Women empowerment
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Presentation on March 28, 2015 on Women Empowerment in Islam. We were honored to be a part of the event organized by ICNA sisters at the Masjid Quba in Ajax.
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Women empowerment
- 2. Empowering Women “The hand that rocks the cradle with the right hand, rocks the world with the left.”
- 3. Men and Women We are equal, but we are not the same • Different titles (Mr./ Mrs.) • Different clothing styles • Different amount of muscle mass • Different hormones • Different washrooms • Created from dead clay vs. created from a living rib
- 4. Complimentary Roles • A day is made of day and night • Electricity is made up of two elements that work together • True empowerment is knowing our own and other’s worth
- 5. Status of women outside Islam • Christian: Original sin. All evil is attributed back to Eve • Jew: A husband could divorce a wife, but a wife could not divorce her husband. Levirate marriages for women and not for men. • India: Inheritance reserved for males. Whole character of women dominated by the males, especially husband • Athens: Considered juvenile and in need of guardian throughout life. Barred from conducting any legal proceedings. • China: Foot binding that restricted movement
- 6. Status of women outside Islam • Roman Civilization: Women could not vote, hold office or serve in military • English Common Law made in 12th century said that personal property became property of husband on marriage. • Natural law philosophers (17th Century) claimed the inferior status of women was "common sense" and a matter of "nature".
- 7. Arab society without Islam • Female child buried alive • At complete mercy of their husbands • Husbands indulged in adultery, intoxicants and gambling • Nudity and entertaining men was enforced upon women • Sole purpose was to serve man or to give birth to a man
- 8. Marriages in Arab society without Islam • Marriage by agreement • Marriage by capture • Marriage by purchase • Marriage by inheritance • Temporary marriage (mota’h) • Discreet marriage • Marriage by exchange • Polygamy (no restriction on number of wives) in native arabs, Jews as well as Christians • Wife lending • Experimental Living
- 9. Modern feminist movements • Asking for unlimited rights • Debase their own true natures • Exploitation at workplace • Objectification in society • Personal lives with several single mothers, males with limited or no responsibility • Breakdown of family
- 10. Empowerment with Islam • The Prophet SAW said: “this world is just temporary conveniences and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.” • Family is the strongest component of a Muslim society • Status of a mother is 3 times that of a father. • Only women are allowed to wear pure silk and gold ornaments. • Great rewards are promised for bringing up female children. The prophet SAW said,” Whoever has three daughters or sisters and takes good care of them will surely enter Paradise.” • A criterion of good character is how a husband treats his wife. The Prophet SAW said, “The Best amongst you is the best to his wife.”
- 11. Empowerment with Islam • A woman who dies during childbirth is given the status of a martyr. • All the discomfort that a woman bears during her periods with patience is considered as a kaffara and her sins are forgiven for it. • A man gives mahr to his wife. A woman is not required to support anyone financially. But it doesn’t prohibit her from working either.
- 12. Empowerment with Islam • Women have very clear inheritance rights. Plus whatever they inherit is completely their own. • A woman is encouraged to cover herself and no one has a right to ask her to take off her clothes or veil in public • A woman has the right to choose her husband. In fact, she is the first one who is asked for her consent in a marriage ceremony. She also has a right to ask for divorce. • A woman has right to seeking knowledge. The first command of Quran that was revealed was IQRA for both men and women. • No one is allowed to restrict a woman from going to a mosque
- 13. Empowerment with Islam • In Saudi Arabia, based on prophetic tradition related to after birth confinement, government’s civil rights grants the mother a fully paid 45 days vacation at least in addition to her annual vacation. • A widow is granted 130 fully paid days off for mourning, on the basis of the period appointed for mourning.
- 14. Are rules = oppression? Are speed limits on roads an oppression of driving rights of people?
- 15. Hijaab Are you oppressed if you are dressed?
- 16. Aim High for both lives بَ ذاَعَ ناَقِوَ ةًنَسَ حَ ةِرَ خِ أَ ٱل فىِوَ ةًنَسَ حَ ياَ دنّٱل فىِ ناَتِءاَ ناَبّرَ۬ ۡ ۬ ۡ ٓ رِ ناّٱل Our Lord! Grant us good in this world and good in the life to come and keep us safe from the torment of the Fire (Surah Baqarah 2:201)
- 17. A forever parked Ferrari?
- 18. Being our best • Our islam doesn’t limit us, it in facts liberates us, empowers us. • Reflect on the life of Aisha RA • Muhadithaath. – more than 700 women • Haafiz ibn Asaakir (571 AH) counted over 80 women among his shaykhs and teachers.
- 19. Seeking knowledge • She recites the ayaat: م اً ا لًْم عِل ن ىِل دًْم زِل بِّ ز رّ O Lord! Advance me in knowledge (20:114) • Hadith : “Seeking knowledge is a duty upon every Muslim.”
- 20. Request of the women in medina The women of Ansar asked and the Prophet Muhammad SAW had a weekly halaqa just for women. The women had asked for it and he agreed instantly.
- 21. Never too shy to ask • Muslim women never felt too shy to ask questions about the teachings of Islam because they were asking about the truth قِّ زۚ حَّق لۡح ٱ نَّق مِل ى ۦِل حۡح تَّق سۡح يَّق لَّق هُ َل لّ وٱلَّق “Allah is not ashamed (to tell you) the truth.” (33:53) • Aishah RA said, “How good are the women of Ansar! Shyness does not prevent them from understanding their religion properly!”
- 22. Sex education in islam قٍ۬ فِل داَّق ءٍ۬ ا مّ منِل قَّق لِل خُ َلٓ بِل لۡح صُّ ٱل نِل يۡح بَّق نۢ ب مِل جُ َل رُ َل خۡح يَّق بِل ِل آرَّق تّ وٱلَّقٮٕ ٓ (Man) is fashioned from a liquid poured out. It issues (as a result) of the conjunction of the sexual area of the man and the sexual area of the woman. Surah At-Tariq 86: 6-7 The sexual area of the man is indicated in the text of the Quran by the world sulb (singular). The sexual areas of the woman are
- 23. Clearly mentioned in Quran and Sunnah • Menstruation and Janaabah • Erotic dreams and female ejaculation • Cleaning one’s private parts and shaving pubic hair • Duration after which a woman can re-marry • Looking physically appealing and provocative for a spouse • Sexual positions • Difference between a man’s and a woman’s fluids • Successive intercourses • Intercourse with more than one wife • Intimacy with a menstruating wife • Supplications before intercourse • Guidelines to fulfill a man’s and a woman’s desire • Etiquettes of intimacy • Reproduction and embroyology • Intimacy during the month of fasting or during hajj • Anal Sex, homosexuality, bestiality, incest, molestation, rape
- 24. It is counted as Charity! The Prophet SAW said, “Do you not see that if he were to act upon his desire in an unlawful manner, he would be deserving of a punishment? Likewise, if he were to act upon it in a lawful manner then he will be deserving of a reward.”
- 25. Introducing kids to sexuality • Is it wise to scare or disgust our children about sexuality? • Do things just work themselves out after marriage? • What are the consequences of not teaching?
- 26. Maryam (PBUH) Modest but not ignorant َودٌ۬ َو لٌَد وٌَد َو ىلِى َونُ كنوُ يٌَد َو ىٰ َي نَّى أٌَد َوبِّ رٌَد َوتۡ ر لٌَد قلاٌَد ٌ۬ر۬ َوٌۖ شٌَد بٌَد َو ىنِى سۡ ر سٌَد مۡ ر يٌَد َومۡ ر لٌَد وٌَد She said: “O my Lord, how shall I have a son while no human has ever touched me?” Surah Al-Imran 3:47
- 27. Enjoin good and forbid evil َومۡ ر هُ ضُ عۡ ر بٌَد َوتُ ـٰ َي نٌَد مِى ؤۡ ر مُ لۡ ر ولٱٌَد َونٌَد ننوُ مِى ؤۡ ر مُ لۡ ر ولٱٌَد َوفِى ٌ۬روُ عۡ ر مٌَد لۡ ر بٱِى َونٌَد ٌ۬روُ مُ أۡ ر يٌَد َوض۬ َوٍۚ عۡ ر بٌَد َوءُ لا يٌَد لِى وۡ ر أٌَدٓ َونٌَد منوُ قيِى يُ وٌَد َوٌ۬رِى كٌَد منُ لۡ ر َو لٱنِى عٌَد َونٌَد نوۡ ر هٌَد نۡ ر يٌَد وٌَد َونٌَد عنوُ طيِى يُ وٌَد َوةٌَد نوٰ َي كٌَد زَّى َو لٱلنٌَد تنوُ ؤۡ ر يُ وٌَد َوةٌَد نوٰ َي لٌَد صَّى لٱل َوكٌَد ِى ـٰ َيٓلٌَد وْ أُ َوۥۤۚ هُ لٌَد سنوُ رٌَد وٌَد َوهٌَد لَّى لٱلٮٕ ٓ َوزٌ زيِى عٌَد َوهٌَد لَّى َو لٱلنَّى إِى َوهُ ۗ ّنِإ لَّى َو لٱلمُ هُ مُ حٌَد ٌ۬رۡ ر يٌَد سٌَد مٌ۬ َو كيِى حٌَد And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin what is just and forbid the
- 28. How to oppose evil? These are the means of opposing evil that were set out by the Prophet SAW: “Whoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand, and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue, and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.”
- 29. Seeking change The Prophet SAW said: “Those people who see some evil and do not oppose it or seek change will shortly all be punished by Allah.”
Editor's Notes
- Nahmaduhu wa nusalli alaa abdihil kareem Audhu billahi minash shaytaanir rajeem, bismillahir rehmaanir rahim We start with the duaa of Musa AS or Moses when he asked Allah SWT to purify his speech and make it beneficial “Rabbi ishrahlee sadree wa yassirlee amree, wahlul aukdattamil lisaanee, yafkahu kawlee” As salaam alaikum wa rehmatullahi wa barakatuhu, Before we start our discussion we would just like to mention that we are not scholars, but we are students of knowledge. We have tried our best to put together information through different research and we hope it is beneficial and we are able to do some justice to the topic. Also I would like to mention that All good is from Allah SWT and any shortcomings are from ourselves as we are humans and open to error. So… Women Empowerment – How would you feel if I say that we do not have to do anything special for women empowerment? Alhamdulillah, (all praise and gratitude belongs to God) Allah has made us naturally empowered. Our power supply is by default loaded and supercharged. All we need to do is just plug in to it.
- It is said about women that – “The hand that rocks the cradle with the right hand, rocks the world with the left” This is so true. We all know that a man might be the head of the family but Women are the neck and the backbone. When we empower a man, we empower one person. When we empower a woman, we empower a whole generation. Strong women raise strong individuals, who make strong societies. There is a whole big Islamic history of successful women who also inspired success in others. Our natural tendency as women is to help and build others but we should realize that unless we build ourselves, we cant really do as much for others as might want to. What happens when a woman and family are not the strongest parts of a society? Can babies grow up to be strong and successful without a mother’s love?
- The first step to empowerment is realizing who we are. How has Allah made us unique and special? We are equal to men, but we are not the same. This is a bit funny but think about this – Why do men and women have different titles? Why aren’t all of us called Mr. or all of us called Mrs.? The clothing styles of men and women are different in all cultures and they have been different in all times. Our body structures and amount of muscle mass we have and our hormonal composition is different. We use different washrooms all over the world. Even our creation was totally different. The first man – Adam AS was created from clay. And he was alone for a long time. He made constant duaa to Allah to get rid of his loneliness. And then one day in his sleep – Hawwaa RA or Eve was created and Adam AS found her when he woke up. Note that Hawwa RA was the result of a lot of dua. Women were created as a beautiful gift to be treasured, to be honoured, to be taken care of, to be empowered. Hawaa RA (Eve) was created from a living material, a rib whereas Adam AS was created from dead matter. No wonder, women have more compassion and mercy in their natural disposition as compared to men. We are meant to be close to heart in all our roles –wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, community worker, professional.
- Men and women are different but equal and complimentary to each other. Just as a day is made up of day and night, electricity is made of two elements working together, human life exists with both of them working together. True empowerment lies in knowing our own and the other person’s worth. Alhamdulillah Allah has made the females highly affectionate, emotional, elegant and tender. He has made us capable of absorbing man’s stiffness and to attract him, provide him psychological refuge and relieve him of his worries. On the other hand, Allah has created man with more physical strength – making him more capable of moving freely in the environment where he lives. And capable of taking care of the women in his care – physically and financially.
- Let us look at some practices by other faith groups or regions that are not endorsed by Islam. Christian: Original sin. All evil is attributed back to Eve Jew: A husband could divorce a wife, but a wife could not divorce her husband. Levirate marriages for women and not for men. India: Inheritance reserved for males. Whole character of women dominated by the males, especially husband Athens: Considered juvenile and in need of guardian throughout life. Barred from conducting any legal proceedings. China: Foot binding that restricted movement
- Roman Civilization: Women could not vote, hold office or serve in military English Common Law made in 12th century said that personal property became property of husband on marriage. Natural law philosophers (17th Century) claimed the inferior status of women was "common sense" and a matter of "nature".
- Baby Girls were thought to be a source of shame. If a baby girl was born, the family felt free to reject the baby and could bury her alive. At complete mercy of their husbands: Husbands indulged freely in intoxicants, gambling and adultery. Many times nudity was enforced upon women to entertain men. They were sometimes even forced to do the tawaf of the kabaa naked. Sole purpose of a woman’s existence was considered to o serve man and to give birth to men who could fight and make their own tribe more superior.
- In the tribal Arab society, the tribe was the most important thing. Marriage was not so important in of itself. It was only important to increase the number of the tribe's members and in turn, its power. Unless a marriage hurt the tribe in one way or another, they didn’t care what kind of marriage you had. Marriage was a flexible, loose institution with no strict, uniformed rules. Marriage by agreement – This was usually an agreement between the man and the woman’s family. If the husband was from another tribe, and the woman went to live with him, then the children of the husband’s tribe would own the children, unless there was a special contract to return the children to the woman’s tribe. If the woman married within the tribe or if she married a stranger who agreed to stay with her family. This way the children stayed within the tribe. These women enjoyed more freedom, and could dismiss their husbands at will. Marriage by capture –In times of war, women were often captured and taken to the slave market and sold into marriage or slavery. In this marriage, the woman followed her husband, and bore children who belonged to him. She became his property and completely lost her freedom. Her husband had absolute authority over her, including the exclusive right to divorce. Marriage by purchase—In this marriage, the woman's family sold her for a price, which usually consisted of camels and horses. This dowry went to the woman’s family and not to the woman herself. The Arabs would not sell their daughters too cheap, and required substantial compensation. It was said for women that "If you cannot find an equal match, the best marriage for them is the grave." Marriage by inheritance – When a husband died, a woman would be inherited by the closest man along with the man’s other property. He could then keep her as a wife, give her away in marriage for a dowry or forbid her from remarriage altogether. Temporary ("Mot'a") marriage – This was a purely personal contract by mutual consent between just the man and woman without any family consent or witnesses. A woman did not leave her home, her people gave up no rights which they had over her, and the children of the marriage did not belong to the husband. This marriage was practiced mostly by strangers and travelers in return for a price that the man paid to the woman. Because of this price, the woman could not dismiss her husband within the time agreed upon. Discreet marriage: In this case, the woman only received occasional visits from the man she loved. The man often belonged to a hostile tribe and visited his lover in secret. These relations were usually well-known and not a cause of shame or punishment for the woman; the secrecy was simply a matter of etiquette. Marriage by exchange was another form of marriage where a man could exchange his wife or daughter for another man's wife or daughter without having to pay a dowry. A man could marry as many wives as he wanted and sometimes even a woman married more than one husband. Wife-lending was a practice whereby husbands allowed their wives to live with "men of distinction" to produce noble offspring. The husband, would stay away from his wife while she lived with another man, but he would be considered father of the child that would be born. In experimental cohabitation, allowed in some tribes, men could live with young women before marriage. If they liked each other, they would enter into a marriage agreement. Otherwise, there was no commitment on either side.
- Today in most parts of the world, we see propagation of “pseudo-empowerment” and a race for unlimited rights. If we only think deeper, it is oppression but with different words and a different presentation. The women are reduced to significant “others” and a mother is replaced with public education systems and day care centres. In this environment, women have two major roles. Either earn or get financial means, or Be especially “beautiful” - no longer a human being but more of a toy to look at, admire and use. Frustrations and disappointments can be heard from women in every area of their life. A woman is married, has children, has a doctorate from top universities and yet she is not happy. Why? She faces discrimination and unfair treatment because she is a woman. She works twice as hard at times, but doesn’t get half as much respect. Her children miss her because she spends long hours at work. Both husband and wife have professional careers, and their relationship is practically non-existent. She is lonely and overworked, working against her own fitrah (natural disposition). On the other hand, as series of relationships go on – women in many cases at very early age are left to be single mothers and raise the families. The father roams around “free” with limited or no day to day responsibilities. A woman in her subsequent relationships is forever torn between her instincts as a mother and as a spouse, leading to more and more emotional strain on her. Children are growing up to a broken sense of family and belonging, all because of disempowerment of women in the name of liberation!
- True Empowerment lies in Islam without any of our cultural baggage. Empowerment for women in Islam is complimentary to the natural strengths and abilities of a woman. It allows her to be successful, while being true to her feminine nature, and be honoured, loved and cherished. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life. The Prophet SAW said: “this world is just temporary conveniences and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.” The strongest component of a Muslim society is a family. And the righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of a Muslim family. Status of a mother is 3 times that of a father. Only women are allowed to wear pure silk and gold ornaments. Great rewards are promised for bringing up female children. The prophet SAW said,” Whoever has three daughters or sisters and takes good care of them will surely enter Paradise.” A criterion of good character is how a husband treats his wife. The Prophet SAW said, “The Best amongst you is the best to his wife.”
- A woman who dies during childbirth is given the status of a martyr. All the discomfort that a woman bears during her periods is considered as a kaffara and her sins are forgiven for it. A man gives mahr to his wife. A woman is not required to support anyone financially. But it doesn’t prohibit them from it or from working either. Financial responsibility in Islam is completely on a man’s shoulders but Islam does not prohibit women from working if she wants to.
- a woman has her own inheritance rights. From a man’s share, he is supposed to support the living expenses of all his dependents. Whereas, whatever money a female inherits is completely her own. A woman has much fewer rules that she has to follow and in a lot of things she is given much more freewill and ease. A woman is encouraged to cover herself and no one has a right to ask her to take off her clothes or veil in public A woman has the right to choose her husband. In fact, she is the first one who is asked for her consent in a marriage ceremony. She also has a right to ask for divorce. A woman has right to seeking knowledge. The first command of Quran that was revealed was IQRA for both men and women. We can go to masjid if we want to and noone must stop us from it, but we don’t have to go if we feel better praying at our home. Even for a jumma. Imagine if it were compulsory for women, how hard would it be?
- Women enjoy several workplace benefits as well. In Saudi Arabia, based on prophetic tradition related to after birth confinement, government’s civil rights grants the mother a fully paid 45 days vacation at least in addition to her annual vacation. A widow is granted 130 fully paid days off for mourning, on the basis of the period appointed for mourning.
- Are rules oppression? Think about this. When the government puts laws regarding speed limits for driving, who does this benefit? If people are granted more freedom to do whatever they please with less and less personal responsibility towards society, each other or even themselves, would we all be happier? If there were no speed limits on any roads, what would the roads be like? Would things be better or worse? When the best lawmaker, Allah SWT who loves us more than our own mothers, who is Al-Hakim – the perfectly wise, Al-Adl – the Just, Al-Malik The Absolute Ruler When He makes rules for us, it is for our own good. We just need to understand better.
- There are many such example, but to take one small example - understanding that hijaab was and is a means of empowerment and not oppression. It is interesting to note that when the legislation of hijaab was revealed not a single woman opposed it. At this same time, whenever women would hear any other Hadeeth from their husbands etc., they would go to the Prophet SAW to confirm and understand the context. But there is no single record of women going to the prophet SAW about the hijaab. Because they understood it as a means of empowerment and not oppression. It is so ironic that the same thing which empowered women is shown as a means of oppression today. Noone could force them to nudity anymore. They had a right to be covered and treated as human beings and not a mode of entertainment and disrespectful lust. There are several examples of amazing women in Islamic history that did not feel weighed down by their hijaab/ niqaab. It protects us from unwanted lust, no one is allowed to objectify us and just as the campaign on Lakeridge Hospital in Oshawa, Canada said - “We don’t care what’s on your head. We care what’s in it!”
- Think about this – does Islam ever teach you to aim low in this duniya? Yes, we should aim for akhirah (Hereafter) and everything in it with deep passion and belief. But we must also aim for this worldly life and ALL the pleasures in it as long as they are not against the commandments of God. Notice in this dua’ we are asking for good in this duniya first and then the akhirah.
- If you have a top end, latest model of Ferrari – do you leave it parked in your garage, or do you fuel it and enjoy the ride? Allah has blessed you and me with Islam. He has also blessed us many unique talents and resources. And as Muslims we have an additional special extraordinary gift of guidance in the form of the Holy Quran and the Hadiths. We must seek knowledge, and as our knowledge increases, we need to make the best use of our abilities. We are all good at something or the other. We must utilize our talents and be leaders in our own fields and help others be the leaders as well. Having ihsaan (doing our best) is our duty. Prophet SAW said: “Allah loves for any of you, that when he does something, to do it well.”
- Islam doesn’t limit us - it liberates us, it empowers us. People used to listen when our mother Aisha RA spoke, it wasn’t about her gender, or her clothing it was about her credentials and her extensive knowledge. She was the primary source of the Hadith and knowledge of sunnah and was the first faqeehah (female jurist) in Islam. Her knowledge and deep understanding were not just respected in matters of religion; she was equally distinguished in poetry, literature, history and medicine. Aisha RA had a curious mind and was always eager to learn. Whenever she heard something she did not know, she would ask about it until she understood it. She was a public speaker and also very eloquent in her speech. When she spoke, she captured the attention of her audience and moved them deeply. Al-Ahnaf ifbn Qays says: “I heard the speeches of Abu Bakr, Umar, Uthmaan, Ali and the khulafa, who came after them but I never heard any speech more eloquent and beautiful than that of Aisha” And there were instances of many other knowledgeable women in the Islamic history. Ibn Sa’d devoted a chapter of At-tabaqaat to reports of hadith mentioned by women. He mentions more than 700 women who reported haidth from the Prophet SAW or from the trusted narrators amongst the Sahabah. Many prominent scholars and imams learnt from these women. Imam al-Hafiz adh-Dhahabi noted in Mizaan al-I’tidaal that “I have never known of any woman who was accused of being untrustworthy or whose hadith was rejected.” Haafiz ibn Asaakir (571 AH) counted over 80 women among his shaykhs and teachers. Egypt, North Africa and Andulasia (Spain) were even more crowded with female scholars.
- Being our best – first step is seeking knowledge A Muslim woman is required to seek knowledge whether it is religious or secular that will be of benefit to her and the family and community around her. She recites the ayaat: rabbi zidnee ilmaa O Lord! Advance me in knowledge (20:114) She hears the hadith : “Seeking knowledge is a duty upon every Muslim.”
- The women of the Ansar went to the Prophet SAW and asked him, “Appoint a special day for us when we can learn from you, for the men have taken all your time and left nothing for us.” He didn’t try to cop out of it, or say ok check with me later or anything. It was almost as if he was waiting for them to ask. He said SAW – “Your time is in the house of so-and-so (one of the women).” So he came to them at that place and taught them there.
- Quran and Hadith teach us about every aspect of our lives. Islam is a holistic way of life and as we all know marriage is referred to as half our deen. Physical relations and intimacy are one of the foundations of a happy marriage and it is no surprise that Islam teaches us about physical intimacy in a lot of detail. Modesty should not prevent us from learning something that has a direct impact on our marriages.
- Quran has several theoretical statements dealing with reproduction, and the practical instructions on the sex life of couples Intimacy in Islam is both a physical as well as a spiritual experience. It is an act of ibadah. Sexual fulfillment in of itself is a beautiful thing, but doing it in the confines of a marriage makes it halal and an act of worship. It is only the misuse and abuse of this desire which is evil. According to Islam, some of our desires are meant to be delayed and experienced in the afterlife, and others are meant to be accepted and experienced in this world. This is what Allah intended for us. Sex is clearly implied in the Quran as a blessing from Allah, to be thoroughly enjoyed by the spouses. Imam al-Ghazali (d. 505) mentions in his famous work The Revival of the Religious Sciences that scholars have mentioned many blessings of intimacy, such as protecting one’s chastity and increasing one’s progeny. But he also mentions a blessing that might surprise many Muslims. One of the blessings of intimacy that our scholars have mentioned, al-Ghazali says, is to experience some of the pleasures of the afterlife. He continues: “And I swear, what they have said is absolutely true! For indeed, in this pleasure [of sex] – a pleasure that cannot be compared to any other pleasure ¬– if only it were to persist, it would indeed be a sign or signal for those pleasures of the next life that have been promised to us. To entice someone regarding a pleasure that he has never experienced is of no use! If an impotent man were to be enticed with sex, or a young child with power, there would be no temptation. Therefore, one of the blessings of the sexual experience and pleasure in this world is the hope of its perpetual existence in the next, so that this can be used as a motivation for the worship of Allah. Marvel, therefore, at the wisdom of Allah, and His Mercy, for look at how He has placed in one desire two lives: an external life, and an internal life. So the external life is the preservation of a man through his progeny and children. And the internal life is the life of the next world. For the pleasure of sex is diminished in this world because it must remain temporary, and is swiftly terminated, but by experiencing it, one’s desire to have such a pleasure remain everlasting becomes firm, and this encourages one to persist in deeds of worship that would allow him to experience such pleasures.” An Verse 6 and 7 of surah 86 (At-Tariq) mention sexual relations. Dr. Maurice Bucaille pondered on the beautiful combination of precision and decency in these ayaat while writing his book The Bible, The Quran and Science.
- There are several topics covered in great detail in both Quran and Hadith. Some of them are: Menstruation and Janaabah Erotic dreams and female ejaculation Cleaning one’s private parts and shaving pubic hair Duration after which a woman can re-marry Looking physically appealing and provocative for a spouse Sexual positions Difference between a man’s and a woman’s fluids Successive intercourses Intercourse with more than one wife Intimacy with a menstruating wife Supplications before intercourse Guidelines to fulfill a man’s and a woman’s desire Etiquettes of intimacy Reproduction and embroyology Intimacy during the month of fasting or during hajj Anal Sex, homosexuality, bestiality, incest, molestation, rape
- Muhajireen complained to the Prophet SAW that they did not have enough to give in sadaqah like the Ansar. He replied that charity does not have to be in the form of money. He listed among the types of charity – praising Allah, the removal of harm, smiling and having sexual relations with one’s spouse. The Sahabas were shocked and they asked how could the act of someone satisfying their carnal desire be rewarded. The Prophet SAW said, “Do you not see that if he were to act upon his desire in an unlawful manner, he would be deserving of a punishment? Likewise, if he were to act upon it in a lawful manner then he will be deserving of a reward.” As we know, any halal act can be rewarded with the right intention and frame of mind. One can approach the act of intimacy with three types of intention: To satisfy one’s own desire in a halal manner To satisfy the desires of a spouse, especially if one is not interested at the time To procreate and bear righteous children for the Ummah Alhamdulillah (praise and gratitude to Allah) for the blessing of Islam.
- Sometimes to prevent infidelity, some of us scare or disgust our children about sexuality. Or we limit their education about sexuality. And we just think that after they get married, things will just work themselves out. Psychologically this can be very damaging. Two things might happen as a result of that: One - Either the child gets overly experimenting and others might take advantage of their being naïve Or secondly - their mind and body get disconnected by suppressing their natural desires. As parents, we need to get over our natural discomfort and follow the sunnah of Prophet Muhammad SAW and teach our children in a healthy, non-vulgar, decent but direct and frank way. He taught both men and women about these matters. The homes of our mothers were places where women would come and learn about anything and everything that impacted their lives. Let us educate and empower ourselves and our children with correct and strong knowledge of every field including physical intimacy through Quran and Sunnah!
- Maryam, PBUH, (Mary) the mother of Isa AS (Jesus) When Gibreel came to her and said that – “O Maryam, Allah gives you the good news of a Word from Him whose name is Isa, the son of Maryam ….” she replied: O My Lord, how shall I have a son when no human has ever touched me?” We must understand that she was modest but not ignorant or naïve. We should strive to be well informed, empowered and productive. Moral and modest does not mean backward, oppressed, naïve or under-confident.
- And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin what is just and forbid the evil, and they observe regular prayers, practise regular charity, and obey Allah and His Messenger. On them will Allah pour His mercy. Certainly, Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise (Surah Tawba 9:71)
- These are the means of opposing evil that were set out by the Prophet SAW: “Whoever of you sees an evil action, let him change it with his hand, and if he is not able to do so, then with his tongue, and if he is not able to do so, then with his heart – and that is the weakest of faith.”
- The Prophet SAW said: “Those people who see some evil and do not oppose it or seek change will shortly all be punished by Allah.”
- The most natural and highest degree of empowerment in all fields is available to us already through Islam – whether it is in matters of everyday living or highly sensitive matters like sexuality or opposing the evil practices of the society around us. Let us plug in to our power that Allah SWT has blessed us with. Seek to have beneficial knowledge, enjoin good and forbid evil.
- JazakAllahu Khairun We thank all of you for inviting us and giving us the opportunity to share our thoughts with you.
- This presentation has been prepared for Aafreen which is an initiative of Workshops and Seminars for dynamic believing ladies - for personal, professional and spiritual development. Aafreen is a part of different initiatives for girls and women of all ages. To find out more visit - www.beingagirl.rocks.