This document discusses grief and loss counseling. It describes grief as the natural emotional response to loss and outlines the typical grief cycle of denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The grief cycle is not linear and people may experience phases in different orders or multiple times. The document also provides guidance for chaplains in responding to the grieving, such as being present through visits or calls, encouraging talking about the loss, allowing people to work through grief at their own pace, and focusing on the present during early grief.

1. ATH 624 GRIEF & LOSS COUNSELING
Slides for week 11

2. Working with the Grieving
• What is Grief?
• Mental suffering, anguish or distress
arising from trauma associated with
affliction and/or loss
• Grief is the natural emotional
response to loss.

3. Working with the Grieving
• Who is Susceptible to Grief?
• All people have Experienced Loss
• Grief may result from one’s,
o Perception of Loss
o Feeling of “not being able to fix the problem.”
o Believing that life will never be the same again.
o Feeling of “My world has changed forever.”
• To be helpful, the chaplain must be in touch with
his/her own personal grief.

4. The Grief Cycle
Dr. Elisabeth Kubler
Ross

5. The Grief Cycle
Denial
• Acceptance
Anger
Depression
Bargaining

6. The Grief Cycle
• There is no set order in this grief cycle
• People enter at one point and go back and
forth between the phases at random
• Someone may experience a phase more than
once
• Not everyone will experience all phases
• There is a danger when one gets ‘stuck’ in
one of the stages of the grief cycle

7. The Dynamics of Grief
• Denial: One seeks to deny the
loss as a way of stopping the pain.
Other feelings include,
oShock
oNumbness

8. The Dynamics of Grief
•Anger: One
becomes angry at the
one perceived to have
caused the loss,
oGod
oClergy
oOther
•Other Feelings,
•Guilt Remorse
•Loss of Identity Resentment
•Yearning Despair
•Anxiety Emptiness
•Loneliness Panic
•Helplessness Apathy
•Hopelessness

9. The Dynamics of Grief
• Bargaining: One bargains with God to restore
the situation to the way it was before the loss.
• Depression: One experiences extreme sadness,
withdraws and prefers not to talk to others.

10. The Dynamics of Grief
• Acceptance: One begins to,
o Accept a new normal for his/her life
o Put life back together, minus the loss
o Making decisions & coping with new reality
o Learning new ways of satisfying needs
o Saying good-bye
o Reinvesting life energy in other relationships
o Put meaning of loss in larger context (i.e. applying personal
faith, learning from loss & reframing into positive)
o Reaching out to help others who grieve

11. Chaplain’s Response to the Grieving
• Ministry of Presence: Be There or Telephone
• Make Early, Frequent & Brief Contacts
• Encourage Involvement in making Short-Term
Plans
• Encourage Talking about the Loss
• Children Grieve too; Include/Comfort
• Discourage Chemical Use (unless meds)

12. Chaplain’s Response to the Grieving
• Don’t rush people; give time to work it through
• Allow for strategic withdrawal
• Help where there is legitimate dependency
• Focus on “here and now” in the early days of
grief
• Try to understand grief feelings rather than being
annoyed by them

13. Chaplain’s Response to the Grieving
• Allow for Individual Differences
• Actualize the Sickness or Death
• Listen
• Laugh
• Touch appropriately
• Remember - Most Grief Happens Later
• Stay in touch (don’t wear out welcome)
• Encourage Reminiscing

14. Chaplain’s Response to the Grieving
• Encourage and Accept Feelings
• Encourage Activity/Getting out/Socializing
• Help the person Know What to Expect
• Encourage Helping Others who Grieve
• Encourage Family Communication
• Show your Own Feelings
• Show Empathy (avoid pity)
• Avoid Small Talk

15. Chaplain’s Response to the Grieving
• Encourage Written Notes that Remember the
Loved One
• Encourage Postponement of Major Decisions
• Encourage Others to Visit