Feedback and Coaching with the @StanfordBiz ECG, March 2016
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A modified deck from a workshop I did on interpersonal feedback and coaching skills with the Stanford GSB Entrepreneurial Commitment Group in March 2016.
![Feedback &
Photo by Ashraful Kadir [link]
Coaching
March 16, 2016
Ed Batista
@ the GSB Entrepreneurial Commitment Group](https://image.slidesharecdn.com/ed-batista-feedback-and-coaching-2016-slideshare-160317160244/85/Feedback-and-Coaching-with-the-StanfordBiz-ECG-March-2016-1-320.jpg)
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Feedback and Coaching with the @StanfordBiz ECG, March 2016
- 1. Feedback & Photo by Ashraful Kadir [link] Coaching March 16, 2016 Ed Batista @ the GSB Entrepreneurial Commitment Group
- 2. Who am I? Executive coach, GSB Instructor & alumnus Contributor @HarvardBiz The Art of Self-Coaching www.edbatista.com
- 3. Why feedback matters to me… Touchy Feely in 1999 Changed my view of myself Impact on my professional path & life
- 4. & why coaching does, too Started as a client Changed my view of leadership Impact on 100s of clients & GSB students
- 6. An actual gift No stress No confusion Always welcome
- 7. If it’s not a gift what is it?
- 8. It’s data… Photo by rh20x [link] Their impact on you Or your impact on them At that particular point in time
- 9. It may be Stop… Start… Do less… Do more… directive
- 10. But it’s not Nor does anyone have a duty to obey a commandment
- 11. It’s not like this…
- 12. It’s like this Photo by Unknown. Concept by Kevin Martin.
- 13. A model can help
- 14. When you do [X], I feel [Y]. The simplest feedback model
- 15. Emotions are attention magnets Photo by Garrett Mace [link]
- 16. Emotions are attention magnets Disclosing feelings can be uncomfortable But we’re wired to respond to emotion And vulnerability can create intimacy Comfort with discomfort Read More
- 17. 5 levels Photo by Rita Willaert [link] Richard Francisco, Stanford In what ways do we communicate? Increasing levels of difficulty, risk & learning Read More
- 18. 5 levels1: Ritual 2: Extended Ritual 3: Content 4: Feelings About Content 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link]
- 19. 5 levels 5: Feelings About Each Other Photo by Rita Willaert [link] Hardest Riskiest Most powerful for feedback
- 20. Can I give you Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] some feedback?
- 21. Why is feedback Photo by Robbie Grubbs [link] so stressful?
- 22. Feedback and Photo by Mykl Roventine [link] social threat
- 23. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response Fight, flight or freeze
- 24. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response Physiological Adrenaline & cortisol Optimized for strength & speed
- 25. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response Emotional Fear & anger Primed for snap judgments
- 26. Photo by State Farm [link] Threat response Cognitive Negativity bias Impairment & diminished capacity
- 27. Social threat Photo by David Sim [link] Some social situations ≈ Physical threats Same response Physiological Emotional Cognitive Read More
- 28. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] SCARF model
- 29. SCARF model David Rock, NeuroLeadership Institute What social situations trigger a threat response? Read More
- 30. SCARF model Status Photo by the National Guard [link]
- 31. SCARF model Status Certainty Photo by Amy Ashcraft [link]
- 32. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Photo by Charles Hoffman [link]
- 33. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Photo by Don-Pixel [link]
- 34. SCARF model Status Certainty Autonomy Relatedness Fairness Photo by JMTImages [link]
- 35. Photo by Andrew Vargas [link] Use the model
- 36. Reframe the experience Offering feedback ≠ Higher status Emphasize choice & agency Build the relationship Manage defensiveness* When getting feedback
- 37. When giving Avoid a threat response Be mindful of perceived status More certainty & autonomy Build the relationship Minimize defensiveness* feedback
- 38. Defensiveness David Bradford, Stanford How to improve communication? How to minimize defensiveness?
- 39. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] The net
- 45. Photo by The Mighty Tim Inconnu [link] Use the model
- 46. When giving Minimize their defensiveness Focus on observed behavior Don’t guess at intentions When you do [X], I feel [Y]. feedback
- 47. Manage own defensiveness Notice when they cross the net (We all do it all the time) When getting feedback
- 48. Coaching tools Photo by zzpza [link]
- 49. Coaching tools Ask, Listen, Empathize
- 50. Coaching tools Ask Edgar Schein, MIT Help doesn’t always help What’s a better way?
- 51. Modes of inquiry Photo by Garry Knight [link]
- 52. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry Open-ended Avoid presumptive questions Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
- 53. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry 2. Diagnostic inquiry Focus & redirect Feelings, motives, actions Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
- 54. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry 2. Diagnostic inquiry 3. Confrontational inquiry Introduce new ideas & hypotheses Challenge their narrative Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
- 55. Modes of inquiry 1. Pure inquiry 2. Diagnostic inquiry 3. Confrontational inquiry We tend to move too quickly Critical to check our assumptions Adapted from Edgar Schein [link]
- 56. Ask better Photo by Alexander Drachman [link] questions
- 57. Ask better Get beyond Yes or No What…? & How…? > Why…? More reflection, less defensiveness questions
- 58. Ask better Avoid leading questions That’s advocacy, not coaching questions
- 59. Ask better One tip… Ask once & stop questions
- 61. Listening skills Photo by Ed Yourdon [link]
- 62. Listening skills Hearing ≠ listening How they feel > what you hear
- 63. Listening skills Focused attention > time Cultivate presence Eye contact No multi-tasking Eliminate distractions
- 64. Coaching tools Ask, Listen, Empathize Brené Brown, University of Houston Shame & empathy Edgar Schein, MIT Shame in helping relationships
- 65. Shame & empathy Photo by Tuomas Puikkonen [link]
- 66. Shame & Shame = I’m flawed & unworthy Empathy = The antidote to shame empathy
- 67. Shame & Shame = Creates distance Empathy = Creates closeness empathy
- 68. Shame & Seeking help typically triggers shame (or embarrassment or vulnerability) empathy
- 69. Shame & But typical helping responses block empathy 1. “My problem’s worse” 2. “Look on the bright side” 3. “Here’s some advice…” empathy
- 70. Shame & Instead… 1. Avoid judgments 2. Sense & validate emotions 3. Convey understanding (≠ agreement) empathy
- 71. Thank you Photo by Brett Casadonte [link] www.edbatista.com @edbatista