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Why not to do a startup?

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Dave McClure

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Why not to do a startup?

  1. 1. Why NOTTo Do a Startup… because You Will FAIL, Loser. Dave McClure 500startups.com International Startup Festival Montreal – July 2011 @DaveMcClure
  2. 2. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #1: Yer a WANTrepreneur.  You’re in this for all the Wrong reasons:  You think it’s “So Fucking Cool” to do a startup  You want to make LOTS of Money.  You have Teh AwesomeTechnology Solution.  The Right Reasons:  You Live in Fear.  You Can’t Get Laid.  Something has been PISSING you off FOREVER.YOU ARE PASSIONATEABOUT [SOLVING] A [CUSTOMER] PROBLEM
  3. 3. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #2: You are a FAT and LAZY SLOB  You’ve worked at Microsoft for >5 yrs.  You Drive a Nice Car & It’s Paid For.  You Live in a Big House.  You Don’t Worry About Paying Bills.  You Want to Kiss The KidsGoodnight.  You Your Spouse > Your Startup. tip: Doing a Startup is a Lesson in Pain & Sacrifice.
  4. 4. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #3: You Have a BUSINESS PLAN, But No Product and No Customers.Bullshit RevenueProjection ----->(up & to the right) See: “Startup Metrics for Pirates”
  5. 5. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #4: Your Idea SUCKS (and even your Mom thinks so)  You Don’t Have a Working Prototype.  Worse: Have Prototype, But No One Uses It.  It Sucks a Lot More than the Competition. See: “Lean Startup (Ries) & Customer Development (Blank)”
  6. 6. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #5: You Have Teh Awesome SOLUTION… to a PROBLEM that does not exist. See: “Your Solution Is Not My Problem”
  7. 7. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #6: You’re a LOSER, not a LEADER.  You Procrastinate. A Lot.  You’re not Charismatic.  You Get Beaten [Up] Regularly.  Your Vision is usually Wrong.  You’re Scared of Change.  When Other People Tell You That You’re Wrong, You Believe Them.  …and you’re Uglytoo, bitch. Watch: “Kick-Ass” or “Glee”
  8. 8. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #7: Your Pitch Sucks & You Won’t Raise Money (or SuperAngelsCollude to Screw You Over)  50 slides in your deck  Technical Jargon  Demo FAIL  Clueless Investors  EVIL Investors See: “How To Pitch a VC”
  9. 9. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #8: Your Team Sucks, and You Have No Idea How to Hire (or Fire).  No Technical Founders / Coders  No Design / UX / Usability  No Internet Mktg (Search, Social)  No Mobileexpertise  No Enterprise Sales / Biz Dev  No Recruiter, or They Suck… Bad.
  10. 10. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #9: CoFounders&Employees =Whiners.  You WILL miss a payroll.  Someone WILL eat last slice of pizza.  There WILL be Office Politics.  People WILL discover and compare salary &stock options.  Someone WILL sueyer ass:  Sexual Harassment  Wrongful Termination  Unhappy Customer  Jealous Competitor
  11. 11. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #10: You Can’t Sell or Market 4 Shit.  You Don’t Know Marketing.  You Think Marketing = TechCrunch.  You Don’t Know What SEO stands for.  You Think SEM = SEO.  You Don’t Know or Use Social Platforms (Facebook, Twitter, YouTube).  You’ve never built Facebook or iPhone App, or a Social Game.  You’ve never sent an email campaign,See: “Startup-Marketing.com (Ellis)” written a blog post, or run an affiliate marketing campaign.
  12. 12. DON’TDO A STARTUP… YOU WILL FAIL. #11: You’d Rather Change the Channel Than Change The World.  Wouldn’t you rather watch GLEE or Monday Night Football?  Sure you would, Loser.  Just relaaaaaxxxxxx. Fuck.  That. Noise.

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