The document discusses ways to have a healthier, happier marriage by addressing passive aggression and underlying unmet needs. It notes that passive aggression often stems from frustration over needs for connection and esteem going unmet over long periods. Meeting these basic human needs through open communication and understanding between partners is important to avoid resentment and conflict. The document also examines how boys learn about their needs from their mothers but later struggle with dependence versus independence, resulting in difficulties expressing needs to partners and having them met in adult relationships. Addressing these root causes can help reduce passive aggression and improve intimacy between spouses.
We are all broken in some way. How we respond to our brokenness depends upon good fortune and the beliefs we develop. In our everyday life, we seek meaning, connection, fulfillment, and love. This seeking is built into our DNA and is necessary for our survival in infancy. Throughout our lives, seeking and its fulfillment give meaning to our lives. In this article, I discuss these ideas and illustrate them with examples from my personal life and from my research on resilience and the meanings of violence to perpetrators. I conclude with reflections on beliefs and spiritual longing.
(1) From an external orientation to an internal orientation
(2) Deconstruction of the false beliefs and stories we hold
(3) Feel to heal
(4) Accept our humanness
(5) Integrate our shadows (the parts we disowned)
(6) Be supported by relationships
And a list of day-to-day things we may want to do more of and less of to live a better life!
We are all broken in some way. How we respond to our brokenness depends upon good fortune and the beliefs we develop. In our everyday life, we seek meaning, connection, fulfillment, and love. This seeking is built into our DNA and is necessary for our survival in infancy. Throughout our lives, seeking and its fulfillment give meaning to our lives. In this article, I discuss these ideas and illustrate them with examples from my personal life and from my research on resilience and the meanings of violence to perpetrators. I conclude with reflections on beliefs and spiritual longing.
(1) From an external orientation to an internal orientation
(2) Deconstruction of the false beliefs and stories we hold
(3) Feel to heal
(4) Accept our humanness
(5) Integrate our shadows (the parts we disowned)
(6) Be supported by relationships
And a list of day-to-day things we may want to do more of and less of to live a better life!
Marriage & You: Reasons behind broken marriages & how to resolve themPratima Sharma
In this presentation I’ve covered some of the most common issues that lead to conflicts between couples and how to resolve them. The reasons behind broken marriages are class & religion agnostic. I've observed these over 4 decades of service in Delhi Police.
Some of these might seem obvious to you at first but once you reflect back on your personal issues, you will notice traces of similar instances. More often than not, it’s the cumulative effect of these issues that result in differences and eventually, a fall out between husband and wife.
21 Warning Signs of Unhealthy Intimate RelationshipMoshe Ratson
Here are 21 warning signs of unhealthy dynamics in intimate relationships that can’t be ignored. It is not easy to accept the difficulties in your relationship, but the sooner you face reality, the sooner you can move forward and build healthy fulfilling and lasting relationship.
This workshop will engage practitioners, educators, and researchers in exploring regional differences in adolescent romantic relationship characteristics, youth reflections on what they would like from programs including instruction on romantic relationships, and developmental neuroscience principles that can be used to help strengthen the application of relationships content in sexual health programming. Addressing romantic relationships embodies an adolescent development approach that is more holistic than focusing only on preventing sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy. Participants will have an opportunity for practical application by designing innovative strategies that can be incorporated into their programs.
TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY UNDERSTANDING YOUR FOSTER AND/OR ADOPTED CHILDJeanette Yoffe
Developed by Jeanette Yoffe, M.F.T. for Parents and Professionals as well as Adoptees and Foster Youth to educate about the emotional, psychological lifelong special needs for this population.
Determine The Right People You Meet And Get More Out Of Those Already With You.
Human relationships are an enormous source of learning and growth. Our biggest rewards in life develop there, as do our most intriguing problems. Relationships may be complicated and perplexing at times, but as you'll soon learn reality, affection, and might bring an elegant simplicity to the picture, helping us build witting, loving associations. We have an assortment of intimate relationship openings to pick from. A few individuals prefer to be totally monogamous, opting for one romantic partner till ultimately separated by dying. Other people choose serial monogamy, going through an assortment of mates in succession.
Let's start with a basic appraisal of your present circumstances. What do your senses tell you? What's the reality? How do you feel about your present relationships? Are you pleased or disgruntled? Do you feel connected to the individuals around you, or are you unplugged and lonesome? Are your relationships based in reality, or have they been tainted by untruth? Do the individuals in your life understand you for who you are, or do you merely reveal a piece of your real self? Do your relationships empower or dis-empower you? Do you have what you wish, or is something still missing? Is your current lover sexually obsessed with you and only has eyes for you?
HOW TO STOP YOUR DEPRESSION NOW RECLAIM YOURSELF AND LIVE AGAINEngr.johnson olumide
Depression is treatable, just like high blood pressure, diabetes, and an ulcer. It is simply a matter of reaching out for help, getting the right medication, and following directions. At the very least, 30% of the American population suffer from a depression. The economic cost is out of sight but the cost in suffering for those who are depressed can never really be counted.
My stories and writings in this book aim to accomplish a few things:
Understanding the theory behind loneliness to better understand yourself Understanding the feelings associated with loneliness
Developing a healthy feeling of love to help you overcome problems
Practical steps to break the lonely cycle
Replace the feeling of loneliness with healthy thoughts
Click the link to see more advise.
Dealing with loneliness (An Open Invitation to life, love and true companions...AvneetKumarSingla
This Book is an attempt to remove loneliness in life.
Description
Why I Wrote This Book 5
All Alone! 6
Crowded Yet Isolated 8
Emotional Pain In A Loveless World 9
Love – The Verb, Not The Feeling 10
Learning How To Love 11
The Laws Of Attraction 13
Practical Steps For Dealing With Loneliness 15
Breaking The Destructive Cycle 17
Finding Our Purpose In The Wilderness 19
Life Still Has Meaning 20
The Choose Respect Healthy Relationships Final Assessment includes Notes on the Materials used in the Choose Respect unit. The goal of the final task is to demonstrate understanding by answering five questions about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. Students have a choice of presenting this information in any of the following formats:
1. A booklet ("Choose Respect")
2. An advice column ("Dear Teens"), or
3. An essay ("Healthy Relationships").
Learn the basics of addiction and how you can help yourself naturally.
This video is not a substitute for healthcare professional advice. please view full disclaimer at www.lifeshareuniversity.com
An Open Invitation To Life, Love And True Companionship! Everyone in the world has felt this emotion one time or another. Especially in these times rapid technological growth the feeling of loneliness is rapidly increasing.
Loneliness is an emotional state where people experience a disconnection from others as well as a deep feeling of emptiness, which renders their present company around them meaningless. Here's a quick and easy guide to tackling this problem and is a must read for all.
Marriage & You: Reasons behind broken marriages & how to resolve themPratima Sharma
In this presentation I’ve covered some of the most common issues that lead to conflicts between couples and how to resolve them. The reasons behind broken marriages are class & religion agnostic. I've observed these over 4 decades of service in Delhi Police.
Some of these might seem obvious to you at first but once you reflect back on your personal issues, you will notice traces of similar instances. More often than not, it’s the cumulative effect of these issues that result in differences and eventually, a fall out between husband and wife.
21 Warning Signs of Unhealthy Intimate RelationshipMoshe Ratson
Here are 21 warning signs of unhealthy dynamics in intimate relationships that can’t be ignored. It is not easy to accept the difficulties in your relationship, but the sooner you face reality, the sooner you can move forward and build healthy fulfilling and lasting relationship.
This workshop will engage practitioners, educators, and researchers in exploring regional differences in adolescent romantic relationship characteristics, youth reflections on what they would like from programs including instruction on romantic relationships, and developmental neuroscience principles that can be used to help strengthen the application of relationships content in sexual health programming. Addressing romantic relationships embodies an adolescent development approach that is more holistic than focusing only on preventing sexually transmitted disease or pregnancy. Participants will have an opportunity for practical application by designing innovative strategies that can be incorporated into their programs.
TRULY, MADLY, DEEPLY UNDERSTANDING YOUR FOSTER AND/OR ADOPTED CHILDJeanette Yoffe
Developed by Jeanette Yoffe, M.F.T. for Parents and Professionals as well as Adoptees and Foster Youth to educate about the emotional, psychological lifelong special needs for this population.
Determine The Right People You Meet And Get More Out Of Those Already With You.
Human relationships are an enormous source of learning and growth. Our biggest rewards in life develop there, as do our most intriguing problems. Relationships may be complicated and perplexing at times, but as you'll soon learn reality, affection, and might bring an elegant simplicity to the picture, helping us build witting, loving associations. We have an assortment of intimate relationship openings to pick from. A few individuals prefer to be totally monogamous, opting for one romantic partner till ultimately separated by dying. Other people choose serial monogamy, going through an assortment of mates in succession.
Let's start with a basic appraisal of your present circumstances. What do your senses tell you? What's the reality? How do you feel about your present relationships? Are you pleased or disgruntled? Do you feel connected to the individuals around you, or are you unplugged and lonesome? Are your relationships based in reality, or have they been tainted by untruth? Do the individuals in your life understand you for who you are, or do you merely reveal a piece of your real self? Do your relationships empower or dis-empower you? Do you have what you wish, or is something still missing? Is your current lover sexually obsessed with you and only has eyes for you?
HOW TO STOP YOUR DEPRESSION NOW RECLAIM YOURSELF AND LIVE AGAINEngr.johnson olumide
Depression is treatable, just like high blood pressure, diabetes, and an ulcer. It is simply a matter of reaching out for help, getting the right medication, and following directions. At the very least, 30% of the American population suffer from a depression. The economic cost is out of sight but the cost in suffering for those who are depressed can never really be counted.
My stories and writings in this book aim to accomplish a few things:
Understanding the theory behind loneliness to better understand yourself Understanding the feelings associated with loneliness
Developing a healthy feeling of love to help you overcome problems
Practical steps to break the lonely cycle
Replace the feeling of loneliness with healthy thoughts
Click the link to see more advise.
Dealing with loneliness (An Open Invitation to life, love and true companions...AvneetKumarSingla
This Book is an attempt to remove loneliness in life.
Description
Why I Wrote This Book 5
All Alone! 6
Crowded Yet Isolated 8
Emotional Pain In A Loveless World 9
Love – The Verb, Not The Feeling 10
Learning How To Love 11
The Laws Of Attraction 13
Practical Steps For Dealing With Loneliness 15
Breaking The Destructive Cycle 17
Finding Our Purpose In The Wilderness 19
Life Still Has Meaning 20
The Choose Respect Healthy Relationships Final Assessment includes Notes on the Materials used in the Choose Respect unit. The goal of the final task is to demonstrate understanding by answering five questions about healthy vs. unhealthy relationships. Students have a choice of presenting this information in any of the following formats:
1. A booklet ("Choose Respect")
2. An advice column ("Dear Teens"), or
3. An essay ("Healthy Relationships").
Learn the basics of addiction and how you can help yourself naturally.
This video is not a substitute for healthcare professional advice. please view full disclaimer at www.lifeshareuniversity.com
An Open Invitation To Life, Love And True Companionship! Everyone in the world has felt this emotion one time or another. Especially in these times rapid technological growth the feeling of loneliness is rapidly increasing.
Loneliness is an emotional state where people experience a disconnection from others as well as a deep feeling of emptiness, which renders their present company around them meaningless. Here's a quick and easy guide to tackling this problem and is a must read for all.
True love is something that can happen no matter the circumstances of the situation. Whether you are a poor beggar boy chasing after the heart of a princess, a chivalrous and courageous Knight immensely in love with the queen that you’ve vowed protection to, or whether your families are hated enemies of one another, it is possible for love to take root and blossom.
Save your marriage and stay connected forever with your partner. Know the basics of keeping your marriage intact. Enjoy life with your partner and not without it. God Bless.....
Are you interested in stopping addiction to sex? Here, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Dorothy Hayden, teaches you how to do a cost/benefit anaylsis before you begin counseling for any type of sex addiction (including porn addiction). Based on a SMART Recovery technique, a CBA is an essential part of change. Continue reading here to get prepared for your first counseling session, and address your questions about sex addiction at the end.
In this video, we're going to unveil the dark reality of emotional and covert incest. This is a topic that is taboo, but it needs to be talked about.
As a society, we need to start addressing this issue head on. There are people out there who are suffering due to the secrecy and emotional manipulation that is perpetuated in relationships with an incestuous nature. In this video, I'm going to share my story and the story of some of the victims of emotional and covert incest.
Let's start the conversation about emotional and covert incest and help victims of this situation find the courage they need to come forward and seek help.
In this video, we're going to unveil the dark reality of emotional and covert incest. This is a topic that is taboo, but it needs to be talked about.
As a society, we need to start addressing this issue head on. There are people out there who are suffering due to the secrecy and emotional manipulation that is perpetuated in relationships with an incestuous nature. In this video, I'm going to share my story and the story of some of the victims of emotional and covert incest.
Let's start the conversation about emotional and covert incest and help victims of this situation find the courage they need to come forward and seek help.
Through downloading this report, you are taking the first step in beginning to move out of relationship pain. I know it‟s not easy for some people to reach out for support or help, so if that seems like you, know that you are taking a pro-active attitude towards creating the type of relationship you want.
La violencia domestica es la herramienta que mantiene a la mujer sumisa a la dominacion del varon. Aqui se examina el rol de la humillacion de la mujer en los ritos que fuerzan a la mujer a su dependencia e inferioridad del hombre.
Las partes que acuden a la mediacion tienen emociones generadas por el estilo de apego recibido en la ninez. Identificar y manejar esas emociones facilita la tarea del mediador.
WORKSHOP:
Dinámicas de la Humillación y Diálogos Restauradores de Dignidad: un encuentro para la paz social. Instituto Internacional de Sociología Jurídica de Oñate, España
10 y 11 de Abril, 2008
Nora Femenia y Nilda Susana Gorvein
Es posible usar mediacion en casos donde el imbalance entre partes es muy grande? por ejemplo: mediacion entre el banco y el deudor? Aca mostramos un camino.
Have you ever wondered about the lost city of Atlantis and its profound connection to our modern world? Ruth Elisabeth Hancock’s podcast, “Visions of Atlantis,” delves deep into this intriguing topic in a captivating conversation with Michael Le Flem, author of the enlightening book titled “Visions of Atlantis.” This podcast episode offers a thought-provoking blend of historical inquiry, esoteric wisdom, and contemporary reflections. Let’s embark on a journey of discovery as we unpack the mysteries of ancient civilizations and their relevance to our present existence.
Care Instructions for Activewear & Swim Suits.pdfsundazesurf80
SunDaze Surf offers top swimwear tips: choose high-quality, UV-protective fabrics to shield your skin. Opt for secure fits that withstand waves and active movement. Bright colors enhance visibility, while adjustable straps ensure comfort. Prioritize styles with good support, like racerbacks or underwire tops, for active beach days. Always rinse swimwear after use to maintain fabric integrity.
From Stress to Success How Oakland's Corporate Wellness Programs are Cultivat...Kitchen on Fire
Discover how Oakland's innovative corporate wellness initiatives are transforming workplace culture, nurturing the well-being of employees, and fostering a thriving environment. From comprehensive mental health support to flexible work arrangements and holistic wellness workshops, these programs are empowering individuals to navigate stress effectively, leading to increased productivity, satisfaction, and overall success.
La transidentité, un sujet qui fractionne les FrançaisIpsos France
Ipsos, l’une des principales sociétés mondiales d’études de marché dévoile les résultats de son étude Ipsos Global Advisor “Pride 2024”. De ses débuts aux Etats-Unis et désormais dans de très nombreux pays, le mois de juin est traditionnellement consacré aux « Marches des Fiertés » et à des événements festifs autour du concept de Pride. A cette occasion, Ipsos a réalisé une enquête dans vingt-six pays dressant plusieurs constats. Les clivages des opinions entre générations s’accentuent tandis que le soutien à des mesures sociétales et d’inclusion en faveur des LGBT+ notamment transgenres continue de s’effriter.
Is your favorite ring slipping and sliding on your finger? You're not alone. Must Read this Guide on What To Do If Your Ring Is Too Big as shared by the experts of Andrews Jewelers.
MRS PUNE 2024 - WINNER AMRUTHAA UTTAM JAGDHANEDK PAGEANT
Amruthaa Uttam Jagdhane, a stunning woman from Pune, has won the esteemed title of Mrs. India 2024, which is given out by the Dk Exhibition. Her journey to this prestigious accomplishment is a confirmation of her faithful assurance, extraordinary gifts, and profound commitment to enabling women.
Johnny Depp Long Hair: A Signature Look Through the Yearsgreendigital
Johnny Depp, synonymous with eclectic roles and unparalleled acting prowess. has also been a significant figure in fashion and style. Johnny Depp long hair is a distinctive trademark among the various elements that define his unique persona. This article delves into the evolution, impact. and cultural significance of Johnny Depp long hair. exploring how it has contributed to his iconic status.
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Introduction
Johnny Depp is an actor known for his chameleon-like ability to transform into a wide range of characters. from the eccentric Captain Jack Sparrow in "Pirates of the Caribbean" to the introspective Edward Scissorhands. His long hair is one constant throughout his evolving roles and public appearances. Johnny Depp long hair is not a style choice but a significant aspect of his identity. contributing to his allure and mystique. This article explores the journey and significance of Johnny Depp long hair. highlighting how it has become integral to his brand.
The Early Years: A Budding Star with Signature Locks
1980s: The Rise of a Young Heartthrob
Johnny Depp's journey in Hollywood began in the 1980s. with his breakout role in the television series "21 Jump Street." During this time, his hair was short, but it was already clear that Depp had a penchant for unique and edgy styles. By the decade's end, Depp started experimenting with longer hair. setting the stage for a lifelong signature.
1990s: From Heartthrob to Icon
The 1990s were transformative for Johnny Depp his career and personal style. Films like "Edward Scissorhands" (1990) and "Benny & Joon" (1993) saw Depp sporting various hair lengths and styles. But, his long, unkempt hair in "What's Eating Gilbert Grape" (1993) began to draw significant attention. This period marked the beginning of Johnny Depp long hair. which became a defining feature of his image.
The Iconic Roles: Hair as a Character Element
Edward Scissorhands (1990)
In "Edward Scissorhands," Johnny Depp's character had a wild and mane that complemented his ethereal and misunderstood persona. This role showcased how long hair Johnny Depp could enhance a character's depth and mystery.
Captain Jack Sparrow: The Pirate with Flowing Locks
One of Johnny Depp's iconic roles is Captain Jack Sparrow from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" series. Sparrow's long, dreadlocked hair symbolised his rebellious and unpredictable nature. The character's look, complete with beads and trinkets woven into his hair. was a collaboration between Depp and the film's costume designers. This style became iconic and influenced fashion trends and Halloween costumes worldwide.
Other Memorable Characters
Depp's long hair has also been featured in other roles, such as Ichabod Crane in "Sleepy Hollow" (1999). and Roux in "Chocolat" (2000). In these films, his hair added a layer of authenticity and depth to his characters. proving that Johnny Depp with long hair is more than a style—it's a storytelling tool.
Off-Screen Influenc
2. 1.- Is passive aggression the hidden hurt in your
relationship?
Some households are not as happy as they could be. There is con ict on
various emotional, verbal, perhaps physical levels. What behavior is
causing these con icts? Perhaps you think of yourself as the normal one,
but your partner often complains about you, and you often thinkabout her
as overlydramatic and emotional.
It’s understandablethat thesefights put you off. You maysit and listen but
in your head you are wondering how much longer this ght will take, and
you may ask yourself, "Why am I still letting myself stay in this situation,
whereI'm not wanted?"
What if there's more here than meets the eye? What if it's not that she
doesn't want you, but that she's trying to make you understand something
important, something that may either save or break the marriage? Is she
worth staying and finding out for?
The common law of physics is that every action has an equal and
opposition reaction. The same is true of relationships. Your wife’s reaction
to you has been caused byan action that you did somewhere along the line
to her, and theother wayaround is also true.
Do you usuallysayto yourself “What I am doing here” when things get bad?
If your wife becomes loud and de ant or demands apologies from you, do
you feel that shehas no right to speakto you that way?
HOW TO HAVE AHEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE
3. HOW TOHAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER
MARRIAGE
Are you often impatient to get the conversation over with so that you can
do what you think is best for both of you? Does your wife often say that
you don’t understand her, that you don’t careabout her feelings?
All of these things contribute to the widening gap between you and your
wife. The days when the two of you could have arelaxing, enjoyable time at
hometogether arefading.
Howabout answering this: what is reallycausing this gap between the two
of you? Whyareyou drifting further apart? What is at stake?
Listen:
"For a long time, I was avoiding confrontation with my wife. She was so
aggressive in telling me everything I did wrong that it made me feel like
I’m not good enough for anything. Who wants to listen to that? Every ght
we were in made me feel more isolated, more unwanted, more of a
disappointment to her.
I found myself wishing she wouldn’t get so angry. I wished she could
lovingly tell me that I hurt her, that she would know for sure that I didn’t
mean any harm. I wished that she could show me that I hurt her in a way
that mademewant to changemybehavior. Instead, shesaid it in awaythat
made me rationalize my behavior & protect myself from her vocal
disappointment.
It’s different now.
HOW TO HAVE AHEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE
4. HOW TOHAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER
MARRIAGE
One night I was by myself, going over our ght in my head, and I did a
search on “passive aggressive.” This is what she was always calling me, and
it was driving me crazy! I found this site, and instead of explaining to me
why I should believe my wife, this little test was there to say: “Find out by
yourself.”
I was amazed at how everything changed after that. Suddenly, a
personalized solution for us as a couple was in our hands. For years, I’ve
been silentlystruggling to nd awayof living that makes us both feel safe
and securein therelationship; not in danger of losing each other, as I used
to feel.
I’m learning now how to react di erently to her needs, and home feels
safer and happier becauseof it."
2.- Human Needs Frustration At The Root of Passive
Aggression
Let’s recover a bit of human needs theory:
We all human beings have vital needs that demand the cooperation of
others to satisfy. Without the help of others we cannot survive, develop
and growinto independent adults.
Through the vehicle of necessaryinterpersonal relationships, these human
needs are expressed and satis ed. Of course, sex and love are important
part of those needs. In this graphic you can see the needs and how they
build up on each other…
HOW TO HAVE AHEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE
5. HOW TOHAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER
MARRIAGE
Humans at birth have a family, so we can at the same time survive
helplessness in childhood and feel important and loved by parents and
relatives. This is the basic attachment necessary to grow up feeling loved
and connected with others later.
We knowthat attachments are important because the connection between
attachment and actual behavior is backed bysolid psychological research.
Why the connection with others, including future sexual companions, is
important? because growth as an adult person needs the interchange of
actions and messages between other people in our lives to cover all the
basic needs.
In this way, consensual sex is an agreement by which both sides cooperate
in getting their connection needs solved, and marriage becomes an
alliance between two people who agree to support each other in the
ful llment of these basic needs, so they can develop completely into
adulthood.
Human Needs Chart
In other words, we can understand di erent levels of human needs
describing different human situations likethefollowing ones:
1. We need many social connections, (variety) some of which are closer
than others. We need to matter to others, be approved byand be held
in high esteem byothers.
2. We need one signi cant, permanent and loving partner. If we do not
nd one, we will have a deep craving and sense of something
missing – even if we banish these feelings from our consciousness
and refuseto acknowledgethem – until wefind such apartner.
HOW TO HAVE AHEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE
6. HOW TOHAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER
MARRIAGE
For many people, some bonding needs are going unmet for long
durations. This state of chronically unmet bonding needs can feel
“normal.” or an acceptable fact of life... He or she may rationalize it as an
aversion to sex, ineptitude at or disinterest in relationships. In other
words, he or she experiences relationship pain but accepting
somehow the responsibility for this frustration.
Looking at the basic frustration of connection skills that some men su er,
this is a skill that needs to be learned along life. All boys need both to
learn how to connect with other men, the world of male companionship,
and the very di erent sphere of learning how to connect with women,
using relational skills to feel valued and appreciated.
In short, when this process is not done, he ends up seeing himself as
rejected and isolated in a world where everybody else is
connected...Passive aggression is the wayof telling others that this person
su ers due to the inability to connect, and the way of compensating is
getting even with thepeopleassumed to beisolating him.
Isolated and frustrated young men are not new; what is new is the
connection with deep wishes of “retribution” against their perceived
isolation....we live in such an interconnected world that deprivation of
basic human needs (as sexual needs) are felt as a global attack against
oneself. The power of unmet human needs is real here.
What can be done to prevent this kind of retaliatory
behavior?
HOW TO HAVE AHEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE
7. HOW TOHAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER
MARRIAGE
We need to be sure that we build emotional connections; that we care
for each other in such a way we teach young people not only how to
man a computer game but also howto express and share basic human
needs language. We need to avoid bullying and all other ways of
rejecting and ostracizing young people.
That hungers of the heart for love and connection are to be
acknowledged and solved in everyday life; that we can’t ignore some
kids’ starvation from connection because it will a ect others that are
not directlyresponsiblefor this starvation.
In a sense, we all have to take care of teaching our youngsters how to
connect and relate to each other in an appreciative way, in such a way
wenurtureeach other senseof self.
3.- Why Men Don’t Get Their Needs Met
Looking at how can a man mature inside a long term relationship, we got
curious about asituation you might recognize:
Why is it that now so many older women are leaving their marriage
past mid-life?
Or why is the job of women to perform the couple's emotional
management and when theyget fed up, askfor adivorce?
HOW TO HAVE AHEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE
8. HOW TOHAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER
MARRIAGE
Looking at the basic misunderstandings between both sides of a couple,
the real divide called usually the "battle of the sexes..." is easy to see
marriage as a deal where male and female can identify and try to get
satisfaction to their human needs, counting with help from his/her
partner.
Yes in theory, but in lifethereis always adifference:
We found that men are much more prone to ignore their own needs, thus
getting more inclined to hidden frustrations and resentment when men
don't get their needs met and later perhaps developing passive aggressive
behaviors as theonlywayout.
The situation gets worse because this di erence is completely ignored by
women, and men giveup fast trying to makeher understand his needs and
so he resigns himself to a life of being not recognized, ignored and
disrespected.
How do we get to this situation?
Among the steps that boys must pass through in their development into
men there are two important lessons they must learn. The rst of these is
how to be aware of their mothers’ needs. This awareness is essential for
him to be able to depend on her for the satisfaction of his needs. The
second step is learning how to be upset about this dependency so to
preparefor his futureindependence.
HOW TO HAVE AHEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE
9. HOW TOHAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER
MARRIAGE
This permanent ambivalence between dependence and independence will
cause the little boy oscillate between learning to be macho and be by
himself (not “needing anyone”) and trying to learn how to connect with
women. A man’s adult relationships revive the ambivalence he learned at
his mother’s side: he is at ease with men, but needs somehow to manage
thewomen in his lifeto feel completed.
This, then, is one of a man’s permanent developmental tasks: learning how
to connect with other men, theworld of malecompanionship, and thevery
di erent sphere of learning how to connect with women, traversing the
interpersonal desert with his few skills to feel again respected and
appreciated.
Here, the risk of not having the skills to connect is clear: the risk of
inhabiting the unpleasant spaces of criticism, devaluation, rejection, and,
finally, isolation.
This ambivalence, generated by growing up as a male in the hands of his
mother (a self-managing female, with perhaps a weak partner), produces
anxietyand insecurity.
The man is trained to depend on the next female in his life, his wife, to
managethis insecurity. But hecan’t reveal aword of this quandary:
Howcan a man admit his insecurity, when he has to project utter self-
confidenceto woo her?
How is he to share his basic anxiety if his prospective mate will be
scared to death in thelight of such revelations?
HOW TO HAVE AHEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE
10. HOW TOHAVE A HEALTHIER, HAPPIER
MARRIAGE
Thus, hehas to carryon and feel likean impostor, readyto bediscovered as
a fake, and soon. Insecure, unacknowledged and emotionally torn. What is
the worst part of this situation? That the wife doesn’t know a thing about
this male predicament. She ignores how and when she is stressing him by
making him feel "not good enough"over and over again....
Meanwhile, she has her own agenda. Instead of carefully listening to what
her husband says, doesn’t say, or tries to say in a cryptic way, in her
desperation for answers to marital con icts, she listens to relationship
experts who tell her "the characteristics of a bad husband and how to
changehim."
For the man this is just more of the same message he receives,
“You aren’t good enough!”
Do you feel graduallydisrespected in public and at home?
Areyou interested in getting morerespect to your personal needs?
Would you like to know how to reposition yourself and recover the power
and respect you want to have? Please, keep reading!
4.- Do you have a fed up wife at home?
"I left my husband after 25 years of marriage due to him being PA. His
behavior had escalated out of all control until eventually the last 12 weeks
of living together became almost unbearable for both me and our two
teenage children. I did sit him down and explain how his behavior was
having a very bad impact on all family members and told him that I would
beleaving within afewdays. His answer to that was 'do as you want'!
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I just could not stand theconstant silent treatment, thestonewalling when
I tried to express my worries and concerns, the Jekyll and Hide mood
swings, the withholding of love and a ection and what appeared to be
outright rebelliousness like that of a 16 year old juvenile delinquent. He
avoids confrontation with just about every human being he comes across.
Work, family, friends, the lot. He avoids phone calls, he avoids any form of
communication at all and when friends and family have visited he would
sit in front of thetv and turn thevolumeup to max in order to drown their
voices out. They would leave eventually feeling rejected, disappointed and
completelydisrespected and I would be left feeling reallyembarrassed for
his behaviour. Our children weremortified at someof thethings hedid.
When I did leave, after making him quite aware of my intentions he had a
nervous breakdown. He begged for forgiveness and told me how he was
considering taking his own life because of me abandoning him. He
convinced me that we should go to marriage guidance, which we did but
even there he avoided any conversations. I didn't realize how good he
really was at evading things, changing the subject and railroading any
conversation so that we ended up discussing anything else but the topic
wehad started talking about.
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He is now desperate for me and the kids to return home but I can't and
won't because I don't see that much of a change in him. I will give him his
dues, he brings me owers every week, he sends me text messages full of
romance and protestations of love but is it enough? I don't think so. When
I have tried to speak to him recently about my feelings he is still shutting
down and closing himself o using sentences like 'Myheart tells me to let
you go and nd someone that can treat you the way you deserve to be
treated but my heart won’t allow me to do that because it would break in
two if I ever thought you loved someoneelse'! and 'I don't knowI am doing
thethings you sayI am doing'!
'Do we really need to talk about my behavior and how it makes you feel, if
you have a problem with me then keep it to yourself and don’t burden me
with it'!
Myquestion is howdo I get him to actuallysit and listen? Howdo I get him
to see that his PA behavior and the way he is unable to manage it is
a ecting his everyday life, relationships at work and with his immediate
family? He has lost one job already because his answer to a demanding
bosses request is to ring in sickjust when theboss is expecting him to give
his all during a busy period then tells the boss he is under so much stress
at home it made him ill. He avoids taking any responsibility for his elderly
mother and tells his whole family it’s because I keep him far too busy and
don't approve of him visiting his own family. He actually uses me to cover
for his inadequacies.
Since I left he is now in a nancial bind. He has not managed his money
well at all and has resorted to gambling and excessive tv watching to avoid
dealing with the problems he has. He blames me leaving for the situation
heis in.
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Is there anything I can do at all for this man. I am starting individual
therapythis week and hope this is going to help me personally. Anyadvice
would begratefullyappreciated."
Our reply:
So sorry to hear about your family's situation! Even when you are coming
out of sheer miseryand pain, you still havealong wayto go....
My new ebook proposes a new understanding of the deep psychology of
passive aggression... what I've found is that for some men, having
experienced somechildhood abuseor molestation is enough to keep them
in the"Wounded Inner Child"situation for life.
You don't say anything about your husband's past, but it looks to me as if
he doesn't really understand what is required of him to function as a
grown up man. As much as you claim, demand, require and chastise him,
theless hecan deliver.....
He is now a cornered child, failing at marriage and work, and even worst,
making bad nancial decisions....because the part of his brain in charge of
rational decision making is not working. Like the emotional empathy side
also.
Whatever trauma happened to him, he probably either doesn't remember
(it has become a part of his unconscious mind) or he can't talk about that
experience. Is this experience what shaped his mindset into one of
mistrust and reactive defense against intimacy and trusting other person
likeyou.
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All this explanation is not enough for you nding a magical solution....I'm
sorryto saythat thereis not onemagical trickavailable.
Thepoint is:
He needs to acknowledge that he doesn't have the foggiest idea what
being amaturehusband is;
he needs to reconcile with the idea that he is not understanding the depth
of your frustration (getting married to a man and nding a rebellious
teen?)
Heneeds to feel your pain caused bytheisolation hecondemned you to.
He was only believing that he could catch up with owers and gifts, but
reallyhis Wounded Inner Child needs healing beforeanything else. As now,
heis resentful, but lost.
And, he needs to start a plan for growing up. Perhaps it will not happen in
time to prevent this divorce, but it should happen so he can have a better
life. As it is now, frustrating everybody around because he feels a failure
insideis no joke!
Please, get your own copy of the movie "BIG" with Tom Hanks, and realize
that he was as he is now from way before you met him. He needs serious
help to start healing; he could start by taking the Passive Aggression Test
and knowing the degree of his resistance to a more intimate and healthier
relationship.
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While he continues blaming you for the divorce and ignoring his side, he
will not be readyto use outside help to change. And he reallyneeds to get
some evaluation and plan for change now, before he continues destroying
his own world. Sending you all mybest.
5.- Your next step is in your own hands, now!
Still thinking about your next step? Up until today, you have done
everything right:
you began learning about theissueof passiveaggression;
you then tookthetest;
you received your results and have been thinking about them since
then;
and you keep asking yourself: what should I do now?
Now, you need to moveinto decision mood!
Does it happen to you that you feel trapped by the same repetitive
situations in life? Constant ghting with your wife is one of the most
common, not a lot of fun, but it happens almost automatically, and when
you least expect it… As the worst kind of action in life is inaction, there
are no more options left. If you are experiencing a long-term
confrontation in your marriage, and it’s taking its toll, the time for action
is now.
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I work primarily with men who are at a crossroads in their marriage. For
them, communication with their spouse has faltered. At the same time, his
wife is pressing him about an issue that she feels needs resolution. She
pressures and prods him to accept and change his passive aggression, only
to cause him to feel accused, shut down and shut her out. Behavior on
both sides keeps escalating into rejection and contempt, and the union is
slowlydying.
You can hear often that: "You can onlyin uence other person's behavior if
you change the wayyou treat her." If he accepts this axiom as true, then he
could try to change his mindset and his approach to her, so her response
to him becomes moreappreciativeand respectful.
After much research and sifting through the myriad of sketchy programs
in the market, my client discovers that we o er the only comprehensive
solution to her frustration with married life.
“The 4 Steps to Free your Marriage from Passive Aggression” is our
signature four-step program. In it, we teach you how to nd and change
behaviors produced by an approach that simply isn’t working. After
applying our proven program you will know how to best approach your
wife, how to solve di erences between you, and how to express your
needs so theyareheard and acted on as part of themarriagedeal.
5.- How Our Four-Step Program Will Help You
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Our system is easy to use, simple to understand, and proceeds in a
methodical way where we can help you anywhere you live. We work with
people nationwide, by phone, so there is no travel time and geography is
not an issue (so, your best friend in Virginia is as much a prospect as
someonedown thestreet.)
If there is aneed to include the help of your wife in the process, we can do
that using phone or Skype online. And its powerful content will walk you
through the origins of passive aggressive behaviors, provide information
about how to detach from those attachments, and how to learn to behave
in a new way. You will even learn the communication skills necessary to
express yourself without riskof misunderstandings.
What Are The Four Steps?
It begins with a con dential and simple test done at your leisure. The test
helps you nd whether you have common passive aggressive traits. By
understanding what these traits are – and if you use them or not – you’ll
understand the reason they are part of your personality, and correct them.
Perhaps you arealreadyfamiliar with it , so it's OK.
Next, we introduce a user-friendly book, "The Silent Marriage Solution:
How stopping passive aggression improves your relationship, and
makes your marriage stronger"
It features a detailed framework to better understand passive aggressive
traits, why they manifest, and how to correct them. This is the core of our
program. It has practical applications of each concept and are easy to read
and understand. No psychologyclasses or dictionaries required!
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To complement the learning, we’ve included a helpful workbook, “The
Essential Workbook to The Silent Marriage Solution: How stopping
passive aggression improves your relationship, and makes your
marriage stronger.” This powerful tool reinforces key concepts at the
end of each chapter and applies what you’ve learned to your own everyday
situations. For certain exercises, you will even bepersonallyguided byyour
coach.
Finally, we’ll work directlywith you, one-on-one in a personalized coaching
session. Here we illuminate the core concepts of the program, apply them
to your own history and personal situations, and produce a plan that will
changeyour lifeand relationship forever.
6.- What Can You Do Now?
Remember, the peace of your marriage awaits. The sooner you start this
proven program, “The 4 Steps to Free your Marriage from Passive
Aggression,” thesooner you put real marital miseryin thepast.
Don’t let passive aggression stop you and your partner from having the
marriage and home life you’ve always dreamed of having: peaceful and
respectful for you, and emotionally satisfying for your wife. Take this rst
step now!
P.S. I understand that it might be scary for you to take the rst step by
clicking on our link– because it means you admit you want more from your
marriage. As in more communication, more understanding, more JOY! I
hear you. And by clicking on the link you can put yourself on a path to a
happier marriageand morejoyful life. And who doesn’t deservethat?!
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Perhaps you feel that more information is necessary to make a good
decision? Here is a short version of the model for transforming passive
aggression into a loving, responsive partnership. First, we need to share
with you this basic proposition:
There is a strong connection between personal history and present
behavior, more precisely how the old attachment to the rst love gure
(aka"mother") is shaping our loveconnections now;
In short: being unable to communicate in a positive way with his wife,
happens not due to bad intentions now, but it happens when men use an
outdated protective system that developed to defend against excessive
parental control or interferencein their childhood.
7.- Steps To Passive Aggressive Men’s Transformation:
Men need to cover thefollowing tasks:
-Identify when and with whom they developed in their childhood this
“communication shield” expressed as interpersonal passiveaggression.
-Locate the feelings attached to that control childhood situation, and
releasethem;
-Separate the way he regards his wife from the way he regarded his
mother/caretaker in thepast. Learning howto separatethetwo is crucial.
-Re-learn to frame interactions with his wife in a new, appreciative,
positiveway.
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-Learn and use a newrepertoire of connection phrases (delivered by us) to
foster interaction in apositiveleader way;
CASE EXAMPLE: (Managing a very personal "PA SHIELD")
George's Personal Milestones: (05/26/15)
1.- Taking personal responsibility for the hurtful impact of doing some
reactivebehaviors on therelationship;
2.- Searching for and identi cation of past old anger, and discovering how
he created the "passive aggressive shield" as a defense against parent's
control;
3.- Learn to separate anger and resistance against parents, (which
produced the shield) from emotions generated here and now in the
marriage;
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4. Understand how his use of the "PA shield" now produces
counterproductiveresults with his wife;
5. Grasp theconnection between protecting his own isolation (needed to
be able to work) with generating feelings of abandonment in his wife,
which then reacts with her own controlling behavior;
6. George experiences demands for company from his wife as
su ocating control, and reacts by isolating himself more, (as in the
“PAshield”)
7. The solution for control is not more isolation, but the opposite: open
up the "PA shield", trust the relationship and learn to share time and
projects.
8. Now, his wife's request for company will be framed as a legitimate
search for love and connection (not control) and solved doing shared
activities/projects.
9. Both need to be able to negotiate better their reciprocal needs:
(George's need for space to create, and his wife's need for company)
and to confront each other using Fair Fighting techniques;
10. Keep a routine of maintenance of connection: schedule conversations
about home issues, schedule dates and have a clear idea of the
amount of timetheyneed to sharetogether.
What Can Go Wrong When Following This Process?
Here is an outline of all the typical roadblocks and barriers that men have
to overcomeon their wayto achieving such transformation process.
FIRST ROADBLOCK: Activating the long-term denial of the behavior done
to others, because using the “passive aggression shield” feels “normal.”
(He can say: "I'm not passive, it's the way I was brought up)" (the Passive
AggressiveTest helps here)
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SECOND ROADBLOCK: Display resistance to accept his own responsibility
for the hurt he does to others (He does PA behavior because it is the only
response he knows from his past. He should stop blaming the wife and
accepting it’s not truethat "sheprovokes him")
THIRD ROADBLOCK: Refusing to accept hidden, past anger and to deal
with the baggage of negative emotions linked to the origin of “passive
aggression shield” backin childhood.
FOURTH ROADBLOCK: Resistance to learn and adopt softer interactive
behaviors (e.g. Re ective listening as not being “behavior manlyenough”);
or not learning theskills to do them;
FIFTH ROADBLOCK: Wanting to use good communication skills but sheer
ignorance of how to do, what to say, and how to confront with love. (We
provide a list of phrases to use, with our program) Do you want our help?
Thefirst step is to taketheFreePassiveAggression Test, here:
8.- HERE IS THE TESTIMONIAL BY JIM, A PASSIVE
AGGRESSIVE HUSBAND
When I rst spoke with Coach Nora, I was near bottom... I had tried my
heart out to please my wife, at least I thought I had. It seemed as though
our natural position was that of confrontation. All I wanted was peace &
quiet. It shouldn't be this hard, I thought. If my wife would only lighten
up &tryalittleharder to just get along, everything would beOK.
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Coach Nora refused to be whitewashed by my smooth deliveries. She saw
through me. Nora refused to go along with the 'poor little old me' facade
that I had lived with &executed to perfection forever.
Slowly but e ectively, Coach Nora was able to show me in a way that I
understood & wanted to incorporate in my relationship with my wife that
mypassiveaggressivebehavior had doneagreat deal of damage.
I needed to accept responsibility for my 50% of the problem. [Even after
starting down this new path, at times, I couldn't help but fall back on old
patterns.] More than just recognizing my part, I needed to apologize for
how I conducted myself & then lo & behold if Nora didn't show me that I
had repair work to do after that. I had never considered that repair work
was in mypile... whenever I hurt mywife, it was never intentional. I always
thought that if it wasn't intentional, it wasn't reallymyfault &that, in fact,
it was no big deal & that my wife should just let it go as easily as I was
willing to.
Now that I am armed with a much better understanding, I recognize that
when my wife hurts, I'm disappointed that how I've conducted myself has
caused her harm. Sometimes I need a little time to get past my denial &
come to terms with my mistake but even before that, if I can't put it
together, I can still apologizefor thehurt I'vecaused.
Doing something that validates my apology [the repair part] is now so
much easier. I am convinced myself so I am far more convincing to my
wife.
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Coach Nora told me how it's not possible to change anybody else.... but it
is possible to change howI treat that somebodyelse. When I change howI
treat that someone, it is impossible for them to continue to treat me the
sameas theyused to.
Thank you, Nora... so much... you have given me a chance to make a
different life... ahappyone... insideof aloving relationship with mywife!
THIS IS THE SPONTANEOUS TESTIMONIAL OF JIM'S WIFE....
It is with a grateful heart that I am happy to send a round of applause to
you and your persistent, consistent methods of steering my husband in a
direction that is leading to newgrowth in our relationship.
From my point of view, there are few PA men that are genuinely ready to
embarkon the di cult journeyof self awareness and mend their ways. For
those brave men who reach that point, there is almost no tangible help
available to them. What is available is all the negative frustration we as
partners are venting in an e ort to stay sane enough to perhaps hold on
for onemoreweek, dayor sometimes hour!
I was very skeptical when my husband actually began to exhibit sharing
behavior because it was short-lived initially (as the pattern had been for
years). I had to take a step back, too tired to go another round of hope
followed bycrushing disappointment.
The di erence this time was he had a backup plan – you! With a coach
willing to hold him accountable, even though there were (and sometimes
still are) lapses, my husband has made signi cant progress. That has
encouraged me to once again step up my end of the deal to be a loving,
giving and, in thefuture, trusting wife.
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As we all know there is no answer that continues to work if we don’t work
at it; but if you own the tools it’s possible to do the necessary repairs
yourself.
We have more solutions, supportandwaystohave a happier
marriage inour site.
We are waiting for you!
Learn more
HOW TO HAVE AHEALTHIER, HAPPIER MARRIAGE