Why NOT To Do a Startup.

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slides from my talk on "Why NOT to Do a Startup". …

slides from my talk on "Why NOT to Do a Startup".
(updated from Tahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010)

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  • Full Name Full Name Comment goes here.
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  • Some cheerful thoughts.
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  • Looked so funny, but sounded so true and apt to its core.
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  • soooo true and real.....but do it anyway :-D
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  • Even if the author was anonymous, I would have assumed Dave McClure. His advice reads like it's being shot at you. Much appreciated!
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  • Good lord this is awesome ! Really nice and made me smile (oh and happy SEP ;))
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  • 1. Why NOTTo Do a Startup
    … because You Will FAIL, Loser.
    Dave McClure
    500startups.com
    Master of 500 Hats
    Tahoe Tech Talk - Oct 2010
    @DaveMcClure
  • 2. #1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.
    You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons:
    You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startup
    You want to make LOTS of Money.
    You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution.
    The Right Reasons:
    You Live in Fear.
    You Can’t Get Laid.
    Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.
    YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM
  • 3. #2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB
    You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.
    You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.
    You Live in a Big House.
    You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.
    You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight.
    You Your Spouse > Your Startup.
    tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.
  • 4. #3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN,But No Product and No Customers.
    Bullshit Revenue Projection ----->
    (up & to the right)
    See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”
  • 5. #4: Your Idea SUCKS(and even your Mom thinks so)
    You Don’t Have a Working Prototype.
    Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It.
    It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition.
    See: “Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)”
  • 6. #5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION…to a PROBLEM that does not exist.
    See: “Your Solution
    Is Not My Problem”
  • 7. #6: You’re a LOSER, not a LEADER.
    You Procrastinate. A Lot.
    You’re not Charismatic.
    You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.
    Your Vision is usually Wrong.
    You’re Scared of Change.
    When Other People Tell You That You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.
    …and you’re Uglytoo, bitch.
    Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”
  • 8. #7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over)
    50 slides in your deck
    Technical Jargon
    Demo FAIL
    Clueless Investors
    EVIL Investors
    See: “How To Pitch a VC”
  • 9. #8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).
    No Technical Founders / Coders
    No Design / UX / Usability
    No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)
    No Mobileexpertise
    No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev
    No Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.
  • 10. #9: CoFounders& Employees =Whiners.
    You WILL miss a payroll.
    Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.
    There WILL be Office Politics.
    People WILL discover and compare salary & stock options.
    Someone WILL sueyer ass:
    Sexual Harassment
    Wrongful Termination
    Unhappy Customer
    Jealous Competitor
  • 11. #10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.
    You Don’t Know Marketing.
    You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.
    You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.
    You Think SEM = SEO.
    You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).
    You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.
    You’ve never sent an email campaign, written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign.
    See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)”
  • 12. #11: You’d Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World.
    Wouldn’t you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football?
    Sure you would, Loser.
    Just relaaaaaxxxxxx.
    Fuck.
    That.
    Noise.
  • 13. http://WarmGun.com
    Tahoe Tech Talk attendees
    use discount code TTT for 30% off