Martina climbed the stairs of the haunted house and knocked on the door several times but no one answered, so she braced herself and opened the door.

4. EXAMPLE
Martina climbedthe stairs of the haunted house,and she
knockedon the doorseveral times, but no one answered,
and she braced herself,and then she openedthe door.

5. • • breakthe sentenceinto two or moresentences
• • turn some ofthe completethoughts into phrasesor
subordinateclauses

7. Stringy: Many studentsattend classes all morning, and they work all afternoon,
and thenthey have to study at night, so they are usuallyexhaustedby the
weekend.
To correct:
1. Divide.
Many students attendclasses allmorning and work allafternoon.Then, they
have to study atnight. As a result, they are usually exhaustedby the weekend.
2. Subordinate.
After attendingclasses all morning, many studentswork in theafternoon.
Because they also have to study at night,they are usually exhaustedby the
weekend

8. Stringy: Mercedeswas born inCuba,buther mother died,
andshe moved to the UnitedStates,andshe moved with
her two sisters.
Revised: Mercedeswas born in Cuba,but hermother
died.Therefore,she movedto the United Stateswith her
two sisters.

9. Stringy: Many peoplewait for summer to travel,andthen
they may visita lot ofplaces,sothey spend allof their
money bythe endof the vacations.
Revised: Many peoplewait for summer to travel.They
may visita lot of places,so they spend allof their money
by the endof the vacations.

11. 1. Replacea phrase with one word.
WORDY In a state of exhaustion, Tony slumped
acrossthe bus seatandfell asleep.
REVISED Exhausted, Tony slumped across the bus
seatand fellasleep.

12. 2. Takeout who is orwhich is.
WORDY Yesterday I went for a long hike with Sonya,
whois mybestfriend.
REVISED Yesterday I went for a long hike with Sonya, my
bestfriend.

13. 3. Take out awhole group of unnecessarywords.
WORDY I spent a lot of time writing this report because I really want
people to learn about manatees so they can know all about them.
REVISED I spent a lot of time writing this report because I want
people to learn about manatees.

15. EXAMPLES:
• WORDY As a result of what happened when the tire
went flat,wewere late.
• REVISEDBecause the tire went flat,we werelate.

16. WORDY Afterward, we drank some apple juice, which
is a goodthirst quencher.
REVISED Afterward, we drank some apple juice, a
good thirst quencher

17. WORDY There is a need for more careful inspection
ofall welds.
REVISED You must inspect all welds morecarefully.

19. Overloaded sentences-a long string of phrasesand clausesjoinedby various
words like because, when, then, so, etc.
Example:
When I was younger, I loved togo bowlingbecause it was so muchfunandmy
friendsall wouldcome with me because they like bowling, too, then after we
wouldsometimes go to the movies ifsomething goodwasplaying,then we
wouldgo out to eat.

20. 1. Break sentences up intosmaller ones.
2. See ifsome phrases can becombinedinto the same one.
3. See if some details are not neededand can bedeleted
WAYS TO FIXSTUFFED/ OVERLOADED SENTENCES

22. Wrong: If you have access tothe internet youwillfeel as ifyouhave an
expert on everything residing inyour laptop,because an instantafter
you key in a searchterm, youwillget allkinds of information,and
thoughyouwilloftenhave to crosscheck the datathat you get, itis
worth the extra effort since thatverificationisstraightforwardand time-
efficient.
EXAMPLES

23. Revised If you have access to internet, you willfeel asif youhave an
expert on everything residing inyour laptop.An instantafter youkey in
a search term, you get allkinds of information.And though willoften
have to cross check the datathat you get, itis worththe extraeffort since
thatverificationisstraightforwardand time-efficient.

24. WrongWhen Iwas younger,I loved to go bowlingbecause it was
so much funand my friends all wouldcome with me because
they likebowling,too, then after we wouldsometimes go to the
movies if something goodwas playing,then we wouldgo out to
eat.
Revised When Iwas younger,I loved goingbowlingwith my
friends. Sometimes, after all the fun, we wouldgo to a movie and
out to eat.

26. Makes writingmore interesting
Take awaythe choppiness by adding variety
Vary sentence length
Mixtureof long andshort
Vary sentence structure
Mixtureof simple, compound, complex, and
compound-complex
Why combine sentences?

27. COMBINE BYINSERTING WORDS
• Pulla key word from one sentenceand add it to another
Examples
Original: Louis Armstrong was a famous musician. He was ajazz musician.
Combined: Louis Armstrong was afamous jazz musician.
Original: Armstrong wasan easygoing person. He was a friend to many people.
Combined: Armstrong was an easygoing, friendly person.

28. COMBININGBY INSERTINGPHRASES
• Take a group of words from one sentenceand place themin another.
Example:
Original: Brown bears gatherin groups. They gatheraround thebanks of
rivers.
Combined: Brown bears gather in groups aroundthebanksofrivers.

29. COMBINING BY USING AND, BUT,OR OR
• Use conjunctionsto create compoundsentences.
Examples
Original: Many nationsthroughoutthe world use the metricsystem. The
United Statesstilluses the old system of measurement.
Combined: Many nationsthroughoutthe world use the metricsystem,but
the United States still uses theold system of measurement.

30. COMBININGBYUSING AND,BUT,OR OR CONTINUED
• Makecompoundsubjectsand verbs
Examples
Original: Kangarooscarry their young in pouches. Koalascarry their young in
pouches.
Combined: KangaroosandKoalascarry their young in pouches.
Original: Kangarooscan hop on theirhindlegs. They can walkon allfour legs.
Combined: Kangarooscan hopon theirhind legsorwalkon allfour legs.

31. COMBINING BY USING CLAUSES
• If two ideas are related but unequalin importance, thenmake theless
important one andependent clause.
Example:
Original: The Aztecs were an American Indian people. They once ruleda
mighty empire inMexico.
Combined: The Aztecs were an American Indianpeople whoonceruleda
mightyempireinMexico.