The document provides detailed feedback on a draft paper regarding globalization, emphasizing the need to focus on three body paragraphs without including an introduction or conclusion until later units. It critiques the draft for exceeding length limits, unnecessary citations, jargon, and use of first-person language, while outlining specific areas for clarification and necessary revisions. The feedback aims to guide the writer to produce a clear, concise, and comprehensible essay suitable for a general audience.

1. Professors Comments:
1) Only the three body paragraphs were required. The
introduction and the conclusion were not to be included in the
Unit 6 paper. They should be saved for the Unit 8 paper when
the thesis will be moved to the end of the introduction.
2) You paper is already over the length limit, so nothing else
can be added. Some parts could be deleted, for example: "
Samimi and Jenatabadi (2014), point out that" and "
In another article, Sandbrook and Güven (2014) asserted that
." Those phrases add nothing to the paper and are distracting.
You would have to explain who they are, so eliminate that
phrase and others like it.
3) Keep in mind that your paper is not a literature review. It is
an essay in which you are to explain your topic clearly and
concisely. Also keep in mind that your topic is one that is
difficult to understand and you are not writing for economists or
for those with Ph.D.'s. Write in a manner that your average
reader can comprehend. Explain concepts clearly in non-jargon
type language. Clarity is your goal.
4) The Federal Reserve Bank information at the end of the
introduction is not cited.
5) Bullet points should not be used in this paper. Everything
should be integrated into the paragraphs using transitions.
6) Subtitles should not be used. This is a short paper, 2 - 2 1/2
pages double spaced, and they are not needed.
7) What does this mean: "
Globalization makes it possible for huge organizations to
comprehend economies of scale
"?
8) Do not use the word "we."
9) Since you are discussing globalization, you must explain
which country you are discussing. For example, when you say
"federal policy," do you mean the United States?
My draft of paper:

2. Thesis statement:
Globalization has influenced practically every facet regarding
today’s lifestyles.
Globalization
Globalization
refers to the action or process of global incorporation as a
result of the interchange associated with world perspectives,
goods, concepts, as well as other facets of tradition.
Improvements in transportation (like the steam train engine,
steamship, aircraft engine, as well as container ships) in
addition to telecommunications infrastructure (such as the
development of the telegraph along with its contemporary
progeny, the world wide web as well as cellular phones) happen
to be significant aspects of globalization. Therefore, it creates
new interdependence associated with monetary as well as social
functions.
Samimi and Jenatabadi (2014), point out that a
lthough a lot of scholars place the beginnings connected with
globalization within contemporary days. Some trace its heritage
a long time before the Western Age regarding Discovery as well
as voyages towards the New World, others even to the 3rd
centuries BC
(Samimi, & Jenatabadi, 2014)
.
Large-scale globalization started out in the 1820s. Back in the
Nineteenth millennium as well as in the
early
Twentieth century, the connection of the globe's financial
systems and ethnicities expanded rapidly. Globalization has
influenced practically every facet regarding today’s lifestyles.
Although some individuals in the United States might not have

3. the ability to find Beijing, China on a map, they buy a huge
number of products that have
been manufactured
there. As outlined by a 2010 Government Reserve Bank of San
Francisco review, roughly 36.6% of all clothes along with
footwear distributed and sold in America were essentially
manufactured in China, in comparison to merely 2.4%
made
locally.
Driving factors of globalization
Samimi and Jenatabadi (2014), opine that public
policies along with technological innovation are the
two
primary driving aspects powering
contemporary
globalization. New implementations associated with the
federal
policy, both domestic as well as globally, have opened
monetary boundaries for nations across the globe. Within the
last
two
decades, world government authorities have incorporated a
free-market financial state into financial guidelines, economic
guidelines as well as trade deals. This advancement of monetary
models has triggered indigenous development
prospective
and opened nations around the world to
high
economic prospects to foreign countries. World governments
today concentrate on reducing limitations to trade as well as
actively encourage global business in connection with
investments,
services,
and goods

4. (Samimi, & Jenatabadi, 2014)
.
In another article, Sandbrook and Güven (2014) asserted that t
echnological innovation has additionally been a significant
reason behind the expansion
of
globalization. Enhancements within the
information
technology (IT) along with the circulation of data across
boundaries have motivated people to take power over their
monetary lifestyles. Technological innovation has made it easier
for individuals to be more knowledgeable regarding
commercial
developments and enables
people
to move financial assets as well as benefit from investment
opportunities
(Sandbrook & Güven, 2014)
.
How globalization benefit World Economies
Most economic analysts concur that globalization offers a net
advantage to personal financial systems across the globe,
through creating markets more
effective
, raising competition, constraining military disputes, and
dispersing prosperity more evenly
around the globe
. Nevertheless, the public has a tendency to presume that the
expenses connected with globalization outbalance the rewards,
specifically in the interim that contains induced difficulties
(Samimi, & Jenatabadi, 2014)
.

5. A few of the benefits associated with globalization comprise of:
Foreign Direct Investment
: This is likely to improve at a significantly higher rate that the
expansion in global business, facilitating the enhancement of
technological transactions,
commercial
reorganization, as well as the
expansion
of worldwide organizations.
Technological Innovation
. Elevated competition through globalization facilitates the
stimulation of new technological innovation advancement,
especially with the
expansion in
Foreign Direct Investment
, which allows improvement of monetary output through making
techniques more
effective
.
Economies
of Scale
. Globalization makes it possible for
huge
organizations to comprehend economies of scale which keep
costs as well as prices down,
which consequently
facilitate additional monetary development, although this could
damage a lot of small businesses trying to be competitive within
the domestic region.
Globalization is a monetary tsunami which is sweeping the
globe. We are not able to prevent
it,
but there exist
some

6. things we
are able to
undertake
in order to
reduce its pace and enable it to be fairer. We
are able to
impose the trade regulations, push the competitors to comply
with the same regulations, and cease providing other
competition the resources
to inevitably win the international battle
. Enthusiasts of globalization assert that it has the probability of
making this planet a more suitable area to reside in as well as
solve many of the deep-seated issues such as poverty and
unemployment. Globalization has influenced almost every
element of contemporary life and carries on to become an
increasing force within the international economic system. Even
though there exists many downsides to globalization, a good
number of economic analysts concur that globalization is a
force that cannot be stopped and is ultimately beneficial to the
economy of the globe.
References
Samimi, P., & Jenatabadi, H. S.
(2014).
Globalization and economic growth
: Empirical evidence on the role of complementarities.
PloS one
,
9
(4), e87824.
Sandbrook, R., & Güven, A. B. (Eds.). (2014).
Civilizing Globalization, Revised and Expanded Edition: A
Survival Guide

7. . SUNY Press.
Original directions
Unit 6 Discussion Directions
The Unit 6 Discussion is a draft of the Unit 6 paper, which is a
formal essay.
The purpose is to demonstrate that you can discuss a topic in
writing.
This assignment is all about the topic, not about you and not
about an article.
Write Draft #1.
1)
Following the Outline, write Draft #1.
2)
Your draft should be
two double spaced pages
.
Do not go over 2 ½ pages.
3)
Your draft should have a
labeled thesis statement
at the top.
A thesis is one sentence that tells the readers the topic + the
point you are making about the topic.

8. Your outline should have included one, so you do not need to
write a new one.
4)
Write a paragraph for each main idea (#1, 2, and 3 of the
outline).
Write this paragraph directly under that section of the outline.
Be sure each paragraph begins with a topic sentence.
5)
The draft must be written in
3
rd
Person
. That means you may use only certain pronouns.
I, me, my, we, our, us, you, your
= NO!!!!!
He, she, it, his, her, its, they, their, them
= YES!!!
This writing is objective and formal.
Avoid all first and second person pronouns.