1. Persistent Perfectionism
Defeat Time and Energy Bandits
Time and energy bandits are habits and thought
processes that can suck you dry, leaving you exhausted
and harried.
One of these, which particularly rears its head at the
holiday season, is perfectionism.
ow perfectionism is a wonderful trait – in its place. Some of the places where it is advisable
to practice perfectionism include brain surgery (or any kind of surgery), pharmacy, air traffic
control, operation of any kind of heavy equipment, including motor vehicles, or any other
activity that seriously threatens the health and safety of living things.
But true perfectionists extend this way of thinking and behaving far beyond the boundaries
of necessity. Relationships, child-rearing, weddings, and holidays are areas where the whole
experience would be better for everyone if the perfectionist could just back off.
Christmas can include a hurricane search for exactly the right gift, which is unavailable due to its
popularity, or the ultimate holiday decorations and meal, suitable for a photograph on a
magazine cover.
“But I’d be letting people down if I didn’t do it,” wailed one of my clients. “Really?” I
said. “Have you asked them?” Turns out her family members were delighted to be asked. They
hated her frantic search for perfection.
How to dial down your perfectionistic tendencies? Make a list of all the areas in your life
where it is necessary for you to be a perfectionist (see discussion above). Then make a list of all
the areas where it is merely “desirable,” including filling out income tax returns, making travel
reservations, dealing adequatelywith customers or clients. Failure to be perfect here can result in
spending money or in wasting time, but it is not life-threatening.
What’s left after the “necessary” and “desirable” areas are the gray areas: being concerned
about how you dress, how your home looks, whether you have said something foolish, made a
mistake, or somehow displayed your ignorance.
In this context, perfectionism is OT about setting high expectations or being successful in
your endeavors. It is about being concerned about making mistakes and about worrying about
what others think. Perfectionism in this arena robs you of joy, of creativity, and of authentic
relationships.
Think of it this way – persistent perfectionism is stress, and stress is life-threatening. Any
event that you are willing to shorten your life for by having anxiety about had better be an
equally life-threatening event. Are dust bunnies, disarranged hair, or verbal mistakes really worth
your life?
Lynette Crane, M.A.(Psychology) and Certified Life Coach, has more than 30 years' experience in the field of stress
management. She currently works to provide stress and time pressure solutions to harried women, those women who
seek "Islands of Peace" in their overly-busy lives. Visit her website at http://www.creativelifechanges.com/ to see
more in-depth articles and to view her programs.
