!
Alex exits.
CLAIRE
Honestly, I do not know where she
gets these crazy idea’s from.
INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Lights are dimmed, Gil and Bruce sit on the couch while Phil
and Gloria stand next to a large wooden box and a black
backdrop behind them.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
How do you pay tribute to a great
magician like Bruce? You perform
the trick that made him famous.
"The disappearing man".
INT. MANSION - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
PHIL
In life, we all feel a need to
escape. We see the world around us
and we think to ourselves, man, I
wish I could just disappear. I too
often think the same, but I enjoy
doing it instead.
Phil steps into the box and Gloria closes the lid on him.
She puts a thin cloth over the box. Gloria than proceeds to
pull a medium sized sword from her purse.
(CONTINUED)
28. CONTINUED: 27.
PHIL
(From inside the box)
And now my lovely assistant will
say the magic word.
Gloria stabs a sword into the top of the box, Phil screams.
PHIL
What the hell!?
Gloria tries to pull the sword out of the box, Bruce runs
over to help her. Gil is laughing. Bruce turns the lights
on. Phil jumps out of the box, his suit is ripped down the
middle from his shirt down to his crotch.
PHIL
What are you doing!?
GLORIA
I am sorry! I thought I was suppose
to do that.
PHIL
Where did you get a sword!?
GLORIA
I brought it.
PHIL
Why!?
GLORIA
Well you didn’t bring any!
PHIL
That’s because there is no swords
in this trick!
GLORIA
(Realizing)
Oh... Now I understand why Miguel
was so mad at me when I stab him.
PHIL
Who’s Miguel!?
Phil’s pants fall down due to the cut in his belt.
PHIL
Why does this keep happening today?
29. 28.
INT. JAY AND GLORIA’S HOUSE - KITCHEN
Mitchell pours himself a glass of wine. Cameron walks in and
opens the fridge pulling out a beer. He opens it up.
CAMERON
Nothing like a cold beer after a
victory.
MITCHELL
Well congratulations, I guess I
just can’t compete when it comes to
getting rid of Fizbo.
CAMERON
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Sometimes the beast awakens when it
gets pushed in a corner. Fizbo was
my corner.
MITCHELL
Well I just want Lily to pick her
own hobby, whether that is a sport,
or flower picking.
CAMERON
Actually, I think she was thinking
about clwon school.
MITCHELL
Cameron, no!
CAMERON
We can discuss it later.
Cameron tosses the cap on the counter and walks away.
Mitchell takes a drink and rolls his eyes. Jay walks in and
puts his hand on Mitchell’s shoulder.
JAY
Yea know, I saw what you did.
MITCHELL
Was it that obvious?
JAY
Was to me. You used to let Claire
win all the time when you were
kids. Plus, I’m kind of glad you
did. I would’ve felt bad taking all
the kid’s money.
(CONTINUED)
30. CONTINUED: 29.
MITCHELL
What? You’ve never feel bad taking
people’s money.
JAY
Yeah, but this time it wasn’t about
the money, it was about letting
Manny win. Turns out we got to bond
after all.
Jay and Mitchell look at Cam and Lilly on the porch again.
JAY CONT’D
Being the winner in the family can
be fun, but the one who keeps
everyone sane is the real champion.
Jay pulls two beers out of the fridge and sets one next to
Mitchell. Jay walks away outside to the patio where you can
see Cameron and Lilly playing together. Mitchell opens the
beer and takes a sip.
EXT. MANSION - DRIVEWAY - EVENING
Phil ties the box back to the top of his car. Gil drives up
in his car.
GIL
Well looks like pigs wont be flying
today. Til next time, the
magnificent dumbo!
Gil drives away laughing, Bruce approaches Phil.
BRUCE
You need any help?
PHIL
No, I got it, I want to say again
how sorry I am for almost
potentially bleeding all over your
floor. I am usually not like this.
BRUCE
Assistants messing up tricks is
something all of us magicians have
to deal with. All that really
showed is that you’re truly one of
us.
(CONTINUED)
31. CONTINUED: 30.
PHIL
Oh my god, this is the proudest
moment of my life.
BRUCE
Don’t get all weird, but here is my
number, for us to talk business.
PHIL
Business? But you signed with Gil
already?
BRUCE
Did I?
PHIL
I saw the signature?
Bruce pulls out the contract, he suddenly makes it vanish
before Phil’s eyes.
PHIL
Oh my god! That was amazing, what
made you change your mind though?
BRUCE
Gil is a good salesman, but that is
all he is. You could say I prefer
to do business with a real,
realtor.
PHIL
You said the line I said earlier!
BRUCE
This doesn’t mean I’m signing with
you right now, but give me a call
when you’re have some actual
numbers and not wearing my pants in
front of me.
Phil shakes hands with Bruce and steps in his car.
PHIL
I’ll be sure to return the pants.
BRUCE
You can keep them, or burn them,
whatever.
END OF ACT THREE
(CONTINUED)
32. CONTINUED: 31.
TAG
INT. DUNPHY HOUSE - KITCHEN - DAY
Time has passed, Phil is on the phone.
PHIL
(Into the phone)
No sir, thank you! we will be in
touch soon!
Claire waits for Phil to hang up the phone anxiously. Phil
hangs up.
PHIL CONT’D
(To Claire)
I got the house!
CLAIRE
Oh honey, I am so proud of you.
PHIL
Doesn’t mean I am giving up my
magic though, I never will.
CLAIRE
Yea well we will talk about that...
Claire turns to the fridge, a ball of smoke explodes behind
her. She turns around.
CLAIRE
Phil?
Claire turns her head looking for Phil.
PHIL INTERVIEW
PHIL
The Disappearing Man.
We zoom out on Claire looking for Phil. He is seen hiding
under the kitchen table smiling.
END OF SHOW
