The "New Normal"? A Close Look at Teen Dating Violence--Amber McKeen and Kara Klein

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  • Amber Ask if anyone recognizes these two people – we see TDV in media much more often.It’s not one act – occurs repeatedly. Its not that they were angry one time, they use these acts to control behaviorSome other defitions go up to 25 years of age- a guy doesn't usually start hitting his gf out of the blue - usually starts with a bit of verbal and emotional abuse; cutting her down, telling her she's stupid or ugly, chipping away her at her sense of self worth that way by the time the physical violence begins, her self-esteem has been broken down, it can be even harder for her to leave the relationship
  • AmberREMINDER: Before webinar, pull up power and control wheel and be prepared to share application to view this item!! Physical abuse-involves using physical force that has the potential to kill or harm, most visible form of violenceEX:hitting, choking, stabbing, slapping, hair pullingEmotional abuse (also verbal)-refers to acts that cause emotional trauma, most hidden but often most detrimental EX: threatening to reveal secrets, embarrassing on purpose, verbal intimidation (name-calling, putdowns, threathening partner or family members), texting, telling how to dress, excessive jealousySexual abuse-forcing a partner to engage in a sex act when he or she does not consent, includes coercive sex, unwanted touching, refusing to use birth control/sabotaging birth control**Other forms of abuse:Focus more on Electronic aggression-emotional or sexual abuse that carries over to cyberspaceReciprocal violence-when both partners are perpetrators, injuries more likely to occur. 38.9% males and 50.4% females reported being in a relationship where reciprocal violence occurredGive examples!! Using cell phones to follow movements, check-ins on FB & status updates, googlePossibly find a video clip of aggression or excuses for behaviorWhen females are perpetrators of abuse they are more likely to use emotional abuse and males are more likely to use physical
  • - 1/3 reported their partner had checked on them 10,20, or 30 times/day via cell phone (who with, where they are)- 1/3 reported their partner used email or text to check on them 10, 20, or 30 times per hour- 1/4 experienced harassment,  name-calling, or put downs from a current or former dating partner through cell phone or text- 1/5 experienced harassment or put downs through social networking BUT, the important thing to note about this study is that it took place in 2007. One can only imagine what things are like now with the popularity of things like iMessage, whatsapp and now where unlimited text is common place. Back in 2007 you were much more likely to have limitations on how many texts you could send. I think this is a good point to make when you bring up that stat.
  • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uelHwf8o7_UAmberThe longer the relationship lasts the shorter the time period in between cyclesEminem & Rihanna- a lot of the irony behind this song is the history of intimate partner violence in both Rihanna and Eminem’s personal lives
  • Correlates not necessary causativeIndividual – age – they lack the experience of intimacy which makes it difficult to negotiate their new sexuality, handle relationship conflict, and realize the seriousness of intimate partner abuse. Teens may believe that possessive jealousy and controlling behavior is an expression of loveCigarette use, drinking, being a minority, marijuana useAA youth to be highest risk – don’t know if its cause of race per se or other circumstances such as socioeconomic disadvantageHaving been hit by an adult, living in a single parent householdFor survivors of child sexual abuse 45% reported experiencing physical violenceFirst intercourse earlyRelationshipLess parental inovlenmeent risk factor for perpetrating violence for femalesHaving friends in violent relatioships is more influential than the effect of witnessing interparental violenceFriend violence consistently predicted later dating violenceBoys are more influenced by their peers than girls are when it comes to violent behavior.Society - polls showed that teens thought the violence was Rihanna’s fault- saying she mustve done something to make him so angry
  • One study foundAfrican American females are the most likely to perpetrate TDVFemales- Childhood emotional abuse is the strongest predictor or adolescent sexual perpetration- after controlling for CSA Males- Childhood emotional abuse is the strongest predictor for adolescent sexual victimization
  • Less relationship experienceIdentify jealousy and controlling behaviors as signs of loveforseeing and weighing possible consequences of behavior-impulse control and delaying gratification-modulation of intense emotions- inhibiting inappropriate behavior and initiating appropriate behavior-it is not capable of the reasoning that allows most grown-ups to make rational decisions- so if you had a bad day at work and you want to fly off the handle and yell at your boss, your prefrontal cortex comes online to remind you of the consequences of your actions- its almost like an entertainment center that hasnt been fully hooked up - the dvd player doesn't work with the surround sound, the remote control hasn't arrived, hasn't been formatted to all work together
  • https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/771246505/trailers/11147517AmberBe more specific!! Examples of loss of self confidence
  • KaraMore likely to smoke, use drugs, engage in unhealthy diet behaviors, engage in risky sexual behaviors and attempt or consider suicideDisordered eating- more likely to use laxatives, vomit, use diet pills, binge eat- over half who report dv also report attempting suicide- females had high depressive symptoms, at risk for long-term behavioral and psych impairmentCompared with non-abused girls, those who experienced physical and sexual violence are more than twice as likely to report an stdAdol girls in physically abusive relationships were 3.5 times more likely to become pregant than non-abused girls-pregnant teens who experienced abuse were more likely to miscarry than their non-abused peersPrenatal violence was a significant risk factor for pre-term birth among pregnant adolescents adolescent mothers who experienced physical abuse within 3 months after delivery were nearly twice as likely to have a repeat pregnancy within 24 mos1 in 4 teens say the threat of violence interfered with teaching effectiveness and disrupted their learningThose that are victims of teen dating violence are three times more likely to experience violence in college
  • KaraOne study found that men who perpetrated in high school were at a greater risk for sexual perptration in college
  • Prevalence similar among all income levels, ethnicities and races72% of 8th and 9th graders reportedly “date”1 in 3 adolescent girls in the US are victims of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner- old statGirls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence -- almost triple the national average.^ loveisrespect.orgAccording to a study done by the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation:More than one in three (37%) students surveyed report being a victim of emotional dating violence in the last six months.Nearly one in six (15%) students surveyed report being a victim of physical dating violence in the last six months.Nearly two out of three students surveyed (63%) strongly agree with a harmful gender stereotype, such as "with boyfriends and girlfriends, the boy should be smarter than the girl."Amber*Possibly weave numbers in throughout presentation rather than one slide*Youth Risk Behavior Survey: Prevalence higher among blacks (14.3%) and Hispanics (11.5%) than whites (8.0%)Leading cause of death in African American girls between 15-19, second leading cause of death in girls of other races“Amy Karan & Lisa Keatings, Obsessive Teenage Love: The Precursor to Domestic Violence, 46 Judges J. 23, 24 (2007).”1 in 3 adolescent girls in the US is a victim of physical, emotional or verbal abuse from a dating partner
  • According to the YRBS Approx 11% of teens report being hit, slapped, or physically hurt on purpose by a boyfriend or girlfriend in the 12 months before surveyedSo, when I asked you in the title of this presentation, is TDV the New Normal? According to this, it doesn’t seem that way- but just 2 years ago in 2009 Georgia was ranked #6 in the nation for TDV. Now as of 2011, it is #1. And as you will see based on the examples I am going to show later in the presentation, public perception about violence and what is acceptable as part of a relationship is way off base. TDV rates 1-5 in 2009 Louisiana, Maryland, Alabama, Arkansas, South Carolina
  • AmberFocus on what you know as a facilitator of Stewards and how you would go about reporting child sexual abuseMerge with slide 1460% of victims and 79% of perpetrators did not ask for helpOther reasons don’t ask for help: feeling of helplessness, poor knowledge of resources, low self-awareness of need for help, hope situation will improve, not realizing that violence in relationship is wrong or confusing it for feelings of loveAfraid of being reported to get offical help or parents may knowFear of abuser- how will they respond?How will peers respond?Emotional attachmentLack of resources – cant get TPO, shelters don’t accept minors etc
  • Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/favorite-on-again-off-again-celebrity-couples-gallery-1.46130#ixzz2c4OauhCcSEE COMMENThttp://www.billboard.com/articles/columns/the-juice/506299/chris-brown-and-rihanna-timeline-2009-grammys-to-now
  • Creates allowances to celebrate criminal and deviant behaviorsCrime, media and the will-to-representation: Reconsidering relationships in the new media ageMajidYarCrime Media Culture 2012 8: 245 originally published online 18 July 2012MOST OF THE CASES I HEARD OF INVOLVE TEENAGE SUICIDE THAT IS A RESULT OF CYBERBULLYING THAT RESULTED AFTER AN EX
  • Kanye West MONSTER video
  • Kanye West MONSTER video
  • It’s only a song, right?“Violent song lyrics increase negative emotions and thoughts that can lead to aggression”Violent song lyrics may lead to violent behaviorJuly 2003, Vol 34, No. 7Print version: page 15Violent song lyrics increase negative emotions and thoughts that can lead to aggression, according to a study published in the May issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 84, No. 5).The study challenges the ancient Greek "catharsis hypothesis" that claims that expressing aggressive emotion will later decrease aggressive behavior. Instead, researchers from Iowa State University and the Texas Department of Human Services found that aggressive music lyrics increase aggressive thoughts and feelings, which might perpetuate aggressive behavior and have long-term effects, such as influencing listeners' perceptions of society and contributing to the development of aggressive personalities."This [study] provides the first clean demonstration of violent lyric effects," says lead author Craig Anderson, PhD, of Iowa State University.In five experiments, Anderson and his colleagues asked more than 500 college students to listen to such violent songs as "Shoot 'Em Up" by Cypress Hill and "Hit 'Em Hard" by Run DMC, and such nonviolent songs as "Finger Lickin' Good" by the Beastie Boys and "Love vs. Loneliness" by the Suicidal Tendencies. Researchers also included the lyrics of humorous violent and nonviolent songs like "A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash and "Hello Mudduh, Hello Fadduh" by Allan Sherman.After listening to the songs, the students performed various word-association tasks to test whether they linked more non-aggressive words with aggressive words or filled incomplete words with vowels to make aggressive words. They also reported their feelings of hostility as measured by the State Hostility Scale, ranking sentences based on their emotions after hearing the songs.The results indicate a relationship between violent song lyrics and increased aggressive thoughts and feelings of hostility. Humorous violent songs also increased aggression levels, relative to humorous nonviolent songs, according to Anderson. The findings held even after the researchers controlled for the listeners' gender and personality differences, as well as their reactions to the different performing artists and musical styles.
  • It’s only a song, right?“Violent song lyrics increase negative emotions and thoughts that can lead to aggression”Violent song lyrics may lead to violent behaviorJuly 2003, Vol 34, No. 7Print version: page 15Violent song lyrics increase negative emotions and thoughts that can lead to aggression, according to a study published in the May issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 84, No. 5).The study challenges the ancient Greek "catharsis hypothesis" that claims that expressing aggressive emotion will later decrease aggressive behavior. Instead, researchers from Iowa State University and the Texas Department of Human Services found that aggressive music lyrics increase aggressive thoughts and feelings, which might perpetuate aggressive behavior and have long-term effects, such as influencing listeners' perceptions of society and contributing to the development of aggressive personalities."This [study] provides the first clean demonstration of violent lyric effects," says lead author Craig Anderson, PhD, of Iowa State University.In five experiments, Anderson and his colleagues asked more than 500 college students to listen to such violent songs as "Shoot 'Em Up" by Cypress Hill and "Hit 'Em Hard" by Run DMC, and such nonviolent songs as "Finger Lickin' Good" by the Beastie Boys and "Love vs. Loneliness" by the Suicidal Tendencies. Researchers also included the lyrics of humorous violent and nonviolent songs like "A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash and "Hello Mudduh, Hello Fadduh" by Allan Sherman.After listening to the songs, the students performed various word-association tasks to test whether they linked more non-aggressive words with aggressive words or filled incomplete words with vowels to make aggressive words. They also reported their feelings of hostility as measured by the State Hostility Scale, ranking sentences based on their emotions after hearing the songs.The results indicate a relationship between violent song lyrics and increased aggressive thoughts and feelings of hostility. Humorous violent songs also increased aggression levels, relative to humorous nonviolent songs, according to Anderson. The findings held even after the researchers controlled for the listeners' gender and personality differences, as well as their reactions to the different performing artists and musical styles.
  • It’s only a song, right?“Violent song lyrics increase negative emotions and thoughts that can lead to aggression”Violent song lyrics may lead to violent behaviorJuly 2003, Vol 34, No. 7Print version: page 15Violent song lyrics increase negative emotions and thoughts that can lead to aggression, according to a study published in the May issue of the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (Vol. 84, No. 5).The study challenges the ancient Greek "catharsis hypothesis" that claims that expressing aggressive emotion will later decrease aggressive behavior. Instead, researchers from Iowa State University and the Texas Department of Human Services found that aggressive music lyrics increase aggressive thoughts and feelings, which might perpetuate aggressive behavior and have long-term effects, such as influencing listeners' perceptions of society and contributing to the development of aggressive personalities."This [study] provides the first clean demonstration of violent lyric effects," says lead author Craig Anderson, PhD, of Iowa State University.In five experiments, Anderson and his colleagues asked more than 500 college students to listen to such violent songs as "Shoot 'Em Up" by Cypress Hill and "Hit 'Em Hard" by Run DMC, and such nonviolent songs as "Finger Lickin' Good" by the Beastie Boys and "Love vs. Loneliness" by the Suicidal Tendencies. Researchers also included the lyrics of humorous violent and nonviolent songs like "A Boy Named Sue" by Johnny Cash and "Hello Mudduh, Hello Fadduh" by Allan Sherman.After listening to the songs, the students performed various word-association tasks to test whether they linked more non-aggressive words with aggressive words or filled incomplete words with vowels to make aggressive words. They also reported their feelings of hostility as measured by the State Hostility Scale, ranking sentences based on their emotions after hearing the songs.The results indicate a relationship between violent song lyrics and increased aggressive thoughts and feelings of hostility. Humorous violent songs also increased aggression levels, relative to humorous nonviolent songs, according to Anderson. The findings held even after the researchers controlled for the listeners' gender and personality differences, as well as their reactions to the different performing artists and musical styles.
  • Start talking early – make sure they know this isn’t a talk but an ongoing conversationModel healthy relationships
  • Start with a general question or observation “Do you think there’s a lot of pressure to have sex at your school?” OR I overheard a couple of kids from the neighborhood saying that, if you’re dating someone, you have to have sex with them in order to prove that you’re loyal and you’re not cheating on them. Do you think that’s what loyalty is about?Examples of questions:Is there someone you really like?What kind of things do you do together?Have you ever felt pressure or wanted to have sex?
  • Include screenshots and pictures of resources Bring pamphlets and handoutshttp://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/content/features/detail/1821/ Respect Works! A comprehensive program created by Break the Cycle to end TDV includes 1. Model School Policy kit 2. Safe Dates program 3. Ending Violence, and interactive resource for students to build on Safe Dates and teach about their rights and responsibilities in a relationship including a guide to legal rights 4. Guide to activating student leadership to speak.act.change
  • Include screenshots and pictures of resources Bring pamphlets and handoutshttp://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/content/features/detail/1821/ Respect Works! A comprehensive program created by Break the Cycle to end TDV includes 1. Model School Policy kit 2. Safe Dates program 3. Ending Violence, and interactive resource for students to build on Safe Dates and teach about their rights and responsibilities in a relationship including a guide to legal rights 4. Guide to activating student leadership to speak.act.change
  • The "New Normal"? A Close Look at Teen Dating Violence--Amber McKeen and Kara Klein

    1. 1. 2nd Annual Conference September 4, 2013
    2. 2. Media, Pop Culture, and Teen Dating Violence Amber McKeen- Child Abuse Prevention Trainer Kara Klein- Child Life Specialist Stephanie V. Blank Center for Safe and Healthy Children
    3. 3. Objectives 3 • Recall 3 risk factors and consequences of Teen Dating Violence. • Give an example of at least one current event in pop culture relating to Teen Dating Violence. • Discuss gradual shifts in public perception regarding violence in relationships.
    4. 4. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta What is Teen Dating Violence? ―The pattern of repeated actual or threatened acts that physically, sexually, or verbally abuse a member of an unmarried heterosexual or homosexual couple in which one or both partners is between thirteen and twenty years old‖ Carlson, CN. Invisible Victims: Holding the Educational System Liable for Teen Dating Violence at School. Harvard Women’s Law Journal, 26, 351-393
    5. 5. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Forms of Abuse Physical Emotional Sexual Electronic Aggression Herrman JW. (2009). There’s a Fine Line…Adolescent Dating Violence and Prevention. Pediatric Nursing, 35 (3), 164-170. Teen Power and Control Wheel
    6. 6. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Electronic Aggression and TDV • Texting/Calling • GPS location – Boost mobile- ―Where you at?‖ • Facebook, Twitter, Blogger, etc… – Checking In – Harassment
    7. 7. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Cell Phones and ―Sexting‖ • 1 in 4 teens in relationships report they text their partner every hour between 10pm and 5am • Experts estimate teens text on average over 3,000 times per month- doesn’t include texting apps • Sexting- sending sexually explicit photos or videos to via cell phones or other social media – 50% of teens admit they feel pressured to ―sext‖ 7
    8. 8. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Cycle of Violence Explosion ―Honeymoon‖ Tension Break the Cycle: www.breakthecycle.gov Love the Way You Lie
    9. 9. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Risk Factors Societal Community Relationship Individual •Individual-biological and personal history factors •Relationship- peers, intimate partners, and family members •Community- schools, characteristics of neighborhood •Society- media, geographic region Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Violence Prevention—The Social-Ecological Model: A Framework for Prevention. www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/overview/social_ecologicalmodel.html
    10. 10. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Risk Factor- Child Abuse • Children who have witnessed or experienced family violence and trauma are more likely to perpetrate or be a victim of teen dating violence • Including those who are physically punished • One study found that 45% of girls who had experienced CSA experienced physical violence in their dating relationships – Duration of sexual abuse, violence and completed intercourse significantly contributed to experiencing TDV • Early traumatic experiences can delay or alter brain development
    11. 11. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta TDV and Brain Development • Adolescent Brains are not fully developed • Prefrontal Cortex – Impulsivity – Interpreting Emotions – Judgment – Consequences of actions – Decision making
    12. 12. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Recognizing Teen Dating Violence When: Teen is a Victim… • Loss of interest in normal activities and hobbies • Unexplainable bruises or injuries • Appears fearful or angry when unable to access their cell phone • Withdrawing from family and friends • Fearfulness around dating partner or when his or her name is mentioned • Making excuses for partner’s violent behavior – Reviving Ophelia clip • Noticeable changes in eating or sleeping patterns and alcohol and drug use • Loss of self-confidence Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Dating Matters: Understanding Teen Dating Violence Prevention.
    13. 13. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Recognizing Teen Dating Violence When: Teen is a Perpetrator… • Insults dating partner in public or private • Attempts to control dating partner’s friends, activities, or even what they wear • Demand to know where dating partner is at all times • Blames the dating partner for his or her actions • Displays extreme jealousy
    14. 14. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Consequences to the victim Marquart, BS, Nannini, DK, Edwards, RW, Stanley, LR & Wayman, JC. (2007). Prevalence of dating violence and victimization: Regional and gender difference. Adolescence, 42 (168), 645-657. • Injuries, death, suicide • Mental health, PTSD • Social Isolation • Low self-esteem • Declines in school achievement • Engaging in unhealthy behaviors • Increased risk of STIs- HIV • Pregnancy • Cycle of Violence
    15. 15. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Perpetrators have consequences too… • Alienation from friends and family • Expulsion from school • Depression • Criminal record • Potentially build poor lifelong relationship habits
    16. 16. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta National Prevalence of TDV • 41% of females and 37% males report victimization; 1 in 3 teens report perpetration • Males more likely to report sexual perpetration; females more likely to report physical perpetration • Rates of physical victimization similar across all income levels, race and ethnicity • Females between 16-24 experience the highest rate of IPV- almost triple the national average ―Notional Rates of Adolescent Physical, Psychological, and Sexual Teen Dating Violence‖ 2013. Ybarra, et al. Survey of 1,058 adolescents between 14-20 years of age. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Dating Matters: Understanding Teen Dating Violence Prevention.; Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, Understanding Teen Dating
    17. 17. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Prevalence of TDV in Georgia 16% of teens report dating violence # 1in the US Youth Risk Behavior Survey, 2011
    18. 18. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Reporting Teen Dating Violence • Only 1 in 11 episodes of dating violence reported • Variety of reasons why teens do not report: – Unaware it is abuse – Denial – Stigma – Self-blame – Adult beliefs: • 81% believe DV is not a teen problem • Fail to validate teens feelings for partner • Teen relationships are not serious, easy to get out Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, Dating Matters: Understanding Teen Dating Violence Prevention.
    19. 19. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Differences in Reporting Cannot use the same rules – Safety issues for the victim – May not recognize they are in a unhealthy or violent relationship – Parental involvement – Not necessarily ―mandated to report‖ – Reporting agencies
    20. 20. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Media and Pop Culture Influences Be thinking about… • Teen role models and influences • How can we use our knowledge of this information to challenge common beliefs about relationship norms and what is acceptable 20
    21. 21. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta ―Real Life‖ Examples 21 WIREIMAGE PUBLISHED: 06/25/2013 10:08:37 Sammie Giancola and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro No more amore! 'Jersey Shore's' on-off- on-off couple Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammi (Sweetheart) Giancola have broken up ... again. The pair called it quits shortly after the show's fourth season finale aired. Rihanna & Chris Brown On Again Off Again couple since Brown’s Assault on Rihanna in 2009. At the time of the assault he was 19 and she was 20 . Miley Cyrus & Robin Thicke at the 2013 VMAs- Not in a dating relationship, but exemplifies the hyper- sexualized behaviors expected of teens
    22. 22. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Reactions to Chris Brown’s brutal assault 22
    23. 23. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta It gets worse… • Rihanna Victim Blaming • Rappers Happy to Defend Chris Brown but ―not my daughter‖ • Twitter responses 23
    24. 24. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta New Media, or ―will to representation‖ • Ability to now record ourselves via photo, video, or print on the internet and/or news media – ―Happy Slapping‖- surprise assault peers, then post online • Spread to attacks on strangers, even assault, rape & homicide – 3 males witness woman collapse on the street, one proceeds to urinate on her proclaiming ―this is youtube material!‖ – 8 teens sexually assault, urinate & attempt to set fire to a female. Attempted to sell DVD at nearby schools – Steubenville Rape Case – OneDirectioners attack The Bert Show http://www.usatoday.com/videos/life/music/2013/06/26 24
    25. 25. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Actual Song Lyrics Blurred Lines- Robin Thicke, Pharrell & T.I OK now he was close, tried to domesticate you But you're an animal, baby, it's in your nature Just let me liberate you You don't need no papers And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl I know you want it, (x3) Can't let it get past me, You're far from plastic Talk about getting blasted 25 One thing I ask of you Let me be the one you back that a$$ into Yeah, I had a bitch, but she ain't bad as you… Nothing like your last guy, he too square for you I'm a nice guy, but don't get it if you get with me That man is not your maker I hate these blurred lines I know you want it, (x3) But you're a good girl The way you grab me Must wanna get nasty I'll give you something big enough to tear your a$$ in two… He don't smack that a$$ and pull your hair like that So I just watch and wait for you to salute Not many women can refuse this pimpin'
    26. 26. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Actual Song Lyrics The Band Perry- Better Dig Two So if the ties that bind ever do come loose Tie 'em in a knot like a hangman's noose Cause I'll go to heaven or I'll go to hell Before I'll see you with someone else If the ties that bind ever do come loose If "forever" ever ends for you If that ring gets a little too tight You might as well read me my last rites And let the stone say: "Here lies the girl whose only crutch Was loving one man just a little too much" If you go before I do Gonna tell the gravedigger that he better dig two 26
    27. 27. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Actual Song Lyrics Florence + The Machine, “Kiss With A Fist” ―You hit me once, I hit you back / You gave a kick, I gave a slap / You smashed a plate over my head / Then I set fire to our bed.‖ 27 Florence Welch is on record as saying ―Kiss With A Fist‖ isn’t about domestic violence, but rather ―two people pushing each other to psychological extremes because they love each other.‖
    28. 28. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Actual Song Lyrics Fun. We are Young My seat's been taken by some sunglasses Asking 'bout a scar I know I gave it to you months ago I know you're trying to forget But between the drinks and subtle things , And the holes in my apologies You know I'm trying hard to take it back Tonight, We are young So let's the set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun Miranda Lambert- Gunpowder & Lead If he wants a fight well now he's got one And he ain't seen me crazy yet He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll Don't that sound like a real man I'm going to show him what a little girls are made of Gunpowder and lead His fist is big but my gun's bigger He'll find out when I pull the trigger 28
    29. 29. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Actual Song Lyrics Fun. We are Young My seat's been taken by some sunglasses Asking 'bout a scar I know I gave it to you months ago I know you're trying to forget But between the drinks and subtle things , And the holes in my apologies You know I'm trying hard to take it back Tonight, We are young So let's the set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun Miranda Lambert- Gunpowder & Lead If he wants a fight well now he's got one And he ain't seen me crazy yet He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll Don't that sound like a real man I'm going to show him what a little girls are made of Gunpowder and lead His fist is big but my gun's bigger He'll find out when I pull the trigger 29
    30. 30. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Actual Song Lyrics Fun. We are Young My seat's been taken by some sunglasses Asking 'bout a scar I know I gave it to you months ago I know you're trying to forget But between the drinks and subtle things , And the holes in my apologies You know I'm trying hard to take it back Tonight, We are young So let's the set the world on fire We can burn brighter Than the sun Miranda Lambert- Gunpowder & Lead If he wants a fight well now he's got one And he ain't seen me crazy yet He slapped my face and he shook me like a rag doll Don't that sound like a real man I'm going to show him what a little girls are made of Gunpowder and lead His fist is big but my gun's bigger He'll find out when I pull the trigger 30
    31. 31. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Music Videos • Misery- Maroon 5 • We Found Love- Rihanna and Calvin Harris • Want U Back- Cher Lloyd • Criminal- Britney Spears • It Will Rain- Bruno Mars • Paparazzi- Lady Gaga • Love The Way You Lie- Eminem and Rihanna • Man Down- Rihanna 31
    32. 32. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Literature • Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight series • Plot Summary: Bella Swan meets vampire Edward Cullen, makes friends with werewolf Jacob Black, love triangle/power struggle ensues… • Similarities to TDV – Most are aware its ―just a book‖ but to influential young teens the message that this behavior equates love is reinforced 32
    33. 33. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Family Guy Clip Horton Hears Domestic Violence 33
    34. 34. What can we do?
    35. 35. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Everyone interacting with teens could… • Model healthy behaviors • Recognize red flags • Listen to teens without judging when they ask for help • Be supportive, and do not criticize their partner • Be aware of resources that can help teens involved in abusive relationships
    36. 36. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta As a Caregiver- talk to your kids EARLY • Teach teens about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships • Teens need to know that you are ready to talk • They need to feel secure talking to you • Create a supportive environment – Be available – Show respect for each other – Need to be able to trust you – Show interest by asking questions in a comfortable order and style Choose Respect: www.cdc.gov/chooserespect
    37. 37. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Guidelines for Introducing Conversation • Start with a general question • Let your teen be the expert on his/her world • Relate your discussion to things they are interested in – Use examples we discussed, or find your own • Ask how you can help
    38. 38. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Create Rules • Teens want rules (even though they won’t admit it) • Set an age for dating • Make sure your teen is not spending a lot of time in unsupervised situations • Set guidelines for your teen’s outings • Be aware of what your teens are doing and who they are with
    39. 39. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Warning signs to discuss with teens: • Your Partner: – Tells you what to do or wear – Makes false accusations or constantly accuses you of cheating – Only wants you to hang out with them – Blames you for their problems – Has huge mood swings and goes from being really angry to very sweet in short periods of time • You: – Apologize for the behavior or make excuses for it – Frequently worry about making them angry – Stop doing things that are important to you to make them happy – Cancel plans with friends at the last minute – Are afraid to break up because they may hurt you, or themselves
    40. 40. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta What if you find a teen is in a potentially abusive relationship? • Brainstorm with teens – who to call, where to go if in imminent danger, what they should take with them – Encourage them: • To tell parents or family members they are afraid of their partner • To try not to be alone with their partner- go out in public places, try to always keep a cell phone on them, let other’s know where they are • If they’re breaking up, don’t break up in person/alone • Always tell an adult or someone who can help if their partner threatens violence • Change passwords & block access to social networking
    41. 41. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Educating Teens • http://www.loveisrespect.org/ • Teach teens about media literacy- need to think critically about the messages they are receiving – Social and News Media • Help teens build their own voice, values and goals • It’s ok if you don’t have all the answers – be honest and offer to help find out the facts together • Lil Wayne How to Love
    42. 42. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Resources- Teen Dating Violence • National Teen Dating Abuse Hotline: 1-866-331-9474, www.loveisrespect.org • National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) • National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673) • National Center for Victims of Crime: www.ncvc.org • Nat’l Youth Violence Prevention Resource Center: www.safeyouth.org
    43. 43. Children’s Healthcare of Atlanta Resources- Teen Dating Violence • Choose Respect Initiative: www.cdc.gov/chooserespect • Safe Dates: Prevention program for dating abuse http://www.crimesolutions.gov/ProgramDetails.aspx?ID=142 • Healthy Relationships curriculum http://www.m4c.ns.ca/ • Futures Without Violence http://www.futureswithoutviolence.org/ • Safety Plans- www.endabuse.org and www.ndvh.org • Respect Works! http://www.respect-works.com/
    44. 44. Questions? More training opportunities www.choa.org/cptraining Amber McKeen Amber.McKeen@choa.org Kara Klein Kara.Klein@choa.org 44
    45. 45. This project was supported in part by the Governor’s Office for Children and Families through the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Community Based Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CFDA 93.590). Points of view or opinions stated in this document are those of the author(s) and do not necessarily represent the official position or policies of the Governor’s Office for Children and Families or the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Community Based Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CFDA 93.590).

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