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B E V E Y C A R E F U L L O F
O V E R P R O M I S I N G A N D
A S S U M M I N G !
WHAT'S SO WRONG?
What he thought was
a good idea.Hi <Name>
I have a vision for your business and here is how it looks:
You have a well-established Social Media platform with
thousands of people following you on Facebook, LinkedIn
and Instagram. Your marketing funnel generates new leads
consistently without you needing to rely on referrals. You
are well-known in your industry and because of your
‘celebrity status’ you are often invited to speak at various
events, featured on TV, radio, magazines and various
podcasts. Most importantly, you have a solid reliable system
that generates clients for you on autopilot. You feel
supported, energised and inspired.
Book a free 30 minute consultation with me and I will show
you how I can help you make this a reality. During our
consultation I will reveal to you strategies to get more
clients immediately.
Life rewards action. Send me a pm :-)
“ I h a v e a v i s i o n f o r y o u r
b u s i n e s s ”
T h i s i s n ’ t a b o u t y o u r
v i s i o n . . .
I t ’ s a b o u t t h e i r s . . .
I m a g i n e a p l a s t i c s u r g e o n
w a l k i n g u p t o y o u o n t h e
s t r e e t a n d s a y i n g “ I h a v e a
v i s i o n f o r y o u r f a c e t o l o o k
l i k e . . . ”
IF I WERE YOUR IDEAL CLIENT;
What would be my concerns regarding your message?
Your personal
message is too long.
You make too many
promises.
You don't tell me
what you exactly
can and will do if I
hire you right now.
You are not clear.
You have not asked
me or probed me
about my business.
Your message is
about what you
think, not what I
would want or think.
You seem like you're
desperate.
Your 30 mins consultation.
You say that you're going to
reveal your strategies to get
me more clients. What's the
catch? (sounds slightly
sketchy to me).
Your message
makes more
assumptions about
"you" than it is
about me or my
business.
D O N ' T O F F E R
S O M E T H I N G
I F I T W A S
N E V E R
A S K E D .
MAYBE;
I don't want fame. Maybe I
don't want to go around
to events and such. Maybe
I am someone who
doesn't like to be seen on
TV and other media.
Maybe I want more
referrals and more client
loyalty. Maybe I want a
better lead generation
system in place.
The very fact that you are
possibly talking about
stuff that I don't want or
like and something that
is uncomfortable to me,
does not make me want
you to hire or spend time
with you on anything.
I'd be more comfortable
talking to someone who
understands me and my
business, and makes
targeted and precise
statements that is
exactly what I want to
hear and you have results
to prove that you can do
what you claim to be able
to .
DON'T MAKE
IT ABOUT YOU,
MAKE IT
ABOUT THEM!

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What's so wrong about this cold message template?

  • 1. B E V E Y C A R E F U L L O F O V E R P R O M I S I N G A N D A S S U M M I N G ! WHAT'S SO WRONG? What he thought was a good idea.Hi <Name> I have a vision for your business and here is how it looks: You have a well-established Social Media platform with thousands of people following you on Facebook, LinkedIn and Instagram. Your marketing funnel generates new leads consistently without you needing to rely on referrals. You are well-known in your industry and because of your ‘celebrity status’ you are often invited to speak at various events, featured on TV, radio, magazines and various podcasts. Most importantly, you have a solid reliable system that generates clients for you on autopilot. You feel supported, energised and inspired. Book a free 30 minute consultation with me and I will show you how I can help you make this a reality. During our consultation I will reveal to you strategies to get more clients immediately. Life rewards action. Send me a pm :-) “ I h a v e a v i s i o n f o r y o u r b u s i n e s s ” T h i s i s n ’ t a b o u t y o u r v i s i o n . . . I t ’ s a b o u t t h e i r s . . . I m a g i n e a p l a s t i c s u r g e o n w a l k i n g u p t o y o u o n t h e s t r e e t a n d s a y i n g “ I h a v e a v i s i o n f o r y o u r f a c e t o l o o k l i k e . . . ”
  • 2. IF I WERE YOUR IDEAL CLIENT; What would be my concerns regarding your message? Your personal message is too long. You make too many promises. You don't tell me what you exactly can and will do if I hire you right now. You are not clear. You have not asked me or probed me about my business. Your message is about what you think, not what I would want or think. You seem like you're desperate. Your 30 mins consultation. You say that you're going to reveal your strategies to get me more clients. What's the catch? (sounds slightly sketchy to me). Your message makes more assumptions about "you" than it is about me or my business. D O N ' T O F F E R S O M E T H I N G I F I T W A S N E V E R A S K E D .
  • 3. MAYBE; I don't want fame. Maybe I don't want to go around to events and such. Maybe I am someone who doesn't like to be seen on TV and other media. Maybe I want more referrals and more client loyalty. Maybe I want a better lead generation system in place. The very fact that you are possibly talking about stuff that I don't want or like and something that is uncomfortable to me, does not make me want you to hire or spend time with you on anything. I'd be more comfortable talking to someone who understands me and my business, and makes targeted and precise statements that is exactly what I want to hear and you have results to prove that you can do what you claim to be able to .
  • 4. DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU, MAKE IT ABOUT THEM!