The ideal mother in light of the qur'an, sunna and tradition by muhammad imdad hussain pirzada

The Ideal
In light of the Qur'an, Sunna and Tradition
Muhammad Imdad Hussain Pirzada
Founder and Principal of Jamia Al-Karam

THE IDEAL MOTHER
In light ofthe Qur'an, Sunna and Tradition
By
Founder and Principal ofJamia Al-Karam

© 2006 M. 1. H. Pirzada | Al-Karam Publications
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced, stored, or transmitted in any f ->
or by any means, electronic or otherwise, including photocopying, recordin'
internet, or any storage or retrieval system without prior written permission
from Al-Karam Publications.
ISBN 0 9547694 4 9
First Edition, February 2006 (1,000)
Published by
Al-Karam Publications
Eaton Hall, Retford, Nottinghamshire, DN22 OPR
info@alkaram.org
Designed and typeset by Bakhtyar H. Pirzada al-Azhari.
bakhtyar.pirzada@or8inge.net
Printed and bound in the United Kingdom by
Midland Regional Printers Limited
Jubilee House, Nottingham Road, Basford, Nottingham, NG7 7BT
About The Author
Muhammad Imdad Hussain Pirzada, bom in 1946 in Jhang,
Pakistan, is a graduate of DMG Bhera and the University of the
Punjab (Pakistan). His qualifications include Adib, 'Alim and
Fadil 'Arabi, BA (English), MA (Islamic Studies), MA (Arabic)
and MOL. Ever since he first arrived in England in 1974 he has
been working tirelessly and selflessly for the sake of Allah (most
high) inspiring many people along the way, young and old.
Inspired by his teacher, mentor and spiritual guide, the late Diya
al-Umma Justice Shaykh Muhammad Karam Shah al-Azhari
(Allah have mercy upon him), he founded the educational
establishment, Jamia Al-Karam, in 1985 and the Al-Karam
Secondary School in 1995. At present he is also Chairman of
Muslim Charity; helping the needy worldwide, Patron of Al-
Karam; The Muslim Quarterly, Executive Director of Al-Karam
Trust (London), Founder of Al-Karam Publications and Patron of
the Association of Al-Karam Scholars (UK).
Special note of gratitude for Bakhtyar H. Pirzada al-Azhari
for his work in translating this book from Urdu to English.
He is an author of numerous books related to the life of the noble
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), Fiqh,
Arabic Grammar and Hadith. His recent publications include
Muslims in a Multicultural Society and the commentary of the
Qur’an Tafseer Imdad-ul-Karam, the first commentary of the Qur'an
to be written in the United Kingdom for the BritishMuslims.
In July 2001, he was awarded the ad-Dir'ul Mumtaz (Shield of
Excellence) by the former Chancellor, Dr Ahmad 'Umar Hashim
on behalf of the University of Al-Azhar (Cairo) and was also
awarded the Diya' al-Umma Award of Excellence by Shaykh Amin
al-Hasanat Shah on behalf of DMG Bhera (Pakistan).

9
DEDICATION
To my dear noble mother.
Due to whose extraordinary upbringing,
I became accustomed to offering the five daily prayers
and habituated to doing good from a very young age.
May Allah (most high) shower His mercy upon my mother's
grave and grant her a high position in paradise. Amin.
s-’j
(Qur'an, Surat al-Isra' (17), Verse 24)
O my Lord! Be merciful to my parents just as they nurtured
me as a child. Amin.

Contents
1 Introduction
2 Laying down the Cloak
1
5
The mother
The children
Desiring children
Disliking girls
5
6
7
7
3 Islamic rites and tradition
Gratitude upon attaining children
Method of felicitation
Reciting the adhan in the newborn's ear
Wisdom of reciting the adhan
The tahnik
Wisdom of the tahnik
Naming the child
Wisdom of giving a good name
The 'aqiqa — sacrifice for a newborn
Wisdom of the 'aqiqa
Shaving the hair of the head
Khatn - circumcision
Wisdom of the circumcision
3 Nurturing and fostering
Breast-feeding
Wisdom of the mother's milk
Period of breast-feeding
The World Health Organization (WHO)
Rada'a — breast-feeding by surrogate
The responsibility of nurturing
11
11
12
12
12
14
14
15
17
18
18
19
20
20
23
23
23
25
26
27
28
ix

The education in childhood
The responsibility of education
The first school
The first teacher
The first education
Teaching the recitation of the Qur'an
The best gift
The instruction to prayer
Teaching secular sciences and arts
Upbringing
31
The society in childhood
Loving the children
Keeping the children happy
Praise upon good
Displeasure upon bad
Sacrifice and charity
Supervision
Conversation and dialogue
The television and the internet
The mother tongue
Telling a lie
31
33
34
35
36
36
37
38
39
43
43
43
45
46
46
49
49
49
50
52
Loving the noble Messenger Muhammad (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him)
Respecting the pious and the nobles
& The onus and rights of the Couple
, 65
The onus and rights of the Mother and Children
69
Imprudent mothers
73
H’ise mothers n't
Paradise lies beneath thefeet ofthe mothers.
Bibliography
XI

Introduction
Thisworld is susceptible to advancement and proficiency and has
been as such since the very first day. After the passing of nearly
every twenty five to thirty years, there is an increase in material
resources and some form of progress in human ease. The
simplicity and hardships parents endured thirty years previously
continue to dominate their characters and mindsets, whereas, the
upcoming generation grows up in an atmosphere of modernity
and effortlessness. For this reason, a difference within their
attitudesand thoughts naturally follows.
492.

the ideal mother
Introduction
■I take effect. However, the biggest tragedy for the majority
of Muslims living in the United Kingdom is that this gap between
the Parents and the grown up children has increased well beyond
five and ten percent and can now be considered to be above
ninety percent. Many families have been destroyed. Situations
and cases have escalated to the point of suicide and murder.
The number of fortunate households who are satisfied with their
children is ver}' limited, whereas, the vast majority is dissatisfied
and saddened. Tales of woe concerning this gap are being related
over and over again for the past thirty years. No newspaper and
journal, and no conversation and gathering is free from this
grievance. Despite this, the anxiety between parents and children
is ever increasing.
Those responsible for this gap are either both parents and
children, or one of the two. If both recognise their individual
responsibilities and attempt to fulfil them, this anxiety can
decrease.
Discussing the responsibilities of the mother only is the objective
of this book. If Allah (most high) grants the ability, then in future
separate books concerning the responsibilities of the father and
the children will be written. In Sha' Allah.
more merciful to his creation than a mother is to her child.2
A mother nurtures her child in her womb prior to birth and
nourishes the child with her milk following birth. Natural y
every mother loves her child and this is a praiseworthy emotion.
However, some mothers do not maintain a balance between love
and upbringing and in some unfortunate cases ruin the morality
and character of the children by unreasonable praise and
approval. For example, if a child steals a pen from school or
swears at other children and the mother does not stop the child so
as not to break the child's heart, then this is not love for the child,
rather it is the exact opposite. Such children when they grow up
break the heart of the entire family and the society in general.
iiSSirea?,hisb«k-
Sir°f Z"aand
;. For
also
achieving the
Jamia Al-Karam
Eaton Hall, Retford
March 2005
ildren are the most valuable asset and investment of any
ahon. The nation that pays due attention and interest towards
elating and upbringing the children enjoys a bright future,
nnk 3 nat*on does not fulfil the right of educating and
upbwgmg the children faces a dark future. For a good son today
^agoodrnoth^f161 tOmorrow a g°°d daughter today will
Phrase 'moth i fatber loves his children; however, the
this reason itk^J076” haS become an aphoristic proverb. For
for His creatio^ 6en usec^ as a measure to illustrate Allah's love
blessings of Alla/k 3 ^he noble Messenger (peace am
e upon him) confirms that Allah (most high) is
3

Laying down the CZloak.
THE MOTHER
A. mother is that fortunate woman who Has been blessed with
children. She enjoys a great status in Islam. Whenever, the foster
mother of the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him), Halima Sa'diya (Allah be pleased with her) would
arrive, our beloved Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) would stand up to welcome her, lay down his
cloak and seat his foster mother on it.1 How great would the
status of a true mother be, if this is the status in Islam of merely a
foster mother who only provided her milk?
Alongside His worship, Allah (most high) has also ordained the
obedience to parents in the holy Qur'an;
"And your Lord has decreed that you worship none
“lm alone and be good to the parents." (Qur'a/P
Furthermore, out of both parents, the mother has been given
y^teh^^S.942 AH)" SUb"‘ al Huda ^-^shadfi Sirat KJiayr al_-Ibad
* Qur an. Surat al-Isra' (17), Verse 23.
5

the ideal mother
layingd»«ll'ea0‘k
precedence. As the mother firstly nourishes the child in her
womb with the blood from her liver and then following birth she
nurtures the child with the milk from her chest. However, the
father does not cany out both these tasks. Perhaps, it is for thig
reason that the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) stated,
"The mother has the greatest right over a man."3
And;
"Paradise lies beneath the feet of the mother."4
It is related that a student once asked Shaykh Abu Ishaq (Allah
have mercy upon him), "In my dream last night, I saw you in
paradise and in your beard were great diamonds and jewels,
which had a very beautiful and splendid shine." To this, Shaykh
Abu Ishaq (Allah have mercy upon him) replied, "You have seen
the truth. In actual fact, last night my mother was unwell. Before
going to sleep, I was gently pressing and massaging her feet and
my beard was touching her feet. This beautiful light you saw is
the blessing of the mother's feet because paradise lies beneath the
feet of the mother."
THE CHILDREN
Children are the beauty of life, the splendour of the home, the
light of the eyes, the pleasure of the heart, the support in old age,
a means continuance of humankind and a great blessing
Allah (most high).
1/ one wants to know the real value and worth of children, then
e usband and wife who are deprived of this blessing ari
ys remain anxious and restless in order to have children-
' B°ok of al-Jihad (25), Chapter 6, Hadith 3117.
desiring children t0 be
normal age for producing Maryam (peace be upon
^--P^=dher.e
jS lilthamveSbless8ed Maryam (peace beupon
her) with out of season fruits, bless us with a pure offspr «
despite our old age." Eventually, Allah (most high) accepted
their supplication and gave them glad tidings of a son, Yahya
(peace be upon him). It is this supplication that has been
mentioned in the holy Qur'an. {Qur’an5 3,38)
It can be deduced from this verse that supplicating in a sacred
place or in close proximity to a beloved person of Allah (most
high) is a cause and means for greater acceptance. This is because
Zakanyya (peace be upon him) supplicated in the company of
£
(Peace be upon him) a son despite old^ ZakariVya
Muslims should not be prohibited f F°r thlS reason'
that are connected to those persons SUppllcating at places
Mlah (most high). Such places include H, T the love of
^enger (peace and blessings o °f the noble
of Hira, the shrines of ih. A lah be uP°n him) the r
DISUKING GIRLS
boy,
6Xtren* sadness and pe^n,
despo^y
7

the ideal mother
and he would hide away from people out of shame and infaniv
lOur^ 16, 58) Today this ignorance can still be found in SO1?
places although it is very less in comparison.
Man likes the female as a wife but not as a daughter. Does he not
realise that his wife is in fact someone's daughter and if the
existence of daughters comes to an end then there will be none to
be a wife and nor will the human race continue. Therefore, to
dislike a daughter is foolishness and contrary to nature. As Islam
is a natural religion, hence, there is no room for such
differentiation in Islam. Just as a son is a blessing for the parents
and is deserving of their affection, similarly the daughter is also a
blessing for them and deserving of their affection. If a daughter
was a disliked creation then no daughter would have been born
in the household of the noble prophets (peace be upon them).
However, the leader of all prophets, our beloved Prophet
Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), had four
daughters. In order to diminish this difference, the noble
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) gave the
affection and warmth for girls a specific importance and special
mention;
"He, who looks after and nurtures two girls up to
the age of maturity, will be close to me on the Day
ofJudgement, as close as the fingers on my hand are
to one another."7
If a girl is bom to any mother and father, there is no need for
them to feel less fortunate. It is quite possible that this girl once
grown up brings about such pleasure and joy to the parents that,
her place there was a son, he may not bring about sue i
happiness.
L.ylng*'™,heCbak
One day his mother
extreme ^Tto^^^^^
............-
better off without him •
( a daughter whose honesty
On the contrary, observe the home tQ the household of
r became
'Umar (Allah be pleased.with
him), was strolling around the town. He passed y one ous
where a mother was saying to her daughter, "Mix water into the
milk." The daughter replied, "This is a crime. The Caliph has
prohibited it." The mother then said, "As if the Caliph is
watching here." The daughter replied, "Mother! Okay the Caliph
is not watching but Allah (most high) is watching." Upon hearing
this conversation, 'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) came home,
talked to his son 'Asim (Allah be pleased with him) and
suggested that he should marry this pious girl. Eventually, 'Asim
(Allah be pleased with him) married that girl and later from her
SeC°nd 'Umar' 'Umar ibn 'Abd *1-
entaM f P him)' WaS b0m; uP°n whom the
entire Muslim community today takes pride.8
“Xa’r ius* “d
son of a friend of mine after arriving to the United Kingdo
gan pursuing such a wrong path that it became a case °
aal'Isla,niy«,p.22.
9

Islamic rites
and tradition
GRATITUDE UPON ATTAINING CHILDREN
r
Any husband and wife to whom Allah (most high) bestows the
great blessing of children should be grateful and express sincere
gratitude to the real benefactor, Allah (most high). They should
praise and glorify Him in abundance. This is the practice of the
noble Prophets (peace be upon them) and is the edict of Allah
(most high). When Allah (most high) announced the good news
ofJahya (peace be upon him) to Zakariyya (peace be upon him),
"And remember your Lord a lot, and glorify Him in
‘heevemngsandinthemornmgs."(Q!^ry3™ln
I*^p^arenegBgmltowardsthlsoblIgatloni(nd
prophetic practice.
A*though, happmess is o
^re„,
Stable anrbe^]810111710^ Allah (mosTh0^^1^88-
' Qur'a»> SuratA?7 ~-----—-----
Al Imran 0), Verse 41
11

the ideal mother
Islamic rites and tradition
METHOD OF FELICITATION
Whenever a son or a daughter is bom to any household, it js
moral obligation upon relatives, friends and neighbours that the3
join in this happiness, felicitate and offer congratulations to the
parents of the newborn and supplicate for the child.
Hasan Basri (Allah be pleased with him) used to say, “Whoever is
blessed with a son or a daughter, go to them and say, 'May there
be blessings for you in this child that Allah (most high) has given
you. May you have the ability to be grateful to Allah (most high).
May the health and life of the child be blessed and may he or she
become pious and virtuous'."2
2.
RECITING THE ADHAN IN THE NEWBORN'S EAR
After the birth of a boy or a girl, he or she should be given a bath.
Following the bath, the adhan (call to prayer) should be recited in
the child's right ear and the iqama (call to commence prayer) in
the left ear. If for any reason, giving the newborn a bath is
harmful, then the adhan and the iqama can be recited respectively
in the ear without giving the bath. To recite the call, it is not
necessary that the person be an Imam or a scholar. Rather, any
righteous person will suffice.
It is related that when Hasan, the son of Ali (Allah be pleased
with them both), was bom, the noble Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) recited the adhan in his ear, the
same adhan that is recited before prayer.3
3.
4.
WISDOM OF RECITING THE ADHAN
The reason and objective for the creation of humankind is
to worship Allah (most high). For this reason, a PelS°n
c Book of al-Adahi (15), Chapter 17, Hadith 1596.
nf faith (shahada)
Ste—«‘^<Bos,h,8h)'
those parents Xh) They should remember
disobedient to Allah (most W
that when they were bom the inshuchon py
good deeds was also recited into their ears, it tn y
moment do not offer the prayer, how are they da g
have the call to prayer recited into their child s ear and
how will they face their Cherisher in the hereafter.
Following the birth of a child, Satan nears the child in
order to instruct and persuade disobedience and evil.
However, as soon as he hears the words of the adhan, he
disappears quickly.
The importance of education is highlighted by the adhan.
This means that as soon as a child is born and before eating
or drinking, commence with his education. Say into his or
her ear that the goal of your life is not eating nor drinking
ng' Furthermore,
13

the ideal mother
whenever a child is born to any Muslim, the call to prayer
recited into his or her ear endorsing the notion that eating and
drinking shall come forth later, first of all commence his or her
educationbysayingAllahuAkbar(Allah is the greatest).
In view of this scenario, Muslims should have been the most
educated and advanced in the world just as the case was in the
beginningera ofIslam. However, what a great tragedy it is that
todaytheMuslimnation islaggingbehind in education.
virtuous man or
r
in his or her
and supplicate
THETAHNIK
Following the recitation of the call to prayer, a virtuous man or
womanshould offer the tahnik. This means that the pious person
should firstly chew a date or something sweet in his or her
mouth, then put it into the mouth of the newborn and supplicate
forthegood andblessingof the child.
Asma' bintAbiBakr(Allah be pleased with her) relates that when
her son Abd Allah ibn Zubayr (Allah be pleased with him) was
bom,she took him to Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) and placed him in the lap of the noble
‘ essenger(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him). The noble
date^hef/PeaCe and blessings of Allah be upon him) asked for a
for his P'aced ^fo her son's mouth and supplicated
stomach of' manner' the first thing that entered the
blessed saliva f (Allah he pleased with him) was in fact the
beuPonhim) ° S ^essenger (peace and blessings of Allah
WISDOM OF THETAHNIK
of a P'°US1- Withthe entering of a sweet thing and the sail yjpg else'
person into the newborn's stomach prior to any bet
itcanbehoped that Allah (most high) shall ma
al-Ansar (63), Chapter 45, Hadith3*57'
f the
»* * :8rtrxX'^‘s,a'rxssr«-
ieWM Of reward can quickly com
delayedbeyond seven days- estabUshed with the
U is essential that some form o q{ & Tbis IS to
pe°P'e°;^ a name whose meaning
ensure that parents u
contradictsIslamic beliefs and doctrine.
0» 1 had an nppo.lumt, t» participate anil attend » ^“8
ceremony. I was told that the name of the husband-to-be was
'Abdal-Khurshid. 1 stated that this name is contrary to Islam as it
means 'the servant of the sun . The family of the bridegroom
were surprised and began saying that up until today no one has
objected to this name and also his brother's name is Muhammad
Khurshid. 1 replied, "Muhammad Khurshid is a correct name as
«”sta^rad “ ’ Sun''hov,cveI''AM ^-Khurshid is an
accept
14 15

the ideal mother Islamic rites and tradition
of Islam, he used to pay special attention to the name Of n
person. If there happened to be an aspect within the name th ®
contravened Islam, the name would be changed. Just as
previous name of Abu Bakr (Allah be pleased with him)
'Abd al-Ka'ba (the servant of the Ka'ba) and after becoming
Muslim, the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) named him 'Abd Allah. Similarly, the previous name
of Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) was 'Abd ash-Shams
(the servant of the sun) and the noble Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) named him 'Abd ar-Rahman.
This practice of the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of
Allah be upon him) has continued up till today. Hence,
whenever anyone accepts Islam, if his or her name is contrary to
Islamic beliefs, it is changed.
Other than being contrary to Islamic doctrine, if the meaning of
anyone's name had a sense of severity, hatred or inferiority; the
noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
would also change that name.6 For example, a woman's name
was 'Asiya (disobedient)7 and the noble Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) changed her name to Jamila
(beautiful).8 In the same manner, it was suggested that the name
of Imam Hasan (Allah be pleased with him) be Harb (war),
however, the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) named him Hasan (beautiful).9
. z-zs t TnHith 3073-Sunan at-Tirniidhi, Book of al-Adab (39), Chapter 66, Wa ‘
'Asiya here is written «—oli (disobedient), not 1 (hope u >. j,
' Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Book of al-Adab (39), Chapter 66, Book of a
‘ Al-Haythami (d. 807 ah), Majma' az-Zawa'id wa Manba a
Adab, Volume 8, p. 52.
A point demanding attention:
It can be inferred that Islam is a religion that does not approve of
names whose meaning may include an element of severity, hatre
and inferiority. How then would this religion approve of sue i
people, the character of whom is severe, hateful and disliked.
1.
WISDOM OF GIVNG A GOOD NAME
. erson is called by his name in this world and will also
be called by the same name in the hereafter. Therefore the
name should be good so as to create a good opinion abou
the named person within the hearts of the listeners. If the
name is not good, then by hearing it, a feeling of distaste
concerning the person will find its way into the hearts of
the listeners.
When the child grows up and ponders over the good
meaning of his or her good name, then he or she will
attempt to be as good as his or her name. As an example, if
any man has the name Siddiq (truthful), Tayyib (pure) or
Sa'id (fortunate); then he will attempt to behave in a
manner that is truthful, pure and fortunate. Similarly if
any woman has the name Siddiqa, Tayyiba or Sa'ida; then
“:xsbehave ln • th« -• ~
2.
3. The names of the noble Prophets (peace be “P^^
those of the prominent pious men and
history of Islam are all good. If any man or *
name that is attributed to any noble person and he behaves
in a wrongful manner, those watching can guide him that
your name is attributed to such a noble and virtuous
person, yet your actions are not so good.
It is commonly related concerning 'Umar (Allah be pleased
with him) that during his reign there was a young man
named Muhammad. After being involved in criminal
activity a few times, he reached the court of 'Umar (Allah
be pleased with him) whereupon 'Umar (Allah be pleased
with him) stated, "The least you could have done is
an end6? h°nOUr °f y°Ur name- In future' either put
Your nX err°ng 3CtiOnS °r' alternatively, change
Muha"n?ad vet your na™ be
Muhammad7 The^e woMs ? ‘° the rell8ion of
hese words of Umar (Allah be pleased
16
17

the ideal mother
Our beloved Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
offered the 'aqiqa ofhis children and stated;
wisdom of the-aqiqa
SHAVING the HAIR of THE HEAD
It is a demonstration of happiness and joy at the addition
of one individual to the Islamic community (umma). For,
in the hereafter the noble Messenger (peace and blessings
of Allah be upon him) shall take pride in the abundance of
his community.
the 'AQIQA - SACRIFICE FOR A NEWBORN
,A i „ to the animal sacrificed as charity in happiness and
joy at the birth of a boy or girl. The 'aqiqa is a recommended
offering, it is not obligatory. Hence, if any person does not offer
the 'aqiqa, he or she is not sinful. However, it is better for
affluent Muslims that they offer the 'aqiqa of their children.
Everyone can eat the meat of the 'aqiqa.
a -Dahaya (16), Chapter 21, Hadith 2840.
„,ith him) require all those Muslims whose names are
od yet their actions are not good to spare a moment for
deep ponder and contemplation.
•r rites and tradition
Islamic r,te

pp IPI Al MOT HI R
n~andtr*<l«*n
Klam* r,hf^
hil (; hn,d .* a «tgn of htam and it diffe^^
,^tnt. mfantw of other religions.
i„n^.». H going silver in charity equal to th,. weight
.,<• th. ..n. hand help*- a poor and need)' person an th‘
rtttw hand that poor person shall in return supp/j,.,/,’ ,"n ,he
rwhi du< (<■ whom he rn eived that charity. ' "r '**
4
•< ,j wrentiate* a Muslim from a non-Mtrshni
Ceanlmess and purify is attained bv it
Chance* of severe i//ne«es such as cancer are
andreducedbv if
restricted
KHATS-CIRCUMCISION
iunumosion) is the sunna and practice of all the noble
tsopMv he upon them) and is a symbol of Islam I he
Mesiiger (peace and blessings ol Allah be upon him)
«MI
live things are from nature; circumcision, shaving
of lhe pubs hair, shaving of the hair under the
annpitt, trimming the nails and trimming the
moustache ",}
the ihKixim is not unwell or weak, it is preferred that he be
.tr.unsiMd on the seventh day If this cannot take place on the
* enu. then afterwards whenever it is possible he should be
uhuttkiMd However, a long delay leading up to maturity is not
permitted therefore, before maturity he should have been
•ir.unicard
WbDoM0F THE CIRCUMCISION
» a sign Of |s|dni dnj the Syni[x,j of the Abrahanw"
■onununrty
h^aUd’,W'ed ln Ule nd,ure ot ,he SOUnd nlindt>d
i,,, "
" -Mat-s (77} aM|.|<, b3. Hadith 595(1
21

‘Five things are from nature; circumcision, shaving
of the pubic hair, shaving of the hair under the
armpits, trimming the nails and trimming the
moustache."12
the ideal mother
WISDOM OF THE CIRCUMCISION
KHATN - CIRCUMCISION
humaXn1dhrineCi ‘n tHe natUfe °f the S°Und minde<1
If the newborn is not unwell or weak, it is preferred that he be
circumcised on the seventh day. If this cannot take place on the
seventh, then afterwards whenever it is possible he should be
orcumcised. However, a long delay leading up to maturity is not
permitted. Therefore, before maturity he should have been
circumcised.
is a sign of Islam and the symbol of the Abraharnic
immunity.
writes and tradition
Islamic nte
This differentiates a Muslim from a non-Muslim.
Cleanliness andpurityis attained by it.
Chances of severe illnesses such as cancer are restricted
andreduced byit.
21

Nurturing
and fostering
breast-feeding
A newborn infant has the most right over the mother's milk and
the mother has the most right over breast-feeding her newborn.
Breast-feeding her own child is embedded within the nature and
personality of the mother. This is one of those natural practices
that can be found to exist in animals too, and hence animals
suckle theirsucklings and feel comfort in doing so.
WISDOM IN THE MOTHER'S MILK
1. The mother's milk is pure from bacterium and as a result
does not become the cause for any illness. This is because
the milk goes directly from the mother s breast into the
child's stomach. Whereas, the milk from cows and goats
passes through many stages, containers and bottles; and at
any point it can be affected by bacterium and microbes that
can be harmful to the health of the child.
2 The mother's milk is neither too cold nor too warm; rather,
WhereatthT^-iv'cWlth the child s temperament,
^nce, it can n™? r°m C°WS and §oats is warmed up.
for the child. ate and can harm and be uncomfortable
23

THE IDEAL MOTHER Nurturing and fostering
3. The possibility of breast cancer is less in the
breast-feeds her child. Whereas, chances o^b'10^1' who
are greater in those mothers who do not hr least Cai1cer
children. ^Ikti,
4. The best nourishment for a newborn is the mother's milk
as it contains everything that a newborn requires. n0
artificial milk can pose as a replacement for the mother's
milk.
5. Mothers do not only provide physical nourishment to the
children with their milk; rather, they transfer and pass on
tradition, morals and characteristics. For this reason, the
noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him)stated;
-rfortfa *11 suckle their chiHre" f°r I™
,|,0|eyars'(C"r'‘",!'®)
Thedetailsofthis are as follows. Once a caravan came to Madina
I
"Suckle children the milk of good and
virtuous mothers."1
For good manners of the mother are transmitted to the
children through her milk as the noble Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon) said; "The mother's milk
can effect and alter the character of the children."2
Today, we complain that our youth are becoming more
and more distant from our tradition, family values and
characteristics. One reason for this is also that mothers
have stopped providing their own milk to their own
children.
The following couplet of Akbar llah Abadi reflects t
reality;
lusthowwillscentoftheparents' traits arise from tho '
kWiilsfmilk comesfrom thepacket, educationfrom •
1 Jl-Barusawi (d. 1137 ah), Tafsir Ruh al-Bayan, Volume 1, p.203'
Volume3,p. 116.
^^ouisidethedty. Toensuretheir prolecton and
1*|*hhepted with fa) «»l "i f*™ vwhm the
caravan,he saw a young child crying and urged the mother to
calm him down as he was disturbing the sleep of the entire
caravan. Afterawhile, whenthebaby began crying again, 'Umar
(Allahbepleased withhim) spoke out in anger, "You are a very
mercilessmother!” The mother replied, "You do not know the
actualreason andyou are baselessly accusing me. In actual fact,
'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) has instructed that until a
child does not leave suckling milk, his state benefit shall not
commence. For this reason 1 am trying to stop his breast-feeding
7 iesuUe Upon hearing this, 'Umar (Allah be
? him^wassaddened deePb'and said, "Mas 'Umar!
''Rchildren would you have made to suffer?" The next
°r her state benefit
24 25
I

the ideal mother
■ „ and fostering
Nurturing an°
first ruler to decree that when a child is born, at that moment. .
or her state child benefit shall commence. Yet, today it
extremely unfortunate that poor children in the Muslim world a‘S
deprived of this blessing, whereas, prosperous children in the
non-Muslim world are benefiting from this provision.
breast-
THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION
The World Health Organization (WHO) is the United Nations
specialized agency for health. It was established on 7 April 1948.
WHO's objective, as set out in its Constitution, is the attainment
by all peoples of the highest possible level of health. Health is
defined in WHO's Constitution as a state of complete physical,
mental and social well-being and not merely the absence of
disease or infirmity. WHO is governed by 192 Member States
through the World Health Assembly.5
of life 6 ^ouldthbe
which is also
Lack of breast4eeX| d’uXg thTfhs^ months of
exclusive breast-feeding d! infant and
Breast-feeding has also been demonstrated to be
important for neurodevelopment, especially in
premature, low-birth-weight infants and infants
bom small for gestational age.7
The World Health Report 2002 issued by WHO states;
Breast milk provides optimal nutrition for a
growing infant, with compositional changes that are
adapted to the changing needs of the infant.
Human milk contains adequate minerals and
nutrients for the first six months of life. Breast milk
also contains immune components, cellular
elements and other host-defence factors that provide
various antibacterial, antiviral and antiparasitic
protection. Breast-milk components stimulate the
appropriate development of the infant s own
immune system. On the basis of the current
evidence, WHO's public health recommendation is
that infants should be exclusively breast-fed during
the first six months of life and that they should
continue to receive breast milk throughout the
remainder of the first year and during the secon
'*'d ;hBp://ra„.who
RADA'A- BREAST-FEEDING BY SURROGATE
Ifa mother is unable to breast-feed her child due to death illness
or some other weakness, then the father or guardian can arrange
mXX chS' n" d"e lhe illness or
difficulties. ' h h d s llfe would fall victim to
Machwalivelihoodbymeansof
that ‘he holv n -
2002.
26
27

THE IDEAL MOTHER
fl child drinks milk from another woman, he Or she3 I ‘ions a specific relationship and attachment with the
?Ler mother's family. In this way, a circle of love and
ttachment between people develops and widens.
THE RESPONSIBILITY OF NURTURING
A long time ago, I read in the newspaper that in America a fifteen
vear old Christian lad lacerated his mother to such an extent that
it became unable to stabilise her condition and she died. When
the police asked the young man why he had murdered
mother he replied;
his
"Men 1 was four years old, my mother used to
work. After an early breakfast she would take me to
a private nursery, leave me there and go off to work.
When she would return from work, she would pick
me up from the nursery and we would come back
home. One day, she woke up very late and quickly
began getting me ready. I was half a sleep an
k could not have a good breakfast. My mother left me
at the nursery and went to work. After a whi e,
became hungry, but, the nurses that day were on a
strike. They were supervising us but not feeding us.
When I asked for food, they replied that I shou
have had breakfast; the meal will be at one o cloc
told them many times that I have not had break as ,
but they refused to listen. Due to the hunger,
became very restless and in such pain that I cou
not tolerate it further. Eventually, at that momen
made a solemn promise to myself, that when I Sro
UP I will murder my mother because if she cou
not look after and nurture me, why did she ia
me?"
otheTj6' 3 m°ther Should nurture her children by herself-
°man can truly fulfil this responsibility.
1‘
Nurturing and fostering
over some children are very sensitive from a very early age,
mother needs to be ever more careful towards them. If their
fartis broken, she needs to make them understand in a verified
and loving manner that because of the child's such and such
action, his orherheart has been broken, so that the child becomes
awareofhis orher mistake and attempts to rectify the mistake. If
the child is not made to be satisfied through proof then it is
possible that hateful emotions are created in the child's heart and
oncegrown up, he or she becomes disobedient.
28
29

Education
THE education in childhood
Imam al-Ghazali (Allah have mercy upon him) writes;
"Allah (most high) entrusted the children in the
hands of the parents. The pure heart of the child is a
dear and invaluable entity that has no picture, mark
or imprint on it. It is exposed to every impression
and can be inclined towards anything it is
persuaded towards. If it is educated and brought
up in good, then it will ripen in that good and
become fortunate in this world and the hereafter. In
the reward, the parents and teachers of that child
with w included' If' h°wever, it is provided
lh I» Il ™!and is left aside like animals,
“''paws™? “n,0'to”te an<i in the sinfulness,
winded. l"s1.sAlbh'<"’ 0?hat ChUd Shal1 al1
11 “ Alla>1 (most high) has stated;
yourselves andvo *?e,,eve! Pr°tect
fr°m,he
31

Education
Just like parents protect their chiln
worldly fire and do not allow them frorn a
similarly, it is their responsibility t 36ar SUch fire
from the fire of hell. The way to do tlP1°tect them
children good manners and keen thPm18 tO teach
bad society."2 away from a
2 Al-Ghazali (d. 505 ah), Iliya' 'Ulum ad-Din, ° u jqadith 1374-
1 Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of al-Jana'iz (23), Chapter ni_jslamiya' P'
4 As-Sawwaf, Huquq al-Awlad min Minzar ash- tal 1
In short, a child possesses the ability to accept both m
the bad, the right and the wrong; and it is the upb ’ S°°d and
parents that inclines them to one of these two avenueTSm§ °f the
For this reason, the noble Messenger
Allah be upon him) stated;
(peace and blessings of
.. ht the importance of what I am trying to
.•*-”X&^rflaIsoproveMp ;
pP’a,n' •. /A?
m the importance of what i an
^^ic saying will also prove helpful;
Knowledge in childhood is like an imprint in a stone.
Tds the imprints and effects of the knowledge and
ln °‘her fit’ in childhood are very deep and cannot be erased,
manners taug throughout the entire life, just as an
^ne can never be erased. Conversely, any
Sedge and morals acquired once grown up are quic y
forgotten and their effects are not long lasting.
"Every child is bom upon the nature of Islam. It is
the parents then who make the child a Jew,
Christian or Zoroastrian."3
Observe the following two couplets in Arabic4;
To teach children manners in childhoo
them immensely. However, after t ae
childhood has passed, it gives them no en
If you attempt to straighten a brane , 1 a dry
However, if you want to create Hexi 1 snaps.
piece of wood, it does not soften, rat e
THE RESPONSIBILITY OF EDUCATION
Some time ago, I had the opportunity to deliver a speech at a
conference on education held in Birmingham. Parents as well as
prominent officers from the department of education attended the
conference.
The head of the Birmingham department of education in his
speech remarked, "In the beginning it was our opinion that the
responsibility for educating the upcoming generation rested with
the teachers and the department of education. However, during
'Jr™616611 sixties' we began feeling that we alone could not
rwZLkUly successful in educating the young; rather, we
iartmenfaSf1St!nCe °f parents' If both the parents and the
Untrue suc°ceedUCa^On to§ether and assist one another,
ffue success can be achieved."
,The Apartment of P'd W&S mV?ted to saV a few words. 1 stated,
fusion that the coon^^ yearS come to the
^d correct peratlon of parents is essential for the
rT-. However uP«™mg
J ted years Prior to tod1 announced fourteen
Catln8theyoun u ay at the actual responsibility for
8 upon the parents' shoulders. Hence, it is
33
32

MOTHER
their duty t~ ' -
providing a good education —r
(Qur’an^ 66, 6) And if the child,
the parents who are responsible.
tO.AeleCtJa 8°Od S-Hool for their u
" ---------------- 'Jri protect them r chiIdren =
~biMren of anyon'e°’7 *He fir® ofby
> one go astray tl^he!L
Education
who wish to teach their children the Urdu
THE FIRST SC HOOL
The first school of the children
why the Arabs have a famous c*
is a school. Every child remains
is the lap of the mother
.J"
four to five years and from here the foundation11’5
becoming either good or bad is laid.
msa, the Z^thlr
’ school for
of the child
fkprs WHO WISH LG Lcucn Luoxi
Those mot ak in this tongue in their presence from the
language, hears ordy Urdu and, hence, speaks only
S° However, when telling a lie or acting unjustly towards
UrdU thers forget the adverse influence that these lies and
olhers, mo children. Therefore, a mother
“h dd strictly adhere to the principles of Islam in her speaking
5 nd talking, eating and drinking, sitting and standing, dress and
manners; so that children are encouraged to adopt Islamic values.
|ust as children learn to speak and walk by observing the parents;
similarly, children will do what they observe the parents doing.
Normally, a child begins to speak at the age of two or three, and
by the age of four or five, every child is able to speak his or her
mother tongue fluently and is able to express him or herself
clearly. Can I ask, from which school did this child acquire and
learn the mother tongue? Clearly, it is the mother's lap that has
effectively taught the child the mother tongue in merely two or
three years.
A man of mature years like myself, if he was to begin ^^Jould not
German language today, in two to three years time e mother
be able to speak German so fluently as a child sêâse of a child
tongue at the age of four or five years. Ponder t mother,
who can learn a language by just listening to ’ character of the
so how can he not be affected by the good or
mother?
5 Qur'an, Surat at-Tahrim (66), Verse 6. er Hadith 1374
<■ Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of akjana'iz (23), <- P
34
THE FIRST TEACHER
The first teacher of a child is the mother, for the child begins to
speak and understand in her lap. Mothers should at all times
present a good practical example in front of the children. The
daily life of the mother and the father is a full-time silent teacher
for the children and from whom the children are learning at all
times. In the presence of children, it is better to refrain from lying
even within the context of a joke.
‘‘ iS necessarY for every mother that she possesses
so that^ ge °f the basic anct important aspects of the religion
ê the first teacher the “ unforturlate enough to
orphaned in matters of r r H m°ther - who is illiterate and
that child have? eligion, then what kind of a future will
P'eased with him) ^>nce r^°St ^8h)' ibn Abi Talib (Allah be
ataaner; ' eferred to three orphans in the following
1. An
father whose father dies, for the
llfe- sponsible for providing the essentials of
35

- MOTHER
Education
2. An orphan in animals is he whose
mother is in most cases the one m°ther djes ,
the essentials of life. Often, the father f°r
about his child, such as a donkey, dog or XlX k^
3. An orphan in Islam is that man or woman ,
possess the basic and essential knowledge 7, does not
for he or she will be unable to differential i reUSi°n,
lawful and the unlawful. 6 between the
, ,he none Messenger (peace and blessing, ol Allah be
*«”n«’)te8S,a,ed;
■s bhp Our'an. For, the holy Qur'an shall
intercede for those who recite it on the Day of
Judgement."8
r, the noble
For, the holy Qur'an shall
THE FIRST EDUCATION
When a child begins to speak, he or she should firstly be taught
the word Allah and then the declaration of faith, La ilaha illallahu
Muhammad Rasulullah. For, the noble Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) stated;
"Teach your children firstly the declaration of faith,
La ilaha illallahu, and encourage this also at the time
of death. For the one whose first and last statement
is La ilaha illallahu, he will not be questioned about
any sin."7
"He who recites the Qur'an and acts according to it,
on the Day of Judgement such a crown shall be
placed on his parents' heads, whose light shall be
more beautiful than that of the sun."9
THE BEST GIFT
It is the responsibility of the parents to provide a good education
for the children and teach them good and praiseworthy ethics
and manners. Those parents who spend from their hard-earned
and well-deserved wealth in order to fulfil this obligation, their
children are successful; they serve their parents and honour their
name. This results in true satisfaction and comfort for the
parents. For this reason, the noble Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) stated;
TEACHING THE RECITATION OF THE QUR'AN
When a child is able to read, he or she shou <- teaching the
mosque where there is an exemplary start a (.Rat the child s
recitation of the holy Qur'an. This is to ens mosque
relationship with the holy Qur an as we
"The best gift from the parents to the children is that
parents provide a good education for them and
‘each them good morals."10
strengthened. ^,s yfe
Reciting the holy Qur'an is an important asP the cRild 1(- ity.
and the benefit of which is attained e<duavijjng the opP°
the tutors teaching and the parents Pr
7 Al-Hindi (d. 975 ah), Kmtz al-Ummal fi Sunaa
45332, Volume 16, p. 441.
PreoccuPied acquiring a
leave no time , _ . . , —
Winging it ;<• m P7 n° attention to their education and
Countable for th and they will
tor tins laziness on the Day of Judgement just as
xviMoiu preoccupied in acquiring a great
great car and a great property for their children, and
. • ne anid pav r -
P tlnSing, it is they who are p
^CC«MOr ths laziness
42' Hadith !910-
“‘-F'rmidJii, Book of n Chapter 14' Hadith 1455.
al-Brrr wa-s.Sila (23)< chapter
37
36

—MOTHER
Education
the noble Messenger (peace and blessing c
has stated. gs Allah
Upon him)
ni ,r (Allah be pleased with him) stated, “Teach your childIbn U« 1 manners) for you will be questioned about the
ddflb (goou knowledge you taught him and he will be
“Xealou. to sendee and obedience io you."n
THE INSTRUCTION TO PRAYER
I
Salat (prayer) is obligatory upon every sane and mature Muslim
It is not obligatory upon children. However, it is the
responsibility of the parents that they acquaint and accustom
their children to the prayer from childhood. For, the noble
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stated;
"When a child reaches the age of seven years, order
him or her to offer the prayer. If the child reaches
the age of ten years, punish him upon not offering
the prayer, and also separate their beds at that
age."12
a fathe^shttld^Z th<f daUghters offer the prayer with her
they become ^ T °ffer the PraVer ™ith him' so
Y become framed m correctly offering the prayer.
offering the " nOt atternpt to habituate their children in
high) In they certainly are disobedient to Allah (most
entire pro* dlh°n' When they die' their children shall inherit their
not inhe l C residence' car, land, wealth, etc. but they shall
not sun 6 grave °t their parents. In other words, they shall
par , *5ate tbe forgiveness of their parents. Whereas, the
thev ha Wrt° habltuate their children to offer the prayer, when
ve ied, their children shall in each prayer say;
3 j J
”0 our Lord! Forgive me, forgive my parents and
forgive all the believers on the Day of Judgement."
(Qur'an1314,41)
In this manner, children receive the reward of not only offering
theprayer but also of supplicating for their parents. Also, due to
the supplication of the children, the parents progress further in
paradise. Just as the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of
Mlahbe upon him) stated;
"A person's rank in paradise is increased, upon
which he questions, "For which good deed is my
status increased?" The answer given is that it is due
to the supplication of your child for your
forgiveness.''14
And;
"When a person dies, his orderly actions come to an
end except in three ways:
1. Acontinuous charity;
1. A knowledge that is left from which people
continue tobenefit;
T Apious child who supplicates for the parents.1’’
Caching secular sciences and arts
1 Wt aaVHres the ability to learn, he or she should be and a a Scbo°''hatWas an exemplary standard of education
P ringing. Just as having the knowledge of the basic and
such
’ Just
126), Chapter 4, Hadrth4310
39

THE IDEAL MOTHER
Education
fundamental aspects of Islam is obligatory fo.
similarly, it is necessary that a person acquires0' 3 Muslim,
knowledge, science, art or skill in order to live a resp^^ Seculai
have a lawful livelihood. As was the case foliowin tl^ and
Badr, whereby the noble Messenger (peace and blessii batUe of
be upon him) stated to those non-Muslims who hadT A"ah
captives that whoever could not afford the ransom if he" Uken
ten children of Madina to read and write, he will be freed6 t6aChes
■ ftafsir) prophetic tradition (hadith)
......... ..
hi8h) md
» **'” : eduX is also essential in order to remarn
- X and serve Islam in a much more
prosperous m
effectivemanner-
What would those enemies of Islam teach the Muslim childre ?
Clearly this is a reference to secular education and the noble
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) has
practically proved that knowledge is such a valuable treasure that
even if the greatest foe possesses it, one should not feel ashamed
in acquiring it from him. In this relation, the following Ahadith
demand attention;
1. "The word of wisdom is the lost property of the believer.
Wherever he finds it, he should acquire it."16
16Smh«h at-Tirmidhi, Book of al-'Ilm (37), Chapter 19, Had H
/'-Hindi (d. 975 AH), Kanz al-'Ummal fi Sunan al-Aq
45345, Volume 16, p. 444. , . ,r,P 2, P-254'
18 Al-Bayhaqi (d. 458 AH), Shu'ab al-Iman, Hadith 1663, Vo u
2. "It is the right of the child that the parents teach him the
Qur'an, archery and swimming."1718
3. "Seek knowledge even if you have to travel to China.
Islam encourages the acquiring of every type of knowle ge
science that protects and advances the nation or the sta.u^.ce
individual or the society. Such as trade, agriculture, )
medicine, military, etc.
It is my view that a person researching in modern scier ^^g a
in order to protect and preserve his nation or state is ^on
communally obligatory duty (fard kifaya) just as any P
40

Upbringing
I
THE SOCIETY IN CHILDHOOD
• j "Give me vour child for the first
A British psychologist once said Give y You will
seven years and then you can have him or her ba . „
never be able to disconnect him or her from me thenceforth.
In other words, if a child remains in my society and influence for
the first seven years of his or her life. My language and traits
shall have such a deep and lasting effect on the child's
P^hobgy that even if the child is later separated from me, he or
i never be disjointed from the effects of my language and
shows that- l-kzs
*Ven years of iife ^b 3 perSOn remains for the first
mbedded in that PeCtS Of that society remain /
resP°nsibiiitv ofh person's psyche Th m forever
the h°use fevery mother that she v heref°re, it is the
*?“*"«! /T as poss,bl1-' so i/Pn e atmosphere of
**"■ effective ““ s/181™ are
P yche of the
, h,LDREN
!cl*«>iSa
anatoa'andhu:
manly instinct n-
43

- ‘v1v)THEr
mis natural love that t
children and endure greatdiffi v* affecHonat
P°nhir^
^tionate
merciful and af{<
Love the children and be
towards them." i
Once, the noble Messenger (peace and w
him) kissed Hasan ibn' Ali (Allah be pleaZTwith ** Upon
Aqra' at-Tamimi (Allah be pleased with him^ ' and
ther who after seeing affectii^S^ '
and have never kissed anyone of them." The noble
(peace and blessmgs of Allah be upon him) looked surprising
him and stated; 6y
"He, who is not merciful and affectionate, shall not
be treated in a merciful and affectionate manner."2
'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) relates that a woman once
came to her begging and she had her two daughters on her side.
'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) only had one date? wk
and she gave that to the woman. The woman divi e
between the two daughters and ate none of it Lerse^ êssenger
woman stood up and left. Later when the home,
(peace and blessings of Allah be uPon^T the story °ê
'A'isha (Allah be pleased with her) relate t0,s'.nci(jent, the n°b'e
woman's selflessness. Upon hearing the ay ^m) stated,
Messenger (peace and blessings of Alla
, p to his daugWerSl
"He, who is placed in a test due wen and
and despite this, he treate shall becoCtie a
affectionately, then these daug
shelter for him from the fire o
■ n
_______________________________ .______ ., 2
’ As-Sawwaf, Huquq al-Awlad min ^’nzn'ter 18, Hadit'a6
2 Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of al-Adab (78), J1 1439-
11bid, Book of az-Zakat (24), Chapter 1 ,
Upbringing
(Mlah be pleased with him), once
-l !•* ’u“' )ert The Ln saw 'Umar (Mbh b'
X I his son and questioned, are
' d ,iih him) “J ( Lea4cI of the faithful (amir al-
1 a a13 not have." Upon »
11" wi41 him) said, "If Allah (most high) has
'•“'“’"Xmoassion out from your heart, that is not my
*«,*) »d “Xis compassionate only to those people
1.11 Allah (W> h8> consequently, 'Umar (Allah
*“'TXw'lieved that man tom htsduty and statod,
xi* * o'«t 10 yora ”■80
iyoube able to show mercy to others.
keeping the children happy
According to the age and temperament of the children, facilities
and an atmosphere that would please and keep them happy
should be provided. The noble Messenger (peace and blessings
of Allahbe uponhim) stated;
"There is ahouse in paradise that is called the house
of happiness. Only those people will enter it who
hep their childrenhappy5
hadith highlights that Allah (most high) is pleased with
,°S parents who keep their children happy and He grants them
™ Paia^se- La 0Tder to keep the noble Hasnayn
(ueacp » ?k>Sed W't'a êm boW happy, the noble Messenger
*tain th upon used t0 amuse and
'WsstheipT ôwever’ts imperative that parents do not
*’■ >t« itmL ° •„ lawt“' “dthe "lawful, the permissible
” "’“8 to keep their children pleased
| SUn“n “l’AqW“l Hadlth
%'L ““ M“' ’■2101 ">,h "l"““ >» K.«z
‘Ki,, aid Husayn, the sons of ■ Mi (Mlah be pleased
45
44

-rxL MOTHER Upbringing
and happy.
Once the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of AllahbeUpon
L x'uhed Husavn (Allah be pleased with him) on his bles^
u 1dets A person asked, "O child'. Tour ride is exceptional."shouto • Messenger (peace and blessings of MUh
?Pon« remarked, “The rider is also except
PRAISE UPON GOOD
Loving children is a natural instinct indeed. However n
children who adhere to Islam and are obedient to parents reserve
a lot more love and affection. This is to encourage them further
so that they become more and more virtuous and righteous.
When a child achieves some exceptional success, such as,
achieving a great position in the examinations of the school or the
mosque, this happiness should be celebrated. The child shouldbe
patted, praised and given a special gift or award, such as, new
clothes, a new watch, etc. Friends and relatives should also join in
this occasion of joy and celebration, so that ever-,°™
congratulates the child. This results in happiness for the c
Self-confidence develops within the child and he or s
much harder to progress further in future.
PleasureUPONBad
^"hildrcrj '
to differentiate ,P^encec^ and unaware. It is difficult for them
resPonsibilitv of th 660 ®°°d an<d bad. Therefore, it is the
what is bad e Parer,ts that they instruct good and stop
anyone's dkhSr cbddren do not become a cause for
rbance. In this regard, the following suggestion*
•nced and made to have done
and blessings of J thlS/
hand used to wa blessings of Allah be upon
Mlab’sMessenge name q{ Mlah, eat
eat horn .hat is in front of
you."8
, W commits a mistake, to mother should not
1 * « angry straightaway because anger can have
„t«e efels. Rather, a soft approach should be
pursued, for the noble Messenger (peace and blessings o
Allah be upon him) said, "If softness is found in
, something, it makes it beautiful. If softness is taken out of
1 it,itmakes it unpleasant."9
I 1 If children out of foolishness commit a grave mistake, then
I it is also essential to approach them with severity and
I strictness so that they do not in future commit the same
1 mistake, just as once there was a large amount of dates
1 jjven as charity in the prophetic Mosque. Hasan (Allah be
1 pleased with him) whilst playing approached the dates
I ®d placed one in his mouth. The noble Messenger (peace
1 and blessings of Allah be upon him) saw him and said,
l (r)3 6 ■>'0UI Tnou';b " T^ten the noble Messenger
1 aX^?!?SmgS Ot be U1?on h™) got up himself,
date6 TJ' be Pleased him) and took
1 ^tthecMa° is mou^ an(3 stoted, "Do you not know
1 oi charity?" ° Wuhammad do eat from the wealth
are worthy of attention;
L When a child commits a mistake
then he or
--------------------------------------------------------ter 31; Hadi* 4153
Sunan at-Tirmidhi, Book of al-Manaqib (45), Chap
TitMuslim r a vma 1 Chapter2,Hadith5430.
tlQ ' 00 of al-Hirr wa's-Sila wa'l-Adab (46), Chapter 23, Hadith
Wofaz-Zakat^j, Chapter 53,Hadith1509.
46

the ideal mother
A mistake is always a mistake and ia w
child commits it or an elder. Hence, it is°n§' a
mistakes and wrongs are discouraged from *mportant that
b ‘ um an early age
4. Some mothers express their displeasure wl
children are disobedient to them; however, the60
silent when the children are disobedient to AllahT3"1
high). mosl
For example, a mother may be displeased if her child do
not bring shopping home from the market and she could
remain absolutely silent if the child does not go to mosque
to offer the prayer. Such a mother is being cruel to herself
for a child who is disobedient to Allah (most high) will be
disobedient also to the mother. Conversely, a child whois
obedient to Allah (most high) and His Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him), will be obedient to
the mother also. This is because Allah (most high) orders
that the child be obedient to the parents (Qur an11 17,23)
and the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) also instructs the child that paradise lies
beneath the feet of the mother.1-
upbrinoin rS Pa'z a great deal of attention to the physical
do nnt & 311 Protecbon °f their children; however, they
unhr- ■ 0316 ab°ut the children's faith and ethical
upbnngmgand protection.
th exarnPle' if a child attempts to play with fire or a knife
e mother severely stops the child so that he or she is not
1ped- However, if the child swears or tells a lie and the
^ot er does nothing, this can have negative effects on the
nild s character and faith, which is far greater and more
angerous than any physical harm. For a child who
S f,n§er ™t off by a knife yet he is righteous
possesses a good character, such a child is far better
Upbringing
that child whose fingers are not cut but he tells lies and
joes not have decent morals and manners. Therefore, just
asa motherlooks after the physical well-being of the child,
she needs to also preserve and provide a good upbringing
interms ofthe child's faith and character.
SACRIFICE AND CHARITY
Inthepresence of the children, wealth should be spent in the way
ofAllah (most high) and sometimes the poor and needy should
be helped via the hands of the children, so that the passion and
sentiment of being kind and good to the poor and giving in
charityiscreated within their hearts.
SUPERVISION
An eye should be kept upon the movements, actions and the
society of the children. After sunset, children should not be
permitted to go outside of the house; usually there are adverse
influences and bad people outside during these times. Just as the
s«MeSSenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
"Do not allow your animals and your children to go
outside after the sun has set. For the devils spread
outside after the sun has set."13
CONVERSATION ANDDIALOGUE
ago, 1wentto visit a friend. He was sitting on the s®ba®4mhislapwashis four year old son. Both father and son had
Chandsineachother'shands andwere competing in a trial of
s^th.
and were
11 Qur'an, Surat al-Isra' (17), Verse 23. Hadith 311?-
12 Sunan an-Nasa'i, Book of al-Jihad (25), chapter
48 49

THE IDEAL MOTHER
The father was entertaining his son and the son was becoming
overjoyed by playing with his father. Suddenly, the son severely
pushed against his father's hands with both of his own hands and
said, "O you bastard!"
God forbid! Upon hearing these words I was overwhelmed and
stunned, and I quickly questioned, "Brother! Does this child go to
school?" He replied, "He hasn't reached the age of beginning
school yet." I asked, "Does he go to nursery?" He replied, "He
has reached the age of beginning nursery but I've been a bit lazy
and soon he will start going to the nursery." I stated, "Brother! If
he went to school, it would have been easy for me to understand
that maybe he heard this word from someone and remembered it.
If he went to nursery, it was possible that he may have heard this
word from some silly child and remembered it. Brother! Neither
does he go to school nor the nursery. It seems as though in this
house, either you use such an un-Islamic word or the mother of
this child, and from there he has learnt it."
He replied, "Pirzada Sahib! This child does not know the reality
of this word otherwise he would not have used it." I said, "It is
quite correct that this child does not know the reality of this word
but tomorrow when he becomes an adult and calls someone else a
'bastard', both you - mother and father - will be included in his
sinfulness. For you have taught him this un-Islamic word."
Therefore, both, mothers and fathers, are required to adhere to
Islamic ethics and values in their everyday speech and
conversation. Those words that they would not like to be used
for them, they should not use for anybody else. Otherwise, their
children will learn those words causing them difficulties and
sorrow in later life.
THE TELEVISION AND THE INTERNET
an Islamic society, the responsibility of upbringing the children
st y rests upon the mother's shoulders as the father in most
mon cases remains away in quest of livelihood. However,
Upbringing
have taken this
childr8enesnpendtOmuch
rtiechildren a
ien, she should „o.
5ZXebiUren being disorient to her.
S* Xy
and the television was switched on. The children were watching
the television and the mother and father were talking amongst
each other. I was also offered to join in the meal and as such
joined in the conversation with the parents. Throughout this
meal, the eyes of the children were firmly fixed on the television
screen to such an extent that they had absolutely no idea of what
we were conversing about. It was as though sitting inside one
room, the three of us were having a conversation in an Islamic
atmosphere, whereas, the children were lost within an un-Islamic
atmosphere that was appearing on the television screen It <mf tnsuch a level that I saw one of the children hrwl °Ot *°
chapatti, move his hand towards the dish of R □ morsel of
placing the chapatti in the curry he bevan Urr^ instead of
he table, then placed it in his mouth andP^5"18 the chapatti on
Durmg this shoB ,ime. hjs eyeX“ n±ed ““aUy
glued on the television screen and h J ?Centratl°n Were firm!
°n^lete^eViS^onor'willtheybeoj)^^^0^Mtefeyg].
I request all the Muslims resid- ther?
of every twenty fOur h in the United v
to spend purely with ' theY should , ^gdom tk
for this, in my view, is7^ on^h
television should be " he eWne Jh''dren. Th« l
converse with one Wltched off 8 meal. At il best tim
language will be I °! they T
• ' ■ Ih achmuknphereof
5150

Upbringing
THEIDEALMOTHER
becomeaware ofother's situations and problems. If, on the other
hand, the television is left switched on, then our children whilst
tang physically in our lap will not be with us. Rather, they
remain focussed on the television and become unaware of our
languageandculture.
THEMOTHERTONGUE
Up until today, we have been hearing that a person's first
language is that of the mother's and hence the term 'mother
tongue'came into existence.
The first language is that in which a person thinks. For example,
my first language and mother tongue is Punjabi. I think in
Punjabi and when I want to convey my thoughts to an English
person, I think in Punjabi and then translate my thoughts into
English. However, it is unfortunate for the Muslims residing in
the United Kingdom that the mother's language is Punjabi,
whereas, thechild's first language is English and the child first of
all thinks in English and then translates into Punjabi in order to
communicate with his or her mother. Can I ask; why has this
COmo -l—
comeabout?
th e mj00 ,S C'6ar moêr âs given less of her company to
J C. Md more of the television's friendship. It is not the
n ^lscussl0n " not bi the least - that children should
allowed to watch television. Children should be able to
g°°d and beneficial programmes. However, watching
also ■Islam k entlre listens to the adhan which
andZh nnelSanddesPitethat^t'-..^
- motherandchildren, donot offer the
mother dme c^ren spend watching television, if a
them fhat much time with her children and talks to
tonguea f° êir nature- this entire issue of the mother
d theklamicculture can be improved.
not be the case
■—i appears on
television is not turned off
- ...a prayer.
/
fdllNGALIE
some instances, a mother wants to go out due to some reason
putherchild is persistent in wanting to go with her and cries. In
ntderlo temporarily quieten the child, the mother makes a false
promise, "0 look! I am going to get a bicycle for you" Upon
hearing this, the child calms down and quietens, and anxiously
waits the return of his or her mother. When the mother returns
without the bicycle, the child questions the whereabouts of it. In
order to silence and quieten the child again, the mother tells
motherlie. This course of action can have negative effects for the
mother which may include the following;
1. The child loses confidence in the mother and is forced to
understand that his or her mother can tell a lie.
The child receives the rearing and encouragement of
telling lies and when he or she grows up and tells a lie to
the mother, it is the mother who will be responsible.
The sin of telling a lie will be recorded in the mother's
book of deeds, just as it has been related from the noble
Messenger (peace and blessings ofAllah be upon him);
'Abd Allah ibn 'Umar (Allah be pleased with him) relates
that one day Allah's Messenger (peace and blessing nf
Allah be upon him) came to their house. Hp °
and was talking aloud. In order to quieten him .aS^0Un^
called him towards her saying that if he - ' m°êr
will give him something. Allah's Messed f° She
blessings of Allah be upon) asked her "W 'peace
want to give him?'' His mother replied ^'Wyou
give him a date.'' Allah's Messenger /' 'nten^ to
of Allah be upon him) 91led (Pe« b|
do not give him anything, then ' "Now if „ §
your book of deeds "M a ,e Will hP ' “ -°U
reco<lJn
u Sunan Abi Dawud, Book ofa|_4 .
52
53

Upbringing
THE IDEAL MOTHER
LOVING THE NOBLE MESSENGER MUHAMMAD
(PEACE AND BLESSINGS OF ALLAH BE UPON HIM)
Love for the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be
upon him) is the essence of faith. No one can possess true faith
and belief without this profound love. The sign of a complete
mu'min (believer) is that he or she loves Allah (most high) and
Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) the
most.
It is the responsibility of the parents that they create the love for
the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
within the hearts of their children from childhood.
One means of attaining this is to recall and relate to the children
the lovely and wonderful ahadith of the noble Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him) in which he has stressed the
love for children, keeping them happy and bringing them up in a
good manner. This is to ensure that the love for the noble
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) is created
in their hearts and they attempt to follow his blessed example. In
this regard, the following sayings of the noble Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him) are worthy of contemplation;
"Habituate your children in three things; loving
their Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him), loving his household (ahi al-bayt) and reciting
the holy Qur'an."15
And;
Love Allah (most high) because He provides for
you from His blessings. And due to the love of
Allah (most high) love me. And due to the love of
me, love my household."16
15 f _ ----Volume ^7p 456 al-'Ummal fi Sunan al-Aqwal wa'l-Afal, Hadith
TimuiDu, Book of al-Manaqib (45), Chapter 32, Hadith 4158.
respecting the pious and the nobles
noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
hasstated;"He is not from us, who is not merciful to our young
and who is not respectful to our elders."17
For this reason, it is our moral obligation to stand up in respect
upon the arrival of a pious person, a person of knowledge, a
virtuous person or a person older in age; and to offer him a
suitable place.If very honourable and eminent people arrive, such as the
parents, religious scholars, shaykhs of the tariqa (spiritual guides)
other noble people, then to kiss their hands alongside standing
up in respect is a very good manner and custom. Children
should be made accustomed to these ethics so that respect for the
elders is created in their hearts. Moreover, humility and modesty
matures within the children, which keeps them away from
arrogance and disobedience. '
In this respect,
attention;
or
the following ahadith and traditions demand
. Mlah be pleased with her) states that she has not
T -Aisha (Ah^ more resemblance to the noble
found any°("ace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
MeSSXtima, the daughter of Allah's Messenger (peace and
than a Allah be upon him). The habits, manners,
bVeSduX etiquettes and ways of Fatima (Allah be pleased
with her) resembled the noble Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him). Whenever, Fatima (Allah
be pleased with her) would come to the noble Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him), he would
stand to welcome her, kiss her (head) and seat her in his
17 At-Tabrayzi, Mishknt <il-Mnsoh7i Book f
wa-r-Rahma.ala'l-Khalq(15),S«Hon2 Ha°‘.jAdab, Chapter of
ash-Shafaqa
55
54

THE IDEAL MOTHER
2.
3.
place And when the noble Prophet (peace a
of Allah be upon him) would go to Fatima f a uSSinSs
pleased with her), she would stand up for him 7 Uh be
place, kiss (the hands of) him and seat him in her pla™
Abu Hurayra (Allah be pleased with him) narrates that n
noble Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon himi
used to sit in the mosque and talk to them. Then when h
would stand, they would all stand also and they would
remain standing until the noble Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) had entered the house of
any one of his pure wives.*19 Standing up in respect for the
people of knowledge and the pious ones is a rewarding
act. Moreover, This action is in actual fact a demonstration
and show of respect to knowledge and piety.
'• Sunan at-Tirmidln, Book al-Manaqib (45), Chapter 61,
19 Sunan Ab: Dawud. Book of al-Adab (42), Chapter 1, Hadith 4 3851
a Sahih al-Bukhari, Book of Manaqib al-Ansar (63), Chapter
21 Al-Bukhari, al-Adab al-Mufrad, p. 288.
When Sa'd ibn Mu'adh (Allah be pleased with him) came
close to the mosque, the noble Prophet (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) instructed the helpers of
Madina (ansar), "Stand up for your leader and the best
amongst you."20 This highlights another
a noble person enters and the mother instructs the. childr
to stand up and show respect, this instruction other and
sunna and practice of the noble Messenger (p
blessings of Allah be upon him), for he ms r
to stand up also.
Upbringing
Wazi' ibn 'Amir (Allah be pleased with him) in his report
states, "When we arrived, we were informed that this was
Allah's Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
him). So webegan kissinghis blessed hands and feet.''22
Suhayb (Allahbe pleased withhim) relates thathe saw ' Ali
(Allah be pleased with him) kissing the hands and feet of
'Abbas (Allah be pleased with him).23
the prophetic Companions (sahaba) used to kiss the blessed
tads of the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be
uponhim). The following generation (tabi'un) who had not seen
the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him),
they used to kiss the hands of the prophetic Companions; those
hands that had performed the bay' at (allegiance) in the hands of
the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon
On the other hand, if a person is a complete tyrant and
terrorist, wrongdoer and full of arrogance, to stand up in
is respect is not permitted because the noble Messenger
(peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stated, "He,
w ho loves that people stand in his respect, will have his
abode in the fire of hell."21
22
23
56

The onus and rights of
the Couple
The home is the foundational unit of any society and resembles a
small-scale state.
The general populace of this state are the children. The mother is
the minister and the father is the prime minister. If both the
mother and the father, attempt to become the prime minister then
the system of affairs of the home will become confounded and
upset. There is no state in the world that has two prime
ministers.
Therefore, parents and children are required to make the hom
place of comfort and happiness, while remaining within hT
boundaries of each one s responsibilities and rights
Whilst pointing out the obligations of the wife
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) stated
1 "The mother has the most right over a
husband has the most right over a woman "I"13” and the
2.
"I was shown the fire of hell The
were women who were ungratefui» °f ^OSe m it
-------------------------- ----------■ “ Was asked, "W *
, Mundhin (d. 656 ah), at-Targhib WtT ,
an-Nikah,p.53(NumberiT^b min
59

THE IDEAL MOTHER
3.
those women ungrateful to Allah (most high)?" The noble
onaer (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)N ,> "They were ungrateful to their husbands and to
replied, the husband that if you were always
those ‘avo wife and on one occasion she saw something
favouring bke, she wovdd say, 3 have never
fromyou that sne ui«
seen anythinggood in you .
In other words, those women would reject and deny all th
past favours of the husband if he merely on one occasion
did something that displeased them.
"The woman who is committed to offering the prayers and
fasting, and who protects her privates and follows her
husband; all the doors of paradise are opened for her and
she will be able to enter paradise through any door she
chooses." 3
Thus, the wife should follow her husband and encourage the
children to be obedient to the father also. For the husband is
responsible for providing, from his hard-earned livelihood, the
residence for his wife and children, their food and clothing. It is
thus his right that he be appreciated and followed.
However, it must be understood that this obedience and
following is not limitless, rather, it is conditional. If the husband
says something that is contrary' to the religion, then his obedience
in such a thing is not necessary. For the noble Messenger (peace
and blessings of Allah be upon him) has stated;
"There is no conformity to anyone in a thing
disobedient to Allah (most high). Obedience re
only in something good and pious."4
’ Sahih oLBuMian, Book of al-lman (2), Chapter 21, Hadi r_Rahman it”1
Musnad Ahmad ibn Hanbal, Volume 1, Collection: A a ? blessing5
(Allah be pleased with him) from the noble Messenger (P
Allah be upon him). j Hadith 7344-
* Sahih al-Bukhan, Book of Akhbar al-Ahad (96), Chap e
The onus and rights of the Couple
furthermore, Allah (most high) has ordered the men;
"Live with your wives in a good manner. And if
you dislike them, then it is possible that you detest
something whereas Allah has placed abundant good
in it." (Qur'an5 4,19)
In other words, treat your wife in a good manner and if you
dislike a certainhabit of her, then do not suddenly become fed up
and think of separation, for none is free from defects and faults,
neither you nor your wife.
It is quite possible that the new wife you choose may have much
more faults and weaknesses than your present wife. If this wife
has some faults, then clearly she will have some good and
praiseworthy aspects too.
Therefore, be patient as much as possible upon her mistakes.
Perhaps, Allah (most high) will grant you such righteous children
from this wife who later on will honour your name in matters
concerning religion and this worldly life.
Consequently, whilst pointing out the obligations of the husband,
the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
stated;
"The best amongst you is he who has the best manners
towards his wife."
"Peed your wives the same that you feed yourself. Clothe
them with the same level and standard of clothes that you
clothe yourself. Do not hit them and do not degrade
them"7
"On the Day of Judgement, the person considered the
-----' TTsurat an-Nisa (4), Verse 19.
5 Qur n.r «t-Tirmidhi, Book of ar-Rida' (8), Chapter 11 h j- v
‘/sTnan Ab. D-ud, Book of an-Nikah (12), Chapter 42, hX144.
60

THE IDEAL MOTHER
worst in the eyes of Allah (most high) will be
who tells others the secrets and confidentiality
wife."8
that man
es of his
The onus and rights of the Couple
The prominent poet of the East, the learned Muhammad Iqbal,
refers to this and states;
Allah (most high) has likened the relationship t
husband and wife with an item of clothing; P Detween the
The beneficence ofvision, or the miracle of school,
Who taught Isma'il the decorum offilialness?
"They (the wives) are a garment for you, and you
are a garment for them." (Qur'an9 2,187)
Let us ponder over this piece of clothing;
1 The garment or piece of clothing, recognises the physical
defect of a person; however, it conceals it from the eyes of
the people.
The garment makes the beauty and splendour of a person
more elegant.
3 -
garments for^Hd "h° the requirements of being the
fh^ceThr an° th6y Hlde the defects of one another,
one a kJ3 0 6 g°od one another, they preserve the purity of
on rrarfith 3615-
6 Sahih Muslim, Book of an-Nikah (17), Chapter ,
’ Qur'an, Surat al-Baqara (2), Verse 187.
diffi Ik- eF- and. they protect one another from harm and
y, . .|X' *S fheir home that resembles paradise in this world.
, e C ren t’eing nurtured in that home become exemplary and
they honour the name of their parents.
Just as Isma'il (peace be upon him) was obedient to his father
rahim (peace be upon him) and in doing so raised the heads of
his parents high for ever. That only came about due to the school
>n the home and the excellent relationship between the husband
and the wife.
62

The onus and rights of
the Mother and Children
Just as it is the right of the children that their mother fulfils the
obligations of nurturing, educating and upbringing them - the
details of which have been mentioned in the previous chapters -
similarly, it is the mother's right that her children treat her well,
be obedient to her and pray for her forgiveness when she dies.
In this regard, observe the following ahadith;
"Verily, Allah (most high) has decreed disobedience to the
mother as forbidden (haram)."'
"The mother has the most right over a man and the
Husband has the most right over a woman."2
3. A prophetic Companion (Allah be pleased with him) askod
the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah h
him), "O Messenger of Allah! After the delfT
parents, is it possible to do good for them’" Th °
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah u e noble
replied, "Yes. Supplicating for them _> be. upon him)
forgiveness, fulfilling their promised aski"8 for their
______________________ resPecting their
, Book of al-Adab (78), Chant„ <,
,SAvMundhiri (d. 656 ah), at-Targhib iT
Votume3,'Bookofan-Nikah,p.53(Numberl-J^ min ai-Haiiift

THE IDEAL MOTHER The onus and rights of the Mother and Children
friends and being good to their relatives "3
For, verily, the rank and status of the parents in paradise
increases with the supplication of the children and their
asking for the forgiveness of the parents.4
4. Another prophetic Companion (Allah be pleased with him)
asked the noble Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah
be upon him), "I desire to do jihad, yet, I do not have the
ability’ to do so." The noble Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) questioned, "Is there any
one of your parents who is alive?" He replied, "Yes. My
mother is alive." The noble Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) stated, "Be good to her
and treat her well. If you have pleased your mother, you
will receive the reward of the major pilgrimage (hajj), the
lesser pilgrimage ('umra) and jihad.''5
5. Jahima (Allah be pleased with him) came to the noble
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) and
humbly remarked, "O Messenger of Allah! I wish to do
jihad and I have come to seek your advice." The noble
Messenger (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him)
asked, "Is your mother alive?" He replied in the
affirmative and so the noble Messenger (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) stated, "Remain with her
for paradise lies beneath her feet."6
This hadith highlights that in some instances serving the
mother is far better than jihad.
From the moment of pregnancy to the time of childbirth an
following that during the stages of nurturing, education ai
upbringing, the mother passes through many testing situatio
If a person ponders over the various stages the mother goes
through and especially the difficulties and pains of giving birth
that she proudly endures, if he or she even pays a slight attention
to these, then very quickly and easily the person will come to the
conclusion that most definitely the right and status of the mother
is very great and sublime.
; Hai 379^dab (34)- Chapter 2' Hadith 3795'
Volume 3 bJolLI a'-Tar8M’ wa't-Tarhib min al-Hadith ash-Sharif
°f.™ wa's-Sila, p. 315 (Number 8).
'' Book°'al-Jihad (25), Chapter 6, Hadith 3117.
66

mprvicert motYAers
hat instead of Vailing a dacoit, V-ill tiae mother so that she does not
pvetoixdt to another dacoit.
70

I
Wise mothers
It is common knowledge that behind a great husband there is the
hand of a great wife. In exactly the same manner, behind a great
son there is the hand of a great mother who joins with her
husband and plays an active and pivotal role in the upbringing of
her children.
History testifies that there have been many mothers who did not
have their husbands beside them and all alone they brought up
their children in such a magnificent manner that there children
eventually shined in the world as people of great excellence.
At the top of this list of names are the likes of Imam ash Sh f-
(Allah be pleased with him), Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal IAll ru'
pleased with him), Imam al-Bukhari (Allah be pleased whh J
Sayyid 'Abd al-Qadir al-Jilani (Allah be pleased with kW
Baba Earid Ganj Shakar (Allah be pleased with him)
1.
, find it important to mention such great andin the et^ pothers, so that the mothers of today, by following
pro^t^^pXe, can excelin the upbringing oftheir children.
pjuring the Umayyad era, a delegation was prepared from
tAadina to do jihad in East Persia. Abu 'Abd ar-Rahman
Purrukh was included in this delegation. At that time
Purrukh’s wife was pregnant, but he was not aware of her
73

THIIDFAl MOTHER
Wise mothers
pirpunci Furrukh gave his wife thirty thousand dinars
andMtlorjihad
faimikh eventually returned home after hventv
lean and knocked on the door. His son, Rabi'a vl S<?' en
bom alter his departure and had now become ' ° 'V3S
man. opened the door. When Furrukh beean o„i 3 .g’’Olvn
house. Rabi'a stopped him and said, "Who are tbe
mi house?" Furrukh replied, "This is mv h„ f° en(er
»'hi did you enter it?" When a heated ar/^' h°W and
]»kmg place tetween the two, Rabi'a's „ T"1™* be8a”
from inside. When she saw Furrukh . °tber ra'W out
J? ’7rfa«’erand told FurrukHbaUJ thal
J - Hhows born after you had left r “ y°Ur son-
J each other -d kgan ^‘ually, they
b out of immense
Wd“'n «teteta“‘S °f
.....
ln a«ual fact r
"'““sand dinars ,'WTuW1's Wife had
l^l'^^no^S^rson, rJ®?1 those thirty
deliver^, bec°me such 1 a' a scholar of
} aPP°mted as n, ProPhetic
neneKld aSthe grand mufh
th?' Rabl'a, was Hd,educahonal
^Pfeas,^ ? Pfeased gatherin J de,lvering t)le
i?‘h b'nt) a 'V,th hun), the Wkes of
*....
°b Peopje p
74
2.
[K„8„« his son ond astel. "Whojs Rabja.
people told him that this was thanked Allah
Upon hearing this, Furru P informed her,
Jost high), went back to hts 2ate as if he was the
"Today I have seen your son in such a state as
greatest scholar of all."
His wife asked him, "What is it that you like more; your
thirty thousand dinars or this knowledgeable position of
your son?" Furrukh spoke out, "I swear by Allah (most
high), I love the knowledge of my son." She informed him,
"I spent the thirty thousand dinars on educating your
son." Furrukh replied, "I swear by Allah (most high), you
have not wasted that wealth."1
Just imagine for a moment, what a wonderful result the
excellent upbringing of this pious mother w.c kt ™
produce, that her son was able tn k " ab,e to
Madina. This shows that spend' th<? mufti of
education and upbringing of the °n good
“'e'y u
Sayyid 'Abd al-Qadir al Til .
was orphaned at the aJ T' (Allah be pleased
respected mother paiZ °f ab°ut foUr Or f. ed W,tb him)
and upbringing. pecial attention to 2
Fl'sitel all, -AM al 'Sed«alion
him) memorised J Mdlr ,
•UK
®ldf„
°Ul(i
"My dear sL. °Se
endure -
Want to

Till IDF Al MOTHER Wise mothers
Perhaps in this life 1 shall never see you again But
•.applications and prayers will always accompany vo'L"^
She continued, "From your father's inheritance, 1 have o
eighty dinars remaining I shall keep forty dinars for yoU.
brother and 1 give you forty dinars to assist you in your
journey She sewed those forty dinars inside 'Abd al
Qadir al-Jilani's clothes under his armpit. As he departed
from home, she ardently spoke out, "My dear son! Listen
to my last and final advice. Never forget it and that is to
always speak the truth no matter what happens'."
She then hugged her son and with tears showering down
from her eyes said, "Go! My son, go! 1 leave you with Allah
(most high). 1 le shall be your Protector and Helper."
A caravan was leaving from Jilan to Baghdad. 'Abd al-
Qadir al-Jilani (Allah be pleased with him) departed with
that caravan When this caravan approached Hamdan, it
came under attack from some highway robbers, who
looted the caravan and stole all that the people possessed.
One robber came forward and asked, "O boy! Do you have
anything with you as well?" 'Abd al-Qadir al-Jilani (Allah
be pleased with him) replied, "1 have forty dinars." In
those times, this was a very' large amount and for a child to
have such an amount was virtually impossible. Hence, the
robber was not convinced and moved away. In this
manner, a number of those robbers came and questioned
Abd al-Qadir al-Jilani (Allah be pleased with him), but
upon hearing this same reply' each time, they thought it to
be a joke and left him.
jj, * u leader of the gang asked his henchmen,
Everv< ir'ont been looted?" They replied, "Yes.
,nt as been robbed. Though there is a young boy
J, we Lt” h l° -haVe f°rty dinars We did not believe him
1 e t him " The leader remarked, "Bring him to me."
loung Abd al-Qadir al-Jilani (Allah be pleased with
him) was brought to him and the leader asked about what
he had with him. 'Abd al-Qadir al-Jilani (Allah be pleased
with him) again told him, "1 have forty dinars.'' He asked,
"Where are they?" 'Abd al-Qadir al-Jilani (Allah be
pleased with him) replied, "They are sewed in my garment
under my armpit." When his garment was taken off and
opened up, they actually found those forty dinars.
The leader of those robbers was amazed and asked,
"Young lad! Do you not know that we are highway
robbers? If you had not told us and lied, you would have
saved this money." To this 'Abd al-Qadir al-Jilani (Allah
be pleased with him) replied, "1 would have saved the
money but 1 would have not obeyed my mother. For when
1 departed from home, my mother advised me to always
speak the truth no matter what happens, and I promised
her that I will always speak the truth."
These words uttered by 'Abd al-Qadir al-Jilani (Allah be
pleased with him) had such an effect on the robbers that
they begem to cry and stated, "How has this young child
honoured the promise made to his mother? How sad is it
that we, who have for so many years been breaking the
promise made to our Creator and have been cruel and
oppressive towards His creation?"
Eventually, the. robbers returned the wealth and propertv
they had robbed from the caravan and bv siJ i
repenting, became righteous and pious people'from then
uthor) age was sixyears old when my respectedMY assed away. After offering the night vigil prayer
father taha^ud) and the dawn prayer (salat al-fajr), our
ther would begin reciting the declaration of faith in a^rv low voice and begin walking passed and around our
^ds. She would wake us up for the dawnprayer and then
, Uhurawi Hadiqat al-Khutaba', p 351
77
76

TI 11 111F Al MOTHER Wise mothers
become busy in extracting butter from milk and preparing
the lassi (yogurt-based drink). As our household was
related to a spiritual guide, there were always one or two
maids helping to prepare meals for guests, however, our
noble mother used to extract butter from milk and prepare
our breakfast all by herself.
•tdlk and
When we would return home after offering the dawn
prayer in the mosque and after reciting the holy Qur'an for
half an hour, our breakfast of fried bread with yogurt, lassi
and fresh butter would be ready. However, if any one out
of us brothers and sisters was lazy in offering the dawn
prayer or reciting the holy Qur'an, he or she would be
deprived of having breakfast or would be given breakfast
last of all At the same time, he or she would be warned,
"He, who is not grateful to Allah (most high) for His
provision and subsistence is not worthy of eating from His
provision."
At that moment, this warning and delay in breakfast did
not please us, however, the benefit of it is such that since
childhood such a habit of offering the dawn prayer and
reciting the holy Qur'an has continued through my student
years, adult life and now I am close to old age, still, my
favourite time for study is after the dawn prayer.
Moreover, most of the time, 1 write my exegesis (tafsir) of
the holy Qur'an after the dawn prayer.
Ending note.
'lay Allah (most high) shower the grave of my noble mother with
countless mercies and blessings; whose outstanding upbringing
avs akened the love for offering the prayer and the holy Qur an
within me from a very early age.
I
1 host men and women who are reading this book, if their parents
are alive, may Allah (most high) bless their lives and shower
haiuka m them. And if they have passed away, may' Allah (most
high) forgive them Amin.
In the end, 1 (the author) request all those men and women who
benefit from this book that they supplicate for the forgiveness of
my parents. Thank you. Jnznkn Allnliu Tn'nln.
• uy*' J?1' jy'
0 our Lord’. Forgive me, forgive my parents and forgive all the
believers on the Day of judgement. Amin.
78

Bibliography
The primary source (of Sacred Law):
The holy Qur'an, which is defined as the discourse of Allah (most
high) conveyed to His Messenger Muhammad (peace and
blessings of Allah be upon him) through the medium of
revelation and transmitted to us by means of multiple contiguous
channels of transmission (tawatur).
Abu Dawud, al-lmamSulayman ibn al-Ash'ath as-Sijis
^a), Sunan Abi Dawud, Germany. Thesaurus
Foundation, 2000.
s-Sijistani (d. 275
Islamicus
al-Barusawi, al-lmam ash-Shaykh Isma'il a| • ,
Tafsir Ruh al-Bayan, Beirut: Dar al-Fikr. qqi 1137 AH),
al-Bayhaqi, al-lmam Abu Bakr Ahmad ih ,
Shu-Ub al-lman, Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-'I^^ (d. 458 ah),
Bhurawi, Khayr Muhammad
Bookstall, 2000. ' Had,clat ^Khutaba' i a.
' ahore: Farid
81

THE IDEAL MOTHER
al-Bukhari, al-Imam Abu 'Abd
256 ah), Sahih al-Bukhari,
Foundation, 2000.
Allah Muh
Germany:
al-Bukhari, al-Imam Abu 'Abd Allah Muhammad ibn Isma'il (d.
256 AH), nl-Adnb nl-Mi</r<i<i, Cairo: Maktabat al-Adab, 1979.
adh-Dhahabi, al-lmam Shams ad-Din
748 .ah), Siyar A'lam an-Nubala’, Cairo:
Muhammad ibn Ah™
Maktabat as-Safa, 200^
al-Findi, 'Abd as-Salam 'Atwa, Tarbiyat
Dar Ibn Hazm, 2003.
arnmad ibn
Thesaurus (d.
IslarniCUs
(d.
at-Tifl fi'l-Islam, Beirut:
al-Ghazali, al-lmam Abu Hamid Muhammad ibn Mnk,
505 AH), Ihya 'Ulutn ad-Din, Beirut: Dar al-Ma'rifa, 1982
Hanbal, al-Imam Ahmad ibn Hanbal (d. 241 ah), Musnad
ibn Hanbal, Istanbul: Dar ad-Da'wa, 1981.
al-Haythami, al-Hafiz Nur ad-Din 'Ali ibn Abu Bakr (d. 807 ah),
Majma' az-Zawa'id wa Manba' al-Fawa'id, Beirut: Dar al-Kutub al-
'Ilmiyya, 1988.
<Ala ad'Dln Ali ibn Hisam ad-Din (d. 975 ah),
Wsala 1985 al~AqWa' Beirut: Mu'assasat ar-
AU Maja al’Qazwini' al-Imam Muhammad ibn Yazid Abu 'Abd
a (d. 273 AH), Sunan Ibn Maja, Germany: Thesaurus Islamicus
Foundation, 2000.
al-Majid, Muhammad Hanif 'Abd, Mithali Ma, Karachi: Bayt al-
'Ilm Trust, 2002.
al-Mundhiri, al-lmam Zakki ad-Din 'Abd al-'Azim ibn 'Abd al-
Qawi (d. 656 ah), at-Targhib wa't-Tarhib min al-Hadith ash-Sharif,
Beirut: Dar Ihya' at-Turath al-'Arabi, 1968.
Bibliography
Ahmad
Muslim, al-lmam Muslim ibn al-Hajjaj an-Naysaburi (d. 261 AH),
Sahih Muslim, Germany: Thesaurus Islamicus Foundation, 2000.
an-Nasa'i, al-lmam Abu 'Abd ar-Rahman Ahmad ibnShu'ayb al-
Khurasani (d. 303 AH), Sunan an-Nasa'i, Germany: Thesaurus
Islamicus Foundation, 2000.
an-Nu'mani, 'Allama Shibli, al-Faruq, Lahore: Mushtaq Book
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as-Sari ani, al-Hafiz Abu Bakr 'Abd ar-Razzaq ibn Hammam (d.
211 AH), Musannaf 'Abd ar-Razzaq, Beirut: al-Maktab al-Islami,
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Shari'a al-Islamiya, Damascus: Dar al-Fikr, 2002.
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Subul al-Huda wa'r-Rashad fi Sirat Khayr al-’Ibad, Cairo: al-Majlis al-
A'la li'sh-Shu'un al-Islamiyya, 1997.
at-Tabrayzi, Muhammad ibn 'Abd Allah al-Khatib, Mishkat al-
Masabih, Beirut: Dar al-Fikr, 1991.
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Sunan at-Tinnidlu, Germany: Thesaurus Islamicus Foundation
2000.
82

Without doubt, every father loves his children; however; the
phrase 'motherly love' has become an aphoristic proverb. For
this reason, it has been used as a measure to illustrate Allah's
love for His creation.
This book looks at the various stages of motherhood and
discusses Islamic rites and tradition, nurturing and fostering,
education, upbringing, the onus and rights of the couple,
mother and children and also illustrates the differences
between imprudent and wise mothers.
ISBN 0-9547694-4-9
It is essential that every mother reads this book. For thiH
book makes her aware of her responsibilities and alsl
provides a means of fulfilling those duties and achieving thl
desired objective.
ISBN 0 9547694 4 9
Al-Karam Publications
Eaton Hall, Retford, Nottinghamshire, on22 Ol’lt, United Kingdom.

The ideal mother in light of the qur'an, sunna and tradition by muhammad imdad hussain pirzada

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