deal with parents

1. Douglas J. Fiore, Ph.D.
Provost, Park University
douglas.fiore@park.edu
804.200.3772
Working with Difficult
Parents

2. 7/10/2023
Dealing with Difficult People
 Never argue, yell, use sarcasm, or
behave unprofessionally with parents
or colleagues.
 The key word in that sentence is
NEVER

3. 7/10/2023
Why?
 There needs to be one adult, and the only
person you can count on is you.
 Difficult people have more practice
arguing.
 Core Belief- Never argue with an idiot!
 We Control How Many Arguments We
Get In

4. 7/10/2023
What If They’re Rude?
 We never tell an angry person what to do.

5. 7/10/2023
What If They’re Rude?
 Say, “Please don’t talk to me like that.”
 “I would never talk to you like that.”
 “And, I would never talk to your child
like that.”
 “Nobody in this school would ever talk
to you or your child like that.”

6. Pay close attention to body language – yours and
theirs!
What types of body language
give a negative impression?

7. Bored/disinterested body language
• Checking the time
• Inspecting fingernails/split ends
• Leaning away
• Not directly facing the person you are addressing
• Poor posture
• Propping your head up with your hands
• Tapping fingers/feet
Dealing with Difficult Parents

8. Nervous body language
• Fidgeting
• Scratching head or neck
• Fixing your collar/clothes
• Increased blinking rate
• Slouched shoulders
• Crossing your hands over your groin
• Wiping your hands on your clothes
• Sitting on the edge of your chair
• Shifting body language from foot to foot
Dealing with Difficult Parents

9. Resistance body language
 Holding objects in front of your body
 Touching your face during a conversation
 Nose
 Mouth
 Fake smile
 Crossing arms
Dealing with Difficult Parents

10. Judgmental body language
 Picking lint off your clothes and looking
downwards
 Stroking your chin
 Narrowing eyes
 Looking down your nose/looking downwards
 Hands behind head or on hips
Dealing with Difficult Parents

11. Angry body language
• Standing too close
• Squinting
• Lowering and spreading the body
• Making fists
• Jutting chin outward
Dealing with Difficult Parents

12. Establishing a base line
Remember – some people have
habitual body language that
doesn’t actually tell you anything,
but could be read as negative
Examples?
Dealing with Difficult Parents

13. Cultural differences
The study of body language
is an emerging field,
but some cultural differences are known.
Examples?
Dealing with Difficult Parents

14. Remember – some people can fake body language:
• Appear more confident through stance and
breathing
• Forcing a blush
• Crying on cue
• Other examples?
Dealing with Difficult Parents

15. Good seated body language
• Put both hands on table and keep them at rest
• Angle legs towards the person, but keep feet either
flat on the floor or tucked and crossed under the
seat
• Don’t lean back
• Straight spine – square shoulders, face the person
• Keep your face level
Dealing with Difficult Parents

16. Good standing body language
• Set your feet square – stabilize your body
• Step backwards from an aggressive situation
• Keep face level
• Hands at side
• Hold your shoulders squarely
Dealing with Difficult Parents

17. 7/10/2023
What’s Wrong with Parents
Today?
 We know the problems; now let’s discover
the solutions.

19. 7/10/2023
How We Are Like
Monkeys

20. Who You Are is Where You
Were, When
(Modified)
Activity Time!
7/10/2023

21. 7/10/2023
The Power of Paradigms
 A “paradigm shift” occurs when we begin
to understand something in a whole new
light. It’s like seeing with new eyes.
 Behavior changes are short-lived. Paradigm
changes last forever.

22. 7/10/2023
Family Configurations
 In 1940, fewer than 9% of all women with
children worked outside the home.
 Recently, the Bureau of Labor Statistics
reported that 86% of women with children
between the ages of 6 and 16 were in the
labor force.

23. Family Configurations
 Of the 75,000,000
children under the age of
18 living in U.S.
households in 2014,
18,100,000 or 24.3 % were
living with only their
mother (U.S. Bureau of
the Census, 2015).

24. 7/10/2023
Family Configurations
 Children from fatherless homes have been
found to be less productive in school.
In addition:

25. 7/10/2023
Family Configurations
 Girls who have positive paternal
involvement are three times less likely to
become teenage mothers.
 Boys with involved dads are less likely to
grow up unemployed, incarcerated, or
uninvolved with their own children.
 Kids with involved dads are less likely to
drop out of high school.

26.  The U.S. Bureau of the Census (2012)
reports that 5.9% of U.S. children under
the age of 18 are living with their
grandparents. 36% of these children have
no parents present in this household.
These 1,619,000 children have only their
grandparents to rely on for care.
Family Configurations

27. 7/10/2023
Family Wealth
 Families with children constitute 35 % of
people who become homeless, with
children under 18 accounting for 25% of
the U.S. homeless population.
 45% of homeless children (K-12) do not
attend school regularly during their
homelessness.

28. 7/10/2023
Books Purchased by Parents
 How Parents Can Save America’s Failing
Schools by G.E. Pierce, 2002
 The Good School: How Smart Parents Get
Their Kids The Education They Deserve
by P. Tyre, 2011
 Holding Schools Accountable: A
Handbook for Parents by K. Sloan, 2008

29. 7/10/2023
Books Purchased by Parents
 Public Schools, Public Menace: How Public
Schools Lie to Parents and Betray Our Children
by J. Turtel, 2005.
 Smart Parents, Successful Kids: How to Get
What Your Child Needs (And Deservs) from
Your Local School by S.Z. Tingley, 2015
 Failing Grades: How Schools Breed Frustration,
Anger, and Violence, and How to Prevent It. by
H.R. Kaplan, 2004.

30. 7/10/2023
And My Personal Favorite…
Bad Teachers: The Essential
Guide for Concerned Parents by
G. Strickland, 1998

31. 7/10/2023
Why Must We Deal With
Difficult Parents
 As school professionals, we are all
“teachers.” It is up to us to help struggling
parents become even better.
 “If I accept you as you are, I will make you
worse; however if I treat you as though you
are what you are capable of becoming, I
help you become that.” - Johann Wolfgang
von Goethe

32. 7/10/2023
Why Must We Deal With
Difficult Parents
 “If a child sees his parents day in and day out
behaving with self-discipline, restraint, dignity
and a capacity to order their own lives, then
the child will come to feel in the deepest
fibers of his being that this is the way to live.
If a child sees his parents day in and day out
living without self-restraint or self-discipline,
then he will come in the deepest fibers of
being to believe that that is the way to live.” –
M. Scott Peck

33. 7/10/2023
Whose Expectations Matter?
 The Best Educators Expect A lot
From Themselves
 It’s Easy To Have High Expectations For
Students
 It’s Even Easier to Have High Expectations For
Parents

34. 7/10/2023
Mindsets for Working with
Parents
 90+% of parents do a good job raising
their children and supporting school.
 100% of parents do the best job they know
how to do.
 These are the best parents our students
have.
 The students that come to our schools are
the best children the parents have.

35. The Gold Watch
Activity Time!
7/10/2023

36. 7/10/2023
Do Parents Feel Welcome?
If we want
guests to be
happy and
agreeable, then
we need to
make them feel
welcome.

37. 7/10/2023
How Do We Do This?
 Friendly greeting at the doorway!
 Which is better:
“All visitors must sign-in at
the office.”
OR

38. 7/10/2023
How Do We Do This?
Welcome to our school! We’re
so glad you’re here. We do
require all visitors to check in
at the office before
proceeding to other areas of
the school.

39. 7/10/2023
Building Credibility
 Everybody Wants to Associate With a
Winner.

40. Moving Forward Isn’t Easy
7/10/2023
Especially if you are looking backward!
On a Motorcycle
On a Bicycle

41. 7/10/2023
Building Credibility
 Perception is Reality
 We might care deeply about our
students and we may value the
involvement of their parents.
 However, what’s important is whether
or not we make others feel as if we do.

42. 7/10/2023
Communication is the Key
 Regardless of what we think of the
parent, we must communicate
regularly and purposefully.
 We must always remain pleasant,
positive, and professional.

43. Positive Ways to Give Negative News
Never say the child is having problems without
giving a possible solution that you are going to try!
Instead of:
“He/She needs to improve ______.”
Try:
“The following suggestions might improve
his/her ____. “

44. Positive Ways to Give Negative News
Instead of:
“He/She is not working up to his/her ability.”
Try:
“He/She is capable of achieving a higher
average in areas of ____. “
And ALWAYS add:
“Your constant cooperation and help are
appreciated.”

46. 7/10/2023
The Telephone Is Your Best
Friend Unless It’s Ringing
 Positive Telephone
Calls Build
Credibility
 Call The Parent At
Work
 If Both Work, Call
the Busiest Office

47. 7/10/2023
What If They Tell Us Not To
Call Them At Work?
 With cooperative parents, we should
always try to comply.
 With our most difficult parents and
students, calling them at work may be
the only way to get their attention.

48. 7/10/2023
Burn Me Once…..
 If you call a parent and the next day
the other parent calls to argue…….
 Call that parent FIRST next time.
 It’s better to deal with a difficult
parent on your own initiative.

49. 7/10/2023
The Power of the Car Salesman
 Everybody wants a good deal.
 More importantly, people like to feel that
they’ve gotten a good deal.
 Car Salespeople make us feel like they’re
on our side.

50. 7/10/2023
The Power of the Car Salesman

51. 7/10/2023
The Best Way to Get in the Last
Word
 The best way to get in the last word is to
APOLOGIZE.

52. 7/10/2023
How?
 Say, “I’m sorry that happened.”
 You’re admitting no guilt.
 You’re still supporting the school staff.
 Under your breath you can say,
 “Otherwise, I wouldn’t have to be
speaking with you about this!”

53. 7/10/2023
An Ear, Not an Answer
 Oftentimes,
difficult parents
just need an
opportunity to
vent. A caring face
and a listening ear
can lessen the
severity of another
person’s anger.

54. 7/10/2023
Focus on the Future
 Oftentimes, difficult parents want to
argue about a situation that we know
very little about.
 In these cases, we must always focus
on the future.

55. 7/10/2023
Focus on the Future
 Example: “Mr. Johnson, unfortunately
neither one of us saw what happened
on the bus. Let’s work together to be
sure that a situation like this one
doesn’t happen in the future.”

56. 7/10/2023
Dealing With Difficult Parents
 All school district staff
members must have
these skills.
 If there are some staff
members who don’t,
then YOU really need
to.

57. Douglas J. Fiore, Ph.D.
douglas.fiore@park.edu
804.200.3772
Dealing with Difficult Parents