This document summarizes key concepts from "The Five Love Languages" applied to teenagers. It discusses the importance of connection, regulation, and autonomy in the family system and adolescent development. It describes the five love languages - words of affirmation, physical touch, quality time, acts of service, and gifts - and provides tips for discovering a teenager's primary love language. Overall, the document focuses on how to effectively express love to teenagers through understanding their unique love language.

1. The Five Love Languages
Teenagers

2. Presentation Disclaimer
 Every Family System is Unique
 Every Teenager is Unique
 Brain Functioning
 Genetic Temperament
 Some Approaches are Better Suited to
Different Adolescents

3. The Family System: What Does a Child Need
 The adolescent belongs to a system
 What is going on in that system?
 Developmental Changes
 Connection - Regulation – Autonomy
 Connection- emotional bond
 Regulation- rules and structure
 Autonomy- independence (emotional, spiritual,
intellectual, relational)

4. Connection
 Love languages
 Regulation is related to love
 Can you love to much?
 No! Don’t confuse love and control.

5. Love Languages
 Everyone has a Love Tank
 We Receive Love Differently
 There are Five Primary Love Languages
 Words of Affirmation
 Physical Touch
 Quality Time
 Acts of Service
 Gifts

6. 30 Second Love Language Test
 I feel loved when people express how grateful
they are for me, and for the simple things I do
 I feel especially loved when a person gives me
undivided attention and spends time with me
 I feel especially loved by someone who brings
me gifts and other tangible expressions of love
 I feel especially loved when others do things for
me
 I feel especially loved when a person expresses
love through physical contact

7. Words of Affirmation
Love Language #1
 During and Unsure Time They Need to be
Assured
 Words of Praise (focus on behavior)
 Be Sincere
 Be Specific
 Words of Affection (focus on teenager)
 “I love you”
 When and Where
 “I enjoy you”
 “You’ are _____ (great, wonderful, …..”

8. Physical Touch
Love Language #2
 Time
 The anti-touch time
 Place
 Public Settings (autonomy)
 Appropriate Manner for Physical Touch
 Hug, Back Rub, Hold Hands, Pats etc.
 Just because you like it doesn’t mean they do
 Example: “I feel like a kitty”
 Physical Touch to Correct
 A Word to Fathers
 Daughters- Physical Dev.; Sons- Boy Code
 Abuse

9. Quality Time
Love Language #3
 Challenges
 Movement Towards Peers is Normal
 Giving Undivided Attention
 Challenges (Time and Focus)
 Proximity is not Togetherness
 Sports
 Focus on the Teenager
 Quality Activities (Plan with Them)
 Focus on Hearing not Saying (next slide)

10. Guidelines for Quality Conversations
 Maintain Eye Contact
 Don’t Multitask
 Listen for Feelings
 Observe Body
Language
 Refuse to Interrupt
 Ask Reflective
Questions
 Express Understanding
 Ask Permission to
Share Your Perspective
 Rate Differences
 Average rate of speech
is125 to 175 words per
minute whereas the brain
can process 500 to 1,000
words a minute (challenge
to not wander in our
thoughts)

11. Interpersonal Communication Model
Senders
Intentions
(Private)
Noise
Interference
Effect On
Listener
(Private)
Senders
Actions
(Public)
Noise
Interference
Senders Style
Of Encoding
Listeners
Style Of
Decoding

12. Acts of Service
Love Language #4
 Service
 Attitude
 Daily and Mundane Acts: Duty or Loving Service?
 Manipulation or Behavior Modification
 I will do _____ if you will ______.
 Modeling and Reciprocal Love
 Teach Independence
 Guideline: Do acts of service for them that they
cannot do for themselves
 Family Game
 “I really appreciate that…”

13. Gifts
Love Language #5
 Gift- a visible, tangible evidence of emotional
love
 Greek word for gift (charis)- undeserved gift
 Undeserved, Not a reward, not a manipulation
 Gift Giving and the Ceremony
 Jacob “We love you and want you to have this”
 Jesse “We love you and would like to pay for..”
 Counterfeit Gifts- gifts designed to take the
place of true love
 You Cannot Buy Love

14. Discovering Their Love Language
 Parental Flexibility
 Developmental Changes
 Mood Changes Due to Environment
 Steps to Discovery
 Ask Questions
 What would make our relationship better?
 Make Observations
 How do they show love?
 Experiment
 Treatment= Tx (Tx1 then Tx2 then Tx3 etc…)
 Give them a choice between Tx1

15. Discovering Their Love Language
 You Possess the Power to Determine a
Child’s Love Language by What You Do or Do
Not Do.

16. Love and Anger
 The adolescent belongs to a system
 What is going on in that system?
 Developmental Changes
 Connection - Regulation – Autonomy
 Connection- emotional bond
 Regulation- rules and structure
 Autonomy- independence (emotional, spiritual,
intellectual, relational)

17. Regulation
Teresa Langston
 Special Family Forum
 Rules about Rules
 Rules should be as few as possible
 Rules should be as clear as possible
 Rules should be as fair as possible
 Rules about Consequences
 Should be determined before a
violation
 Should be administered with love
 Should be administered with
consistency

18. Autonomy
 Psychological Control
 Controlling the thoughts, beliefs, and emotions
of the child.
 The message is that I don’t trust you to think
for yourself.
 Low self-esteem, poor motivation, poor
decision making and problem solving skills.