Gallery of Voices - HiTOPS Faith Initiative

OUR
OBJECTIVE
To capture the stories of
LGBTQ+ young people and
religious leaders as they share
their experience navigating
the intersection of faith and
queer identities.

HAYLEY | SHE/HER
QUEER | YOUTH
I’m a queer Christian and my home church is First
Presbyterian Church of Metuchen. Everyone in my
family has gone to this church so it’s a strong part
of my identity and I have to say that I’m lucky in a
sense because my church is PCUSA which is an
affirming denomination. I didn’t actually come out
until college, and college is when I stopped going
to church, not for any reason in particular, but I
did appreciate having some time apart from the
church because now I feel like I appreciate it
more. In regard to my sexuality, no one at my
church really knows that I’m out, unless they are
very close to me. But in a way, I feel like it doesn’t
even matter at this point because we are
affirming. It does still feel easier to be quiet about
who I am at church, but no matter what, I do still
feel loved and really for me that’s the bottom line.

JORDAN | THEY/THEM
NON-BINARY | YOUTH
Obama had signed an executive order to include
LGBTQ people in Title IX. My old school’s president
and a bunch of other Christian leaders signed a
dissent against it. Then that became a whole big
ordeal and a lot of events that followed divided the
campus. People who were protesting the dissent
letter and trying to make their stories known were
being told that they were endangering the college.
We had an LGBTQ alumni group and I was wearing
their shirt and this mom screamed at me, “That
group is doing a lot of damage to this college!” It’s
crazy that people literally are just trying to be who
they are and express their identities and are told that
they are hurting the community and hurting people.
While being someone in a marginalized group, you
get very tired of constantly trying to justify who you
are to people who don’t necessarily accept it. At my
old school, I was a young, naive crusader. I was
determined to stay and try to use my story to help
other people, but eventually you just grow tired. I
transferred out after my freshman year.

NICK | HE/HIS
GAY | YOUTH
I was not religious before I came out. I really
got religious as I came out and discovered
myself, which is paradoxical. But I needed
something to lean on, something that I could
find comfort in, and have control of. In our
world, anything can happen. But with faith,
you can set your barriers-- you can set your
boundaries. I personally do not believe in the
Bible. It was created thousands of years ago
and has been manipulated by people. But I
believe in a loving God. When I was at church,
we were talking about the Methodist refusal
of supporting gay marriage and gay priests,
and a kid said, “Technically, according to
Leviticus, being gay is against the bible.” I
couldn’t help but think, “Is God even for the
Bible?”

I had a really challenging time reconciling
my queerness and my Muslim identity
because queerness is not really a thing in
Islam. I knew my parents were not going to
be down with it at all. When I went off to
college, they were like, “You’re going to join
the Muslim Students Association and you’re
going to pray and do all these things.” I was
raised in a super structured home and I had
to follow everything blindly. And I did, for
such a long time. But then when I was free
to figure things out on my own, I was like,
“Oh. I don’t even agree with most of this
stuff…I don’t feel it. So why am I going to do
something I don’t feel?” So yeah, I started
rejecting it for a while. Rejecting it because I
was like, “This religion has no place for me...”
R | SHE/HER
QUEER | YOUTH

...I rejected religion till my junior or senior
year of college where I started meeting
other queer Muslims who had gone through
a similar journey. I kind of found a place in
the religious community, but with other
queer Muslims. And it was a more spiritual
type of thing than the sort of black and
white Islam that I had been raised with. And
I was like, “Oh, this is actually really beautiful,
and I can take a lot from this religion for
myself.” It’s totally different from the Islam I
grew up with, but it still is Islam. And I still
identify as a Muslim even though it looks so
different from what was expected, or what
my parents expected it to look like.
R | SHE/HER
QUEER | YOUTH
(CONTINUE)

A lot of my coming out process has been
with people who were not receptive in
the beginning or very clearly did not have
affirming theologies, but they knew me,
or they saw how happy my partner
makes me, and they couldn’t ignore that.
So it’s been really cool to celebrate all
those people who have come around or
people who have wanted to know more
about what the Bible says about this or
want to talk to me about my theology
and know that I want to be a pastor and
identify this way. It's been hard for me to
give people that space to
ask those questions but being in
relationships with them is the crucial
piece in making growth successful...
KELLY | SHE/HER
QUEER | YOUTH & FAITH
LEADER

...And I do think that my call is to be this
inviting space and to allow people to get
to know me and see the gifts that I have
around my entire life and not just around
this one piece of my identity. And there
have been so many beautiful stories, like
my parents. I gave them space and
invited them in this process with me
which helped them come around a lot,
especially my mom. She is now one of
my biggest advocates. My mom
and dad’s growth has been such a huge
transformation and a part of my life that I
thought was never going to be
reconciled.
KELLY | SHE/HER
QUEER | YOUTH & FAITH
LEADER (CONTINUE)

[Heteronormative] categories of
men/women and boys/girls become
very meaningless in a youth setting.
What I mean by that is, when I first
started youth ministry, we had the rule
that “girls are pink and boys are blue;
we don’t make purple at camp.” After a
few years of working in this space, you
realize that you can separate boys and
girls all you want and you might not
end up with pregnant kids, but you will
still end up with sexually active youth.
KATIE | SHE/HER
THEY/THEM
QUEER/PANSEXUAL |
FAITH LEADER

Yeah, I’d say that not all faith communities are alike
by a long shot. There are some out there that are
just so affirming they are just havens for young
people who are coming out, transitioning
whatever, there are others that are hostile, and
then there's everything in between. It’s a really
diverse religious landscape out there, and what I
would say to somebody is, "you want religious
community? I'll help you find it." It may not be in
the church or temple, wherever you are going to
right now, but we’ll find one, because there are
some really great communities of faith out there
that can be one’s support line. So, I have and want
to continue helping people figure out where they
would fit in, because my big mantra is "you do not
have to give up your faith to be yourself..."
ALISON | SHE/HER
ALLY | FAITH LEADER

...And if you are religious, one of the joys of your
life can be being a part of a faith community
that is not just welcoming, but hugely
encouraging of all of who you are, that’s about
connectedness, that’s about joy, that’s about
meaning making, if you do your meaning
making in a Jewish key, protestant or catholic
key, a Muslim key, whatever, imagine having the
support of this kind of cosmology that tells you
how to interpret a sunset or a terminal illness.
It's how you make your meaning! And it's having
that and being completely authentic with who
you know you are. You don’t have to sacrifice
either your faith, or practicing your faith with
other people, you don’t have to do it alone,
because there are communities out there that
will welcome all of you and give you a great
spiritual home.
ALISON | SHE/HER
ALLY | FAITH LEADER
(CONTINUE)

When I was a kid, I was forced to be someone
that I wasn’t. I loved Halloween because I could
dress up like a boy. Every year I dressed up like
a boy, because that’s who I am. I am
transgender, non-transitioning. This is who I am
and I’m not gonna change that. And there are
a lot of other hurt people out there as well and
they have stopped going to church and I don’t
want that. Let my people go, that’s where we
are at. Our queer, lesbian, gay, trans, kids of
color are lost, and I want to find them, and I
want to bring them in. You are who you are. I
welcome anyone, any faith. I will create a space
for you to be loved and to know that there is a
creator who is so amazing and has plans for
you. I want to help you walk that path.
MARILUS | SHE/HER HE/HIS
TRANSGENDER NON-
TRANSITIONING| FAITH LEADER

My husband and I met in a Catholic church 35 years
ago. Our Bishop clearly knows my husband and I
are a gay couple and that we are legally married,
there’s no question. But as a gay Catholic, you pick
and choose your battles, and realize the Church has
a long way to go, but this is where the Church is
now. It’s hard when you have a large international
church. The Church in Europe, or perhaps the US,
could possibly move forward and be more
accepting of LGBTQ+ people. But the Church in
Africa is very, very conservative. So you have to be
patient and look for hope in small ways. In our
group, one of our first trans members that came
was a college student and she actually happened to
grow up in South Plainfield in the parish where we
are located. She said she’s transitioned over the last
four or five years, and I remember her saying, 'Who
would have thought that the first place she would
be comfortable being known with her female name
is in the Catholic church where she was baptized?'
Those things give me hope.
DAVID | HE/HIS
GAY | FAITH LEADER

I have never really jived with the idea of the
trinity. It’s just not been a meaningful concept
for me in Christianity. But I have embraced it
since recognizing the likelihood that my child
is non-binary, if not trans. We understand the
trinity as "God is three-in-one”. Jesus is a dude;
God is a sort of creator, non-gender; and the
holy spirit is female. So what is more non-
binary than that, really? What is more gender-
fluid than this concept of the trinity? So for
me, it’s been a reclaiming of that as a way to
give my child a model in her faith community
—of ways in which gender expression can be
fluid, and she can still see herself made in the
image of God.
ALEXIS | SHE/ HER
LESBIAN | FAITH LEADER

The experience of a lot of the kids I speak
to is that they are stuck. When they go to
queer spaces, they find whiteness, so
they don’t feel they belong in queer
spaces. So, they step away from the non-
affirming space they feel stuck in. But
when they go to a faith space, they are
still outsiders. My kid told me they
constantly look for role models, but there
are no role models. No little brown kid in
Edison, NJ, who was non-binary and
queer and transgender that they could
point to and say “That’s me.” I have heard
it universally, “I can’t be gay, I can’t be
trans, because I’m not white. And the
only role models I see are white."
ARUNA | SHE/ HER
ALLY | FAITH LEADER

JUDY | SHE/ HER
TRANSWOMAN | FAITH LEADER
I’ve known I was trans since I was about a
year and half, 18 months, and I finally
really came out to myself as trans
somewhere around the age of 55, so I am
very familiar with the closet, very familiar.
I actually have my name “Judy” written
on my closest. About 7 years ago, the
Judy part of me really started to blossom.
I came to the Unitarian Universalist
Church around then as Judy and just
about everyone there only knows me as
Judy. I now have had the opportunity to
get involved and to teach the 8th graders
about sex education at my UU church
and I really love doing that. Along with
teaching, I also hope in the future to
have the opportunity to mentor and talk
with trans parents.

PAULINE | SHE/ HER
As a faith leader and a transwoman, I think
that all faith communities need to openly
state their welcoming of the LGBTQ+
community and of LGBTQ+ youth. Now
whether this be a statement of acceptance
or affirmation on their websites, the flying
of the Pride flags in front of the church, or
even the mentioning of acceptance and
affirmation of members of the LGBTQ+
community from the pulpit, I believe that
in this day and age, faith communities
need to strongly voice this to stand out
from the faith communities that don’t
accept the LGBTQ+ community...

PAULINE | SHE/ HER
(CONTINUE)
......Within my home congregation, the
Unitarian Universalist Congregation of
Princeton, we have a Pride flag
prominently displayed within the main
lounge as you enter the building. Speaking
from a personal experience, I have always
felt more comfortable in places, including
other places of worship, that have some
sort of Pride flag on display. I also believe
that having adult members of the LGBTQ+
community being in leadership positions
has helped LGBTQ+ youth because it
provides role models that can relate to
them in a way most others cannot, and it
also provides a resource for the parents to
turn to when they struggle with their
LGBTQ+ children.

JAMES | HE/HIM
THEY/THEM
QUEER | YOUTH
I have always thought that if you’re
queer you can’t be religious, and if
you’re religious you can’t be queer.
And I was like, “Okay, I guess I can’t
be religious.” And I was really worried
about this because my mom’s side of
the family is very religious. While they
are all wonderful people I was just so
afraid that I would never be allowed
to see any of them ever again if I
came out, and that stopped me from
coming out for years. But now I
am out and on track to being
religious again, even though it has
been hard getting back into it again
after expelling having expelled
myself from it for so long.

CATHY | SHE/HER
ALLY | FAITH LEADER
I work in the Catholic church, I’m the
director of religious education which
puts me in an interesting position, but
thankfully I have a very supportive boss
who is very supportive of my child,
James, and our family and our situation
and our transitioning. Unfortunately, I
am learning that not all Catholic priests
are as supportive as my boss, so I am
thankful for my boss and the ability to
not have to choose between faith,
family, James, and a job. They are all so
intertwined, so I am grateful that I
didn’t have to make that choice, and
hopefully I won’t ever have to make a
choice between faith and family.

CHARLIE | HE/HIM
QUEER/TRANS | YOUTH
Growing up I was raised Christian, specifically
Presbyterian and I was baptized as a baby and I was
confirmed at thirteen. However around fourteen I
started questioning my identity, including my religious
identity. And as I started identifying and coming out as
queer and trans I started distancing myself from the
faith and the church I was brought up in. It wasn’t that
my church was outwardly homophobic or transphobic,
and my mom who was the more religious one in my
family, assured me that they weren’t. But, it’s just that I
didn’t want my sexuality or gender identity to only be
tolerated or accepted by certain faith leaders or
members of the congregation. And I don’t even want it
to be a question in the first place. Since then, I have
grown a lot and I have been reexploring my faith again. I
don’t currently identify with a specific religion, but I am
very interested in learning about different religions. I am
pretty openminded in my spirituality and I hope to keep
expanding my own ideas and heart as I continue my
journey.

LINDSEY | SHE/HER
THEY/THEM
QUEER | FAITH LEADER
My dad is a Southern Baptist Minister, so I grew up in a
very conservative Christian context and it was never an
open question that being gay was okay; it was just clearly
sinful and bad and that’s it. But about ten years ago, my
twin brother came out as gay and him coming out was
really the catalyst for me rethinking all of my beliefs that
had just been handed down because my relationship
with him so strong, my respect for him was so strong, and
he was also a person of faith so it just kinda blew open
these assumptions that I had about queer people. That’s
when I started reading on my own, researching on my
own, and praying on my own about things, and that really
unlocked the door for me to even explore my own sexual
orientation and gender identity, and you can see how
that went--it went pretty well! So I am really thankful
to Scott because my lid was on pretty tight on these
things, and he really helped me to open that up.

TOM | HE/HIM
ALLY | PARENT
My inspiration for where I am in my journey is my son.
He is the forcing mechanism for me to have had to ask
questions of myself. I was an observer in the past
versus a participant and my son is the one who has
forced me to be a participant which is the most
inspirational thing because it is his strength that forces
me to do that. Another really inspiration thing for us as
a family is that we use to live in Birmingham, Alabama
for about six years, and I always describe Birmingham
as like the buckle of the Bible belt. But as we went
through our son’s transition, our pastor was incredibly
supportive of us, and not just of us individually and
privately, but in front of the entire community and in
front of the congregation. Seeing our pastor's
commitment to the principle that God does not make
mistakes and living in that truth has really driven a lot
for us.

SHANNON | SHE/HER
ALLY | PARENT
Our pastor was so instrumental when our son
started identifying as trans. I mean I had no doubt
that God loved my son--it was like a no-brainer to
me--it was convincing the rest of our community.
We were in a Methodist church, but most people
were Baptist there and it really fell to me to go toe-
to-toe with hundreds of people, Bible verse for Bible
verse, and it was overwhelming and tiring. But our
pastor was great because he would sit with me, he
would go through the Bible with me, he would give
me talking points, but basically he would say,
“Shannon, God doesn’t make mistakes and we read
the Bible through the lens of Jesus, which is love,
don’t judge. Period, end of story.” And he also said,
“it is also not your burden to bear because for some
of those people, Jesus could come down himself
and say that your son is perfect, and they would
fight with him, so at some point, we have to let it
go.”

DIAMOND | SHE/HER
TRANSWOMAN | YOUTH
Growing up in my church, my family
and I were Baptist and I was taught by
my pastor that being LGBTQ was
unnatural and when my pastor found
out that I am trans he disqualified me
from an oracle contest that I was
participating in. I had won local, but I
was unable to move on to finals
because my pastor and church knew I
was trans. I know that if there is a god,
he loves me unconditionally, but today
I am just not as religious as I use to be
and actually identify as agnostic. I
don’t know if there really is a god, but I
am not so sure that there isn’t one
either.

CAT | SHE/HER
ALLY | PARENT
Being Micah’s mom has challenged my
understanding of motherhood—and I have in
parentheses “Eve” because Micah has started
writing “Eve” on all of her papers. She is my
amazing and beautiful nine-year-old daughter,
but a year ago I would have said that she was my
beautiful son. Micah is not at all conflicted about
this which I praise God for. Micah has been
whispering in my ear since she was three that she
was a girl, so Micah is not conflicted like Micah’s
father and I have been, and my prayer is that it
will always stay that way. Micah understands that
she loves God, and that God loves her, no
questions asked...

CAT | SHE/HER
ALLY | PARENT
(CONTINUE)
...However, as woman of color this journey in
many ways becomes incredibly complicated.
As a woman of faith and of color even more
complicated. We still have not found a source
of support within the religious community,
because while I love the work that is being
done in social justice work and some other
denominations, I need the Jesus up in there.
And it is also important I think for my kids,
since we live in a predominately white
community, to be in spaces with people that
are brown and finding that has been really
hard. It has been especially heartbreaking to
watch people that have been laboring
alongside of me, particularly people of color,
to part ways with me on this part of my
family’s journey.

THANK YOU!
PROGRAM MANAGER OF THE FAITH INITIATIVE: ALEX AIKENS
PROGRAM ASSISTANT OF THE FAITH INITIATIVE: KATIE GARNER

Gallery of Voices - HiTOPS Faith Initiative

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