Love language and apology

1. THE FIVE LOVE
LANGUAGES
Venetia D Waters, MEd

2. We All Seek Happy and
Fulfilling Relationships
MATE
MYSELF
Where we Give & Receive Love,
BUT…

3. MATE
MYSELF
we often miss each other’s
heart in the process…
…and end up
frustrated and unfulfilled in
our relationship.

4. How is your love tank?

40. The Five Love Languages®

42. FALLING IN LOVE
• First meet
• “Love Alert”system goes off
• Become emotionallyobsessed
• Under illusionall is perfect
AND THEN...
•Romanticobsession lasts about 2 years
•Reality sets in
•Must learn to love mate
•So, love is a rational volitional choice

43. THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES
Words of Affirmation
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

44. Words of Affirmation
 Verbal compliments,
 Words of appreciation, and
encouraging wordsare
powerfulcommunicators of
love.
 They are best expressedin
simple, straightforward
statements of affirmation.

45. I feel loved when I believe that
you like me
• Words are life!
• Words contain value for
who I am
• Words say I believe in you.
• Smile at them
• Hypersensitive to criticism and
anger
• Protect self from angry words
• Important to build "hero
sandwiches" – "you rock, you suck,
you rock."
Important to create a safe place before giving criticism

46. Quality Time
 Togetherness not just
proximity but focused,
undivided attention. Not
watching TV together…, but
taking long walks…
 Includes quality
conversations - a
sympathetic dialogue
wheretwo individuals are
sharing their experiences,
thoughts, feelings, and
desires ina friendly,

47. • I feel loved when you show
interest in me
• Sharing in an activity or
conversation that is
important to them
• Be engaged in the
conversation
• Willing participation in
their interests or hobbies
• Can't have quality time with
ESPN!
• I feel rejected when you don't
value my interests
• Be distracted or uninterested
• Fail to listen well
• Fail to make time for connecting
with them
Venetia/Esau- Just us sitting watching a good movie

48. Receiving Gifts
 Visual symbols oflove.
 Gifts comein all sizes, colors,
and shapes.-purchasedor made.
 Physical presencein thetime of
crisis is the most powerful gift
you cangive ifyourpartner’s
primary love language is
receiving gifts.

49. • Feels loved through the
symbol of this gift
• You know me through
the gifts you give
• You have been paying
attention to me
• Forget an important date:
• The injury of not being
thought about
• Giving the wrong thing

50. Acts of Service
 Doing things you know your
partnerwould like you todo by
servingthem.
 Examples: cooking, cleaning,
painting a bedroom,
maintaining the car…
 Theyrequirethought, planning,
time, effort, and energy. If done
with a positive spirit, they are
indeed expressions oflove.

51. • I feel loved when you take
care of things that are
important to me
• Doing things for them
• Anticipating needs and
meeting them
• Accomplishing specific tasks
• Filled with anxiety when the trash is
full or the house is untidy
• Things done out of fear
Can feel like control when she gives hints. She is asking
to be loved!

52. Physical Touch
 Physical touchcan make or
break a relationship. It can
communicate hate or love.
 Holding hands, kissing,
embracing, cuddling, and sexual
intercourse-. Mustdiscuss
which touchesbring physical
pleasure and which are irritating
and annoying. (Blowing in ear.)

53. • Touch
• I feel connected when we
are touching
• Physical contact
• Physical proximity
• Contact frequency
• Lack of touch
• I feel rejected and neglected when
you don't touch me
• Missed opportunities for touching
• Neglecting personal daily allowance
• Extended periods of time between
contact
If you are not a touch love language: "get off of me!"

55. The Five Languages of
Apology

56. Expressing Regret “
I apologize”
 I want to know if you
understand how deeply
your behavior has hurt
me.
 You need to say you are
sorry and what
specifically you are sorry
for.
 You need to show
remorse, not just sorry
you got caught.

57. Accepting Responsibility
“ I was wrong”
 I want you to accept
responsibility for
what you did or said
and acknowledge
that it was wrong.
 Name your mistake
and accept fault.

58. Making Restitution
“What Can I do to make it right?”
 I want to know “do you
still love me?”
 Your behavior was so
unloving that I wonder
how you could love me
and do that. What debt
do you owe? What
amends must be made?
Are you going to help
me get over this?

59. Genuinely Repenting
“ I will try not to do it again”
 Repentance literally
means turning around
180 degrees. Don’t
make excuses
 “I want to change”
 “I’ll apologize,-but I
won’t change”
 Put it in writing-
implement a plan

60. Requesting Forgiveness
“Will you please forgive me”
 You want the
relationship fully
restored
 Request –Don’t demand
 What are we afraid of
– Fear of losing control
– Fear of Rejection
– Fear of Failure

61. Justice vs Restoration
Justice
 An Employee steals from
a company. He gets
caught, tried, found
guilty, fined and
imprisoned.
 Justice has been
served, but…
no restoration of his job.
Restoration
 An Employee steals but
realizes his mistake, takes
responsibility, reports it,
apologizes, expresses regret,
repays full value, and pleads
for mercy.
 Restoration of job and
relationship is possible.

62. LOVE IS A CHOICE
 Choose justice = getting revenge = no intimacy
OR
 Choose forgiveness = restored intimacy
Forgiveness is:
A feeling
A choice
Expression of love

63. FIRST TRUTH
• Actions before marriage aren’t the same as after marriage
• BEFOREmarriage–“in-love obsession”
• AFTERmarriage–influenced by our parents,personality,
perceptions, personal needs, etc.
SECOND TRUTH
• Love is a choice
Choose justice= gettingrevenge = no intimacy
OR
Choose forgiveness = restored intimacy