Divorce recovery-1 of 3- emotional recovery--stages, gratitude, and tools.

1. Kevin Karlson JD PhD

2.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjF
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3. Based on the book by Dr. Karlson

4. Dr. Kevin Karlson

6.  37 But no matter what comes, we will always
taste victory through Him who loved us. 38 For
I have every confidence that nothing—not
death, life, heavenly messengers, dark
spirits, the present, the future, spiritual
powers, 39 height, depth, nor any created
thing—can come between us and the love of
God revealed in the Anointed, Jesus our Lord.

7.  God loves and forgives divorced people just like
everyone else; “there is no condemnation”
 Divorce and recovery are spiritual issues too
 Divorce is an opportunity
 Gratitude is essential to health, success, and
recovery from all of life’s challenges
 We focus on:
 Challenges not problems
 Opportunities not personalities
 Future not past

10.  5 minute warm up/check in/introductions exercise in pairs
 3 things you are grateful for today and why
 Homework from last week
Mini-lecture on these topics: (one per session—about 30 minutes)
 Emotional freedom
 Personal freedom
 Relational freedom
 Financial freedom
 Spiritual freedom (new tips and tools every session)
Each week we will structure questions on one of these topics above, and
provide time for :
 Journaling
 Discussion with partner
 Lessons learned- report out to whole group
 Q and A
 Homework for next week

11.  For I know the plans I have for you,” says the
Eternal, “plans for peace, not evil, to give you a
future and hope—never forget that.”
Jeremiah 29:10-12
 Freedom from the negative emotions of divorce
 Freedom to become what God has always had in
mind for you
 Freedom to have a godly relationship
 Freedom to prosper financially

12. Where you are now
God’s vision
for
your future!
Spiritualfreedom
Emotional freedom
Personal freedom
Relational freedom
Financial freedom

13.  Nearly everyone recovers; many grow
 Recovery takes time and faith
 Recovery requires time alone
 Recovery requires self care
 Recovery requires loving not romantic
relationships
 Recovery requires a new vision for the future
 Recovery is a spiritual as well as emotional
challenge

14.  Discover/create a new identity
 Re/discover your personal
 Vision
 Purpose/Mission
 Values/Beliefs
 Goals and a strategy for achieving them
 Career
 Epitaph

15.  Friends
 What kind of a friend are you?
 What kind of friends do you want?
 What kind of friends do you have now?
 Parents
 What kind of a parent are you?
 How do you treat your own parents?
 What kind of parent do you want to be?
 Partners
 What did you learn about yourself as a partner from your
marriage? CAPT; Love languages
 What do you want to do differently next time?

16.  Your financial vision for your future
 Budgeting
 Being a good steward
 Tithing
 (Read “The Blessed Life” by Pastor Robert)
 A shared financial vision (and budget) is
critical to marital peace and success

17.  22 The Holy Spirit produces a different kind of
fruit:
 unconditional love,
 joy,
 peace,
 patience,
 kindheartedness,
 goodness,
 faithfulness,
 23 gentleness, and
 self-control.

18. Topic 1:Emotional Freedom

20. EMOTIONAL
 Denial
 Anger
 Bargaining
 Depression
 Acceptance
 Forgiveness
SPIRITUAL
 Confusion, Fear
 Bitterness
 Doubt; Fear
 Oppression; Death
 Faith, Peace
 Forgiveness

21.  New research using fMRI scans has found
that when a feeling is accurately labeled, the
brain activity changes from chaos (confusion)
to order (peace)
 A feeling is the emotional/psychological
manifestation of a spirit

22.  Rate yourself on these factors from
1 (low) to 7 (high) [Here’s an example]
7
6
5
4
3
2
1
Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Forgiveness

23.  Nearly everyone recovers after divorce
 Most people learn and grow
 People who do best post-divorce
 Spend some time alone
 Take the time to learn new lessons and tools
 Avoid acting out
 Do all things in moderation including work
 Have a good support system-friends and family

24.  Most people completely recover in 18 months
or so
 People with faith recover more completely
(not faster)
 Faith includes:
▪ Gratitude for the relationship
▪ Forgiveness for the “ex”
▪ Self forgiveness and grace
▪ An enduring belief that the best is ahead (hope)

26.  Recovery happens in quiet moments with
God
 Recovery happens best when you have time
with nature
 Recovery is accelerated through regular
journaling

27.  Take care of the temple
 Eat on schedule
 Eat nutritious food
 Exercise regularly
 Sleep on a schedule
 Dress for success
 Maintain (or establish) a routine
 Plan fun

28.  Christian friends, not another romance, till
your 18 months are past and you are healed
 Have an accountability partner to keep you
from getting stuck in complaining or
depression
 Give more time to helping others through
volunteering
 When you’re struggling, talk with someone
who listens and cares but won’t rag on your
“ex”

29.  A vision is a picture of your desired future so
you can avoid being stuck in the past or the
present
 “if you don’t know where you’re going, any
road will get you there”
 A vision is a guide for decision making
 Where there is no vision, the people perish
(Proverbs 29:11)
 Session 2 is devoted to crafting a new
personal vision for the future

30.  Divorce is the result of an attack by the
Enemy
 Recovery from divorce requires recognition of
the spirits at work and tools for getting rid of
them now and resisting them in the future
 Each session of this series will address the
spirits and the tools

31.  General Principles
 We wrestle not with flesh and blood but…
▪ Ephesians 6:12
 All our thoughts are not our own
▪ Matthew 16:22-23
 Take every thought captive
▪ 2 Corinthians 10:5
 Separate them from the evil within
▪ Romans 7: 15-17
 Forgiveness; its not optional
▪ Luke 23:34 Matthew 6:14-15

32.  Recognize the spirit(s) in you
 Repent
 Receive forgiveness
 THEN
 Respond in love
 Say “No” to the flashcards of past wrongs
 Resist when they return
▪ James 4:7

33.  When you stumble
 Repent
 Forgive yourself, you’re only human
 Pray
 Start over
 Pray for your “ex” every day; in front your
kids
 Ask God to bless them

34.  Recognizing the spirits at work
 pride
 un-forgiveness
 bitterness
 accusation
 control/domination
 murder with the tongue (gossip/slander)

35. Time for reflection and integration

36.  Go back to your self assessment on the 6
divorce recovery factors.
 For each factor, list your victories and your
remaining challenges
▪ Denial
▪ Anger
▪ Bargaining
▪ Depression
▪ Acceptance
▪ Forgiveness

37.  What are the barriers to your continued
recovery that you recognize in yourself?
 Emotional
 Spiritual

38.  How has God spoken to you during your
divorce and what has He taught you?
 Write God a letter…Dear God, thank you for
teaching me about…
 If God has seemed absent lately, why do you
think that is?
 Write God a letter..Dear God, I miss you and want
to hear from you again. Please speak to me
about…

39.  Share as much of your journaling or your
reactions to this session as you wish
 You will each have about 5 minutes, so
manage the time

40.  Questions
 Report outs
 Homework:
 Strengthsfinders
 Journaling every day
 Online self assessment
 Bring self assessment next week for the session
on Personal recovery

41.  Personal RecoveryTopics-Session 2
 Roles
 Identity
 Vision, Purpose, Mission
 Values
 Goals

42. Contact info: