March 8-10, 2019 Region 7 Conference

1. “Utilizing Safe
Conversations® as a
Relational Tool to Improve
Academic Advising”
Pre-conference Workshop
March 8, 2019
Facilitator, Dr. Curtis Hill

2. Thanks for Coming!
and

3. Now let me tell you…
something about YOU!!

4. YOU ARE

5. CONGRATULATIONS!
and

6. YOU are
ALL ahead
of the crowd!!

7. relationships first
• Developed by Dr. Harville Hendrix & Dr. Helen LaKelly Hunt
• Education program
• Provide some tools to create, nurture and sustain a
healthy relationship
• Not therapy (see me if you are in crisis)

9. • Video demonstrations
• Group discussions
• Writing exercises (Assessments)
• Practice exercises (Modeling or Role Playing)

11. Developmental
Advising
Advising as
Teaching
Prescriptive
Advising
Appreciative
Advising
Strategic
Advising
Philosophy Theory
Practice

12. Learn To Do Three Things:
I. Learn One Concept
 Promoting NACADA’s Framework for Academic Advising
Core Competencies
II. Learn One Skill
 Safe Conversations
III. Make One Decision
 Take the Zero Negativity Pledge

13. • It’s a Skill
• It Promotes Connecting…
• It’s foundational for effectively
conveying the other two components
to the advisee or student

14. Underpinning the core competencies for academic advising and serving as the
foundational elements for effective advisor training programs and advising practice
are three content categories – the conceptual, informational, and relational. An
understanding of these three major areas provides advisors the knowledge and
skills to be effective guides for their students.
1. The Conceptual component provides the context for the delivery of academic
advising. It covers the ideas and theories that advisors must understand to
effectively advise students.
2. The Informational component provides the substance of academic advising. It
covers the knowledge advisors must gain to be able to guide students at their
institution.
3. The Relational component provides the skills that enable academic advisors to
convey the concepts and information from the other two components for
advising students.

15. • Articulate a personal philosophy of academic advising.
• Create rapport and build academic advising relationships.
• Communicate in an inclusive and respectful manner.
• Plan and conduct successful advising interactions.
• Promote student understanding of the logic and purpose of the
curriculum.
• Facilitate problem solving, decision-making, meaning-making,
planning, and goal setting.
NACADA: The Global Community for Academic Advising. (2017). NACADA academic advising core
competencies model. Retrieved from https://www.nacada.ksu.edu/Resources/Pillars/CoreCompetencies.aspx

16. Learn the skill of…
Safe Conversations
The core skills that drives Safe Conversations (SC) dialogue is mirroring,
validating, and empathizing. In the learning stage it’s a guided process,
but as elements of the process become familiar they can be comfortably
integrated as a tool used in dialogue for academic advising. Safe
Conversation dialogue is a dyadic process where respectful speaking and
listening replaces negativity with mutual respect and cohesiveness. The
negativity commonly manifested in the form of shaming, blaming,
criticizing, or showing contempt is minimized if not eliminated in
conversation (Hendrix and Hunt, 2017).

18. Two People Talking

19. One Person Talking
& One Person Listening

20. TAKING TURNS TALKING!

21. BECAUSE IT CAN TRANSFORM RELATIONSHIPS!
ALL relationships
can benefit by
using these tools!
And these skills
can help
advisors with
students too!

22. I Am Talking
To You!!!
I Am Not Listening
Just Pretending!!
Monologue
Creates Inequality
Creates Anxiety

23. I Am Talking I Am Listening
Dialogue
Creates Equality
Creates Connecting

24. A Safe Conversation is a…
 structured process;
 that helps people talk without criticism;
 listen without judgment;
 avoid polarization; and
 connect beyond their differences.

26. Remove All Negativity
From
Relationships

27. 1. Advisor conflicts with co-workers and students
2. Negative attitude (Advisor or Advisee)
3. Unclear expectations and stability in the workplace
4. Differences in values and expectations of advisor
and/or advisee

29. It’s not what you say
It’s how you say it!

30. It is Important
to Replace Negativity
with
Curiosity &
Appreciation

31. REMEMBER:
YOU CAN BRING UP ISSUES
BUT
IN A WAY THAT MAKES STUDENTS
FEEL SAFE!
A Life With No Negativity!

32. Of Your
Zero Negativity
Commitment!

33. Looking at everyone
through ROSE colored glasses!

34. If your student experiences it
– even if it wasn’t your intention –
it is negative!

36. We understand that “negativity” is any transaction that ruptures our
connecting – whether intentional or accidental.
We pledge to make our relationship a Zone of Zero Negativity for the
duration of the workshop. To that end we pledge to avoid any transactions
that could be experienced as a “put-down,” thus rupturing our connection.
If we have a frustration, we will change it into a request and ask for what
we want without criticism.
If we experience a rupture, we will send a gentle signal (ooh, ouch, wow!)
to communicate that we have experienced a “put-down,” and then begin
repairing the rupture by re-sending the message or re-doing the action.
We pledge to gift one other an appreciation each today, no matter what!
Signatures: ________________________________________________

37. The person who feels put down says a gentle signal (ooh, ouch, wow!).
It’s TIME TO REPAIR!
There are various options to help the repair process:
1. Ask for a RE-DO. Take time out, start over, and re-do the transaction.
2. Model for your student how s/he might RE-SEND the message so it
doesn’t produce a “put down.”
3. Offer a RE-CONNECTing behavior, a single behavior like an apology,
token of appreciation, or a hug.
4. Have a Safe Conversation about the feelings that came up.
5. Create your own repair process!

38. REMEMBER:
The key to a healthy relationship
is how quickly you can repair a rupture due to a
“put down” or negative comment!

40. The
Foundational
Tools
MIRRORING
• “Let me see if I’ve got it. You
said…”
• “Did I get that?”
• “Is there more about that?”
VALIDATION
• “That makes sense
to me.”
EMPATHY
• “I imagine you might be
feeling…”

41. Point of Connecting
ADVISOR ADVISEE

42. SPACE
BETWEEN
ADVISEEADVISOR
CONNECTING IN THE “SPACE BETWEEN”
CURIOSITY AND EMPATHY

44. • Ask for an appointment
• Take a moment to relax

46. RECEIVER (OR ADVISOR)
 Says: “Let me see if I got that.”
 Mirrors: “You said…” Accuracy
Check: “Did I get it?”
 Asks: “ Is there More”
 Mirrors the “More” & Checks for
accuracy
 Summarizes:
“Let me see if I got that.”
SENDER (OR STUDENT)
 Sends Message
 Responds “Yes” or “No”
 Sends more if there is
“More”
 Answers “Yes” or “No”

47. Tell your student: “I am on overload.
Let me see if I can mirror
what you’ve said so far.”
Raise your hand

49. LARGE GROUP SHARING

50. Connecting is our deepest DESIRE,
And to lose it is our deepest FEAR.

51. Connecting Describes Us

52. We are part of
THE TAPESTRY OF BEING

54. Safe Conversations®

55. THE BRAIN

56. TO UNDERSTAND OUR RELATIONSHIPS
WE NEED TO UNDERSTAND OUR BRAINS

57. • Little focus on the brain (H2 & Me)
• 1990s – New Discoveries
• Neuro-plasticity – You can change your brain
• The brain is experience dependent
• It takes practice

58. Higher Brain = Owl
Lower Brain = Crocodile

59. An important part of the brain –
It helps keep you alive...

60. Spontaneous Action Without Thinking

61. It is our fierce protector –
it is the seat of fear and anger

62. At the upper part of our brain –
the Wise Owl resides.

63. • Organizes Data
• Generates New Ideas
• Creates Win-Wins

66. WE FIGHT -OR- FLIGHT (FLEE)

67. WE SUPPORT, NURTURE,
PLAY, SLEEP, CREATE!

68. Right Brain =
Feeling Center
Left Brain =
Thinking Center

69. Wants everything to compute …
I believe I observed
that academic advising
works this way.
- Lt. Commander Data

70. I know what I am trying to say,
but I can’t say it,
but I feel it intensely!

71. • “Logical” vs. “Intuitive”?
• The difference between the two creates conflict.

72. Learning about the BRAIN
is so EMPOWERING!
Neuro-plasticity!

73. DIALOGUE
Balances & Integrates
The Brain

74. Our Actual
State
Anxiety
Ruptured
connecting

76. Loss of Connecting =
Emotional Wound

79. 1. Honoring Boundaries – Implementation: “Is now a good time to
talk about…”
2. Creating a Safe Space – Implementation: “I am wonderful” You are
wonderful.” We are wonderful.”
3. Making non-verbal contact before and while speaking –
Implementation: “Make eye contact and take a deep breath before
speaking.”
4. Accurate Mirroring – Implementation: “If I got that, you said…”
5. Speaker Responsibility Using “I” Language – Implementation: “I
think…” “I feel…” “I want…”
6. Show Appreciation – Implementation: “One thing I appreciate
about you is…”

80. 8. Show Curiosity – Implementation: Ask “Is there more about that?”
And keep the focus on current topic, and not some other topic.
9. Validate the other person point of view – Implementation: “You
make sense, and what makes sense is, that given…(your
experience), you feel or think…”
10.Expressing Empathy – Implementation: “I can imagine, with that
you might have felt or be feeling...” “Is that your feeling?” “Do you
have other feelings?”
11.Acknowledging Care – Implementation: “I felt/feel cared about
when you (said/did)…”
12.Make Request – Implementation: “Instead of saying you are late
(whatever frustrated you). Say, I would like you to… (describe a

81. SPACE
BETWEEN
ADVISEEADVISOR
The Physics of the “BETWEEN”
CURIOSITY AND EMPATHY

82. Thou shall not
criticize, blame
nor shame
your student!

83. RECEIVER (COLLEAGUE)
GRANTS APPOINTMENT
MAKES EYE CONTACT
 Says: “Let me see if I got it. You
said.… Did I get that?”
 “Is there more about that?”
 Mirrors feelings and memory.
“Did I get that? …Is there more
about that?”
 Summarizes: “Let me see if I got
ALL that. In summary, you are
saying…. Did I get it all?”
SENDER (COLLEAGUE)
ASKS FOR AN APPOINTMENT
MAKES EYE CONTACT
 One thing I appreciate about you
is…
 Responds “Yes” or “No”
 “When you do that, I feel…..”
 “And it reminds me that when I
was little, I…”
 Answers “Yes” or “No”

84. Caring Behaviors (Demo)

86. SafeConversations.org
“What’s Next?”
Curtis O. Hill, Ed.D., NCC
drcurtisohill@gmail.com
Robyn Jardine, Ph.D., LMFT-S, LPC
robyn.jardine.mft@gmail.com

87. SafeConversations.org
“Thanks for Coming.”