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Dr. Leanna Wolfe
November 18, 2013
 Adolescent Perspective on Romantic Love
◦ Valentines Day
 Contrast to Uganda
 Ideal Spouse is One’s Best Friend
◦ And a Soul Mate
◦ French and Italians
 More Deception and More Passion
 Americans seek a Quixotic Paradox
◦ Trust PLUS Enduring Erotic Excitement
Lust
Attraction phase Attachment phase
 Adultery is idealized as the highest form of
love among the aristocracy
 It is impossible for true love to exist amongst
people who are married to each other
 Any man in love with his wife is a man so dull
that no one else can love him – Montaigne
 Nothing is more impure that to love one’s
wife as if she were a mistress
 Difficult to Fix
◦ Hormonal Imbalance
◦ More common in Women
◦ Boredom
◦ 15% success rate for couples seeking treatment
 Separate Lives
◦ Generate More Mystery
 Date Nights
◦ Build up anticipation with texting; little notes
 Push the Envelope!
◦ Humans are Novelty Junkies
 Jack Morin’s, The Erotic Mind
 The Spouse-Sibling Dilemma
◦ Difficult to consider engaging the Mother of One’s
Children in Fantasy Role Play, BDSM & Anal Sex
 Serial Monogamy
 Cheating
◦ Always Secret
 Don’t Ask; Don’t Tell
◦ Presumption that there are secrets, but retain bond
 Monogamish
◦ Explorations with some disclosure
 Swinging
◦ Recreational Sex done as a couple
 Many variations
 Polyamory
◦ Full Disclosure
◦ Tribal Bonding with a variety of sources for excitement
and erotic release

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Must Familiarity Breed Erotic Boredom?

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  • 6.  Adolescent Perspective on Romantic Love ◦ Valentines Day  Contrast to Uganda  Ideal Spouse is One’s Best Friend ◦ And a Soul Mate ◦ French and Italians  More Deception and More Passion  Americans seek a Quixotic Paradox ◦ Trust PLUS Enduring Erotic Excitement
  • 8.  Adultery is idealized as the highest form of love among the aristocracy  It is impossible for true love to exist amongst people who are married to each other  Any man in love with his wife is a man so dull that no one else can love him – Montaigne  Nothing is more impure that to love one’s wife as if she were a mistress
  • 9.  Difficult to Fix ◦ Hormonal Imbalance ◦ More common in Women ◦ Boredom ◦ 15% success rate for couples seeking treatment
  • 10.  Separate Lives ◦ Generate More Mystery  Date Nights ◦ Build up anticipation with texting; little notes  Push the Envelope! ◦ Humans are Novelty Junkies  Jack Morin’s, The Erotic Mind  The Spouse-Sibling Dilemma ◦ Difficult to consider engaging the Mother of One’s Children in Fantasy Role Play, BDSM & Anal Sex  Serial Monogamy
  • 11.  Cheating ◦ Always Secret  Don’t Ask; Don’t Tell ◦ Presumption that there are secrets, but retain bond  Monogamish ◦ Explorations with some disclosure  Swinging ◦ Recreational Sex done as a couple  Many variations  Polyamory ◦ Full Disclosure ◦ Tribal Bonding with a variety of sources for excitement and erotic release

Editor's Notes

  1. Leanna – Another area that is important in understanding cheating, is understanding the chemistry of Romantic Love. There are 3 phases of Love beginning with Lust, which is largely driven by Testosterone, the sexual hormone. The next phase is the Attraction phase where we experience high levels of dopamine, norepinephrine and intense focus on each other. This is also known as the “Love Sick” phase. The final phase of Romantic Love is the Attachment phase and as you can see in this picture, they get cuddly as they experience high levels of serotonin and oxytocin, so they feel safe in their commitment and to each other. In this phase, they may be vulnerable to engage in cheating to kick up the feelings of lust that have dissipated, or kick up dopamine love-sick phase again because their brains maybe hungry for these powerful feelings that are no longer there.