2. Self
Happy
Part
Sad
Part
Angry
Part
Critic
Man-
ager
Identity is a tricky thing. We like to think of it as being fixed and stable.
However, while it would seem that our core Self is always the same reliable
observer, we are not always identified with it. In fact, most of the time, we
seem to be identified with one of our parts or sub-personalities. To examine
this more closely let us use the IFS model of a person.
When a person is very sad, he tends to identify strongly with his sadness. In IFS
we say: “he is identified with his sad part,” or “his identity is blended with a sad part.”
I think this is a useful way to talk about it. In fact, it is not unusual for someone to say
“I am sad” which is very close to saying “I am my sadness.”
The larger circle represents
the whole person.
Parts: Sub-personalities
Identity boundary or bond
3. Self
Happy
Part
Sad
Part
Angry
Part
However, at any moment the same person can shift and identify with
another part, an angry part for example. If he gets very identified with his
anger, there is no sign left of the Self or his sad part. He is, effectively, his
anger (or his angry part); he looks, feels and acts ―angry!
This fluidity of identity is not a bad thing. It is actually an amazing and wonderful
feature of how human consciousness is organized. Knowing about it, having a model
for it is incredibly useful.
4. Similarly, when we meditate or become stable in a mindful state of self-observation,
we seem to identify with our observant Self. For periods of time we may actually
not be aware of any other parts of our personality. In this state we are relatively calm,
creative, conscious, confident, courageous, caring and compassionate.
Self
The parts seem to dissolve out of the picture when we are in a profound Self state.
5. When we work with clients directly, we address our clients as if they are the part
they are identified with or, if they are identified with the observant self, that’s who
we consider them to be.
Self
Happy
Part
Sad
Part
Angry
Part
Therapist
“I see you’re sad today”
“Thanks for noticing”
6. When we work indirectly, however, we want to help our clients to identify with the
observing Self as they connect with a certain part. To do this they must un-blend from
parts they were previously blended with. To do this we start by naming the state they are
blended with as a part
Self
Happy
Part
Sad
Part
Angry
Part
Therapist
“Would it be okay to think
of your sadness as a sad part?”
“Ah… sure, okay.”
Amazingly, if they can do this, it helps them to “de-identify” or “un-blend” from the
part and its strong feelings. Now the trick is to keep them connected with the
part we want to work with while also keeping them un-blended. This “un-blended yet
connected” state is the ideal state for indirect work with a part or feeling.
7. Self
Happy
Part
Sad
Part
Angry
Part
Therapist
“How are you feeling toward that sad
part now, can you be friendly toward
it?”
“I want it to go away. I
don’t like that pesky sad part.”
Of course, it is always possible for something else to happen. Our client might, for example,
identify with another part (instead of the observing Self) as they un-blend from the
part we want to work with. This gets in the way of the work and often makes it
impossible. The sad part will hide or disappear, or just clam up.
When this happens, we have the client ask the angry part to step back. If the part won’t
step back, we may have to work with it to find out why it’s angry. Once the client
understands the angry part’s concerns it will usually step back.
8. Self
Happy
Part
Sad
Part
Angry
Part
Therapist
“It says it doesn’t want me to be sad
all day, like I was yesterday.”
In this diagram, the therapist has shifted attention to an angry part that doesn’t want
the sad part to be around.
“I wonder if you could turn to the angry part
and say to it ‘I see you are angry at the sad
part’ and just see what happens.”
Usually it is sufficient to re-assure the angry part that we are not going to make the sad
part more sad, that we can probably help it. Then the angry part will usually back off,
and we can return to the sad part.
9. So you see, identity is fluid, not fixed. We can change the parts we are identified with, and
we can change how strongly we are identified with a part. We can also identify with the
Self. It is sometimes necessary to have help in making these identity shifts.
Our fluid identity is an amazing feature of our consciousness, and it opens the door for us
to help clients work with their own inner parts.
We can help a client work with his inner parts as if she were a Hakomi therapist and her
parts are her clients.
We can teach her all of the Hakomi skills that we have worked so hard to learn.
If you have questions or comments about this, please email them in.
Conclusion
