Writing Strength: Your conclusion provides a proposal that supports your argument on technology promoting loneliness. Currently, you only write the following in your conclusion: In conclusion, we proposed that advanced technology especially Facebook includes various advantages and that will help people to increase their knowledge in various sectors of their life and make them connected anytime to the whole world from anywhere. That will reduce people’s loneliness and help them to reduce their depression. As we know that excessive use of anything is not good but limited and professional use of today’s advanced technology does not cause loneliness whereas it intended to reduce it. By restating your position that today’s technology does not cause loneliness as well as your solution that Facebook include various features, you properly conclude your argumentative essay and leave your readers with a lasting impression. Good job,  * you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis: Your thesis statement does not include some of the main points of your argument about technology promoting loneliness. Let’s take a look: Social media especially Facebook, does not promotes loneliness because it allows people to in every sector their life, provides benefits for business as well as group interaction and critical thinking, provides facilities to interact people with their relatives from anywhere and also provides a big marketing platforms & helps user to be attached with a lot of business pages or study & research related work for their benefits. In this sentence, you list four supporting points to your argument, which are that social media allows people to connect in every sector of their life, provides benefits for business, provides facilities to interact with people, and provides marketing platforms. These points are too general and overlap each other. For example, your first and third points go hand in hand, and your second and fourth points are related. Since your assignment description asks you to develop only three strong arguments along with a counterargument, revise your thesis statement to include a counterargument as well as three distinct supporting points. This way, you prepare your readers for your argumentative essay about technology promoting loneliness. Here is an example: · Although supported by the majority of the population, criminalizing drug addiction does not help in alleviating the country’s drug problem because it encourages experimentation, increases demand for drugs, and strengthens the stigma against drug addicts. Content Development: Your main points are not developed in the body of your argumentative essay about technology promoting loneliness. After revising your thesis statement, you can now develop these points in the body of your essay. Since you are writing an argumentative essay, consider structuring your essay following the topical order, focusing one paragraph on one supporting point or reason why social media do.

1. Writing Strength:
Your conclusion provides a proposal that supports your
argument on technology promoting loneliness. Currently, you
only write the following in your conclusion:
In conclusion, we proposed that advanced technology especially
Facebook includes various advantages and that will help people
to increase their knowledge in various sectors of their life and
make them connected anytime to the whole world from
anywhere. That will reduce people’s loneliness and help them to
reduce their depression. As we know that excessive use of
anything is not good but limited and professional use of today’s
advanced technology does not cause loneliness whereas it
intended to reduce it.
By restating your position that today’s technology does not
cause loneliness as well as your solution that Facebook include
various features, you properly conclude your argumentative
essay and leave your readers with a lasting impression. Good
job,
* you requested help with Main Idea/Thesis:
Your thesis statement does not include some of the main points
of your argument about technology promoting loneliness. Let’s
take a look:
Social media especially Facebook, does not promotes loneliness
because it allows people to in every sector their life, provides
benefits for business as well as group interaction and critical

2. thinking, provides facilities to interact people with their
relatives from anywhere and also provides a big marketing
platforms & helps user to be attached with a lot of business
pages or study & research related work for their benefits.
In this sentence, you list four supporting points to your
argument, which are that social media allows people to connect
in every sector of their life, provides benefits for business,
provides facilities to interact with people, and provides
marketing platforms. These points are too general and overlap
each other. For example, your first and third points go hand in
hand, and your second and fourth points are related. Since your
assignment description asks you to develop only three strong
arguments along with a counterargument, revise your thesis
statement to include a counterargument as well as three distinct
supporting points. This way, you prepare your readers for your
argumentative essay about technology promoting loneliness.
Here is an example:
· Although supported by the majority of the population,
criminalizing drug addiction does not help in alleviating the
country’s drug problem because it encourages experimentation,
increases demand for drugs, and strengthens the stigma against
drug addicts.
Content Development:
Your main points are not developed in the body of your
argumentative essay about technology promoting loneliness.
After revising your thesis statement, you can now develop these
points in the body of your essay. Since you are writing an
argumentative essay, consider structuring your essay following
the topical order, focusing one paragraph on one supporting
point or reason why social media does not promote loneliness.
You can then discuss your counterargument after presenting all
your supporting points. This way, readers can better understand

3. the chain of thought of your discussion about technology
promoting loneliness. Here is an example of an outline based on
the sample thesis statement above:
I. Introduction
II. First supporting point: It encourages experimentation
III. Second supporting point: It increases demand for drugs
IV. Third supporting point: Strengthens the stigma against drug
addicts
V. Counterargument: It is supported by the majority of the
population
VI. Conclusion
, you requested help with Sentence Structure:
Some of the sources in your Works Cited list are not cited
properly. Here is an example from your paper:
Błachnio, Agata, and Aneta Przepiorka. "Be aware! If you start
using Facebook problematically you will feel lonely: Phubbing,
loneliness, self-esteem, and Facebook intrusion. A cross-
sectional study." Social Science Computer Review 37.2 (2019):
270-278.
In this citation, you mention the authors’ names, title of the
article, title of the journal, number, year of publication, and the
page numbers. Since you write a Works Cited list, I assume that
you are using the MLA style. To cite a journal article in MLA
style, mention the authors, title of the source, title of container,
number, publication date, location, title of container, and

4. location. Here is an example:
Gajanan, Marie, and Tim Roberts. “From ‘Hanoi Jane’ to the
workout: A brief history of Jane
Fonda’s activism.”
Time
, vol. 13, no. 2, 2018, pp. 34-56. Oxford Journals, doi:
10.1093/16.3.2
For more information on MLA style, you can visit this
link
.
Summary of Next Steps:
Revise your thesis statement.
Develop your main points in the body of your essay.
Cite your sources properly.
_____________________________________________________
____________________________
Please look for comments
[in bold and in brackets]
in your essay below.

5. Does Technology Promote Loneliness?
Nowadays researchers are continuously researching to
improving the technological networks. So, the use of technology
has been increased over the years. Hence in the world of
continuously increasing technology, a common question arises
i.e. does technology promote loneliness? Technology allows
people to be connected with the outer world for 24 hours. It
helps them to be updated and be in touch via social media. Now
there are so many platforms where students can take online
education to improve their knowledge and to clear their doubts
regarding their subject topics. So, they told that technology
cannot be the cause of the people's loneliness. In the present
situation, people spend much time with their mobile phone
laptop or any other gadget for their work, study or research
purpose. Based on that it has been said that approx. 42 percent
of the Australian citizen using average multiple ways of an
online internet platform. They also feel connected with their
friends, family and their colleagues, which is reducing their
loneliness. So, it can be said that technology is now facing great
progress and globalization, but still, now the debate on this
topic is going on. Mainly the improved technology increases the
advantage for all sectors, and it connects the whole world and
peoples.
[Your introduction contains too many ideas that are irrelevant to
your discussion. Since you are writing an argumentative essay,
your introduction should only establish the problem on
technology and social media. What are some recent events that
show that people associate loneliness to social media? Why is it
a debatable issue?]
Social media especially Facebook, does not promotes loneliness
because it allows people to in every sector their life, provides
benefits for business as well as group interaction and critical
thinking, provides facilities to interact people with their
relatives from anywhere and also provides a big marketing

6. platforms & helps user to be attached with a lot of business
pages or study & research related work for their benefits.
Social media & advanced technology allows people to connect
with the people of anywhere in the world. If we consider
today’s college students, then social media is the most suitable
platform for them to communicate with the people and also this
is the platform for their entertainment. Social media is now
integrated into the higher education system (Goyal 225). There
are so many social media and advanced technology tools like
Facebook, Tweeter, and, etc. Here we particularly focus on
Facebook. Hence, we can say that Facebook is also a platform
for social media and is proven for is important in student life. It
has been recognized by the researchers that Facebook has
multiple numbers of uses which in fact permit students to study
in a group. They can do group discussions, critical thinking and
also build mutual understanding through multimedia content. It
is also found beneficial for business purpose and business
computing. Everyone can connect people through Facebook and
can learn from them (Uppal 255).
Facebook does not present loneliness as Facebook is one of the
famous social networking sites that gives a platform where
anybody can interact with relatives, friends and also share their
ideas, views, photos as well as many other things (Błachnio et
al. 28). It gives people the ability to construct community as
well as carry the world nearer together. That reproduces that
people cannot do this themselves, but simply by empowering
people to construct communities as well as bring people
together. They intended to connect all lives. This makes people
connected and reduces their loneliness.
One of the most important benefits Facebook has to contribute
as a marketing platform is the aforementioned Facebook
Business Page. This opens the market to the business of
Facebook. Facebook users can like, comment & share the

7. content on Business posts. Facebook enables users to build
including nurture those connections. Customers can yield their
conclusions, leave reports including ask inquiries on the
Facebook Business Page. Facebook allows users to optimize the
ad spend including reaching their ideal client (Błachnio and
Aneta 275). As far as an advancing advantage is concerned,
social media give valuable knowledge for any business seeing to
build a smart approach. By learning about competitor's
activities one can give insight into what works as well as what
doesn't.
[The introductory phrase “By learning about competitor’s
activities” is not separated from the main sentence with a
comma. Insert a comma after “activities” to emphasize the main
clause, which is what the sentence is actually about.]
Facebook is one of the social networks for business including
another where one can get out a lot of knowledge about the
competitor's strategy including interaction and build the
strategy to gain competitive compensation.
In conclusion, we proposed that advanced technology especially
Facebook includes various advantages, and that will help people
to increase their knowledge in various sectors of their life and
make them connected anytime to the whole world from
anywhere.
[The independent clauses
(1)
In conclusion, we proposed that advanced technology especially
Facebook includes various advantages,
and 2)
That will help people to increase their knowledge in various
sectors of their life and make them connected anytime to the
whole world from anywhere
)
in this compound sentence are joined together by only the

8. coordinating conjunction “and,” which is not enough. Insert a
comma after “advantages,” before “and” to help readers
distinguish your complete thoughts.]
That will reduce people’s loneliness and help them to reduce
their depression. As we know that excessive use of anything is
not good but limited and professional use of today’s advanced
technology does not cause loneliness whereas it intended to
reduce it.
Work Cited
Błachnio, Agata, and Aneta Przepiorka. "Be aware! If you start
using Facebook problematically you will feel lonely: Phubbing,
loneliness, self-esteem, and Facebook intrusion. A cross-
sectional study." Social Science Computer Review 37.2 (2019):
270-278.
Błachnio, Agata, et al. "Self-presentation styles, privacy, and
loneliness as predictors of Facebook use in young people."
Personality and Individual Differences 94 (2016): 26-31.
Goyal, Silky. "Competitive advantages through Facebook."
ACADEMICIA: An International Multidisciplinary Research
Journal 6.4 (2016): 222-227.
Uppal, Savita. "Competitive advantages through Facebook."
ACADEMICIA: An International Multidisciplinary Research
Journal 6.4 (2016): 253-258
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