When in trouble, people ask "Why me?" They feel such things keep happening to them every time. They feel that they are the victims of the destiny. They start cribbing, wallowing in self-pity and at times cursing and swearing. This takes them down a negative spiral. This line of thoughts itself is wrong. What is fundamentally wrong with this approach? Can we recover from this?. This article is all about that. What is the malady and what is the remedy.

1. WHY ME?
R.GOPINATH

2. WHY ME?
R.GOPINATH
gopinathr@go-past.com
I met a person at a meeting recently, and he was telling
me that he missed his promotion recently. He said that
the person who was promoted instead of him does not
deserve that promotion, just because he belongs to a
particular group which is a favourite of his boss, he got
rewarded. He told me that every time it happens to
him like this. He was spewing venom on the systems, fellow workers and the whole organisation. He has gone
into a negative spiral altogether.
His missing promotion is sad, but what worried me was
his state of mind. He has mentally structured himself as
a helpless victim of the destiny.
A “poor me” attitude, which magnifies all the mistakes
around.
That incident triggered me to write this article. “Why
me?”

3. Look at the following 8 samples:
1.During the days of suffering, we ask God “Why me?” “Why is this always happening to me?”
2.When a person suffers loss in stock market he asks “Why me?”
3.When someone has a stomachache he asks “Why me?” “Why is this always happening to me,
every time we have a festival this happens to me.”
4.When a teacher is strict in evaluating the papers and the student fails asks “Why this teacher
was given to correct my papers?”
5.When someone had made a wrong choice in Kaun banega crorepati (who wants to become
a millionaire?) “Why this question was put up to me?”
6.When we find out the dress we bought for wearing to a party, has a stain in it we ask “Why
is this always happening to me?”
7.There is dent made on our car parked on roadside, “Why my car?”
8.We applied for a good course, we got selected and then we find that the college is not having
good teachers, then “Why does this happen to me? I had other options, i could gone there,
why did i get into this. Why such things are always happening to me?”
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4. When we were blessed to be born to good parents, we did not ask “Why me?” There are children born in prisons to parents who are undergoing sentences. But we were blessed with
good parents. There are children who have been neglected by their parents for want of money
or just apathy, but we had the kind support of our parents. There were there at every corner,
they held us up whenever we fell down. They paid our school fees, even if they had to do their
overtimes to earn that money.
Compared to this gift, what is any of the above (8 samples)?
We are born in countries where is there is no war. By and large there is good supply of electricity, internet links, good medical facilities. Whereas there are places where people die everyday to live. No education. Subject to pain most of the times. Epidemics take away near and dear
at a regular frequency. But we are provided with metros, airports, employments, parks and multiplexes.
Compared to this gift of having born in a great country, what is any one of the above (8 samples)?
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5. We have been blessed with good families. good spouse and good children. Whereas there are
people who have been exploited in relationships. They have lost their money, peace and happiness because of such partners. Compared to this gift of having a loving spouse, and children
who give us happiness through each of their childly acts, what is any of the above (8 samples)?
We are enjoying reasonably good health. We are able to move around, see beauties, hear melodies, touch feel the velvets. Whereas in the world there are many who can not do these. Some
others have even cognitive setbacks. Compared to this gift of reasonably good physical and
mental health what is any of the above (8 samples)?
I can keep on adding to this list of gifts which are multiple times bigger than the problems that
we are currently facing (8 samples).
Look at the lamenting on these problems “every time it happens to me, me only”. First of all it
does not happen every time. Every time is a gross exaggeration and secondly it happens to me
only is a false statement. Such things do happen to many others.But you would find in the
world people do lament like any of the above 8 samples or even many more varieties of the
same samples.
What is the remedy? First let us diagnose what is the ailment and then let us decide the remedy.
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6. Diagnosis:
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7. Diagnosis:
The ailment is the word “me”. “Me” implies self-centred approach. It operates on a paradigm
that it is the duty of the whole world to keep me happy. It is the duty of God to provide me
the best. I have shown great mercy on this country by having born here, therefore the country
should provide me the best, nothing but the best. Taking from this world gives me happiness
and when i do not get to take, then i become sad. When i am sad i start cribbing, wallowing in
self-pity. I curse and swear and i make my environment toxic. As a sequel to this, we loose confidence, we loose the courage to steer out the problem and the whole world seems to be
scheming against us and that we are in a hopeless situation. We feel cheated and deceived. This
paradigm of taking from the world is the cause of all these maladies. Self-centredness creates
this paradigm
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8. The remedy:
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9. The remedy:
Let us reverse this paradigm. Let us think, that, we have come into this world to make it a better place.
We are born in this country to make it stronger economically and politically. We are born in
this world as a human to make the natural resources flourish.
We are born in this family to make it happier and prouder with our achievements.
We got to join this profession to help millions live happily.
We got to become a doctor to wipe out pain and suffering due to illness in this world.
We got to become an engineer to build houses that will house millions on this world that they
feel secure here.
We got to become a financial advisor so that millions will get a happy retired life, their families
are protected from the untimely demise of the bread winner.
We got to become a teacher, so that millions will gain wisdom that will turn this world into
conglomerate of universities.
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10. We got to become a politician, so that millions will be provided with all the infrastructure they
require, their rights are protected they feel safe and at liberty to contribute that over a period
of few years, Gods will shun their abode of heaven and start living on this planet Earth.
Giving to this world makes us happy, and in doing so we become happy, we
feel secure, we get excited, we feel grateful to others around.
And only to do all this i have got the gifts of good parents, great country, wise teachers, good
education, good physical and mental health, loving spouse, supportive friends, natural resources
like air, water, minerals, fire, scenic beauties around, all of this are not available to many others
in this world. It as an act of kindness of God that i got blessed with so many gifts.
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11. A Short term remedy:
I would also suggest a short-term remedy, in the form of diversion. We can divert our thoughts
from that of our miseries on some other thing that is of interest to us. Say for example Music,
Movie, Drama, Books, Events.
We can even divert our thoughts by simply fantasising on Success, Glory, Wealth, Romance, Accomplishments or conquering the problem that we are presently facing.
For example, the person who missed promotion, can fantasise on getting
double promotion and becoming a boss of the person who got promoted
in his place. Fantasising getting a big client account and the management is
so happy that they give him double promotion, increased salaries and a lot
of other perquisites.
But mind you these are short-term temporary remedies. They are useful to stop a person going down that negative spiral. But a permanent remedy is as what i had suggested above is a reversal of the paradigm from that of taking to that of giving from that of “Me” to that of “Others around”.
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