Professional women in various sectors are still facing challenges as they make efforts to wade their way into influential positions of leadership. Some of their biggest challenges are found in the patriarchal environment in which they operate where male dominance is a huge obstacle in their professional career development. So how can women maintain their etiquette and professionalism yet still find space to grow as leaders?

1. Leadership, Etiquette & Assertiveness
In a Patriarchal Environment
PROFESSIONAL WOMEN’S CONFERENCE
MASASA TRAINING BUREAU, 27 TO 30 JUNE 2016
PRESENTATION BY CYNTHIA HAKUTANGWI
(COMMUNICATIONS AND PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT CONSULTANT)

2. Presenter’s Profile – Cynthia Hakutangwi
 A Communications and Personal Development
Consultant, Transformation Activist, Life Coach,
Author, and Strategist.
 Has worked extensively in human resource
development, marketing, research, strategy design,
and organisational structuring.
 Has developed and facilitated various programmes
in business skills, personal and transformational
leadership development.
 A contributing writer for lifestyle, wellness and
leadership related publications.
 Her Her published book titles include “Destination
Wholeness – Going Beyond Brokenness,” “The
Whole You – Vital Keys for Balanced Living” and
“Intelligent Conversations: A mindset shift
towards a developed Africa, she is co-author of
“Success Within Reach.” Her latest book The
Wealthy Diary of African Wisdom will be launched
in July 2016.
 Her Film Productions Include “The Extra Mile,
Women Leading in Positive Nation Building” and the
“Intelligent Conversations” TV Series
 Cynthia is married and a mother of four children.

3. What is Patriarchy?
 Patriarchy is a social system in which males hold
primary power, predominate in roles of political
leadership, moral authority, social privilege and
control of property
 A patriarchal social system can be defined as a
system where men are in authority over women in
all aspects of society
 A patriarchal society is one whereby men are the
decision-makers and hold positions of power and
prestige, and have the power to define reality and
common situations.

4. “Because I am a woman, I must make
unusual efforts to succeed. If I fail, no
one will say, she doesn't have what it
takes. They will say, women don't have
what it takes."
-Clare Boothe Luce

5. The Feminine Advantage
While women have come a long way in the
workplace over the years, there's still a
perception among many female workers that
the top office is a man's world, and in order to
succeed in that world, they need to emulate
men.
What do you think?

6. What is the Problem?
 In Africa, a greater percentage of the total African
population consists of women and female children.
 Unfortunately, two-thirds of the women population is
illiterate. In addition, the world percentage of women
in parliament is currently less than 20%.
 From all indications, women form a dominant part of
the global society yet their involvement in societal
and global affairs is quite limited as compared to the
participation of their male counterparts.

7. Africa’s greatest untapped resource
“Women and girls are Africa’s greatest untapped
resource, and it is they, not diamonds or oil and
minerals, that will be the foundation for solid,
sustainable and equitable progress. Health and
development experts, economists, non-
governmental organisations, UN agencies and even
banks agree that expanding the freedoms, the
education and opportunities for women holds the
key to kick-starting inclusive economic growth. This
is true the world over, and particularly true for
Africa…”
Excerpt from an article Written by Joaquim Chissano

8. Incubate, Nourish and Amplify
 Women were not created as an afterthought, but were
deliberately created on purpose to exercise the dominion
mandate given to mankind by their creator
 Women were born with the innate ability to not only
reproduce but to incubate, nourish and amplify ideas.
 Deliberate efforts should therefore be made therefore to
develop the leadership capacities of women from a young
age to enable them to engage in positive nation building.
Source: Intelligent Conversations – A mindset Shift
Towards a Developed Africa by Cynthia Hakutangwi
(2014)

9. What is etiquette?
9
 Rules governing socially acceptable behavior
 Refers to one’s conduct, behaviour and manners
 Etiquette is a code of behavior for people from all walks
of life, every socioeconomic group, and of all ages.

10. The 4C’s of etiquette
 Courtesy – listening over talking, not interrupting. Using
phrases such as “Please”, “Thank you”, and “Pardon me”
 Consideration – acknowledging other people with whom
you share space. Involves keeping the office bearable to
work in
 Camaraderie – thinking of yourself as a team player vs
constant self promotion
 Class – concerns demeanor, being pleasant and doing
your best to please regardless
10

11. What is Chivalry?
Webster’s Dictionary :
Chivalry:
 Gallantry, courtesy and honor.
 The noble qualities a knight was supposed to have,
such as courage and a readiness to help the weak.
11

12. What is chivalry today?
It is made up but not limited to, the following elements:
* Good Manners
* Kindness towards others
* Consideration of any and everyone around you
* Thoughtfulness towards others
* Generosity of spirit and with physical things
* Doing something for someone before it is asked of you
* Showing grace and elegance in response to an act of
chivalry
12

13. What is a lady?
A well-mannered and
considerate woman with
high standards of proper
behavior.
13

14. The behaviour of a lady
14
 Be charming. A true lady doesn't just sit there quietly and let the
world pass her by. She engages with other people, carries
stimulating conversations
 Don't use profanity, overeat or drink excessively. Being a lady
requires having self-control and will power
 Be respectful when visiting others‘ spaces. When you are a guest
in somebody else's office/home, allow the host/hostess to tell you
where to sit, where to leave your purse, whether or not to take off
your shoes,etc.
 Hold the door open for others.
 Stay calm, cool, and collected. Avoiding lashing out at others if you
are annoyed, angry, or upset. Remain poised, and handle the
situation rationally and calmly.

15. Etiquette and Chivalry in a Patriarchal Environment
15
How can you effectively and professionally lead as a
woman in a patriarchal environment whilst still
observing etiquette and chivalry?
You need to understand the Rules of Engagement
 Reaction vs Response
 Assertiveness vs Aggressiveness

16. What is a Professionalism?
16
 Professionals are flexible, courteous, competent,
helpful, responsible, well-groomed, efficient, patient,
and knowledgeable. They are good communicators,
listeners, and team players, and they consistently
demonstrate a positive attitude.

17. Understanding Assertiveness
What Is Assertiveness?:
 Assertiveness is the ability to express one’s
feelings and assert one’s rights while
respecting the feelings and rights of others.
 Assertive communication is appropriately
direct, open and honest, and clarifies one’s
needs to the other person.
 Assertiveness comes naturally to some, but is
a skill that can be learned.

18. Three primary types of non-assertive
behaviour
 Aggressive behaviour Where a person is trying to impose
their views inappropriately on others, and it may be
accompanied by threatening language and an angry, glaring
expression.
 Submissive behaviour Where the person acts like a
doormat, downplaying their own needs and willing to fit in with
the wishes of others in order to keep the peace at any price. It
may be accompanied by general passivity, nervousness and a
lack of eye contact.
 Manipulative behaviour This typically occurs where a
person seeks to ingratiate themselves with another through
flattery and other forms of deceit. It may be accompanied by
cloying over-attention and a simpering voice.

19. Assertiveness vs Aggressiveness
 In contrast, individuals behaving aggressively will tend
to employ tactics that are disrespectful, manipulative,
demeaning, or abusive. They don’t think of the other
person’s point of view at all. They win at the expense
of others, and create unnecessary conflict.
 Passive individuals don’t know how to adequately
communicate their feelings and needs to others. They
tend to fear conflict so much that they let their needs
go unmet and keep their feelings secret in order to
‘keep the peace’.

20. How to become more assertive
How Does One Become More Assertive?:
The first step in becoming more assertive is to
take an honest look at yourself and your
responses, to see where you currently stand.
 Do you have difficulty accepting constructive
criticism?
 Do you find yourself saying ‘yes’ to requests
that you should really say ‘no’ to, just to avoid
disappointing people?

21. How to become more assertive
 Do you have trouble voicing a difference of
opinion with others?
 Do people tend to feel alienated by your
communication style when you do disagree
with them?
 Do you feel attacked when someone has an
opinion different from your own?

22. Some simple tips for assertive
communication
 Deliver your message directly to the intended recipient.
 Use ‘I’ statements (for example, ‘I want to …’ or ‘I feel
…’)
 Ask for and encourage clear, specific feedback.
 Be specific and objective when describing the behaviour
or situation.
 Do not use generalisations such as, ‘you always’ or ‘you
never’.
 Focus on the most recent case, saying, ‘I noticed today
you … when you do that I feel ...’.
 Avoid becoming emotional when describing how it
makes you feel.

23. …Some simple tips for assertive
communication
 Be specific about the action required from the other
person, taking into account their rights, needs and
feelings.
 Do not be apologetic about your feelings, rights or
opinions.
 Say ‘no’ to unreasonable requests, also without being
apologetic.
 Offering an explanation is strictly optional.
 Only address one issue at a time.
 Be sure to acknowledge both the feelings shown by the
other person, and any issues they bring up, then
immediately return to your point. Maintain eye contact and
use tone of voice and body language to reinforce your
message.
 If you cannot find a way to compromise, you might find it

24. Goal Setting for Leadership Exercise
SECTION ONE: UNDERSTANDING LEADERSHIP
 What do you understand LEADERSHIP to be
 How you would describe your life when you are
in LEADERSHIP
 What are the obstacles that have kept you from
being involved in leadership

25. Goal Setting for Leadership Exercise
 SECTION 2: THE WHEEL OF LIFE EXERCISE
 LIST THE Eight Critical Areas of your life
 What do you understand LEADERSHIP to be
 List the top 3 things you are going to change
from today to help you become more effective in
your life
 Set at least one SMART goal in one of those three
areas which you have identified

26. What are the Barriers to Your Success?
 Personal Barriers – Barriers within yourself
 Your motivation, education, training, energy, personality
characteristics, leadership skills, self-confidence,
conflicting values, stress tolerance, etc
 Environmental Barriers – Barriers outside of your
control
 External forces that are out of your control, for example
the culture in which you live or the attitudes of leaders in
your organization
 Conflict Barriers – when two goals compete with
each other
 Conflict barriers exist when you want to achieve two goals
that appear to be in competition or conflict with each other

27. Goal Setting for Leadership Exercise
 SECTION 3: EFFECTIVE GOAL SETTING EXERCISE -
Analysing Your Goals
 Choose a goal that is important to you both personally
and professionally
 Rewrite your goal(s) as specific and measurable as
possible
 Analyse each possible goal to determine (1) whether it is
attainable, and (2) what the costs to you will be
 What personal barriers are involved?
 What environmental barriers are involved?
 What conflict barriers are involved?
 How will you overcome each barrier?

28. Goal Setting for Leadership Exercise
 SECTION 3: EFFECTIVE GOAL SETTING EXERCISE -
Analysing Your Goals
 4. Now that you have considered the barriers, is your
goal reachable? At what cost?
 5. What benefits will you receive from reaching your
goal?
 6. Are the benefits to you greater than the costs?
 7. Make a firm commitment to achieve the goal by a
certain date or drop the potential goal. Goals without
deadlines are usually not motivational.
 8. Decide on ways you will reward yourself for achieving
the sub-goals and/or for movement toward them.

29. What does your Career
Path look like in the next
five years?

30. Does your personality type match your
career choice?
Take a free personality test
 http://www.personalitytype.com/career_quiz
 https://www.careerkey.org/explore-career-
options/personality-career-
match.html#.V2IJCop95QJ
 http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp
 http://www.findingpotential.com/INDIVIDUALS/PERS
ONALITY/
 http://similarminds.com/career.html

31. A provoking call to Intelligent Conversations...
 As a woman you need to transform your
conversation and become relevant to the present
and future of the global society
 Let us move away from the petty level of
conversations we have been known to engage and
start prioritising high seat issues which add value to
the national discourse.
 Become impassioned with technology and
extraordinary things beyond your comfort zones and
add your voices to the beneficiation agenda.

32. Who is Sharpening Your Iron?
 Who is your Role Model, Coach and Mentor?
 Who are You Mentoring?

33. Role Model, Coach or Mentor?
 Making the right choice will determine your
interaction with the individual.
 A role model is an individual in which the behaviour
is observed from a distance.
 A mentor is someone that the individual works with
on a fairly regular basis. It involves observing the
mentor but also includes the opportunity for
discussion, evaluation and progress through 2-way
communication between the mentor and the
mentee.
 The individual and their coach on the other hand
have a task based relationship. A coach looks at you
work and gives you advice on how to improve your
results

34. Personal leadership questions
 Who AM I?
 Why AM I here?
 Where AM I going?
 How will I get there?
 What will be my LEGACY?

35. On which level of existence are you?
Survival,
Success
or Significance?
What are you going to Stop, Start &
Continue?

36. Thank You
CYNTHIA HAKUTANGWI
Communications & Personal Development Consultant
Mobile: 0772 438 068
E-mail: chakutangwi@gmail.com
cynthia@wholenessinc.com
Website: www.wholenessinc.com
www.traincor.co.zw
Facebook: Cynthia Hakutangwi