Last name 1 Student’s Name Instructor’s Name Course Date The Tech Effect Smartphones, tablets, and laptops have been increasing all around society. In the twenty first century, one is either on the phone talking, searching through their laptop for information or on the Ipad playing games. With every year advancing, technology continues to advance with us further into the digital age. Some may think that technology is harming society, making the community be ‘wired in’ all the time, leaving us stranded and lost in the real world. However, these critics fail to see the positive value of technology in daily life. Critics need to focus on the positive aspects of technology and how it has benefited society immensely through medicine, education, and social interactions. In the medical field, the advancement of technology has found new ways to benefit doctors and patients alike whether it’s discovering a new disease or finding a cure to help the sick. A way technology has helped society medically is through improving the study of population science, which Drew Hendricks defines as “the study of health and illness between groups” (1). Hendricks continues to state that because of technology, physicians can get a bigger picture of these studies, examining illnesses and death rates and are able to cure a whole population instead of a small group. With the aid of technology, more lives can be saved than ever before. Joseph Bubalo continues to support technology with an analysis of the benefits of technology in medicine, praising the creation of the electronic medical record. The electronic medical record is a record that contains all the information of a patient’s illnesses, treatments, Commented [11]: The author mentions critics of her argument, thus proving the essay is argumentative (if these critics can disagree, then the argument is necessary). Mentioning critics can make the argument more relevant to readers. Commented [12]: The thesis clearly mentions the argument. Commented [13]: The main points (medicine, education, and social interaction) are clear. By mentioning the points to be discussed, the essay prepares readers for the exact arguments in the essay. For instance, readers know the essay will discuss medicine but will not discuss forensic science (thus, the thesis prepares readers for the arguments and limits the scope of those arguments). The essay follows the order of the points listed in the thesis. Commented [14]: The topic sentence tells readers what the paragraph will discuss. Commented [15]: The writer integrates quotes from outside sources seamlessly into her essay. Commented [16]: The writer paraphrases sources more often than she quotes. Commented [17]: The writer transitions to another piece of evidence, this time from another source. Last name 2 and other health related subjects. With the electronic medical record, doctors are able to quickly a ...

1. Last name 1
Student’s Name
Instructor’s Name
Course
Date
The Tech Effect
Smartphones, tablets, and laptops have been increasing all
around society. In the twenty
first century, one is either on the phone talking, searching
through their laptop for information or
on the Ipad playing games. With every year advancing,
technology continues to advance with us
further into the digital age. Some may think that technology is
harming society, making the
community be ‘wired in’ all the time, leaving us stranded and
lost in the real world. However,
these critics fail to see the positive value of technology in daily
life. Critics need to focus on the
positive aspects of technology and how it has benefited society

2. immensely through medicine,
education, and social interactions.
In the medical field, the advancement of technology has found
new ways to benefit
doctors and patients alike whether it’s discovering a new
disease or finding a cure to help the
sick. A way technology has helped society medically is through
improving the study of
population science, which Drew Hendricks defines as “the study
of health and illness between
groups” (1). Hendricks continues to state that because of
technology, physicians can get a bigger
picture of these studies, examining illnesses and death rates and
are able to cure a whole
population instead of a small group. With the aid of technology,
more lives can be saved than
ever before. Joseph Bubalo continues to support technology
with an analysis of the benefits of
technology in medicine, praising the creation of the electronic
medical record. The electronic
medical record is a record that contains all the information of a
patient’s illnesses, treatments,
Commented [11]: The author mentions critics of her
argument, thus proving the essay is argumentative (if these

3. critics can disagree, then the argument is necessary).
Mentioning critics can make the argument more relevant to
readers.
Commented [12]: The thesis clearly mentions the
argument.
Commented [13]: The main points (medicine, education,
and social interaction) are clear. By mentioning the points to
be discussed, the essay prepares readers for the exact
arguments in the essay. For instance, readers know the
essay will discuss medicine but will not discuss forensic
science (thus, the thesis prepares readers for the arguments
and limits the scope of those arguments). The essay follows
the order of the points listed in the thesis.
Commented [14]: The topic sentence tells readers what
the paragraph will discuss.
Commented [15]: The writer integrates quotes from
outside sources seamlessly into her essay.
Commented [16]: The writer paraphrases sources more
often than she quotes.
Commented [17]: The writer transitions to another piece
of evidence, this time from another source.
Last name 2
and other health related subjects. With the electronic medical
record, doctors are able to quickly

4. access a patient’s data which can be sent to other medical
organizations easily to gain
information of that patient (5). In Joseph Bubalo’s experiment,
the results show that the EMR
reduced medical errors and thus helped improve a patient’s care
(14). Because of the reduced
medical errors and having better patient care, there have been
reduced percentages of death rates
and negligent care.
Believe it or not, another way technology has helped the
community is through
education. While some people may think that technology is a
distraction for students, making
them lose focus on their schoolwork, it has become a helpful aid
in the classroom. In The Nature
of Technology: What It Is and How It Evolves, Brian Arthur
defines technology as “a branch of
knowledge, or the application of science, or a study of
techniques, or a practice, or even an
activity” (27). With technology, as a source of knowledge,
students should be encouraged to use
that source as a guide to help them gain information. Timothy
Huneycutt discusses how the
advancement in technology benefits children academically with

5. the computer helping children to
access information within seconds, helping to save time and
help students focus (1). The
computer also gives students video tutorials, and interactive
activities that will help them in
school, which gives them way to work at their own pace and not
feel rushed when falling behind.
Although technology focuses more on the student benefit, it
also benefits teachers as well. With
devices in the classroom, teachers are able to reach students
outside of school if they need help
with a certain problem or a question on a project or paper.
Teachers can use the internet to post
homework and notes online so students can easily access them if
they’ve been out sick. Simon
Hay discusses a helpful method that has been appearing in
schools like the Teacher Planner app,
where teachers are able to check attendance, seating charts, and
homework that students have
Commented [18]: Again, the writer includes critics to
show that she acknowledges that others might disagree
with her (and thus develops ethos, or credibility) and to
refute the opposing arguments.
Commented [19]: All quotes are integrated into the
writer’s sentences and cited correctly in MLA format.

6. Commented [110]: The writer defines technology with a
quote but does not show the significance of the quote. The
reader might get a bit lost here because he or she is not
shown how to understand this information.
Commented [111]: The essay has several proofreading
errors in these sentences.
Commented [112]: The writer nicely wraps up the
previous idea and transitions to a new idea.
Last name 3
turned in (1). With the use of technology, students and teachers
will be able to distinguish which
method is the best way to facilitate learning and help kids use
technology in the future.
In the business world, it comes as no surprise that workers use
technology; whether it is
using the phone to call a corporation or using the computer to
reach other employees. A business
is stable with the technology for that is the means to
communication. Karehka Pamey, the author
of “The Advantages and Disadvantages of Technology in the
Workplace” agrees with this claim
stating that because of technology, employees can do group

7. conferences from all around the
world, making it easier to share ideas and projects with each
other and help promote business
online (1). Technology can help businesses by increasing more
production and communicating
with customers on a different level. Michelle Weiss continues
with this claim by stating that
computers enhance a worker’s mobility, with a worker being
able to access their work, whether
it be at home or the office (7). Technology does not seem
harmful to the business world, but
rather serves as a help to improve business images by helping a
company gain more employees
through their computer network thus enhancing work efficiency
and filtering of eligible
employees.
Technology has contributed in a variety of ways to society, but
many remain skeptical if
technology is all good; especially when focusing on social
media. Social media is any website
that allows someone to interact socially with other people such
as, Facebook and Twitter.
Although these sites help users talk and stay in touch with
family and friends around the world,

8. some believe that users overuse these sites to the point that the
prolonged exposure harms them
emotionally and makes them become addicted. One of the most
common topics that appears
when talking about social media is that people become isolated
from the outside and rely more
on talking on their device that they forget how to communicate
properly face to face. Mack
Commented [113]: A transition would be very helpful
here.
Commented [114]: The writer makes very strong claims
here.
Commented [115]: This paragraph mentions opposing
arguments and refutes them.
Last name 4
LeMouse refutes this argument in his article “Why the Positive
Effects of Internet Use Outweigh
the Bad” stating that people tend to forget that real life people
are on the other side of the screen
(1). Though it’s not face to face, people are still talking to
someone directly through text

9. messages and IM’s. Sometimes one cannot always communicate
directly with someone if they
live miles away or are in a different country. With social media,
it makes it easier for people to
maintain friendships and relationships. Andrea Nakaya furthers
this positive claim that social
networking is a way for people to share their thoughts and ideas
with many family and friends,
and that social media encourages one to be more social. Posting
ideas and thoughts can trigger
conversation among friends that share the same ideas, or helps
them to be more open minded to
those who have different ideas.
Another topic that often arises in criticism of social media, is
that it affects society
negatively because of cyber bullying. Cyber bullying is what is
most discussed these days.
Defined, cyber bullying occurs when people send hurtful
messages through social media sites,
giving them different way to bully someone. Cyber bullying is
the same as regular bullying,
except that the person isn’t saying, the hurtful words in person,
but this is just as bad as people
can still feel be mistreated. Just like bullying, cyber bullying

10. can be put to an end, with social
media having an option to block people online to the point that
they can’t send a message or post
anything on one’s page. While social media can be misused with
wrong behavior, it is also a
place where people can get support from their friends. Users can
join support groups to help with
their struggles or find information online that can help them
with any problems.
Technology has been around for ages, helping society advance
to the place that it is now,
helping academically, medically, and through business. The
advancement of technology can
scare some people who realize how big of an impact it is in
one’s life. Instead of shunning
Commented [116]: The writer brings in research to
support her rebuttal of opposing arguments.
Commented [117]: The writer does a nice job of using her
own reasoning to make claims. Not all arguments should
come from outside sources. Many of them can come from
our own ideas about a topic.
Last name 5

11. technology completely, embrace the future and witness the
capabilities technology can do for
people and the world.
Commented [118]: The conclusion, though a bit short,
does a nice job of summarizing the main points and leaving
the reader with a positive idea about the argument.
Last name 6
Works Cited

12. Arthur, W B. The Nature of Technology: What It Is and How It
Evolves. New York: Free Press,
2009. Print.
Bubalo, Joseph, et al. "Does Applying Technology Throughout
The Medication Use Process
Improve Patient Safety With Antineoplastics?." Journal Of
Oncology Pharmacy
Practice 20.6 (2014): 445-460. Academic Search Complete.
Web. 5 Apr. 2015.
Hay, Simon. "Invisible Technology: Visible Benefits in the
Classroom." The Telegraph.
Telegraph Media Group, 13 Dec. 2013. Web. 31 Mar. 2015.
Hendricks, Drew. "How Technology Is Changing the Medical
and Health Care Field." The
Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 15 May 2013. Web.
30 Mar. 2015.
Huneycutt, Timothy. “Technology In the Clasroom: The
Benefits of Blended Learning.”
National Math + Science Initiative. National Math + Science
Initiative, 8 Oct. 2013.
Web. 29 Mar. 2015.
LeMouse, Mack. "Why the Positive Effects of Internet Use
Outweigh the Bad." Why the

13. Positive Effects of Internet Use Outweigh the Bad. Health
Guidance, n.d. Web. 01 Apr.
2015.
Nakaya, Andrea C. Thinking Critically: Social Networking. San
Diego, CA: ReferencePoint,
2014. Print.
Ramey, Karehka. "The Advantages and Disadvantages of
Technology in the Workplace." Use of
Technology. N.p., 25 Feb. 2013. Web. 05 Apr. 2015.
Weiss, Michelle. "Pros and Cons of Technology in the Business
World." Pros and Cons of
Technology in the Business World (n.d.): n. pag.
http://www.svsu.edu/. Saginaw Valley
State University, 25 Dec. 2009. Web. 5 Apr. 2015.
Commented [119]: The works cited page is formatted
correctly. The font is the same as the font in the essay, the
title is centered and in regular font, and the entries are
formatted with a hanging indent. The writer has clearly
looked up the citation format for each item in the list and
has taken the time to write them correctly.
Last name 1

14. Student’s Name
Instructor’s Name
Course
Date
The Tech Effect
Smartphones, tablets, and laptops have been increasing all
around society. In the twenty
first century, one is either on the phone talking, searching
through their laptop for information or
on the Ipad playing games. With every year advancing,
technology continues to advance with us
further into the digital age. Some may think that technology is
harming society, making the
community be ‘wired in’ all the time, leaving us stranded and
lost in the real world. However,
these critics fail to see the positive value of technology in daily
life. Critics need to focus on the
positive aspects of technology and how it has benefited society
immensely through medicine,
education, and social interactions.
In the medical field, the advancement of technology has found
new ways to benefit

15. doctors and patients alike whether it’s discovering a new
disease or finding a cure to help the
sick. A way technology has helped society medically is through
improving the study of
population science, which Drew Hendricks defines as “the study
of health and illness between
groups” (1). Hendricks continues to state that because of
technology, physicians can get a bigger
picture of these studies, examining illnesses and death rates and
are able to cure a whole
population instead of a small group. With the aid of technology,
more lives can be saved than
ever before. Joseph Bubalo continues to support technology
with an analysis of the benefits of
technology in medicine, praising the creation of the electronic
medical record. The electronic
medical record is a record that contains all the information of a
patient’s illnesses, treatments,
Commented [11]: The author mentions critics of her
argument, thus proving the essay is argumentative (if these
critics can disagree, then the argument is necessary).
Mentioning critics can make the argument more relevant to
readers.
Commented [12]: The thesis clearly mentions the
argument.

16. Commented [13]: The main points (medicine, education,
and social interaction) are clear. By mentioning the points to
be discussed, the essay prepares readers for the exact
arguments in the essay. For instance, readers know the
essay will discuss medicine but will not discuss forensic
science (thus, the thesis prepares readers for the arguments
and limits the scope of those arguments). The essay follows
the order of the points listed in the thesis.
Commented [14]: The topic sentence tells readers what
the paragraph will discuss.
Commented [15]: The writer integrates quotes from
outside sources seamlessly into her essay.
Commented [16]: The writer paraphrases sources more
often than she quotes.
Commented [17]: The writer transitions to another piece
of evidence, this time from another source.
Last name 2
and other health related subjects. With the electronic medical
record, doctors are able to quickly
access a patient’s data which can be sent to other medical
organizations easily to gain
information of that patient (5). In Joseph Bubalo’s experiment,
the results show that the EMR

17. reduced medical errors and thus helped improve a patient’s care
(14). Because of the reduced
medical errors and having better patient care, there have been
reduced percentages of death rates
and negligent care.
Believe it or not, another way technology has helped the
community is through
education. While some people may think that technology is a
distraction for students, making
them lose focus on their schoolwork, it has become a helpful aid
in the classroom. In The Nature
of Technology: What It Is and How It Evolves, Brian Arthur
defines technology as “a branch of
knowledge, or the application of science, or a study of
techniques, or a practice, or even an
activity” (27). With technology, as a source of knowledge,
students should be encouraged to use
that source as a guide to help them gain information. Timothy
Huneycutt discusses how the
advancement in technology benefits children academically with
the computer helping children to
access information within seconds, helping to save time and
help students focus (1). The
computer also gives students video tutorials, and interactive

18. activities that will help them in
school, which gives them way to work at their own pace and not
feel rushed when falling behind.
Although technology focuses more on the student benefit, it
also benefits teachers as well. With
devices in the classroom, teachers are able to reach students
outside of school if they need help
with a certain problem or a question on a project or paper.
Teachers can use the internet to post
homework and notes online so students can easily access them if
they’ve been out sick. Simon
Hay discusses a helpful method that has been appearing in
schools like the Teacher Planner app,
where teachers are able to check attendance, seating charts, and
homework that students have
Commented [18]: Again, the writer includes critics to
show that she acknowledges that others might disagree
with her (and thus develops ethos, or credibility) and to
refute the opposing arguments.
Commented [19]: All quotes are integrated into the
writer’s sentences and cited correctly in MLA format.
Commented [110]: The writer defines technology with a
quote but does not show the significance of the quote. The
reader might get a bit lost here because he or she is not
shown how to understand this information.

19. Commented [111]: The essay has several proofreading
errors in these sentences.
Commented [112]: The writer nicely wraps up the
previous idea and transitions to a new idea.
Last name 3
turned in (1). With the use of technology, students and teachers
will be able to distinguish which
method is the best way to facilitate learning and help kids use
technology in the future.
In the business world, it comes as no surprise that workers use
technology; whether it is
using the phone to call a corporation or using the computer to
reach other employees. A business
is stable with the technology for that is the means to
communication. Karehka Pamey, the author
of “The Advantages and Disadvantages of Technology in the
Workplace” agrees with this claim
stating that because of technology, employees can do group
conferences from all around the
world, making it easier to share ideas and projects with each
other and help promote business
online (1). Technology can help businesses by increasing more

20. production and communicating
with customers on a different level. Michelle Weiss continues
with this claim by stating that
computers enhance a worker’s mobility, with a worker being
able to access their work, whether
it be at home or the office (7). Technology does not seem
harmful to the business world, but
rather serves as a help to improve business images by helping a
company gain more employees
through their computer network thus enhancing work efficiency
and filtering of eligible
employees.
Technology has contributed in a variety of ways to society, but
many remain skeptical if
technology is all good; especially when focusing on social
media. Social media is any website
that allows someone to interact socially with other people such
as, Facebook and Twitter.
Although these sites help users talk and stay in touch with
family and friends around the world,
some believe that users overuse these sites to the point that the
prolonged exposure harms them
emotionally and makes them become addicted. One of the most
common topics that appears

21. when talking about social media is that people become isolated
from the outside and rely more
on talking on their device that they forget how to communicate
properly face to face. Mack
Commented [113]: A transition would be very helpful
here.
Commented [114]: The writer makes very strong claims
here.
Commented [115]: This paragraph mentions opposing
arguments and refutes them.
Last name 4
LeMouse refutes this argument in his article “Why the Positive
Effects of Internet Use Outweigh
the Bad” stating that people tend to forget that real life people
are on the other side of the screen
(1). Though it’s not face to face, people are still talking to
someone directly through text
messages and IM’s. Sometimes one cannot always communicate
directly with someone if they
live miles away or are in a different country. With social media,
it makes it easier for people to

22. maintain friendships and relationships. Andrea Nakaya furthers
this positive claim that social
networking is a way for people to share their thoughts and ideas
with many family and friends,
and that social media encourages one to be more social. Posting
ideas and thoughts can trigger
conversation among friends that share the same ideas, or helps
them to be more open minded to
those who have different ideas.
Another topic that often arises in criticism of social media, is
that it affects society
negatively because of cyber bullying. Cyber bullying is what is
most discussed these days.
Defined, cyber bullying occurs when people send hurtful
messages through social media sites,
giving them different way to bully someone. Cyber bullying is
the same as regular bullying,
except that the person isn’t saying, the hurtful words in person,
but this is just as bad as people
can still feel be mistreated. Just like bullying, cyber bullying
can be put to an end, with social
media having an option to block people online to the point that
they can’t send a message or post
anything on one’s page. While social media can be misused with

23. wrong behavior, it is also a
place where people can get support from their friends. Users can
join support groups to help with
their struggles or find information online that can help them
with any problems.
Technology has been around for ages, helping society advance
to the place that it is now,
helping academically, medically, and through business. The
advancement of technology can
scare some people who realize how big of an impact it is in
one’s life. Instead of shunning
Commented [116]: The writer brings in research to
support her rebuttal of opposing arguments.
Commented [117]: The writer does a nice job of using her
own reasoning to make claims. Not all arguments should
come from outside sources. Many of them can come from
our own ideas about a topic.
Last name 5
technology completely, embrace the future and witness the
capabilities technology can do for
people and the world.

24. Commented [118]: The conclusion, though a bit short,
does a nice job of summarizing the main points and leaving
the reader with a positive idea about the argument.
Last name 6
Works Cited
Arthur, W B. The Nature of Technology: What It Is and How It
Evolves. New York: Free Press,
2009. Print.

25. Bubalo, Joseph, et al. "Does Applying Technology Throughout
The Medication Use Process
Improve Patient Safety With Antineoplastics?." Journal Of
Oncology Pharmacy
Practice 20.6 (2014): 445-460. Academic Search Complete.
Web. 5 Apr. 2015.
Hay, Simon. "Invisible Technology: Visible Benefits in the
Classroom." The Telegraph.
Telegraph Media Group, 13 Dec. 2013. Web. 31 Mar. 2015.
Hendricks, Drew. "How Technology Is Changing the Medical
and Health Care Field." The
Huffington Post. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 15 May 2013. Web.
30 Mar. 2015.
Huneycutt, Timothy. “Technology In the Clasroom: The
Benefits of Blended Learning.”
National Math + Science Initiative. National Math + Science
Initiative, 8 Oct. 2013.
Web. 29 Mar. 2015.
LeMouse, Mack. "Why the Positive Effects of Internet Use
Outweigh the Bad." Why the
Positive Effects of Internet Use Outweigh the Bad. Health
Guidance, n.d. Web. 01 Apr.
2015.

26. Nakaya, Andrea C. Thinking Critically: Social Networking. San
Diego, CA: ReferencePoint,
2014. Print.
Ramey, Karehka. "The Advantages and Disadvantages of
Technology in the Workplace." Use of
Technology. N.p., 25 Feb. 2013. Web. 05 Apr. 2015.
Weiss, Michelle. "Pros and Cons of Technology in the Business
World." Pros and Cons of
Technology in the Business World (n.d.): n. pag.
http://www.svsu.edu/. Saginaw Valley
State University, 25 Dec. 2009. Web. 5 Apr. 2015.
Commented [119]: The works cited page is formatted
correctly. The font is the same as the font in the essay, the
title is centered and in regular font, and the entries are
formatted with a hanging indent. The writer has clearly
looked up the citation format for each item in the list and
has taken the time to write them correctly.