This document provides 11 reasons why someone should not do a startup. It argues that many people pursue startups for the wrong reasons like wanting money or thinking it's cool rather than having a real passion for solving a problem. It also warns that starting a startup requires sacrifice, hard work, and dealing with challenges like creating a product customers want, building a team, marketing effectively, and dealing with difficulties that arise. The document uses strong language to emphasize the difficulties of startups and suggests people may be better off avoiding these challenges.

1. Why NOTTo Do a Startup… because You Will FAIL, Loser.Dave McClure500startups.comMaster of 500 HatsTahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010@DaveMcClure

2. #1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons:You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startupYou want to make LOTS of Money.You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution.The Right Reasons:You Live in Fear.You Can’t Get Laid.Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM

3. #2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOBYou’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.You Live in a Big House.You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight.You Your Spouse > Your Startup.tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.

4. #3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers.Bullshit Revenue Projection ----->(up & to the right)See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”

5. #4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so)You Don’t Have a Working Prototype.Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It.It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition.See: “Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)”

6. #5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION…to a PROBLEM that does not exist. See: “Your Solution Is Not My Problem”

7. #6: You’re a LOSER, not a LEADER.You Procrastinate. A Lot.You’re not Charismatic.You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.Your Vision is usually Wrong.You’re Scared of Change.When Other People Tell You That You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.…and you’re Uglytoo, bitch.Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”

8. #7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over)50 slides in your deckTechnical JargonDemo FAILClueless InvestorsEVIL InvestorsSee: “How To Pitch a VC”

9. #8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).No Technical Founders / CodersNo Design / UX / UsabilityNo Internet Mktg (Search, Social)No MobileexpertiseNo Enterprise Sales / Biz DevNo Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.

10. #9: CoFounders& Employees =Whiners. You WILL miss a payroll.Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.There WILL be Office Politics.People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options. Someone WILL sueyer ass:Sexual HarassmentWrongful TerminationUnhappy CustomerJealous Competitor

11. #10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.You Don’t Know Marketing.You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.You Think SEM = SEO.You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.You’ve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign.See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)”

12. #11: You’d Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World. Wouldn’t you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football?Sure you would, Loser.Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.Fuck. That.Noise.

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