Our 2nd and final draft

1. Archetype.
Organic Productions.
By
Rebecca Daniels and Rebecca Phippen.

2. Int. CHERRIE’S BAR AND CAFÉ – DAY LIGHT.
Busy clatter fills the room.
High Angle POV on HUMPHREY.
INSERT: CU of HUMPHREY drinking from a coffee cup and reading the
news paper, his hat pulled low on his head.
START VO.
HUMPHREY:
(VO)
Corrupted. I think that’s the word? I’ve become corrupt, in mind and
in my morality. I’ve been dragged into a lift of crime and killing.
I am a private eye. I should be solving murders not causing them.
But this is what has happened to me. I’m obsessed. There’s not a
point in my day when I can’t think about it. I call it lust; love
isn’t the word I’d use. Danger, excitement, death and the money. But
the girl, the girl is why I’m here.
HUMPHREY looks toward the stair well.
MARLYN begins to ascend the stairs, (shot from behind)
HUMPHREY and MARLYN make eye contact at top of stairs.
BACK TO SCENE.
HUMPHREY:
(VO)
She’s brought me from the top to rack and ruin. I’m on edge; each
day could be my last. I haven’t slept for weeks; I can’t think
straight, my minds a complete mess.

3. But her, she’s all I can think about. She’s beautiful. A real, tough
broad. She’s dragging me into the dirt but I’m obsessed.
MARLYN SITS OPPESTITE HUMPHREY ON A SMALL TABLE. A SMILE IS
EXCHANGED.
HUMPHREY:
(VO)
I told you she was beautiful and she’s got real wit too.
I know I’m on the right road and this ones leading to fame and
fortune.
How did I meet her? (LAUGHTER)
Well that’s a story. I’ll never forget the day she walked in to my
office, gun in one hand, cigarette in other, mouth running off about
some guy who stole a small fortune, she wanted me to hunt him down
and get evidence to screw him out of all that fortune… Well of
course working in close courters stirs certain feelings that you
have to act upon whether it’s a good idea or not, but I know this
one was worth it.
So we’ve been robbing this city blind ever since, never staying in
once place long, a futuristic dystopia isn’t half bad when you’ve
got money and a beautiful girl and your side.
Did we ever find the guy that stole her fortune?
Of course I did, I’m a top PI… I’ve got more intelligence than half
of the human populations. It wasn’t pretty when she caught up with
him to say the least… I won’t give you the details but your mind can
wonder.

4. MARLYN STANDS SUDDENLY AND MAKES HER WAY TOWARD THE COUNTER.
HER HAND IS FIRMLY PRESSED AGAINST A GUN IN HER POCKET. SHE PRODUCES
THE EDGE AND WE SEE A FLASH OF BLACK.
SHE APPROCHES A WAITRESS AT THE BAR COUNTER AND BEGINS TO MAKE
CONVERSATION, SHE SMILES AND PRODUCES THE GUN.
MRALYN:
‘Hand me all the money from the till and no one gets hurt’
MARLYN PRODUCES THE GUN AND THRUSTS IT INTO THE WOMANS CHEST.
‘put the money in the bag’
THE WAITRESS PULLS THE BAG BEHIND THE COUNTER AND FILLS IT FROM THE
TILL
‘That’s a good girl. If you ring the police we’ll hunt you down’
MARLYN THROWS THE BAG TO HUMPHREY WHO SCRAMBLES UP AND BEGINS TO RUN
TOWARD THE STAIRWELL. MARLYN FOLLOWS BACKING UP TOWARD THE
STAIRWELL, GUN POINTED AT THE COUNTER.
INT- AN ALLEY WAY- DAY LIGHT
MARLYN AND HUMPHREY THROW THE GUN AND BAG IN THE GUTTER OF THE
ALLEYWAY, THEY EMBRACE AND PULLS THERE COATS UP AROUND THEM.
MARLYN:
We better ditch this town, we’re on to bigger and better things… The
road to fame and fortune.

5. THEY RUN DOWN THE ALLEY WAY BACK TO CAMERA HOLDING HANDS.