This document provides an overview of key topics covered in an introductory interpersonal communication textbook. It discusses the importance of communication in relationships and contexts. The chapters examine models of communication, self-understanding, perception, communication competence, verbal and nonverbal communication, influence, listening, and conflict management. The goal is to enhance students' interactions and relationships by learning communication skills. An example is provided of how interpersonal skills can help with career networking and job opportunities. Effective communication requires understanding the message from the other person's perspective and ensuring shared meaning.

1. Interpersonal Communication

2. 1
5
2
6
3
7
4
8
Content
CommuniCation BasiCs
Shared Meaning 5
Models of Communication 6
Contexts & Relationships 8
Conclusion 10
self
Understanding Self 11
Presenting Self 13
Conclusion 14
PerCePtion
The Perception Process 15
Contributing Factors 17
Crafting Perceptions 18
Conclusion 19
CommuniCation ComPetenCe
Self-Monitoring 20
Online Competence 22
Intercultural Competence 23
Perception & Culture 24
Conclusion 25
VerBal & nonVerBal
Nonverbal Communication 26
Verbal Communication 29
Conclusion 31
interPersonal influenCe
Persuasion 32
Compliance Gaining 32
Is it manipulation? 36
Conclusion 36
listening
Hearing vs. Listening 37
Five Steps of Active Listening 38
Listening Styles 39
Listening Crimes 39
Conclusion 40
ConfliCt
42
The Power of Self Control 42
42
Managing Your Emotions 44
Conclusion 44

3. In the “Introduction to Interpersonal
Communication” chapter, you will learn
about the importance of communicating
relationships and contexts, while also
examining different models of communi-
cation. The “Self” chapter will encourage
you to look inward and examine your
habits and tendencies when it comes to
interpersonal communication, and also
includes topics such a presenting your
best self, and exploring when you wear a
mask to hide your true face. The chapter
on “Perception” will break down the pro-
cess of forming and assigning meaning to
what you have experienced and explore
ways to improve the accuracy of your
perception in order to be a more effective
communicator.
Next, you will arrive at the chapter on
“Interpersonal Communication Com-
petence” and learn why we need to be
culturally aware in order to be competent
communicators. Additionally, you will
explore your online communication habits
to ensure they are in alignment with how
you want others to see you. If you haven’t
already noticed, the chapters in this book
are interconnected and work in unison to
help you enhance your interactions, and
ultimately, your relationships with others.
In the Verbal/Nonverbal chapter, you will
learn the impact of both types of commu-
nication in our everyday interactions. You
will learn how your choice of words can
alter the course of a conversation, and just
how much of our communication comes
from everything but our words. This leads
-
W
e’d like to introduce you to this
book, and ultimately to our
class by sharing a real life ex-
ample of the importance of Interpersonal
Communication. The following video is
comedian Rob Schneider’s comedy series
“Real Rob.” Not only was this series shot
on Full Sail’s campus, but also Schneider
enlisted the help of many current students
and recent graduates. Now graduates of
Julian Cabrera were students in this Inter-
personal Communication class in 2013. It
was not uncommon for these two to work
together in a team setting throughout their
education. After graduation, both students
moved away to separate locations to
begin their careers. When Tyler accepted
a position with Real Rob, he was asked
relationship he had formed with Julian
while in school, he knew exactly who to
recommend. While viewing the video,
you may have noticed a theme. Julian and
Tyler were not the only employees of this
production to acknowledge networking
and relationships as the reasons why they
were hired.
The ability to form relationships and net-
works begins with competent interperson-
al communication. If you’re still wonder-
ing how this is related to this course, we
are eager for you to explore the answer
to that very question as you read through
this book. The main goal is to ensure your
success both within your degree program
and your industry as you move out into
the job market.
ter where you will explore effective and
the power of persuasion and compliance
gaining. These tools will surely be useful
to you in both personal and professional
relationships.
In the last two chapters, “Listening”
assess your listening skills to determine
if you are practicing the steps of active
listening on a daily basis. Similarly, you
will explore how you personally handle
available in order to enhance your effec-
tiveness in any given situation. We could
go on and on about the wonderful things
you will learn in this book, but we’d
rather you turn the page and start reading
for yourself!
introduCtion
CC available here

4. As we begin this journey into interperson-
al communication, you might be asking
yourself a couple of questions. For in-
stance, what is interpersonal communica-
tion and why do I even need to bother with
-
to understand and explain your answers to
both of these common questions, amongst
discuss the concept of interpersonal com-
munication.
interpersonal
communication as “a dynamic form of
communication between two (or more)
people in which the messages exchanged
emotions, behaviors, and relation-
ships”(p.13). Similarly, DeVito (2014)
posits that through our interpersonal
interactions, we reveal information about
ourselves while learning new information
about others. DeVito (2014) also states
that “whether with new acquaintances,
old friends, lovers, family members, or
colleagues at work, it’s through interper-
sonal communication that you estab-
lish, maintain, sometimes destroy, and
sometimes repair personal relationships”
(p.3). For example, think of the most
important relationship in your life and
how that compares to a past relationship
that no longer exists. Whether personal
or professional, interpersonal communi-
cation undoubtedly played a role in the
creation and maintenance of the important
relationship, as well as in the demise of
interPersonal
CommuniCation
BasiCs
01

5. CC available
the other. Typically, when we think of
effective communication in our personal
relationships, we tend to think of relation-
ships within which we feel safe sharing
our opinions. Even when they go against
the norm, we know those opinions will
be heard and valued. This furthers the
idea that interpersonal communication is
not talking at others; it’s interacting with
others.
Most importantly, interpersonal com-
munication is recognizing that not every
person receives information or sends
information in the same way, and fur-
ther, adjusting our communication habits
accordingly to account for those differ-
ences. For instance, if you know that your
might take that into account when telling
them about your day even though the
details don’t really matter to you. You do
this because you value that relationship
and therefore want to communicate in the
most effective way for the other person
to receive your message, enhancing the
further highlight the nature of interper-
sonal communication when they say,
“interpersonal communication occurs not
just when we interact with someone, but
when we treat the other person as a one-
of-a-kind human being (p.26).”
With this in mind, we invite you to
consider the many relationships in your
life, and explore the ways in which they
might be improved, or simply maintained,
through the practice of effective interper-
sonal communication. The more you are
-
stances and relationships in your everyday
through this book to be.
Shared Meaning
Now that we have a basic understanding
of what interpersonal communication is,
we wonder, is it easy to communicate?
Well, sure it is. We can communicate
face-to-face, and via cell phone, email,
social media, text message, etc. In fact,
as technology continues to advance our
channels of communication continue to
be easy to communicate, but it should be
getting easier each and every day. Right?
Well, kind of.
The act of communicating might be easy
given the many options noted above, but
does that mean it’s just as easy for our
messages to be clearly and accurately
understood by others and vice versa? This
easy to effectively communicate? It can
be, but as you will see in the following
video, it takes some work.
Let’s watch this video.
While the shape that Kelsey
drew in the video was
almost identical to what
Jamie described to her, did
you pay attention to the
details of their exchange?
For instance, each time
Jamie gave Kelsey an
instruction about what to do
on her sheet to ensure that
she understood the message.
Next, Kelsey asked Jamie
clarifying questions such
as, “how far down into the
diamond?” and “how big
is the square?”. Finally,
when Kelsey was confused about an
instruction she was given, she told Jamie
she didn’t understand and asked her to
repeat it. This proved to be successful for
Kelsey in this particular interaction, but
how often do we actually take the time to
ensure we understand the message being
communicated to us by another person,
especially when we are not face-to-face
with them? For example, if you receive an
email that seems a bit unclear do you take
the time to reply and ask for clarity or do
you simply respond to what you think the
intended message was?
In the video there was also a prominent
example of what is called shared mean-
ing. According to Verderber and Verd-
erber (2013), there is shared meaning
“when the receiver’s interpretation of the
message is similar to what the speaker
thought, felt, and intended (p.10).” If you
are thinking of the “top hat” reference,
you are correct! Jamie uses the term top
hat to describe where Kelsey should draw
her next shape, and since Kelsey drew
that shape exactly as it was displayed,
it was clear that they had shared mean-
ing for the term top hat. However, they
did not have shared meaning for what
the word “thin-ish” represented when
drawing the horizontal rectangle through
the diamond. This was evidenced by
Kelsey’s resulting rectangle which was
Jamie was describing. As a result, the two
shapes were a little off and this may seem
like a minor example. However, think
about the implications this might have on
an important conversation. How might
this lack of shared meaning impact how
the message was received and, further, the
overall outcome of the interaction?
interPersonal CommuniCation BasiCs | 5

6. As you move on to the next section and
explore the models of communication,
remember that effective communication is
possible, but it takes work from all parties
involved in the interaction. Lastly, with-
out shared meaning you might just be the
only person understanding the messages
you are sending to others.
Models of Communication
As time and technology progress, so
do the ways in which we communicate,
leading us to more advanced and progres-
sive models to account for said changes.
To fully understand the basis of three
of communication, let’s take a brief look
at the history of the most frequently refer-
enced communication model, credited to
Shannon-Weaver in 1948. Please read this
brief article before continuing.
Now that you have a basis for the differ-
ent elements that make up a communi-
cation event, let’s explore the three most
commonly cited models in communica-
tion literature today. We will spend the
least amount of time on the linear model,
as this model least represents our interac-
tions in today’s world. More time will be
spent on the interactive and transactional
models as they more accurately account
for the advances in technology and how
they impact our interpersonal interactions
on a daily basis.
Linear ModeL
The linear model (Lasswell, 1948; Shan-
non & Weaver 1949) comes out of the
Shannon Weaver Model and is the most
basic of the three models. The compo-
nents of this model include the sender,
receiver, message, channel, and noise.
The sender is the person who generates
the message. The receiver is the person
who the message is generated for, and
ultimately the person who receives the
message. The message is what is being
sent, with the channel being the medium
through which the message is sent (i.e.
that prevent a message from reaching
its receiver as intended (Engleberg and
Wynn 2013). Noise can include anything
from volume of voice, to a bad Internet
connection, to the receiver being dis-
tracted when they receive the message.
Simply stated, the linear model helps us
imagine an interaction where one person
sends a message to another person and it
gets there as intended, without unintended
distractions/interruptions, or noise.
Have you ever been bowling? This is a
simple way to understand the basics of the
linear model of communication. You have
your bowler (the sender) releasing the ball
(message) down the lane (channel) to hit
the pins (the receiver). If the lanes have
been recently polished, the ball will travel
faster, hitting the pins harder. However,
if the lanes have not been polished, it
will take the ball a longer time to travel
its course, which can interfere with the
impact it has on the pins. The amount of
polish on the lanes would be the noise in
the linear model of communication, as the
amount of polish impacts the speed of the
ball just as noise interferes the impact of
the message as it gets to the receiver.
The oldest of the three models, the
linear model is quite simplistic and no
longer adequately depicts the bulk of
our interpersonal interactions taking
place on a daily basis. This is due to the
models depicts, which may imply that the
receiver is a passive participant who will
not be impacted by the message in a way
that warrants a response (Wood, 2010).
Think about it. With technology as it is in
today’s society, how often are we sending
messages without expecting some sort
of response in return? Whether it’s a re-
sponse to our Facebook post, a comment
on our Instagram, or a tweet in response
to one of ours, technology now allows us
to interact with others regardless of the
channel of communication. Sure, some
would not. For example, if your boss
sent an email informing your team of a
new policy change, that email might not
warrant a response from anyone since the
intention was merely to inform everyone
of the change. In this scenario, the email
would be an example of the linear model
criteria in that the sender (boss) composes
the message (email) and sends it to the
receiver (employees) through a channel
(cyberspace). In this example, our noise
can be a number of things, including
interPersonal CommuniCation BasiCs | 6

7. speed of delivery and what kind of envi-
ronment the receiver is in when reading
the email. However, if you send an email
to your boss to request a vacation day
and your boss responds to approve your
request, that would not be an example of
has now become an interaction and would
will discuss next.
Interestingly as technology changes, so
do the examples we consider for these
models. For example, an instant message
model. However, now that many phones
and chat programs include ellipses (…) to
signify that the other person is typing, this
would no longer be considered a linear
message. Rather, this is more in alignment
with the interactive model. You will learn
why in the following section.
While the linear model is part of the his-
tory of communication research, it doesn’t
adequately account for the dynamics of
face-to-face interactions or the advances
in technology affecting our interactions.
interactive and transactional.
interactive ModeL
Similar to the linear communication mod-
el, which includes a sender, receiver, mes-
sage, channel, and noise, the interactive
model includes these same components,
while adding the components of feed-
back and (Schramm,
1954) to further explain and understand
the dynamics of our interactions. What
is feedback? Let’s imagine that you are
interacting with friends face-to-face, or
perhaps on the phone, telling a story. How
do you know if they are keeping up with
the story and that they understand it?
They respond in some way, right? This is
the feedback component of the interac-
tive model. Feedback can be both can be
verbal (uh huh, go on) and nonverbal (a
simple head nod).
Why is feedback important during an
interaction? Let’s go back to the story
you are telling a friend. If they have a
confused look on their face (nonverbal
feedback) or utter a “huh” (verbal feed-
back), you will likely pause and repeat
something or explain it another way to
ensure they understand your message
before moving on. Without feedback, we
are less likely to alter our message in the
middle of an interaction and more likely
to assume the receiver understands our
message. It’s important to recognize that
feedback comes in many forms and can
send both intentional and unintentional
messages to the person with whom we are
interacting. For instance, if you are telling
your best friend how your job interview
went, and she pulls out her phone and
begins texting someone, that is a form of
feedback you might perceive to mean that
she is disinterested in your story, whether
or not that is the case.
If you go back to our examples for the
linear model of communication for a mo-
ment, the reason instant messages and text
due to the addition of feedback. In other
words, since the presence of ellipses (...)
serves as feedback to our sent message,
we may or may not alter the course of the
interaction based on that feedback, thus
moving from linear communication to
interactive communication.
In addition to feedback, the interactive
Fields of experience “consist of the
beliefs, attitudes, values, and experiences
that each participant brings to a commu-
nication event. Two people with similar
understand each other while communicat-
ing than are individuals with dissimilar
p. 7). Consider you own daily interactions
for a moment. Many Full Sail Universi-
what they are doing in school, it is easier
to have a conversation with one of their
classmates, or someone in the industry,
than with a family member. This can be
attributed to the idea that your classmates
and other industry professionals have
it easier for them to understand and assign
meaning to your message than it would be
-
perience, i.e. your family member. When
experience, they also have more shared
meaning. This further enhances the under-
standing, and ultimately, the interaction.
Let’s go back to our sports metaphor for
moment. While bowling would be good
representation of the linear communica-
tion model due to the one way nature of
communication as depicted in the model,
consider two individuals playing tennis as
a way to understand the interactive com-
munication model. In this scenario you
have your two players (sender and receiv-
er) who are both sending and receiving
messages (hitting the ball), while adapting
their messages based on the feedback they
receive from the other (positioning on
(years they have been playing) also have
an impact on how their message (the ball)
is received. (include picture of tennis
players)
While the interactive model gives us a
better understanding of what takes place
during an interaction, it still limits us to
thinking of one person as a sender and
one person as a receiver during a commu-
nication event. Therefore, when we truly
interpersonal
communication, we look to the transac-
tional model of communication to explain
our face-to-face interactions.
transactionaL ModeL
yourself what the differences are between
the interactive and transactional com-
munication models. The key difference
between these models is that the trans-
actional model of communication views
each person involved in the interaction as
a communicator, moving away from the
idea of senders and receivers. The idea
driving this model is that each person
plays an equal role during the interaction
where both send and receive messages si-
multaneously and collaboratively (Streek
1980).
Let’s revisit our sports metaphors for the
previous models to help us further under-
stand the distinctions between the three
what happens during a linear interaction;
a sender sends a one-way message to
a receiver through a channel with the
possibility of noise affecting how the
message is received. Two people playing
tennis was provided as a way for us to
understand the interactive model where
the sender sends the message, and the
receiver gets the message and sends one
interPersonal CommuniCation BasiCs | 7

8. of experience were added to account for
some of the variables effecting our daily
interactions with others. For the transac-
tional model, where we no longer have
sender and receiver, but rather, two com-
municators, we think of two people danc-
ing the tango. Can you picture it? Each
movement of one person directly impacts
the movement of the other, directly
impacting the dance as a whole the same
way each communicator and the messages
he or she sends throughout the interaction
details of the interaction and the outcome
of the interaction.
Think of the last conversation you had
with a close friend where the conversation
both simultaneously communicated mes-
sages to one another, both verbally and
nonverbally. Now think of the last time
you went out to eat. Your server likely
came over and asked you what you want-
ed to eat, and then you responded with
your order. Can you see the difference
the interactive model (server interaction)
(interaction with close friend)?
These three models should give you a
solid foundation of the many different
elements involved in interpersonal com-
munication. The linear model is the most
limited and captures some of our online
interactions while the interactive and
transactional models account for more
of the dynamics involved in face-to-face
interactions. As technology continues to
advance, it will be interesting to see the
next evolution of these models of commu-
nication and the impact on our interper-
sonal relationships.
However, it’s also fair to say that just as a
blueprint of a building will never account
for every detail and nuance of that build-
ing, none of the models will account for
every single element of our interactions.
That being said, they do provide us with
a concrete way to understand just how
many factors affect our communication
with others in order to better prepare us
to be more effective communicators.
Let’s move on to our next section where
we explore the idea that interpersonal
concept.
Contexts & Relationships
Imagine that you just received fantas-
tic news; you landed your dream job!
Amongst the many other things you have
likely do is share your news with oth-
ers. You will want to tell people such as
family members, friends, your romantic
partner, colleagues, etc., but you will need
to tell your current employer that you will
be leaving as well. When thinking about
what you are going to say to these people,
do you envision that your message will be
exactly the same to each of the different
groups of people noted above (friends,
family, employer, etc.)? For instance will
you tell all of these people via Facebook,
or will you tell some face-to-face? Will
you tell your friends about the news with
the same amount enthusiasm that you will
tell your current employer? The answer
here is no, but why is that? Why can’t we
deliver a generic message to every person
we want to share our news with? The an-
swer is simple. Interpersonal communica-
in order to be effective communicators,
we need to constantly be aware of two
major ideas and how they affect our com-
reLationaL context
The above scenario outlined the rela-
romantic, professional, and close personal
(friends and family). While your message
to people in these different groups might
be similar, your relationship with them
is different. For this reason, your mes-
sage needs to match the relationship you
have with them. This is also known as
the
as, “the circumstances and setting in
which the communication takes place”
(Engleberg & Wynn 2013, p.7). When
considering the relationship we have with
the person(s) with whom we are commu-
nicating, we are considering the relational
context. You may be wondering why
is this an important aspect of interper-
sonal communication, and the answer
is simple. We don’t communicate in the
same manner with each and every person.
Therefore, we have to determine how to
communicate effectively on an individual
basis. How much we value an individual
impacts both the relationship and the level
of communication.
We can better understand this by examin-
that when we communicate with some-
one from an I-Thou perspective, we treat
them as a valued individual, thus, making
the distance between us seem “thinner”
through our communication. In turn, this
can enhance the relationship because our
communication with another is crafted
and delivered in such a way as to signify
the value we place on that relationship.
We do this through accepting similarities,
but also acknowledging and being open
minded to differences. However, when we
are communicating with someone from an
interPersonal CommuniCation BasiCs | 8

9. I-It perspective, we treat the person as an
object, neglecting feelings, thoughts and
opinions, thus “thickening” the distance
between us. This can diminish the rela-
tionship since our focus tends to remain
on the differences between individuals
as opposed to the similarities. When
thinking about the ways in which you
communicate with people in the different
relationships you have in your life, are
you communicating with them in the best
way for that relationship?
So what does all of this look like when
considering the opening example of you
getting a new job? Given that many of
your friends live in other cities and/or
to announce your new job on Facebook
to inform as many people as possible.
However, how will your family feel about
hearing the news on Facebook at the same
time as everyone else? Depending on
your relationship, that might be the pre-
ferred way, but then again, your parents
and/or immediate family might appreciate
hearing that news from you personally, ei-
ther face-to-face, on the phone, or through
another channel more intimate than
Facebook. In addition to considering the
mediums through which you are going to
share your news, you must also consider
the verbal and nonverbal aspects of your
message. For instance, how much detail
will you go into about what your new
job entails? Think back to the interactive
communication model and the concept
affect how much or how little detail you
go into about your new position based on
what each person knows about the type
each person and what you know that they
know, you will adjust accordingly.
Finally, while you are likely to display
your happiness about your new position
other, will you maintain that level of
enthusiasm when sharing your news
with current colleagues and your current
employer? Again, this depends upon your
relationships with them, the relational
context. As you read through each of the
chapters in this book, consider how what
you are learning can be applied to the
individual relationships you have, and
how you would alter your messages to be
more appropriate for each relationship. At
the end of the day, how we communicate
with others speaks volumes about how
we perceive our relationship with them
and the overall value we place on that
relationship.
cuLturaL context
As you can infer from the above infor-
mation, context plays an important role
in each and every interaction we have.
Another major type of context we must
consider is the cultural As you
will learn in the Intercultural Chapter, our
individual cultures play a major role in
the ways in which we send and receive
messages, as well as how we assign
meaning to those messages. Therefore,
being mindful of the cultures and micro-
cultures of others is an integral part of
being an effective communicator.
Let’s take a look at an example shared by
Interpersonal Communication instructor,
Jamie Vega, about how the cultural con-
text has impacted one of her relationships.
in together, my family came to visit for
Easter. My family is a fairly traditional
American family, while my husband’s
family is from Venezuela. When I told
him that my family was coming to
celebrate Easter, he had a perplexed look
on his face, but I didn’t think anything
of it. When they arrived we immediately
started talking about dying eggs, making
an Easter basket for my niece, etc. It was
then that I really took notice of my hus-
band’s look of confusion as we went on
with our discussion. When I approached
him about it later he explained that he
didn’t understand what all the fuss was
about Easter, why my family was visiting
we were dipping eggs into food coloring
and vinegar.
The cultural context of our interaction
completely kept him on the “outside” of
things since he had no shared meaning
for these traditions of celebrating Easter.
Growing up, his family and culture never
recognized this as a holiday, let alone the
eggs, candy, bunny, etc.”As a result of
the cultural differences between Jamie’s
family and her husband’s, their communi-
cation had to be adjusted.
situationaL context
We will end our section on relationships
and context with a third type of context
the Just as it sounds,
the situation we are in during an interac-
tion has a direct impact on the message
being communicated. Therefore we must
consider that impact when delivering our
messages. The situational context is de-
termined by “the particular circumstances
interPersonal CommuniCation BasiCs | 9

10. surrounding communication, including
social environment, physical place, and
& Weiman 2009, p.27). For instance, let’s
say you are out to dinner celebrating your
recent graduation from medical school
with friends and family. In that situation,
you would likely want to avoid talking
to remove human intestines, only to
reassemble them and then close up the
body. While there is a time and place to
talk about that, sitting at a nice restaurant
with family members who do not share
your love for medicine is not that time,
nor place.
Conclusion
What you should be taking away from
-
loring our message to the person(s) with
whom we are communicating. Stop and
think about why you are communicating
any given interaction? Are you seeking
information? Are you looking to connect
with someone? Are you hoping others
will perceive you a certain way based on
how you interact with them? Taking the
time to consider our relationships and the
contexts surrounding our interactions will
enhance our interactions, and ultimately,
our relationships. After all, communica-
tion is irreversible. Once it’s out there,
it’s out there, regardless of the medium
through which it was communicated.
You can delete the post, retract the email,
or apologize for what you said, but the
impact your message has made (positive
or negative) cannot be undone. When we
take the time to truly consider the impli-
cations of this idea, we are on our way to
becoming more effective communicators.
As we close this chapter, we’d like you to
consider the following scenario. Two or
more people are in a room and are aware
of each other’s existences. Is it possible
for no communication at all to take place?
Consider what you have learned in this
chapter and take that with you throughout
the rest of your journey through the book.
book you will be armed to adequately
answer and explain your position on the
above scenario, and further, that you will
be equipped to assess and respond to the
many different communication situations
you encounter.
interPersonal CommuniCation BasiCs | 10

11. The ancient Greek philosopher Socrates
‘know thyself.’ It is not that easy, Socra-
tes! First of all, who are we really? Is our
-
es of our journal entries? The self others
The self that would be described by our
best friend? Our boss?
While the concept of self might at times
feel like a complex juggling act, there
are actually ways to take apart and
examine the subject. In this chapter we
will explore how we arrive at an overall
idea of who we think we are, what other
practices to consider in order to most
effectively present our self to the world…
without dropping a ball.
Understanding Self
Who do you think you are?
No matter how complex our self might
be, somehow we all have a general
knowingness of who we are (McCornack,
2010). This is our self-concept. It might
if someone put a microphone up to your
-
ever, chances are that with some time
characteristics or features that make up
the overall picture of who you are as a
person. Try it right now. If you had to
articulate who you are in just one sen-
tence, what would you write? What would
you include? What would you leave out?
Check out this video from Dan Pink- what
is your sentence?
When you were writing your sentence, it
is probable that you were keeping in mind
how that sentence might sound to others.
In fact, you might have been thinking
about how your sentence would measure
up with others. We live in an evaluative
society where we judge most things as
either “good or bad,” or “positive or
negative”. While this might be helpful
for restaurant reviews or keeping up with
self
02
Watch Michael Estes’s video Public vs. Private Self.

12. current trends, we actually extend this
type of evaluation to others and ourselves
as well. This process of “evaluating
ourselves in terms of how we compare
with others” is called social comparison
(Adler, 2013). Whether we realize it or
not, we are constantly comparing our-
selves to those around us. This informs
our personal evaluation of our self worth.
The value we decide to assign ourselves
in any moment is called our self-esteem
(McCornack, 2010).
Whether we have high self-esteem or low
self-esteem, we probably have an idea of
the person we wish we could be. We often
feel pressure to be this ideal version of
ourselves and we also receive messages
from others about how they expect us to
be. When we are closely aligned with who
we want to be and who others want us to
be, we typically feel good and have high
self-esteem. However, the self-discrepan-
cy theory points out that when we are not
in alignment with who we want to be and
who others want us to be, we experience
a discrepancy between reality and those
expectations, which can lead to low self
esteem (McCornack, 2010).
Self-esteem is one of those terms we
probably have heard since we were
young. We have been told we should have
know how to achieve that and what the
out that self-esteem has a huge impact on
our ability to effectively communicate
because it often can predict the outcome
of our interactions before they even
happen. It might sound like there’s some
sort of strange fortune telling going on
here, but really this comes down to what
psychologists call a -
cy
something will go, then we take actions
either consciously or unconsciously to
ensure that this prediction turns out to be
correct (Merton, 1968). Here is a story
Alice graduated from college and was im-
mediately offered a job in Arizona, which
was a cross-country move for her since
she grew up in Florida. She was hesitant
to leave because she had many friends in
her current town, but she decided to move
anyway for the job opportunity. As she
was about to leave for the airport, she said
to her parents, “I probably won’t make
any friends out there.” A year passed and
Alice was lonely, having not made any
friends. She decided to quit her job and
when she called to tell her parents she
was moving back home she said, de-
feated, “I told you I wouldn’t make any
friends out in Arizona.” Alice was right.
Yet Alice may have just lived through
the negative repercussions of her own
If you think of it as a cycle, people like
Alice with low self-esteem tend to hold
negative thoughts about what they are
capable of, which leads them to have
negative interactions or negative behav-
iors that then reinforce their previous
negative belief about their overall sense
of self worth. If we look at this from the
other way around, however, we can actu-
advantage. People with positive self-es-
teem typically have positive thoughts
about what they are capable of, which
leads them to have positive interactions
or positive behaviors that then reinforce
their previous positive belief about their
overall sense of self worth. For example,
someone with positive self-esteem might
think they can land their dream job right
Beauty Sketches
by Dove. Take a few minutes to
watch this video from Dove and
consider your self-esteem
The Innovation
of Loneliness
In the age of social networking
we may think we are more con-
nected now than ever. However,
more and more people report
feeling lonely.
In this animation based on Sher-
ry Turkle’ -
impact of social media on our
idea of who we are and our rela-
tion to others in this new “I share
therefore I am” world
self | 12

13. after graduation, so they take the actions
necessary to achieve that goal. This then
helps them actually get the job and thus
reinforces their positive self-esteem.
Presenting Self
are? Returning to the juggling analogy,
we recall that we each have many ver-
sions of our self that we manage simul-
taneously. The interesting thing about
these many versions of our self is that we
chose, moment to moment, what we want
to share with others and what we want to
keep inside. Simply put, there is the self
that only we know which is our private
self and then there is the self that we
present or share with others, which is our
public self (McCornack, 2010).
It is not to say that our private selves and
public selves are always starkly different,
but this varies from person to person.
For example, one person might feel as
though they are an open book and share
every element of their private self with
others publically. Another might inten-
tionally limit what they share with others
and enjoy keeping their personal privacy.
Even the most open and “tell it like it
is” person will admit that when they are
really honest with themselves, there is
still quite a bit that they keep private. We
of maintaining a positive image. For
example, we don’t typically go around
broadcasting all of our insecurities to
and I feel inadequate.” Additionally, we
don’t always disclose the true motivations
to Sally because I want her to recommend
me for that position at Pixar.” Lastly, we
tend to keep some aspects private just to
be polite. For example, most people don’t
share every opinion that runs through
that sweater looks terrible on you.”
So there is this private self that only we
know and there is a public self that we
share with the world. There are many
versions of our public self, however. For
example, you might present yourself at
work as an organized, competitive and
committed employee. Within your social
circle you might present yourself as a
fun-loving and easygoing friend. With
your family you might present yourself
a little more reserved with a focus on
being loving and loyal. Sociologists
use the word face to describe the many
“socially approved images” we construct
in order to present ourselves publically
(Adler, 2013). Some of these faces are
constructed very intentionally and some
we build unconsciously. Sometimes, we
do not realize we have constructed a face
until we accidentally reveal a different
face to someone than they had previous-
ly known. For example, if you present
invite your co-worker out to go dancing
after work they might say something like
“wow, I felt like I saw a totally different
side of you last night.” This is because the
different than the face you would wear
going out socially with your friends. Take
a moment now to make a list of all the
different faces you present to the world.
Yours might include Full Sail student,
child, co-worker, parent, best friend, band
member, etc. Make a note about what
is subtly or even dramatically different
about each one.
We often attempt to control these different
faces through the information we choose
to share and disclose with others. This
concept of revealing different layers of
the self was named the social penetration
theory by psychologists Irwin Altman and
Dalmas Taylor (1973).
So now that we have a list of all the faces
or “socially approved images” we present
to the world, it is also important to ponder
all the parts of our private self that we try
to keep hidden. When we intentionally try
to keep something about our private self
hidden, we wear a mask or a “public self
designed to strategically veil [our] private
self” (McCornack, 2010). An example of
this might be someone who is struggling
know. In order to hide or mask this reality
of their private self, they may take out
credit card debt to be able to purchase
new clothes or go out to dinner with their
friends so they will appear to others as be-
also think about a father
trying to comfort his child
who just fell off a bike.
While he might be scared
and upset at the sight of the
child getting hurt, he might
“mask” his private self and
feelings associated with the
event in order to provide
his child.
When we think about our
private and public selves,
we cannot ignore how the
Internet has impacted the
way we present who we
are. Ten years ago it was
much easier to manage our
various public faces since we were not as
reliant on the Internet to gather informa-
tion about others. Today, everything we
put out on the web is public information
for anyone to access. This can be used
wisely to support the positive image we
want to present. However, this informa-
tion can also run contrary to the image
we intend to present, which may lead to
unintended negative consequences.
and although it was challenging at times,
he was content where he was and would
not dream of leaving since he was about
to be promoted. After a long evening
home and posted “I hate my job” as his
to bed. When he woke up refreshed he
immediately regretted what he wrote so
he went to his Facebook wall to remove
the post. Unfortunately, the damage had
already been done. His coworker, whom
he had as a friend on Facebook, had
self | 13

14. 3 Reasons to Embrace
Your “False” Self
Not knowing who you are is part
of who you are. Published on
December 3, 2013 by Suzanne
We
shared this negative status with his boss,
phone call letting him know he had been
terminated.
percent) hiring managers who current-
ly research candidates via social media
said they have found information that
has caused them not to hire a candidate”
(Ewin,2013). The number of employers
that check social media sites has steadily
risen each year and there is no sign of this
trend going away. Each month during the
Interpersonal Communication lecture on
this topic, a student in class will always
state something like “it’s not fair that
we can’t post what we want on our own
personal Facebook accounts.” Fair or not,
the reality remains the same that in this
digital world what we think is “private”
and for a limited audience only rarely
remains as such. It should be assumed
that everyone can potentially see every-
thing we put on the Internet, and this can
be used to positively enhance our public
image or crumble what we have worked
so hard to construct.
This is not to say we should immediately
go and shut down our Facebook accounts
and vow to never post anything on the
is consistent with the person you want
others to see can reap positive rewards.
out that, “employers also noted that they
came across information on social media
sites that made a candidate more attrac-
percent) said they found something that
has caused them to hire a candidate.”
So which will you be? Hopefully the can-
to check your current online presence is
to Google yourself! Try it right now and
see what images and information comes
up. If you are happy with what you see
then you are doing a great job to manage
your online self-presentation. However, if
that run contrary to what you would want
an employer to see, you might consider
making some immediate changes to your
online presence to help your current and
future self.
Conclusion
If this chapter has helped you to see some
areas where you may need improvement,
then that is a good thing! In order to be
truly self-aware we must see both our
strengths and our weaknesses and be
willing to make adjustments. Just as we
are not the same people we were when
we were 16 years old, we will contin-
regularly checking in with ourselves and
making improvements, we can ensure that
this change will be for the better and in
alignment with the person we want to be,
both inside and out.
self | 14

15. In our fast-paced world, we have the
tendency to make snap judgments without
realizing the underlying complexities
upon which we base our decisions. This is
where perception comes into play. A part
of our survival is based on our ability to
have a solid understanding of the world
and the people around us. With this in
mind, we are best served by crafting more
accurate perceptions about those around
us so that we may not only survive, but
also thrive. The keener we are in our
perceptions of those we interact with on
a daily basis, the stronger the bonds that
are ultimately formed with others. In this
chapter, we’ll be exploring the process of
creating perceptions as well as the role
those perceptions play in our connections
with others.
Perception is deeply entrenched in our
daily communication and plays a large
role in the ultimate outcomes of our in-
teractions. As you’ll soon learn, having a
greater level of self-awareness can lead to
crafting more accurate perceptions. Since
the main purpose of communication is
connection, on-point perceptions can help
build and strengthen the connections we
make with those in both the personal and
professional realms. On the other hand,
inaccurate perceptions can serve to divide
us, making the process of perception an
important one to grasp.
The Perception Process
In order to create those accurate percep-
awareness as to the process we go through
while creating these perceptions. In this
chapter, we will be talking about percep-
tion as a three-part process. Following a
chronological sequence, these three steps
and interpretation. Let’s break these three
steps down.
PerCePtion
03

16. PerCePtion | 16
step 1: seLection
selection, you are picking
out pieces of information being commu-
nicated to you so that you can eventually
put the information you’ve obtain into a
whole, cohesive picture. Keep in mind
that in any given moment, we are being
bombarded by information and stimulus
to the point of only being able to select
bits and pieces of the information being
thrown at us. Since we each grab a hold
of different pieces of information - name-
ly, those pieces of information that are
more salient to us (more on that in a bit!)
- you can imagine that our perceptions
about the world around us are going to
differ from person to person. For instance,
what is the image that you see below?
This is an image, sketched by William
Hill (1915), of either a pretty young
woman who is looking to her right and
and a long slender neck upon which a
necklace is placed. Or it’s an image for an
old woman who is looking straight ahead,
or perhaps looking down, and has a large
crooked nose, a long pointed chin, and a
mouth slightly open. Depending on what
(was it the long, pointy chin or the well
away with a very different picture of the
same exact image.
How is it that we make these selections?
What you decide to focus on is dependent
upon salience. This is how
much something is able
to grab your attention.
Something that is high in
salience, or salient, would
However, what is most
grabbing or salient to
you does not necessarily
have the same level of
attractiveness or salience
for someone else. For
instance, when looking
at the picture above, the
necklace may have been
what was most salient or
of this, you selected and
focused on the necklace,
leading to the interpre-
tation of the picture as a
pretty young woman. Yet,
if that necklace did not
grab the attention of an-
other viewer (or it was not
salient), he or she would
not select that as an area of focus and the
perception process would begin much
differently from yours, perhaps leading to
the other person seeing the old woman in-
stead. You can already see how tricky the
process of perception can be, and we’re
only at Step 1!
step 2: organization
Once you have selected pieces of infor-
mation, you then move on to the orga-
nization step of the perception process.
During this step, you put together, or
organize, the various pieces of informa-
tion you’ve selected so that you have
a more cohesive picture of an event.
Punctuation also plays a role here, which
is the process of placing information into
a chronological sequence in terms of what
order you experienced – or perceived –
the events as taking place.
Imagine for a moment you are fed up with
your roommate’s messy lifestyle. You
have become weary of the piled up dishes
in the sink and the trash that’s never taken
out unless you’ve taken it out. On your
yourself anticipating this mess when you
get home and become actively upset. You
pull into the driveway, open your front
door, and look into the kitchen. There
than when you left and the garbage, once
again, has not been taken out. You walk
-
mate playing video games on the couch.
You become even more upset knowing
that your roommate has had free time and
decided not to use that time to tidy up.
scowling. After said scowl, you storm off
into your bedroom and slam your door.
You believe this behavior has accurately
communicated your level of disdain for
your roommate’s behavior. However, let’s
experience that behavior through the eyes
of your roommate for a moment. Your
roommate hears the door open and your
feet loudly and forcefully pounding the
ground. You enter the living room and
your roommate notices an upset look on
your face. You say nothing and then storm
off to your bedroom. The way that your
roommate has organized your behavior
most likely amounts to the assumption
that you have had a rough day and you’re
upset about something that has happened.
You are now in your room believing that
your roommate is aware of how his or
her behavior has upset you while your
roommate is back to playing video games
hoping that you’re ok. These two different
interpretations of the same event amount
to two very different realities due to the
way the behaviors were organized and
punctuated by each individual.
step 3: interpretation
So now that you’re listening, and you’ve
gone through the process of selecting
and organizing that information into a
coherent pattern, you will then interpret
the overall event. This is where you’ll
be assigning meaning, perhaps mak-
ing this the most important step in the
perception process. Think of this as the
“meat and potatoes” of the perception
process, where you’re connecting all the
dots you’ve gathered and made sense
of in order to pull together a clear idea
of what it is that has taken place. For an
example of interpretation in action, let’s
turn our attention back to the young lady/
old woman drawing. Did you see the
young lady or the old woman? If you
saw the young lady, you might have beenImage by cartoonist William Ely Hill

17. PerCePtion | 17
interpreting her gaze as lofty, or perhaps
snooty, whereas you may have perceived
the old woman as being a bit grouchy due
to her appearance. This inner dialogue is
all taking place during the interpretation
stage of the perception process.
Contributing Factors
ForMing perceptions
What is it that plays a role in forming our
perceptions, exactly? Unfortunately, there
is no clear-cut answer to this question.
One thing that is certain is that our past
experiences shape our current morals,
belief systems, values, and ethics. Our
personal experience of the world around
us ultimately helps us to create scripts in
our mind about how an interaction could
and/or should play out. These “scripts,”
or the mental structure of preconceived
ideas, are also known as schemata, or the
singular schema.
The schemas we form help us to reduce
uncertainty while forming assumptions
about what we should be expecting from
others. This can aid us in feeling com-
fortable approaching new situations. On
previously held schema, we’re unable to
step outside of our preconceived notions
in order to accept new information. When
this process takes place, our perceptions
are not solely inaccurate; our perceptions
also amount to a division between us
and others, rather than leading to a solid
connection.
In addition, as part of the interpretation
stage, we often make attributions to
explain the behavior of others. Attribu-
tions are explanations for the causes of
behavior or actions (Heider, 2013). These
are often based off of our past experi-
ences or our own actions. For instance,
consider for a moment that you walk
into your classroom and your teacher is
standing in the front of the room. Her
arms are crossed, her brow is furrowed,
and her eyes are slits. When you ask her
if she’s okay, she responds, “oh, I’m just
is that she is angry. You’ve come to this
conclusion based on the fact that when
you cross your arms and furrow your
brow you are usually angry. Or perhaps
you’ve seen that look on the face of your
only mean trouble. You slink toward your
seat and avoid eye contact. You and your
classmates might just be in for it when
class starts. However, once everyone is
settled, your teacher seems rather upbeat.
She then explains that she is freezing and
has been in the same freezing classroom
for 2 hours. She is not, in fact, angry at
made an incorrect attribution about the
meaning of your teacher’s behavior. This
is not uncommon. However, do not feel
like you are incapable of making correct
attributions as well. We are oftentimes
right in our assumptions about the mean-
ing behind other people’s behavior or
communication. Yet, it is important to be
sure that you recognize that error is not
only possible, but also rather common
and can be problematic for successful
communication.
In order to understand this a little bit
better, let’s examine two kinds of attri-
2013). When we make an internal
attribution about people, we attribute
their behavior to an individual character
trait, capability, or attitude; an internal
reason. Conversely, when we make an
, we attribute behavior
to environmental factors or other external
reasons. For example, you are an hour late
to class one day. When you walk into the
classroom, your teacher might think, “that
student is late because he is irresponsible
and does not care about my class.” This
would be an internal attribution because
the teacher is attributing your behavior
to the kind of person you are and your
individual attitude. However, the teacher
and think, “that student is probably late
is an environmental factor, not a character
trait. Returning to why this is problematic
for communication, think about how this
makes you feel. Do you feel it is fair for
your teacher to make an internal attribu-
tion about your tardiness? The important
thing to remember about internal attri-
butions is that the assumption is that the
force or factor causing the outcome was
something the individual was in complete
you can control your attitude towards and
dedication to your class. Considering all
of this information, it is not hard to see
why assigning internal attributions can
lead to issues in communication.
Let’s say that you are not irresponsible
and you do care about your class, but traf-
belief that you are late due to internal
attributions rather than the actual external
would be a fundamental attribution error
(Ross, 1977; Jones & Harris, 1967). We
tend to make fundamental attribution
errors more frequently when we are ex-
amining the behavior of others.
So, if we are more likely to make a funda-
mental attribution error when examining
others, how do these errors come into
play when we are explaining our own
actions? The answer is that it depends.
When the outcome is unpleasant or nega-
tive, we often blame external attributions.
Why is this? Well, it is a little easier to
handle when we can blame our behavior
or mistakes on something external that
was completely out of our control. Yet,
we are not so quick to give others the
-
ing others, it is actually more likely that
when an outcome is unpleasant, we will
blame this on the their actions or atti-
tudes. Essentially, we treat the situation
as if the individual was completely in
control of the outcome. This tendency is
called the actor-observer effect (Jones
& Nisbett, 1971). So, do we assign
internal attributions to our own actions?
Absolutely! We do when the outcome is
pleasant, of course. Naturally, we assume
that pleasing outcomes are a result of our
actions, capabilities, and attitudes. This
is appropriately called a self-serving bias
(Forsyth & Schlenker, 1977). Interesting-
ly enough, this bias is not limited to the
attributions we assign to ourselves.
discuss ingroupers and outgroupers.
Have you ever heard the expression, “I’m
in with the in crowd?” An ingroup, by
feel a part of or to which we feel directly
connected. What do some of your in-
groups look like? Your family might be an
ingroup; you are part of a distinct culture
that is representative of your family and
their characteristics. Perhaps, instead, you
are thinking about your program here at
Full Sail. It is not unreasonable to say that

18. PerCePtion | 18
the time you have spent with your class-
mates, along with your shared industry
knowledge and skills, has created a sense
of unity or feels like an ingroup.
Opposite of this, an outgroup would be
any social set to which you feel you don’t
belong to or identify with. So, instead of
feeling connected to this group, you feel
outside of the collective. Getting back to
attributions and the biases that can occur,
it is not unusual to allow a little more
leeway where ingroupers are concerned.
We are more likely to assign external
attributions to the behavior of ingroupers
than we are outgroupers. It should be
no surprise by now that this would also
mean that you are more likely to explain
the behavior of outgroupers by assigning
internal attributions. Think about that for
a minute. Do you think it is conducive for
successful communication if we are will-
ing to consider external or environmental
factors when analyzing the behaviors of
those like us, but more likely to attribute
the behaviors of those different from us
to their personal qualities and character-
istics? Hopefully you have reached the
conclusion that this is not fair or good
for communication. These biases and
inabilities to practice empathy for others
lead to miscommunication. It is less likely
that you are able to successfully reach
your interpersonal communication goals
if you are not able to assess the situation
and recognize these occurrences.
So now that we’ve learned a bit about
how we form our perceptions about the
world around us, you might be ask-
ing yourself how it is that we go about
improving the accuracy of these very
perceptions. Part of the answer lies in the
ability to offer empathy to those we inter-
act with on both a daily basis and with the
relationships we craft over the long term.
First, it might be necessary to explore
just what it is we mean by empathy. We
oftentimes confuse empathy with sympa-
thy. However, these are two very different
concepts. When we refer to sympathy,
we’re describing the act of feeling for a
person, which can even be described as
feeling pity for someone in its extreme
form. Empathy, on the other hand, is
when we feel with someone. When we
allow ourselves to step outside of our
own shoes and into the shoes of another
person so that we can experience the
world through his or her eyes – if even for
a moment we are being empathetic.
perhaps, the act of judging. Let’s not
ignore the fact that we make judgments
about other people. We may make snap
decisions about the character, intentions,
or behaviors of others. Just keep in mind
that the perception process is subjective
and we make snap judgments based on
our own set of beliefs, which are both
individual and malleable.
Crafting Perceptions
While perception creation can be prob-
lematic when inaccurate or generalized,
it is, in fact, a psychological process,
of perceptions is an integral part of our
survival, as it allows us to judge our level
of safety as well as appropriate times to
offer trust. The goal here is not to reject
the perception process, but rather, to take
greater control over the crafting of more
accurate perceptions.
Through this process of suspending our
more individualistic outlook, we are put-
ting ourselves in the position of seeing the
world in a different way. The more varied
the perspectives we hold about what
might be taking place, the more accurate
our perceptions will become. Part of this
process lies in our ability to question our
initial reactions to events or, alternatively,
our assumptions about other’s behaviors.
When this process of questioning and
gut-checking pairs with empathy, you’ll
create a more solid and accurate picture of
the intentions, motivations, and behaviors
of others.
With all of this being said, it might not

19. PerCePtion | 19
be easy to step into the shoes of others
unless a connection has been created. This
is where shared meaning comes into play.
Without having a basis of shared meaning
with others, we’re left without the ability
to effectively communicate.
Imagine for a moment you’re waiting
for the subway and someone comes up
to you speaking a language you’ve never
heard before. We’ll also pretend that we
cannot ascertain the meaning of what’s
being communicated through nonverbal
behavior. So here you are, an English
speaker, attempting to communicate with
someone who is speaking a language
completely unfamiliar to you. Are you
able to effectively communicate? Are you
able to communicate at all? Most likely
the answer is no, because you do not have
any shared meaning upon which commu-
nication, connection, and understanding
can be made.
Conclusion
Not only is shared meaning necessary
for communication to take place, but
this shared meaning will also give each
person the opportunity to be able to step
into each other’s shoes, offer empathy
or understanding, and then check those
perceptions against your previously held
assumptions and expectations of a given
event. The more we work toward creat-
ing stronger connections with others, the
better able we are to question a singular
view of the world which ultimately ex-
pands our evolving perspectives. Moving
through the various stages of the percep-
tion process while offering empathy built
upon shared meaning will dramatically
improve the accuracy of your perceptions.
The more accurate our perceptions, the
greater our connections.

20. 04
CommuniCation
ComPetenCe
communication is not black and white. If
we were to replay all of the encounters we
had within one day, this would become
abundantly clear. So, how do we become
competent interpersonal communicators
when we are faced with this constantly
realizing that interpersonal communi-
recognition can lead to the most important
necessity to communication competence,
The Art of Winning in an Age of Uncer-
tainty, author Max McKeown wrote that
“all failure is failure to adapt, all success
is successful adaptation” (p. 19). This
concept rings true for communication as
well. Yet how do we adapt? This chap-
ter will explore steps to adapting your
communication in order to ensure the
most successful outcome, the importance
of online competence, and intercultural
competence.
Self-Monitoring
First and foremost, we must exercise a
certain level of self-awareness and take
the time to observe and monitor our own
communication. We already know that
successful communication starts with an
understanding of self. Adaptability also
begins here. When we actively monitor
our own communication, it is easier to
make sure that we are behaving in a
way that is appropriate and successful.
Researchers know that we are capable
of actively monitoring or controlling our
communication and behavior in order to
maintain self-presentation goals. These
monitoring behaviors can ultimately

21. CommuniCation ComPetenCe | 21
affect how we choose to act in a moment
and the outcome of this behavior (Snyder,
1979). Individuals usually land some-
where on a spectrum of low self-moni-
toring and high self-monitoring. This can
depend on the individual or the situation.
You are
probably
more likely
to score
farther up
the scale of self-monitoring when you
are on a job interview than when you are
out with your friends. Someone who is
considered a high self-monitor is extreme-
ly adaptable, changing communication
completely in order to present a “self”
in alignment with the situation. Low
self-monitoring occurs when we do not
actively adapt or monitor our behavior.
A low self-monitor might say something
like “well, this is just who I am! Why
should I change?” The truth is that there
is a balance. While you certainly wouldn’t
want your boss to see the same side of
also don’t want to compromise your iden-
tity in order to communicate effectively.
It may be easier to see how low self-mon-
itoring could threaten successful com-
munication by offending someone, but
we don’t want to lose who we are or our
self-concept for the sake of appropri-
ateness. Very high self-monitoring can
lead to deception and compromising our
true values and beliefs. It takes a healthy
amount of self-monitoring in order to
follow the rest of the steps for competent
communication. When considering your
own self-monitoring habits, where on the
scale do you fall? Check out this test!
Consider the context, the content, and
intent. In addition to adaptability and
self-monitoring, communication is very
heavily reliant on the circumstances or
a particular context. Think back to what
you learned in the introductory chapter
about contexts. Part of being appropriate
and successful is to deter-
mine whether or not we are
behaving in line with the
context and circumstances
of each encounter. Remem-
ber, we are often faced with considering
the situation, the relationship, and the cul-
appropriate. Adapt your communication
to the situation, to the particular rela-
Later in this chapter, we will discuss in-
tercultural competence in great detail. For
now, take into consideration that culture is
not limited to race, ethnicity, or nationali-
ty; there are many micro-cultures as well.
are extensive. It is for this reason that this
context deserves such emphasis.
Next, think about the content of your
message. I’m sure many of us can think of
a time when we said something and it was
completely misunderstood. Sometimes
this is due to misaligned perceptions, or
perhaps the other party was not listen-
ing or had too much noise to accurately
interpret the message. However, other
times the problem lies with the sender.
Even when we are certain we have crafted
a clear message, we might not have. In
order to avoid misunderstanding creat-
ed on your end, you must be clear and
organize your thoughts in a manner that
will allow you to articulate your message
clearly. Ask yourself what exactly you
want your listener to do or take away
from the conversation. Are you under-
standable?
Next, let’s look at intention. It could be
said that all communication has purpose.
However, sometimes the result is not what
we may have originally planned. Many of
us have probably been left saying “that’s
not what I meant” a time or two in our
lives. Yes, being clear and understandable
can help with avoiding this. However, so
can ask yourself “what is my purpose?”
when you are communicating, try to be
aware of your goals or what you are try-
that purpose or will you be left explaining
what you really meant?
Honesty is also important where intent is
your message as well as your intentions
can not only create an open line of com-
munication, but it can also expedite the
process of reaching your communication
goals.
Finally, direct communication is very
important where intent is concerned.
Sometimes we engage in indirect commu-
nication as a means to avoid uncomfort-
able or awkward conversations. We might
beat around the bush or drop hints hoping
that other people will understand our true
meaning without having to directly tell
them how we feel. Maybe they will just
instinctively know our purpose or goal.
However, unless the people we speak to
are mind-readers, we cannot expect them
to just infer. You must be direct. Other-
wise, they may see what they hope to get
out of the interaction instead of what you
intended.
“All failure is failure to adapt,
all success is successful
adaptation.” -Max McKeown

22. Listening & Learning
time you are hearing this, you’re wel-
come. A huge part of competent inter-
personal communication is listening,
truly listening. You will learn more about
active listening later in this book. For
what you will say next; it’s about what
adapting your message if, after listening,
you are able to realize it is needed. Stay-
ing the course is not always successful.
Are you being proactive or reactive?
Allow yourself a moment to process. You
may not be able to control your emotions
completely, but you are 100% in control
of your communication. Take advantage
of that. Try to avoid reacting. This is not
just something that can be applied when
tensions are high.
It’s not fair to say you have to get it right
every single time. If you’re a human
being, you know this is not possible.
However, there is great value in mis-
takes and past experiences. Some of the
greatest lessons of life are learned through
mistakes. Change your approach, adapt,
and store the info away for the next time
you encounter that scenario. If you know
something doesn’t work, ditch it. Try
something new. It might take you a few
times to get something right, but you’ll
learn a lot in the process!
Online Competence
So, what does competent communication
look like when we move it online? To
in a room with a group of people and we
say something or behave in a certain way,
those who are present at the time are the
only people who experience this interac-
tion directly. Even if they talk about this
later, it is then being viewed secondhand
and according to their perception. How-
ever, what about online? Is our commu-
nication that easy to leave behind? Not
so much. Sadly, there is no true guarantee
of a ctrl+z or command+z option for our
online postings (thank you screenshot!).
Online mediums pose an interesting new
quandary for communication. This can be
problematic when you think about how
tumultuous communication can be. Would
you really like for the world to know what
you said, thought, or felt when you were
16 years old? Probably not, as noted in
the chapter about self, we are constantly
evolving and changing as we age and
-
ed when we communicate in real-time.
However, what you say or pictures you
post online remain in existence well into
later phases of your life. When we sign
on to our online outlets, it is important
that we don’t forget what we know about
competent communication. Do you feel
adaptability is as important online as it is
in other communication interactions?
Just as in a face-to-face encounter, online
communication requires a degree of
self-monitoring, and of course, we must
also consider the context, the content, and
the intent, as noted above. Further, it is
important to consider these tips provided
by graduate Charles Gartner from the
•If you wouldn’t want your mom to see it,
don’t post it.
•Consider how it will come across to the
reader (perception).
•Could you be impacting a future job
with your post?
•How many people will like your post?
There are other ways to be vigilant in our
online self-monitoring. Think back to the
chapter about self when we suggested a
quick Google search of your name. Were
you happy with what you found, or did
you make adjustments? If you took a mo-
ment to look for your name, congratula-
tions! You just practiced online self-moni-
toring. Continuing to monitor your online
presence is vital in the ever-changing
atmosphere of the Internet. Also remem-
ber that search engines such as Google are
aware of your browsing history and often
-
ly. That being said, try having several of
your friends search for your name based
off of their unique browser history. What
do they see? Is it the same or different?
We must not forget adaptability when we
move our communication online; con-
text is still important. Think of all of the
outlets you use for communication online.
Are the situations, relationships, and
cultural norms of your favorite gaming
website the same on a site such as Linke-
dIn? Probably not! Your relationship with
your World of Warcraft guild is complete-
ly different than the professional relation-
ships you may be trying to cultivate on
LinkedIn. Once again, we must adapt.
Remember, we discussed that in order
to avoid misunderstanding created on
your end, you must be clear and under-
standable. This is arguably one of the
biggest struggles for online communica-
tion. Communication can lose so much
when we strip away dimensions such as
nonverbal communication or real-time
interaction where the other party can ask
-
proofreading your messages for gram-
matical errors and clarity. Also, it may
be tempting to use abbreviations or text
speak, but not everyone has shared mean-
ing for this kind of slang. This might be
appropriate in a close/personal relation-
ship, but how might this be perceived by
a potential employer?
When it comes to the purpose of your on-
line communication, you should still take
into account what goals you are trying to
accomplish. However, it may also be ben-
to be tempted by the anonymity of online
postings, and may seem even easier to
abandon all communication competence
when we think nobody is watching. How-

23. ever, as competent communicators, we
have a social responsibility to continue
practicing what we have learned. You’ll
feel better in the end. More importantly,
there is never a guarantee of anonymity;
if you’re going to be caught, wouldn’t it
be better to get “caught” being compe-
tent?
Intercultural Competence
Now that we know the importance of
competent communication in person and
online, it’s time to examine a new dimen-
-
tence. To introduce this topic, let’s look at
a story shared by Interpersonal Communi-
cation instructor, Melissa Looney. “While
studying abroad in Europe, I found
myself engaged in an interesting conver-
sation regarding culture with my friend
Apoorv from India. He became very
confused when I expressed
an interest in visiting
Ireland and Italy because
I was “Irish-Italian.” His
confusion stemmed from
Irish-Ital-
ian. To his knowledge, I was from the
United States and had never even been to
either country. How in the world could I
identify myself as either, let alone both?”
Consider for a minute what cultures you
identify with. If you were born in North
are Italian, Japanese, Jamaican, German,
etc? Think about that for a minute. Have
you or your parents actually lived in
these countries? It might even be safe to
say you have never even visited these
countries. It is not unusual to hear people
born in the United States claim that they
belong to other cultures without ever
having stepped foot in a different country.
This melting pot nation should theoreti-
cally provide citizens with a certain level
of cultural competence that is in some
ways unparalleled.
However, in many ways our level of com-
petence is restricted by our lack of knowl-
edge. When you consider how pervasive
intercultural communication really is, it is
not hard to understand the importance of
intercultural communication compe-
tence. This is especially true within the
scope of interpersonal communication. A
lack of intercultural competence can lead
to misunderstandings that may damage
relationships.
recognizing Micro-cuLtures
-
cultural competence, it is important to re-
member that intercultural communication
is not limited to an interaction between
individuals from differing nationalities.
Intercultural communication happens
just as often within families as it does be-
tween strangers. The generational divide
between a child and a parent or grand-
parent can present cultural differences.
Your identity as a Full Sail student creates
a cultural identity for you that may not
be present for your siblings (unless they
attend Full Sail as well). Think about the
last time one of your friends attending a
traditional university complained about
each month! There are even individual
cultures within Full Sail University. In
Anastacia Kurylo’s book Inter/Cultur-
al Communication,
culture as “any group of people that share
a way of life” (2013, p. 3). Think about
your program here at Full Sail; would
you say you and your classmates within
your program share a way of life that
verbal chapter, we will discuss communi-
cation in regard to slang and the language
-
self throwing around titles like Crafty or
st
/2nd
, 3rd AC. Your
fellow classmates may know exactly
what you mean when you say sup-guy,
might think you are talking about some
awesome super hero! If you belong to the
in statements like “I heard scripting caus-
es blindness!” An IPC instructor might
just stare blankly instead of laugh. This
is because you and your classmates have
a shared meaning based on your culture
that may not be familiar to other Full Sail
students or faculty.
These smaller cultures are often referred
to as micro-cultures or subcultures (Neu-
of micro-cultures is important when con-
sidering the importance of intercultural
communication competence. The pres-
ence of different cultures is all around us
every day. When part of an interpersonal
interaction, it is almost impossible to not
need some sense of cultural competence.
This is why it is so important to learn the
necessary steps to improving your own
intercultural communication skill set.
intercuLturaL incoMpetence
intercultural
competence as the ability to commu-

24. nicate with individuals from diverse
backgrounds in an effective, appropriate,
and ethical manner. However, this can be
-
ent concept of appropriate, effective,
and ethical. Perhaps you are aware of
what is appropriate, effective, and ethical
amongst teenagers, so you are highly
competent while communicating with that
particular culture. Yet maybe you have no
concept of what is appropriate to anyone
over the age of 50. In this case, your lack
of effective communication would result
in intercultural incompetence.
We can be aware or unaware of our
cultural incompetence or competence.
Conscious incompetence occurs when we
communicate in a manner that is not ef-
fective, appropriate, or ethical and we are
such can allow us to adjust our communi-
cation in order to correct our mistakes. If
we are aware of our inability to effective-
ly communicate with older generations,
we can make an honest effort to attain the
necessary knowledge to adjust our com-
munication to be more positive.
In contrast, a lack of awareness of our
unconscious incom-
petence. This kind of incompetence is
hazardous to interpersonal relationships.
If you are unaware that there is a problem,
you are unaware that you need a solution
(Kurylo, 2013).
Conversely, conscious competence refers
to someone who actively attempts to ad-
just his or her message according to cul-
ture in order to deliver the most effective
message possible. Continuing with the
age example, if you actively adapt your
message to be more appropriate for an
older generation, you would be exercis-
ing conscious competence. On the other
hand, unconscious competence occurs
when we have reached such a high level
actively adjust our messages. Rather, we
are so familiar with a culture that we can
communicate effectively with little to no
effort (Kurylo, 2013).
steps in intercuLturaL coMpetence
Step 1: Awareness
Pedersen (2000) suggests that there are
three main components to intercultural
skills. Awareness is the recognition that
you have your own set of beliefs and
attitudes and others may not share the
same. Awareness also allows us to evalu-
ate our own cultural norms and views of
the world in order to understand how and
why we react to other cultures. For in-
stance, think about Melissa’s conversation
with Apoorv regarding
her cultural background.
It was important for her
to be aware of her own
feelings regarding her
heritage. Yet, being aware
of these feelings also allowed Melissa
to consider how she reacts when some-
one from outside of her culture does not
understand them.
Step 2: Knowledge
Melissa also shared, “Once I was aware
of my own attitudes and how I was
reacting to Apoorv’s take on the situation,
I tried to offer him some perspective. He
-
er been to Italy or Ireland. I’m Indian
because I’m from India. You’re United
States American because you’re from
the USA.’ I explained that in the United
States, we still hold onto many of the
cultures and traditions of our immigrant
families. My mother’s grandparents came
from Italy, so my mother often cooks
the Italian recipes passed down from her
father. So in a sense, we are Italian due to
our feelings of connection to the culture.”
This conversation did not change Me-
lissa’s feelings of connection to Irish or
Italian culture nor did it change Apoorv’s
view that she was United States American
did provide was the second component
of intercultural competence, knowledge
(Pedersen, 2000). Apoorv may not agree
is now equipped with new knowledge
regarding culture in the United States.
Melissa also acquired new knowledge
regarding how cultures outside of the US
interpret the meaning when she claims to
be more than just American.
Step 3: Skills
Finally, Pedersen (2000) names skills
competence. Skills are a direct result
of our awareness and knowledge. They
allow us to form and interpret messages
more clearly and ultimately strengthen
interpersonal relationships. Next time
Apoorv hears an American friend claim to
be Japanese or French, he will understand
why and possess the necessary skills to
interpret the meaning and competently
communicate. For Melissa, she now
knows that when referencing her heritage,
it may be less confusing to say, “I’m
One must be aware in order to seek
knowledge and one must attain the
knowledge necessary to establish
skills.
from Irish-Italian descent,” rather than
claiming to be Irish or Italian. All three of
Pedersen’s components are subsequently
affected by one another. One must be
aware in order to seek knowledge and one
must attain the knowledge necessary to
establish skills.
Perception & Culture
In addition to the steps in intercultural
competence, it’s important to think back
to the chapter on perception. Remem-
ber that we all have schemata or mental
scripts that allow us to make sense of a
situation or how something should play
out. These are often based on past expe-
riences and can be helpful in reducing
uncertainty. This is ever-present in our
attempts to understand different cultures.
We often allow our past experiences and
previously constructed schemata dictate
our expectations and explanations of peo-
ple, whether it is their actions or overall
characteristics. Do remember that per-
ception is an individual process and your
schemata are heavily reliant upon our
and Chung’s Understanding Intercultural
Communication, the authors remind us
that intercultural communication often
entails a certain degree of biased inter-
group perceptions (2012, p. 33). We allow
ourselves to see characteristics of other
cultures that hold true to our own sche-
mata and tend to ignore evidence of the
contrary.
For instance, say you and your family
took a vacation to New York City. Upon
arrival, you found that your luggage was
lost. When you approached the custom-
er service representatives at the airport,
they seemed annoyed and were rude
when you asked for assistance. After

25. sorting out this ordeal, you hailed a taxi
only to be greeted by a loud, angry taxi
driver uninterested in helping you with
your luggage or carrying on a conversa-
tion during the 25-minute drive to your
hotel. After discussing your trip, you and
your family decide that all New Yorkers
must be rude. Flash-forward a few years
greeted by your manager who has a heavy
New York accent and proudly wears his “I
heart NYC” t-shirt. As he raises his loud
already made the decision that he is rude.
This is an over-generalization of a partic-
ular group/culture or a biased intergroup
perception.
This occurs when our perception of a
particular culture causes us to over gen-
eralize and ignore the individual’s unique
characteristics or attributes (Ting-Toomey
& Chung, 2012). This is, in other words,
perception process, selection. When we
stereotype other cultures, we tend to enter
into interpersonal encounters expecting
certain behavior based upon our past
experiences. When the conversation with
your boss began, the rude aspects of his
communication, such as a loud volume,
were salient to you (or caught your
attention) because you were expecting
him to be rude or loud based on your
past experiences with New Yorkers. You
chose to select or focus on the volume
of the conversation. However, what you
did not allow yourself to notice was that,
while loud, your boss was very warm in
his greeting. While it is important to learn
about other cultures, it is of equal impor-
tance to allow for perception checking
and avoid over-generalizations. Allow-
ing new information in and practicing
empathy are also key during competent
intercultural communication.
Conclusion
It is unreasonable to say that you must
possess knowledge of every culture
in existence in order to be culturally
competent. It is always helpful to have
knowledge when possible. However,
when this is not possible, being sure you
possess world-mindedness and avoid
ethnocentrism can enhance your intercul-
tural competence. World-mindedness is
a simple concept with a very strong mes-
considering the cultures of others. This
includes beliefs, values, and customs.
On the other hand, ethnocentrism occurs
when we feel our own cultural attitudes
and characteristics are superior to those of
others. This inhibits the ability to exercise
world-mindedness or empathy. Remem-
ber that respect, empathy, and acceptance
go a long way on the path to becoming a
competent intercultural communicator.

26. 05 VerBal &
nonVerBal
CommuniCation
When you think about communicating
that comes to mind is talking. As we have
learned from prior chapters, communica-
tion is so much more. In this chapter we
will explore two important components
of communication, verbal and nonver-
bal, and how each of these components
impacts the messages that we send daily.
You might be surprised to learn that very
little of what we “say” is actually com-
municated verbally. In fact, up to 93% of
our communication is actually nonverbal.
Who would’ve thought?
Nonverbal Communication
day. Maybe you woke up, showered, got
dressed, grabbed a bite to eat, nodded at
-
cant other goodbye and then headed out
to work or school. As you were going
through this routine, were you thinking
about how showering would impact your
communication? Or your clothing choice
and the message it might send to those
around you? Did you think about that nod
or kiss and what this may have meant to
the receiver of your message? If you left
without waving goodbye, doesn’t this
send a message as well? On an interper-
sonal level, we interpret this information
not even be aware of or pay attention to
when we send and receive messages. The
into how our sense of sight, smell and
touch all impact our morning routine. You
may be able to think of several instances
when your senses are stimulated. What
goes through your mind when someone
sits next to you at the movies when the
entire row is empty, or touches your
shoulder when they greet you? These are
all examples of nonverbal communica-
tion. And remember, the way that each

27. VerBal & nonVerBal CommuniCation | 27
of us interprets this information is based
on our individual perception. Nonverbal
communication is all around us in every
way, every day.
Let’s break nonverbal communication
down in more detail to provide a clearer
understanding. The section below takes an
in-depth look at the nonverbal codes and
how our interpretation impacts meaning.
How much of our communication is
actually nonverbal?
During nonverbal interactions we are still
sending and receiving messages but en-
gaging in wordless communication. Think
of nonverbal communication in the literal
we think about it this way, we realize that
our verbal communication is minimal by
comparison. In fact, according to various
scholars, anywhere between 67% and
93% of our communication is nonverbal.
Learning to interpret this form of commu-
nication can be intriguing, interesting and
First, we must consider how these
messages are interpreted and how often
they can easily be misinterpreted. Again,
keep in mind that everyone views the
world through his or her own lens. We all
interpret via our senses and our personal
perceptions. Some common misconcep-
tions and overall miscommunications
develop as a result of mixed messages.
Albert Mehrabian (1967) concluded that
we send “mixed messages” when our
verbal, vocal, and visual messages are not
united. In other words, a person might be
saying one thing with his or her mouth,
but something entirely different with his
or her body language and tone. These
inconsistencies cause confusion during
conversations. Perhaps you can relate to
the following scenario.
You are having a discussion with your
or she made that hurt your feelings. He
or she apologizes, and you respond by
saying “it’s okay. I’m not mad at you.”
However, your arms are crossed and you
eye when you speak. Instead of saying
“I’m not mad at you” in a quiet voice and
gentle tone, you may speak in a sharp
tone with the emphasis on the word “not”
thereby negating the words even further.
Verbally you have communicated that you
are not mad, but nonverbally you have
communicated quite the opposite. As a re-
what to believe because you’ve just sent
a mixed message. If you were on the re-
ceiving end of this message, which would
message? In general, nonverbal messages
are more telling and accurate.
When considering nonverbal communica-
tion and mixed messages, shared meaning
had differing life experiences that cause
them to perceive the world around them
in a manner unique to themselves as
individuals, we cannot assume that we
interpret verbal or nonverbal communi-
cation in the same way. Think about who
and what has impacted you. Perhaps you
were raised in a culture where making
direct eye contact meant that you were
challenging the other person or being
disrespectful. Then you moved to the US
where direct eye contact is expected and
viewed as a component of active listen-
ing. Obviously there is no shared mean-
ing. This holds true for both verbal and
nonverbal expressions. A person who ap-
proaches you and is speaking a language
that you do not know is not effectively
communicating because you do not share
his or her meaning.
8 nonverbaL coMMunication codes
Now think about what exactly constitutes
nonverbal communication. Communica-
tion scholars have determined that there
are eight codes for nonverbal communi-
cation that can help us interpret meaning
more clearly and accurately. Think of
these eight codes as the standards or rules
we use to interpret nonverbal behaviors.
They are kinesics, vocalics, haptics, prox-
emics, chronemics, physical appearance,
artifacts, and environment.
Kinesics
Kinesics -
whistell (1952), is used to describe the
language of our bodies; in other words
how we communicate through our facial
expressions, the way we sit and stand,
how we move our hands. Eye contact,
facial expressions, posture, and gestures
all fall in this category. William Arthur
Ward said “a warm smile is the universal
language of kindness.” Now one only
has to determine whether or not the smile
is indeed “warm.” Remember, we all
interpret through our own lens but we
also generally accept some kinesics, like
smiles, universally. Facial expressions
such as smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows,
or wrinkled noses all communicate a
certain message. They can also be used to
reinforce a verbal message. Eye contact,
mentioned earlier, also impacts our mes-
sage. Typically, in American culture, if a
person makes direct eye contact during
a conversation we assume that they are
listening and attentive. Dependent upon

28. VerBal & nonVerBal CommuniCation | 28
the person and the subject matter, direct
eye contact may magnify the intensity of
the conversation while the lack thereof
might communicate disinterest or avoid-
so much more than just what is written
all over our face. Posture speaks vol-
umes. Walking upright may communicate
-
nicate upset or low self-esteem. Finally,
the gestures we use can reinforce, adapt,
regulate our communication, or replace
our words completely. Some gestures are
used to illustrate a verbal message, while
others are used to regulate a conversation.
If you is anxious about something, you
may demonstrate this by twisting your
hair or wringing your hands in an attempt
to adapt to your immediate situation. If
you are in a hurry to end a conversation
and leave, you may look at your watch.
I’m sure that most of you are familiar
with classroom regulators like packing up
your laptops and backpacks to indicate
that it is time to go. A gesture, for exam-
ple – a hug, can also communicate space
boundaries as we will explore next with
proxemics.
Proxemics
is a nonverbal code that
dictates how we communicate via the
use of space. The term was coined by
researcher Edward Hall during the 1950’s
and 1960’s and has to do with the study of
our use of space and how various differ-
ences in that use can make us feel more
relaxed or anxious. Do you value your
personal space? Have you ever consid-
ered how you use space to communicate
how you are feeling? When you are in
a professional setting you probably put
more space between yourself and others
than you do in a personal situation where
you are spending time with family and
friends. The way we communicate via
space is highly evident when we think of
our experience in certain scenarios like
enter an elevator and go to a respective
corner if one is available. Only when we
are forced do we stand close to one anoth-
er in the center. The same is true in most
waiting rooms. Although several rows of
chairs are available, most people will not
sit aside another person unless no other
space is available. This video will give
you a better understanding of they ways
in which we use space.
Haptics
We also communicate through touch
on a daily basis. Again, hugs can be an
example of haptics. Haptics is how we
use touch to communicate meaning.
We hug people for a number of reasons.
Perhaps we want to communicate that
we love them, miss them, or are happy
to see them, or maybe to provide some
moral support. Another example would
be a handshake. We shake hands when
we meet someone new as a greeting in a
social situation or to extend congratula-
tions. The intensity of our touch changes
the perspective as well. You may give
with a prospective employer to convey
to show condolence. In the opposite vein,
we also withhold touch to communicate
certain messages. When we do not know
someone well, we are less likely to hug.
Likewise, you may steer clear of touching
someone with whom you have a close
personal relationship if you are upset with
them.
Vocalics
Speaking of being upset with someone…
this brings us back to that earlier exam-
ple of “I’m not mad at you.” Vocalics
(or paralanguage) is another nonverbal
behavior that can completely change your
message. The way that we use our voices
to express ourselves makes all the differ-
ence. Vocal cues are shared through rate,
pitch, volume, and tone. Sometimes, when
people are nervous, their rate changes and
they will speak very quickly. This can
also indicate that they are in a hurry. Per-
haps they are excited to share some news,
so they raise their rate and their volume.
Again, messages can be misinterpreted
when we assume or lack understanding
based on our past experiences and percep-
tions, which may not always be accurate.
Physical Appearance
Now, let’s revisit the scenario in the
beginning of the chapter and discuss the
clothing you chose to wear. All of us
would like to think that we can just wear
whatever we want to express who we are.
We are free to do so in some cases, but we
need to keep in mind that these choices
dictate the way we present ourselves to
others.
How many of us truly realize that the
way that we look communicates certain
inevitable messages to those around us?
Physical appearance (self presentation) is
what we communicate by the way we ap-
pear or look. This includes height, weight,
skin, hair and eye color, body type, etc.
While we do not have control over some
factors such as our height, body type or
skin color, we do have control over things
like hair color and style.
Artifacts
We also make choices about the items
that we wear, such as clothing, footwear,
jewelry, or other accessories. While these
items do contribute to the message we
communicate via our physical appear-
ance, they can also be thought of as arti-
facts or personal possessions. Everything
we possess is ultimately a representation
we drive, houses we live in, and material
items within those houses are all artifacts.
If you wear a wedding band on your left

29. VerBal & nonVerBal CommuniCation | 29
you are married. If you live in a man-
sion with 12 bedrooms, 16 bathrooms,
a library, a game room, a personal gym,
and an indoor and outdoor pool on 10
acres of land, this probably communicates
shape. From the smallest item to the larg-
est, most costly or treasured possession,
everything we own communicates who
we are.
Chronemics
Consider this scenario. Last week you re-
ceived an invitation to interview for your
dream job. Today is the day. Are you go-
what do you think this will communicate
about you? For the sake of argument, let’s
say you decide that the appropriate thing
to do would be to press your suit, shine
your shoes, and brush your hair. Will the
interviewer perceive you differently?
it or not, even the way that we use time
communicates something about us. This
code is called chronemics. Some of us
view time as a valuable commodity to
be saved or spent. Others don’t see the
need to schedule their lives and care little
about managing time. Can you relate,
one way or the other? How you manage
time is relative to the value you place on
it. Different perspectives of time dictate
how time we personally utilize time. How
interactions with others because this will
impact how they perceive us. Let’s revisit
the job interview scenario. Regardless of
how you view time, when you are going
to a job interview time must be viewed
as very rigid. In America, we generally
believe that being 15 minutes early to an
interview is being on time. This school of
thought is directly related to the out-
come we want to solicit from a potential
employer.
Environment
Environment also plays a role in our com-
munication. Often times, our environment
affects how or what we choose to com-
municate. For example, when we enter a
library we know instinctively we should
speak in a hushed tone. Likewise, when
we go to a movie theatre,
unless we want to upset ev-
eryone around us, we know
not to speak above a whis-
per, if we speak at all. In a
classroom environment, we
gesture, raising our hands
when we have a comment
is acceptable to sing and dance and clap
along with the performers. Additionally,
the environment itself communicates to
us. Perhaps you have had a co-worker
whose desk is cluttered.
What might this communicate to you
about this person based on his or her
work environment? When you picture
a classroom environment, what comes
to mind? Think about the lighting, the
seating arrangement, the noise level, and
even the color of the walls. How does
this environment impact communication?
candles and soft music. Does this sound
like a classroom setting to you, or did
you immediately think of romance? Each
environment stimulates a different mood
and different level and type of communi-
cation.
Verbal Communication
Now that we have examined the many
ways we convey messages without words,
let’s take a look at how verbal com-
munication changes the game. Do you
remember hearing this as a kid? Sticks
and stones may break my bones, but
words can never hurt me. I’m guessing
this is probably not true for most of us.
We may not consider every word choice
we make, but words form language and
in a word? It’s only a word…or is it?
Take a look at this video, The Power of
Words, and think about the reasons that
the second statement was more powerful
and effective.
After viewing this particular video you
may have some opinions about why
the words that were written were more
effective the second time around. Accord-
ing to Robert Ramsey (2009), the author
of How To Say The Right Thing Every
Time, “ Words have power. They can be
helpers, healers, revealers, and eye open-
ers or they can be dangerous and hurtful
weapons. That’s why what people
say and write to each other and
how they say it is incredibly im-
on our lives, we certainly
recognize that both positive
and negative words have
shaped who we are today.
This is evident in our
discussion regarding
“Words have power. They can be helpers,
healers, revealers, and eye openers or they
can be dangerous and hurtful weapons.
That’s why what people say and write to
each other and how they say it is incredibly
important.” -Robert Ramsey

30. VerBal & nonVerBal CommuniCation | 30
the self, self-esteem, self-concept, and
the things we have said to others have
impacted who they are and how they
think and feel. I’m sure that all of us can
recall an instance when someone gave
support or encouragement through posi-
tive verbal communication. Sadly, we can
all probably recall incidents (like bullying
and abuse) when words have been used as
weapons. In the end, although we have all
repeated the chant about sticks and stones
breaking our bones, we can probably all
agree that words can and do help or hurt.
This section discusses the components of
verbal communication and will hopefully
help you to clearly understand the power
of words.
What is verbaL coMMunication?
-
cation. Verbal communication includes
the words that we use to express our
thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Together
these words form language. Perhaps we
can better understand the role that lan-
what it is. “A language is a system of
symbols (words or vocabulary) structured
by rules (grammar) that make it possible
for people to understand one another. A
symbol is a word, sound, gesture or other
visual signal that represents a thought,
objects and words as symbolic.
shaping verbaL coMMunication
Language is also cultural. This means
that our culture impacts what we say and
how we say it. Anthropologist Edward
T. Hall (1976) theorized that we belong
to either a high or low context culture.
Hall suggests that in a
culture, there is an emphasis on harmo-
nious relationships, and the members of
these collectivistic communities typically
communicate in a more indirect manner.
Fewer words are necessary and much is
implied via nonverbal communication.
These individuals communicate in an
intuitive manner, a sort of “go with your
gut” approach to interpretation. In other
words, nonverbal communication takes
precedent over verbal. For example, if
you travel to Japan to do business your
potential client will decide whether or
not to employ your and/or your services
based upon whether or not they feel they
can trust you. This feeling of trust may be
acquired through their interpretation of
your physical appearance, your kinesics
(eye contact), your haptics (handshake),
proxemics, vocalics, or any other nonver-
bal behavior. On the contrary, members
of a are more individ-
ualistic, emphasize action, and use more
direct language. Verbal messages, then,
are explicit (not implicit) and carry more
weight than their nonverbal counterparts.
This is just one of the many ways in
which language is cultural.
Every one of us shares pieces of our
culture through our verbal expressions.
us as individuals are dialect, slang, and
jargon.
Dialects
Dialects
regional variety, or subset of language
distinguished by features of vocabulary,
grammar, and pronunciation” (Neuliep,
2012 p.258). For example, you may be
from Puerto Rico, your friend is from
Cuba, your partner from Spain, and your
boss from Mexico. All of you speak
Spanish, but the dialect is so unique to
your region that you don’t have shared
meaning when speaking to one another.
In England, when people order fried
potatoes, they say “chips.” In America
people ask for “fries.” Let’s narrow this
down even further. You don’t have to be
from different countries to have different
regional. Right here in the United States,
people from the south say “y’all” while
people from the Midwest say “you guys.”
Take this interactive quiz to map your
dialect.
Another portion of language that is
unique, creative, and cultural is slang.
This is the creation of a new word or
spelling of an existing word as dictated
by culture. Not only are these words
to certain groups of people. Think about
popular slang words from different eras or
decades. Many times slang is generation-
al. In other words, the slang that was cre-
ated by the baby boomers like “groovy,”
“neat,” or “boss” is not the same as slang
used by Generation X like “bodacious,”
“gnarly,” and “wicked bad” or Genera-
tion Y’s use of “phat” “bling,” or “dope.”
Those of us who were born between
1990 and the mid-2000’s have added text
speak to our vocabularies by transforming
acronyms into slang words like “LOL”
and “YOLO”. This brief list is only the
beginning. Slang is not only generational,
but also regional. This video gives you a
Jargon
Jargon is similar in some ways to slang
but is more of a hybrid language under-
stood by certain groups of people. Medi-
cal, military, political, and internet jargon
are just a few examples. If you are or ever
were exposed to these groups, you know
exactly what I mean. Military people refer
to non-military people as civilians. Politi-
cians refer to certain voters as left-wing,
the middle, and right-wing. Even more

31. VerBal & nonVerBal CommuniCation | 31
recognizable to most of us is the special-
student and you use the words producing
or directing, most people have a general
grasp of what you mean. However, your
jargon extends far beyond our compre-
hension when it comes to words like
those on this list. Music production, game
art, web design, game design, and other
professions, all use a vocabulary unique
to their industries.
Denotative & Connotative Meanings
These three types of verbal commu-
nication alone not only add interest to
our verbal communication, but can also
complicate what we might have thought
was a straight-forward conversation. In
addition, we need to be aware of deno-
tative and connotative meanings. Think
of denotative meaning as the literal or
Connota-
tive meaning is the personal or emotional
meaning individuals create for words. For
example, the simple, three-letter word
“cat” would seem to have a fairly clear-
described as a small, furry, domesticated
mammal. This would be indicative of
comes to your mind when you hear the
word “cat”? Sometimes, “cat” evokes
strong emotions because people love or
hate them. As a result, the connotative
meaning would be different for all of us.
Some people might think fondly of their
pets while others might think about a
creature that makes them sneeze because
of allergies. Can you think of some words
that ignite you? Words like love, hate,
family all trigger different thoughts and
is comprised of millions of words that are
ambiguous and can be used and interpret-
ed in multiple ways.
Finally, we should consider how we use
our words. We’ve all heard the old adage
“it’s not what you say but how you say
it.” The how refers to our nonverbal de-
livery such as tone of voice, and the what
can change the meaning of the message.
With this in mind, being aware of “I,”
“you,” and “we” language can make all
the difference.
I, You, & We
I language is a way of accepting respon-
sibility for a message. You language
expresses a judgment of other people. We
language implies that the concern and
responsibility of effectively communicat-
ing a message falls on both the speaker
and receiver (Engleberg and Wynn 2013).
Think about this for a moment. Can you
recall a time when you were having a
meaningful discussion with a team at
work or school and the team seemed
more cohesive because of the word we?
Perhaps on a more personal level you can
recall having a disagreement with your
Using this word in this manner can almost
make us feel as if someone is repeatedly
are adept at making a person feel that he
or she is not completely at fault. In this
scenario you might say something like “I
feel like I don’t get to spend enough time
with you.” And this time what you say
may make all the difference.
Society is constantly changing and
evolving. Language also changes over
time. This holds true for both verbal and
nonverbal expressions. In a perfect world
we would be able to carefully choose our
words during each and every interaction,
but we are not perfect and nor is the
world. However, being more aware of all
of these verbal and nonverbal components
can only help us improve our communi-
cation skills and, as a result, our relation-
ships.
Conclusion
Now that you are armed with this infor-
mation you will be better able to evaluate
the nonverbal messages that you both
send and receive. Remember that inter-
pretation of this communication varies
based on personal perception. Our hope
is that after reading this chapter you will
understand the importance of nonverbal
it plays in our daily lives both personally
and professionally.

32. influenCe
interPersonal
06
-
cion, is there a difference between them?
Are they unethical? Should I feel guilty
communication, take a moment to look at
your surroundings and count the number
see. What types of messages did you no-
tice? Was it a brand name splashed across
a can of soda? An advertisement inviting
you to “like” a Facebook page? A barista
sharing his or her newest coffee drink and
telling you how popular it is? For every
persuasive message you noticed, there
were probably two or three that you didn’t
notice simply because they weren’t salient
to you. That’s the thing about persuasive
messages—they’re everywhere! In this
-
ence through the lenses of persuasion and
compliance gaining, and how it impacts
you will understand how to implement
these strategies in an effective and ethical
manner.
Persuasion
persua-
sion by communication scholars Robert
Gass and John Seiter. Gass and Seiter
(2014) state that “persuasion involves one
or more persons who are engaged in the
activity of creating, reinforcing, modi-
fying, or extinguishing beliefs, attitudes,
intentions, motivations, and/or behaviors
within the constraints of a given commu-
nication context” (p.33). That’s a whole
lot of words, so let’s narrow that down.
What you need to know about persuasion
is that it is a process that occurs when we
are looking to change, modify, or in some
way alter the beliefs, attitudes and/or
behavior of others.
Compliance Gaining

33. interPersonal influenCe | 33
So what is compliance gaining? The
research on compliance gaining tends to
focus on actual behavior change more
so than changing the beliefs driving the
behavior (Gass and Seiter, 2014). So,
while compliance gaining and persuasion
are not exactly the same, they aren’t too
different either. If you want someone to
take immediate action, think compliance
gaining. However, if you want to change
how others think or what they believe for
a more long-term effect, think persuasion.
a documentary on the harmful effects of
global warming with the intention to per-
suade the viewers to support the cause?
The goal of the documentary is to change
the beliefs, attitudes and thoughts about
this subject matter, which is a long-term
process and leads to a more permanent
this example is to persuade the viewing
audience. However, when selling tickets
might be less concerned with the beliefs
of those purchasing the tickets in that
moment, and more concerned with them
taking the immediate action of buying the
is seeking compliance. Although many
of the same strategies can be applied for
both persuasion and compliance, the ap-
proach will be different since the immedi-
ate goals are different. In other words, the
long-term goal is attitude change, which
will lead to long-term support for this
cause (persuasion), while the short-term
goal is to raise money for this project
through ticket sales (compliance). Let’s
take a closer look at some research driv-
watching this video.
coMpLiance gaining strategies
six compliance gaining strategies used to
reciprocity, scarcity, authority, consisten-
cy (also referred to as commitment and
consistency), liking and consensus (also
referred to as social proof). Read more
about these six concepts here. While it’s
easy to see how and why these compli-
ance gaining strategies would be effective
in a sales environment, consider how
you might be able to apply these to the
industries in which you will be going into,
or are currently in. Consider this further
as we elaborate on the six compliance
gaining strategies.
Reciprocity
Reciprocity is the idea that individuals
feel the need to reciprocate when given
an unexpected and often times, unwanted
“gift,” and is based on the rule of recip-
rocation, which says that “we should try
to pay in kind what another person had
provided us” (Cialdini, 2001, p.20). Don’t
limit your thinking of a “gift” to some-
thing tangible, however, as this “gift” can
take many forms. For example, informa-
and recognized as being just as valuable
as your standard “gift.” Consider how
often you pay for information or advice
(lawyers, doctors, etc.), and think of
other intangibles that would be consid-
ered “gifts” when discussing the act of
reciprocity.
Have you ever pulled up to a gas station
and had someone come out of nowhere
and start washing your windows for
“free”? Did you also notice that person
linger by your car after they were done as
Scarcity
Why do we always seem to want some-
thing when someone tells us we can only
have it for a limited time? This is the
-
tunities seem more valuable to us when
they are less available” (Cialdini, 2001,
p.205). We’ve all seen the infomercials
that tell us to “call now” and they will
upgrade our order, but “only” for the next
ten minutes. The gaming industry has
been doing this to us for years, releasing
limited amounts of the newest consoles
(Xbox, Playstation, Nintendo, etc), thus
creating the perception that the consoles
we as consumers feel a stronger need to
purchase the item right away in case they
“run out.” This makes the product seem
more exclusive and desirable than if there
were an unlimited supply, and just anyone
could get their hands on it.
What skills do you have to offer as a
scarce resource in your industry? Are
you the only coder in your zip code?
The best 3D modeler in your company?
Knowing what a company is looking for
and highlighting what skills you have that
aren’t like anyone else’s could be what
if they were expecting something in re-
turn? If so, you experienced reciprocity in
action. Will this work on everyone? No.
However, the research tells us that the av-
erage person will be more likely to com-
a “gift.” To clarify, this is not the same as
“buy one get one free,” since the free gift
should precede the request for compli-
ance. If you have to purchase something
or take some form of action in order to
get the gift, then it is not following the
rule of reciprocity. In other words, if you
have to buy the game in order to get the
was sent to you unexpectedly and free of
charge in order to entice you to purchase
the game, you have reciprocity in action.
How can you use reciprocity to gain com-
pliance in your industry? What “gift” can
you offer to someone? Perhaps you might
recommend a friend for a job opening you
know of, or help build a website for a col-
league, free of charge. Have you thought
about offering a free logo design to new
customers with no strings attached?

34. interPersonal influenCe | 34
gets you the job over another person with
the same skillset listed as all of the other
applicants.
Authority
If your favorite video game company,
director, athlete, etc., released something
new, how likely would you be to purchase
it, watch it, or wear it without hesitation?
When we have deemed an individual or
company as an authority source for that
industry, we are more likely to comply
with their request to check out their latest
work. Further, we are more likely to do
so without much hesitation simply on the
basis that we trust what they have to offer.
This is the principle of authority. We
tend to trust our parents, doctors, teach-
ers, lawyers, etc. because they present
themselves as an authority source; in
turn, we are more likely to comply with
their request without much thought or
hesitation. For instance, someone who
plays basketball and sees Michael Jordan
as great basketball player will be more
willing to purchase his newest basketball
shoes than someone who has no idea who
Michael Jordan is.
It goes without saying that
when someone is using
authority to gain com-
pliance, there is almost
always a power dynam-
ic at play. This usually
occurs because the person
who is complying with the
request grants the power
to the authority source. In
other words, “you are the
expert on this subject, thus
you have the power to in-
since I am not an authority
the same subject.” Power
people and events (Dono-
hue & Kolt, 1992) and can
be applied in many differ-
ent ways. Many of those
ways are ethical, though at
times power can be used
in unethical ways as well.
For instance,
someone’s perceived
knowledge or skill (Adams & Galanes,
2012), and relates to the above examples
of our parents, doctors, teachers, etc. We
grant them power based on our perception
of their knowledge and skills (expertise)
on a particular subject. However, given
the fact that we are less likely to question
those who we see as “experts,” there is an
opportunity for the power to be used in an
unethical way in order to further some-
one’s own personal agenda, or worse, to
manipulate others into complying with
requests that are malicious in nature and/
or intent.
Similarly, others try to exert coercive
power
punishment (Gass and Sieter, 2014). This
type of power is often more noticeable
and direct since it typically involves an
either-or—either comply or be punished.
How can you use the principle of author-
ity in your industry? What can you do to
be recognized as an authority, and how
can you position yourself so that others
will grant you expert power? Don’t limit
yourself to thinking too big for this strat-
egy, as you will have something unique
to bring to each project you work on and
each company you work for. For instance,
you can be the expert source for informa-
tion on the town you grew up in, a new
program that is being used in the gaming
industry, the culture in which you are a
-
size it, and present yourself as the expert
for the position you want to increase
your chances of gaining compliance and
getting that job!
Consistency
Also referred to as commitment and
consistency, this idea draws on an indi-
vidual’s desire to be seen as consistent.
According to Cialdini (2001), “once we
make a choice or take a stand, we will
encounter personal and interpersonal
pressures to behave consistently with that
commitment” (p.53). Consider the word
inconsistency for a moment. What comes
to mind? If you‘re in the market for
new cell phone service and ask a friend
about the service they use, would you
switch if the cell reception is described as
inconsistent? If you are looking to hire a
contractor to do some house renovations
and someone else describes them as doing
quality work but having inconsistent
working hours, would you hire them for
a time-sensitive job? Probably not, as
individuals, we tend to value consistency
and want others to see us as consistent,
especially in a professional sense. That’s
why this compliance gaining strategy
works; it tugs at this desire to remain
consistent, especially when it comes to
commitments that we have already made.
For example, I enjoy supporting charita-
ble organizations, especially around the
winter holiday season. To ensure that I
will continue my donations each year I
frequently receive mail from these orga-
nizations thanking me for my “contin-
ued” support and expressing how much
they rely on my “commitment” to their
organization. The language used in their
the message to ultimately say, “you have
committed to supporting this organization
in the past, and we are counting on you to
be consistent and continue to honor that
commitment.”
Let’s look at another example of what this

35. interPersonal influenCe | 35
looks like in action and explore the art of
buying a car. Have you ever been sitting
numbers back and forth, when all of a
sudden he or she says, “sign here.” There
is no sales contract and you have not
even agreed to terms, but the salesperson
wants you to sign a legal notebook pad
next to a price you said you wanted to pay
for the car. In that moment you may be
asking yourself why they would want you
to sign a piece of paper that has no legal
implications—what’s the point? The point
is that they are looking for your com-
mitment, i.e. your signature. This way,
when they go to “the back room” and
return with the price you wanted to pay,
they want to ensure you will make the
purchase. Now, should that happen and
you try to back out of the purchase, they
will employ commitment and consistency
by using your signature to point out the
commitment you made to purchase the
car and ask you to remain consistent with
that commitment. It might sound like
signed here,” or my favorite, “I honored
my part of the deal and fought hard to get
this price for you. Aren’t you going to
honor your part of the deal and make the
purchase?”
This is happening all around us on a daily
basis. For instance, what if your favorite
brand of clothing unveils
a new line of shoes and
asks you to consider this
new product since you are
a “dedicated” customer?
In other words, they are
asking you to “remain
consistent with your com-
mitment to their brand.”
What if your favorite band
decides to experiment with a different
sound on their new album and asks fans
for “continued” support while they try
something new? What they really mean is
“you have committed to buying our music
in the past and we ask you to maintain
that consistency as we venture out.”
How can you implement commitment
and consistency to gain compliance in
your industry? Keep in mind that this is
more than just asking others to trust you
because you are a good person. This is
persuading others to make a commitment,
and further, focusing on that commit-
ment to obtain continued compliance or
to gain compliance later on for a larger
request. Consider the concrete example of
a celebrity counting on his fans to remain
consistent with their support of him by
complying with his request to help fund
his next project.
Liking
In layman’s terms, we are more likely to
comply with a request when we like the
person making the request to begin with.
Think about all of the times when you
have tried something, bought something,
or went somewhere because someone you
liked suggested it or asked you to go. This
is the essence of liking.
According to Cialdini (2001), other
contributing factors include physical
attractiveness, similarity, and compli-
ments. In other words, we are more likely
to comply with a request when it comes
from someone we see a physically attrac-
tive, someone we see as being similar to
ourselves, or someone who has given us a
compliment (seemingly genuine) prior to
the request for compliance. For example,
have you ever been to a car or boat show?
Have you noticed the beautiful models
standing in front of each car or boat? That
is an example of liking being used to gain
compliance. What’s the request for com-
pliance, you ask? The goal of the models
is to get you to come over to where they
are. Once you are there, either the models
or someone else will approach you and
tell you all about the features of the car in
hopes of enticing you to purchase it. The
model’s job was to get you to the car in
order to listen the spiel.
Liking, similar to authority, is most
the person making the request, however
there are key differences between the
two. For instance, as a basketball player
you might purchase Michael Jordan’s
basketball shoes since you see him as an
authority source on the sport. However,
undershirts after watching the commercial
starring Michael Jordan, this would be an
example of liking, not authority. In other
words, since you like Michael Jordan, you
are more likely to comply with his request
for you to purchase that brand of shirts,
not because he is the authority source on
undershirts. Can you see the difference?
Consider the impact of using some of
these strategies together in order to
increase your chance for compliance.
For example, presenting yourself as the
authority source and being a likable,
memorable person will only increase the
likelihood that someone will comply with
your request. This should be genuine,
however, as it’s usually pretty obvious
when someone is being “nice” to get a
sale as opposed to genuinely caring and
maintaining a positive disposition.
Social Proof
Do you read customer reviews before pur-
chasing a product, trying a new restaurant
or booking your next vacation? If so, you
strategy of consensus or social proof. This
is the idea that we are more likely to com-
ply with a request if other people have
successfully made that choice as well.
According to Cialdini (2001), “we view a
behavior as correct in a given situation to
the degree that we see others performing
it” (p.100). We see this in action when
companies emphasize how many Face-
book “Likes” they have,
ultimately sending a mes-
sage to us that says, “hey,
look at how many people
like what we have to offer;
you should like us too.”
What about the “number
sold” counter on Home
Shopping Network, or

36. interPersonal influenCe | 36
QVC? Can you see how they use social
proof to persuade you to buy their prod-
ucts? If the “number sold” counter could
talk, it would probably sound something
so I must be a quality product and a good
deal. If I wasn’t as valuable as my com-
mercials indicate, why would so many
people purchase me?”
Social proof works even better if we
perceive the “social” part as being
similar others. In other words, if I am
on Tripadvisor reading a review about a
vacation resort I would like to go to, I am
written by someone in my demographic
than someone with whom I have noth-
ing in common with. Have you ever had
a salesperson knock on your door and
proceed to show you a list of all of your
neighbors who just signed up for the lawn
service they are selling? This is social
proof. He or she is telling you that you
should sign up for the same service your
neighbors did. After all, you all live in the
same neighborhood and have the same
lawn needs, so what’s good for them will
also be good for you. Just be sure to look
over that list to be sure you recognize the
names listed there.
How can you use social proof in your
industry? With the many forms of social
media out there today, getting the word
out about your product, service, company,
etc. is easier than ever. Why not create a
“frenzy” of sorts about the launch of your
next movie, song, design, or company?
Think about it. Aren’t you more likely to
watch a YouTube video if it has thou-
sands (if not millions) of views? Why not
use this strategy for your own project?
If “everybody” is buzzing about in on
social media, then surely it must be worth
checking out, right? If it made it to the
popular page on Instagram then it must
be worth taking a look at or watching;
why else would everyone be so interest-
ed? Now is the time to use social media
to gain compliance through social proof.
Want more examples of the compliance
gaining strategies and ways to use them?
Go here.
Is it manipulation?
With every discussion of persuasion and
compliance -gaining comes the same
-
lation?” Our aim for this chapter was to
provide you with additional tools for your
toolbox as you move into your respective
industries, and further, as you continue to
Can compliance-gaining strategies be
used for unethical purposes? Of course.
However, they can also be used in honest,
ethical ways to ensure companies achieve
goals, as well as helping you convince
someone that you are the best person for
the job.
uses reciprocity by giving you a bracelet
made by an underprivileged child, hoping
for a small donation in return. Now con-
sider a large retail chain who sells “lim-
ited edition” toys during the holidays to
boost sales and meet year-end goals. Even
the other is not, they both have goals
they need to meet, and thus, both employ
different strategies to accomplish those
goals. What do they have in common?
Their intentions in the above example, the
intentions of both are to earn money and
further the goals and mission statements
of their respective companies, while using
compliance-gaining strategies to accom-
plish that. Does this seem manipulative,
coercive, or unethical to you?
Conclusion
To close, let us once again stress the
importance of self-awareness in all of
our interactions, as our intentions are the
difference makers. Further, being able
to recognize our intentions is what will
ensure that they remain effective and eth-
as well as all other components of our
interpersonal interactions.

37. listening
07
In this chapter, we’ll be turning the lens
toward the complex process that is active
listening. We usually think of listening in
a more passive way, without putting much
thought into the amount of control we
have over how well we absorb informa-
tion we’ve heard and, hopefully, have
listened to. For instance, have you ever
been introduced to someone just to forget
his or her name moments later? First im-
pressions and effective networking might
just begin with a name. If you miss it, an
opportunity for greater connection might
be lost along with it. In order to accurate-
ly recall information, we must engage in
dive into the various parts of the active
listening process, let’s consider a few
basic components of listening.
Hearing vs. Listening
What is it that differentiates listening
from hearing? Essentially, hearing is a
physiological process of hearing sound,
whereas listening is the process of
recognizing, understanding, and accu-
rately interpreting the message you hear.
As you can imagine, listening is a more
all-encompassing approach to hearing
sound and taking in information. When
we’re engaged in active listening, we are
more aware of the process of receiving,
attending, understanding, responding,
and ultimately, recalling information.
examine the various aspects of listening
that alter and affect our perceptions and
overall interactions, we would like for
you to take the next eight minutes to

38. listening | 38
hear and better yet, listen to sound expert
Julian Treasure’s take on listening.
Welcome back! We hope that you were
able to gain a deeper appreciation for the
risks and rewards of active listening and
are ready to have the intention of being a
better listener, as Julian Treasure touch-
es on. We can’t help but agree with Mr.
Treasure when he states, “every human
being needs to listen consciously in order
to live fully.” With this ultimate goal in
-
tioned so that we may all become more
conscious listeners.
Five Steps of Active Listening
step 1: receiving
According to Steven McCornack, author
receiving. Receiving involves taking in
auditory and visual information during
a conversation. Keep in mind that we
derive information from both verbal and
nonverbal communication, all of which
form of various forms of stimuli. Let’s
turn back to being introduced to someone
you will hopefully be listening for that
person’s name. If you catch it, you receive
a vital piece of information that will allow
you to better connect.
step 2: attending
Once we have received information,
we begin attending to the information.
Attending occurs when we pay attention
to the information we have received. As
one can imagine, if you do not attend to
the information being provided, you will
not be able to move forward with active
listening. Going back to our introductory
example, if you do not pay attention to a
person’s name while making their intro-
duction, you will not be able to ultimately
recall that information.
step 3: understanding
Now that we have attended to informa-
tion, we can begin the process of under-
standing the information. Understanding
involves our interpretation of the infor-
mation we have received. Once we have
understood and interpreted information,
we assign meaning based on our own
interpretations of information or behavior
being disseminated by others. Our level
our culture, values, and personal experi-
ences. As a result, two people can hear the
same message but have two completely
different perspectives on what is being
said. Make sure that you are listening for
understanding instead of hearing what
you want to hear.
step 4: responding
Now that we have assigned meaning to
the information we’ve received, we start
the process of responding. Responding
involves replying to the information in
a clear and concrete manner. This is the
point at which you convey your attention
and understanding by responding in a way
that illustrates your understanding of the
information at hand. You might respond
with words or with nonverbal indicators
or, most likely, a blend of both verbal and
nonverbal communication.
step 5: recaLLing
Once you have received information,
attended to that information, understood
the information, and responded to the
-
tening is being able to recall the informa-
tion. Recalling is when you remember the
information you’ve been provided with.
Our listening skills can ultimately be
judged by our ability to recall and remem-
ber the information we have listened to.
If you are active in your ability to move
through these various steps of listening,
you will ultimately be able to recall the
name of the person you have just been
introduced to. Success! You now have one
more connection to add to your relation-
ship arsenal!
Have you ever played the game “Tele-
phone?” You begin the game by whisper-
ing a message to the person next to you
and that person tries his or her best to ac-
curately pass it down a line of people. The
last person in the line then announces the
message to the entire group. It’s amusing
to see what message remains because ul-
timately someone is unable to remember
every detail. The message also becomes
distorted when someone hears what he or
she wants to hear instead of what is being
said. What step might have been missed
during the listening process that alters the
original message? Now that you have a
stronger grasp on the different processes
that are involved in listening, let’s explore
the different reasons for listening. Why do
you listen?
Depending on the circumstances, we’re
going to approach listening with different
goals in mind. For instance, while you
read the information in this text, you are
most likely listening to better understand.
regarding a tough circumstance they’re
going through? In this case, you might
be listening in order to offer support or
empathy to your friend. When being
How well do you listen?
Think about the interactions you
have had that today. On a piece
of paper, or your computer,
write the listening goal for each
of these interactions. Then read
below to learn more about these
experiences compares.
Symbol for Listening
Find out more about what other
symbols make up this Chinese
symbol for listening here.

39. Time Oriented
Action Oriented
People Oriented
Content Oriented
What kind of
listener are you?
Do you remember the four per-
sonality types involved in the
True Colors activity we did ear-
lier in the course? Consider the
four different colors and how
these listening styles may con-
nect with these various colors.
listening | 39
provided directions for a project you are
expected to work on, you might listen
with the intention of analyzing the differ-
ent aspects of the task you’ll need to bring
to fruition. When being provided with
task, you would be listening to distinguish
precisely what it is you’re being asked
your favorite music? Do you listen to that
music in order to accomplish something?
Or perhaps you’re simply listening for
pleasure? In this case, you would be lis-
tening simply for enjoyment. As an active
listener, you likely pull from each of these
different goals or functions of listening
dependent on a given situation.
Listening Styles
Depending on the circumstance, your
style of listening will also change and
evolve over time. Originally developed
with the help of Kittie Watson (1995), the
listening styles we will cover are divided
into four different categories of listening.
main goal of deriving information in or-
der to do something with the information,
you might be an action-oriented listener.
Action-oriented listeners want to have the
opportunity to act on the information they
receive.
Do you know people who lay out time-
lines of their availability before diving
into a conversation? Those same people
might check their watch during the con-
versation; time may obviously play a siz-
able role in the way they interact during a
conversation. This would be an example
of a time-oriented listener.
Next, we have those folks who listen
with the main intention of connecting
with others. Someone who listens for the
purpose of strengthening understanding
and connection with others would be
described as a people-oriented listener.
People-oriented listeners might focus
more on the parts of stories involving
others and may place a greater emphasis
on intentions and emotions rather than on
content and statistics.
Speaking of content, those who listen
with the intention of gaining increased
knowledge from a conversation would
be considered a content-oriented listener.
Unlike people-oriented listeners, these
types of listeners may lose focus when
emphasis is placed on emotional aspects
of stories, as they are listening to learn
and gain knowledge. Facts and stats may
be more fascinating to content-oriented
listeners than any other aspect of a con-
versation.
Now that we have explored the four
different types of listening styles, let’s
make a connection to an earlier concept.
Do you remember the four personality
types involved in the True Colors activity
we did earlier in the course? Consider
the four different colors and how these
listening styles may connect with these
various colors.
We have covered the ways in which you
too can be an effective listener, let’s go
over those types of listening that are
ineffective. Keep in mind that we are
all guilty of committing these listening
crimes from time to time. Your job as
an active listener is to be more aware of
the migration towards ineffective listen-
ing, allowing you to reign yourself back
towards a more effective active listening
approach. With that in mind, let’s begin.
Listening Crimes
When you hear the words “bad listener,”
does someone come to mind? What is it
about that person’s affect displays that
would tell you that they are not a good
listener? Perhaps their eyes wander while
in conversation? Maybe you have in
mind someone who always pretends to be
listening but will then be unable to cohe-
sively respond or recall the information
you have just been giving them. Or are
you picturing someone who listens only
when the conversation revolves around
them but will then stop listening as soon
as the conversation shifts? These are all
prime examples of ineffective listening.
Now let’s put a name to these different
types of ineffective listening styles, as
presented by Adler & Proctor (2013).
Of the many ineffective listening styles,
one of our largest offenses when it comes
to poor listening skills might lie in being
selective listeners. Selective listening
involves taking snippets of information
and creating a schema based around the
information you have selected. This prac-
tice of cherry picking pieces of informa-
tion during a conversation can put you in
a troubled spot, as your overall under-
standing of what has been said could be
drastically off-base dependent on which
snippets of information you felt were im-
portant and, alternatively, the information
you have allowed to go in one ear and
out the other as unimportant. When we
participate in selective listening, we are
unable to walk away from a conversation
having a whole picture of the information
that has been provided to us. The most
similar of these listening offenses would
be pseudolistening. Pseudolistening oc-

40. listening | 40
curs when someone pretends to be listen-
ing, but is not actively listening. Unlike
selective listening, which we engage in
when distracted, pseudolistening might be
considered a form of deception, as there
is an intention on the part of the listener
to act as though listening is taking place
even when it is not. Similar to selective
listening, the listener will walk away from
the conversation without a solid picture of
the information that has been provided.
The next listening crime would be
committed when someone listens with
the intent of proposing or defending an
argument. Defensive or aggressive lis-
tening takes place when a listener selects
information being disseminated in order
to use those points to support their own
argument. You might recognize this type
of listener by their consistent interrup-
tions beginning with “yeah, but--.” This
is an ineffective form of listening because
the listener is blocking out information
topic at hand and may appear to some to
Finally, we have those folks who listen
only when the conversation is about them.
Similar to the mythological being Narcis-
sus, those who are engaged in narcissistic
listening may actively participate in a
conversation when said conversation is
about them, but will quickly disengage
when the conversation turns to other top-
ics. You might also recognize narcissistic
listeners by the positive feedback they
provide when the conversation relates to
them and their interests, as well as the
negative or aggressive feedback they
provide once the conversation has shifted
away from them and their own interests.
make a quick note about eavesdropping.
While this is not a type of ineffective
listening, it is an ineffective practice
within listening and an act that deserves
attention. Eavesdropping occurs when a
person listens into a conversation without
the participants aware they are being lis-
tened to. This practice can land you in hot
water, as this involves a breaking of trust
if/when those being eavesdropped on dis-
cover your unethical act. You might also
hear information out of context, which
will put you in the position of misunder-
standing a conversation or the intentions
of those having the conversation. We can
all relate to the bind that this practice can
put us in when it comes to our personal
and professional relationships.
Conclusion
Now that we have covered the basics of
active listening, you’re hopefully primed
and ready to embrace the very active and
complex process that is listening. Keep
in mind that in order to be a successful
listener, you must stay engaged while
steering yourself away from the dangers
of ineffective listening. Practice makes
perfect, so the more aware you are of be-
ing an effective or ineffective listener, the
easier it gets. It’s incredible what happens
when we truly engage in active listening.
When you actively listen, the people that
mean most to you will know that they
-
dence and overall performance at work
might drastically improve simply because
you’ve really listened to expectations. In
short, active listening might just make the
world seem a bit brighter and our rela-
tionships a bit richer. Not bad for a small
change that has a vast impact.

41. likely, that word was something negative,
but why? When asked this question, many
students have shared that it simply does
-
fore, they have a negative opinion about
the whole concept. That makes sense!
painful, and even dangerous. So, is it best
When we take a step back to really con-
-
ber of positive outcomes that can only
with our friends or family members, we
might never become aware of what is
truly important to the people that mean
the most in our lives, or consider what
to actual transformations in relationships.
someone and then eventually come out
of it as stronger friends than you ever
were before? If we are not willing to
which can lead to stagnant relationships
or working environments. Imagine if a
company hired only people who prom-
ised to say “yes” to everything and not
share their opinions. That might make
time, this company would become less
competitive due to their unwillingness to
engage with differing ideas and imple-
ment change.
ConfliCt
08

42. Student work by: Ashton Greer
ConfliCt | 42
-
ties-individuals, groups, communities,
by perceived incompatible interests or
goals or in competition for control of
scarce resources”(Avruch 24). In his
book,
.
to release tension, to express frustra-
tion, and to discharge emotions and are
usually generated from hostile or negative
feelings (Augsburger 29).” AKA, you are
driving me crazy!
difference in pathways or goals; they are
directed toward actual ends and press
for visible outcomes (Augsburger 29).”
Think of this as more of a “my way or the
highway” kind of issue.
part of the human experience, there is
one hand there is a potential for destruc-
tive outcomes, and on the other there is
potential for constructive outcomes. The
-
es this perfectly since it combines two
of opportunity. The good news is there are
plenty of tools available to help us navi-
to chance. The key is to make a conscious
choice about how we will personally en-
and the tools you will learn in this chapter
can help you be prepared to do just that.
The Power of Self Control
Making a conscious choice about how we
will act is called self-control. Self-control
separates us from our ancestors and the
animal kingdom. Instead of reacting to
immediate impulses, we can plan, evalu-
ate, and choose the best possible action.
We are able to then refrain from doing
things we might regret.
Surely we are all guilty of unconsciously
responding to life events without thinking
through our response. Someone cuts us
horn. The person in front of you in line at
the grocery store is taking forever to pay
so you let out a loud and obvious sigh.
While both of these examples are not par-
ticularly dangerous, the fact that we often
respond without consciously choosing
to do so means we have essentially lost
control in those situations.
The notion of self-control does not mean
denying or repressing feelings. Negative
emotions have their uses. For instance,
anger, sadness, and fear can become
sources of creativity, energy, and con-
nectedness (Goleman 1998). Self-control
implies that we have a choice as to how
we express our feelings. It is about man-
aging disruptive emotions and impulses
effectively.
In order to exercise self-control and make
a conscious choice about how to respond
-
agement styles, or ways a person usually
-
pete, accommodate, avoid, compromise,
other person’s goals versus your own per-
sonal goals. The likely outcomes of each
-
lose, and win-win. Check out this student
work about .
recognizing if you need to make improve-
ments in this area. To help you better
& Johnson assigned each style an animal
with similar characteristics (Johnson, D.,
& Johnson, F. 2006). You will see that
all are effective in their own way, depend-
ing on the situation. Let’s look at the 5
styles now.
Win-Lose styLes
Win-Lose Styles will result in one person
and the other feeling like they have lost
(Wilson 2005).
Compete (Shark)
Sharks believe the only
by one person winning
and the other losing the
win. They try to over-
power opponents by using force or com-
value on team relationships and greater
value on their personal goals (Johnson,
D., & Johnson, F. 2006).
•
threats, and intimidation
•
urgent, when unpopular decision needs
to be made
•
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is
our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth
and our freedom.” Viktor E. Frankl

43. Accommodate (Teddy Bear) Avoid (Turtle) Compromise (Fox) Collaborate (Owl)Compete (Sharks)
Student work by: Ashton Greer
ConfliCt | 43
goal-oriented
• -
ment, and future resistance
Accommodate (Teddy Bear)
great value on relation-
ships while neglecting
their own personal goals
or feelings. They resolve
maintain harmony and not damage the
relationship. They also have a strong need
to be accepted and liked (Johnson, D., &
Johnson, F. 2006).
•
and cooperate with others
•
are important; when time is limited
•
•
creates feelings of being taken advan-
explored (Whetten 2011)
Lose-Lose styLes
A Lose-Lose style will result in all people
goals have not been met (Wilson 2005).
Avoid (Turtle)
Turtles very much
try to avoid it at all
costs. They don’t
place much value on relationships or their
personal goals. Turtles believe it is easier
than confront it. Turtles may incorrectly
for relationships (Johnson, D., & Johnson,
F. 2006)
•
avoid team meetings, and conceal true
feelings
•
when greater issues need attention;
when there is little chance of satisfying
what you want anyway
•
relationships
•
feel like they are being walked all
over, creating long-term frustration in
relationships and potential for blowups
in the future
Win-Win styLe
A win-win style will result in all people
feelings like their needs have been met
(Wilson 2005).
Compromise (Fox)
The fox places value
on both the team
relationships and their
personal goals. They
seek to resolve team
team in mind. Effective compromise has
management style. To reach a compro-
mise, each person must give up some of
his or her own goals (Wilson 2005). It is
important to note that since each person
must give up some of their own goals to
reach a compromise, this option can be
seen as a 50% win-50% win or a 50%
lose-50% lose depending on which way
you look at it.
• -
and trade concessions
•
of team members coming to a con-
sensus, when team members all have
about a complex issue (Folger 2005)
•
less time-consuming; relationships
maintained
•
may result for both parties; resentment;
manipulation by asking for twice as
much as you want so the compromise
is actually meeting your needs
Collaborate (Owl)
Owls do not shy
and they highly value
both relationships and
personal goals. Owls
a solution has been found that meets the
important needs of all team members.
Owls are often not personally involved in
solve problems and improve relation-
ships. Collaboration has been found to
produce the greatest possible outcome for
all involved. The goal of collaboration is
consensus or agreement. The Owl works
toward all people involved coming to a
shared perspective (Johnson, D., & John-
son, F. 2006).
•
criteria, using creative solutions,
resolving competitions, confronting
individuals, and exploring all parties
insights
• -
tionships is important; when trying to
-

44. Student work by: Ashton Greer
ConfliCt | 44
cient time is available
•
those involved are eliminated, team
cohesion is improved, mutual feelings
of satisfaction are achieved, and rela-
tionships are maintained
•
greater effort
Managing Your Emotions
can be an opportunity to practice in order
to improve your relationships and be a
more effective leader. Some of us might
have that I don’t?” Often, this comes
down to a person’s ability to manage his
the emotions of those around them. In the
book Working with Emotional Intelli-
gence by Daniel Goleman, this skill is
called “emotional intelligence” (Goleman
1998).
Individuals with a high degree of emo-
tional intelligence usually know what
they are feeling and how their emotions
can affect others. An effective leader has
high emotional intelligence. Goleman
1 seLF-aWareness
This is being aware of how you feel
and how your emotions and actions can
affect others. In a leadership position you
demonstrate self-awareness by having
a clear understanding of your strengths
and weaknesses. Increasing your
self-awareness includes realizing when
you are experiencing strong emotions
and examining the situation. Self-aware
leaders recognize that they are in con-
trol of how they react in any situation
(Goleman 1998).
2 seLF-reguLation
A leader is able to self-regulate. Leaders
don’t verbally attack, make emotional
decisions, stereotype or compromise their
and commit to personal accountability.
They don’t play the blame game. You can
improve self-regulation by knowing your
values. This knowledge will provide you
with a clearer sense of how to manage
a moral or ethical decision. Own up to
your mistakes and focus on correcting
the problem and move forward. Finally,
when faced with a challenging situation,
practice managing your stress in calm,
productive ways (Goleman 1998).
3 Motivation
A motivated leader has high expectations
for work quality and performance. A
motivated leader works toward a common
goal and motivates others to do the same.
Motivation can be strengthened by prac-
good in all situations (Goleman 1998).
4 eMpathy
Empathy is crucial when it comes to
managing a successful team. Leaders
are able to put themselves in someone
else’s situation, challenge others who are
unfair, provide constructive feedback,
and actively listen. Leaders need to place
themselves in another person’s position
and gain a different perspective (Goleman
1998). An effective way to offer empathy
of your own feelings and then genuinely
guess what the other person might be
due to a perception that someone’s needs
are not being met. Empathetic people are
able to identify their own needs or values
in a situation and also guess what the
other person might need or value in order
acceptable solution.
5 sociaL skiLLs
Leaders with good social skills are able to
maintaining the support of the team.
Social skills can be improved by enhanc-
resolution skills. Give credit where credit
is due and be generous in your praise.
Compliment both the team and individual
members on their good work (Goleman
1998). Appropriate social skills promote
higher team achievement, and contribute
to building positive relationships (John-
son, D., & Johnson, F. 2006).
Conclusion
Ironically, a large part of being effective
be resolved, at least not immediately.
Keeping a long-term view of your own
personal relationships and goals can help
you see the big picture and move beyond
momentary roadblocks.
Hopefully after reading this chapter
you have a better understanding about
you have available to you in any given
situation to most effectively resolve an
-
lution hinges on an individual’s ability
to manage his or her own emotions and
willingness to see a situation from another
person’s point of view. Although this may
sounds like a lofty goal at times, those
who practice these skills on a regular ba-
sis experience improved relationships and
the capacity to be a more respected leader.
The Power of Empathy:
Find out more about the Power of
Empathy by watching this video.
“While we may not be able to
control all that happens to us,
we can control what happens
inside us.” Benjamin Franklin

46. the perception between related
parties that resources are scarce and/or
goals are incompatible or interfering with
the achievement of their own objectives.
the personal or
emotional meaning individuals create for
words
actively attempt-
ing to adjust a message according to cul-
ture in order to deliver the most effective
message possible
when one com-
municates in a manner that is not effec-
tive, appropriate or ethical and is aware of
those who
listen for information or content during
an interaction with the goal of acquiring
increased knowledge
the circumstances and setting in
which the communication takes place
the set of beliefs, val-
the understandings in a communication
encounter
when a
listener selects information being dis-
seminated in order to use those points to
support his or her own argument
the literal or dictio-
culture; allowing individuals to see char-
acteristics of other cultures that hold true
to one’s schemata and the tendency to
ignore evidence of the contrary
the various physical and elec-
tronic media through which messages are
expressed
the use of time to communi-
cate meaning
punishment
in which both team relationships and
personal goals are highly valued and the
important needs of all team members are
met
the idea
that once one makes a choice or takes a
stand, he or she will encounter personal
and interpersonal pressures to behave
consistently with that commitment
in which little value is placed on team
relationships and greater value is placed
on personal goals
any study
behaviors of receivers
in which value is placed on both the team
relationships and personal goals
the way
a regional variety or subset of
language distinguished by features of
vocabulary, grammar, and pronunciation
the act of listening in to
a conversation without the knowledge or
consent of those being listened to
a person’s ability
to manage his or her own emotions, thus
them
the ability to both understand
and share the feelings of others
physical, social, and cultur-
al surroundings
stems from someone’s perceived knowl-
edge or skill
a desire to release tension, to express
frustration, and to discharge emotions,
and are usually generated from hostile or
negative feelings
when someone’s
behavior is attributed to environmental
factors, or other external reasons
the many “socially approved
images” individuals construct in order to
present themselves publically
Any verbal or nonverbal re-
sponse seen or heard from others
style in which great value is placed on
team relationships while neglecting per-
sonal goals or feelings
those who lis-
ten for information they can do something
with, a focus on what can be done, when,
and with whom
accessories worn, used or
owned
the second step in the active
listening process, occuring when attention
is paid to auditory and visual information
received during a conversation
explanations created for the
causes of behavior or actions of others of-
ten based off of past experiences or one’s
own actions
the idea that individuals are
more likely to comply with one who
presents himself or herself as an authority
subject
which little value is placed on team rela-
tionships or personal goals
the recognition that one has
their own set of beliefs and attitudes and
three components to intercultural compe-
tence
an
over-generalization of a particular group/
glossary

47. use more direct language than high-con-
text cultures
a public self-designed to strategi-
cally veil one’s private self
verbal and nonverbal contents
that generate meaning
a subculture or smaller
culture
listening with the
sole intent of waiting for an opportu-
nity to talk about oneself or one’s own
interests
internal and external obstacles
that prevent a message from reaching its
receivers as intended
the second step in the
perception process, where information
that has been selected is arranged into
coherent, meaningful patterns.
any social set to which one
feels one doesn’t belong to or identify
with
process, where pieces of information are
selected and attended to based on sensory
cues
-
tion, pausing and volume used to commu-
those who
listen for feelings and emotions with the
intention of connecting with others
process that occurs when one
acter traits, capabilities, attitudes, or other
internal reasons
a dynam-
ic form of communication between two
(or more) people in which the messages
thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and rela-
tionships
the perception process, where meaning is
assigned to a given communication event
based on the information selected and
organized
a hybrid language understood by
certain groups of people
the use of gestures and body
movements that communicates meaning
having a knowledge base
of different cultures; the second of three
components to intercultural competence
the idea that individuals are more
likely to comply with a request when they
like the person making the request
the active process of giving
attention to a sound that’s been heard
style category in which all team members
goals have not been met
the lack of mon-
itoring one’s own behavior or actions in
order to maintain self-presentation goals
individualistic
communities that emphasize action and
the beliefs, atti-
tudes, values, and experiences that each
participant brings to a communication
event
how we use touch to communi-
cate meaning
the physiological process of
receiving sound
the act of highly
monitoring one’s own behavior or actions
in order to maintain self-presentation
goals
collectivistic com-
munities that typically communicate in
a more indirect manner than low-context
cultures
a way of accepting responsi-
bility for a message
any social set to which one feels
a part of or to which one feels directly
connected
from a difference in pathways or goals
directed toward actual ends and pressing
for visible outcomes
the ability
to communicate with individuals from
diverse backgrounds in an effective,
appropriate, and ethical manner
a lack of
effective communication with individuals
from diverse backgrounds or cultures
when someone’s
behavior is attributed to individual char-
is looking to change, modify, or in some
way alter the beliefs, attitudes and/or
behavior of others
outward character-
istics or attributes of a person
other people and events
the self only the individual
knows
the use of space to communi-
cate meaning
a deceptive form of
listening taking place when a listener is
pretending to attend to information but is
not actively listening
the self that individuals pres-
ent or share with others
the process of chronological-
ly structuring information that has been
selected so that it matches the events and
the order in which they were experienced
active listening process, the amount and
quality of information retained following
a communication event
the person or group of people
who interpret and evaluate messages
listening process, involving taking in
auditory and visual information during a
conversation
based on the rule of recipro-
cation, which says that individuals should
Glossary | 47

48. creation of a new word or the mod-
an existing word as dictated by culture
the process of
evaluating oneself in terms of how they
compare with others
the value one decides to
assign themselves in any moment
the concept of
revealing different layers of the self
the idea that individuals
view a behavior as correct in a given
situation to the degree that they see others
to manage change, communicate, and
those who listen
with a focus on time constraints, often
listening, either intentionally or uninten-
tionally
when one
in intercultural communication
the third step in the active
listening process, when individuals assign
meaning based on their interpretations of
information or behavior being disseminat-
ed by others
implies that the concern
and responsibility of both the speaker and
receiver of a message
style category in which one team member
idea of who they are based on the beliefs,
attitudes, and values they hold about
themselves
the discrepan-
cy experienced between the person one
wants to be, the person others want them
to be, and the person they currently are in
reality
a prediction
-
ences actions taken, either consciously or
unconsciously, to ensure this prediction
turns out to be correct
actively monitoring or
controlling one’s communication and
behavior in order to maintain self-presen-
tation goals
making internal attri-
butions regarding events with positive
outcomes; the assumption that pleasing
outcomes are a result of one’s own ac-
tions, capabilities, and attitudes
the person who generates a
message to be interpreted and evaluated
interpretation of the message is similar
to what the speaker thought, felt, and
intended
the particular cir-
cumstances surrounding communication,
including social environment, physical
a direct result of one’s awareness
and knowledge paired together into a
intercultural competence.
give to another what another has provided
them
the relationship one
has with a person and how that impacts
the communication with that person
during an interaction
the fourth step in the active
listening process, the point at which indi-
viduals convey attention and understand-
ing to information received by responding
in a way that illustrates understanding of
the information at hand
the degree with which some-
thing is able to grab one’s attention
the idea that opportunities be-
come seem more valuable to individuals
when they are less available
the mental structure of precon-
ceived ideas, also known as the “scripts”
created to help reduce uncertainty through
imagined expectations
listening for partic-
ular pieces of information and tuning out
that which is not salient
the ability to be aware of
how personal feelings and to know how
individual emotions and actions can affect
others
making a conscious choice
about how one’s self, as an individual,
will act
the ability to have self
control
an individual’s overall
the other feels like they have lost
style category in which all team members
feel like their needs have been met
expresses a judgment of
other people

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authors
Shadia Alame, MA
Florida State University before moving to sunny San Di-
ego to pursue her Masters of Arts in Family Therapy at
the University of San Diego. It was during her tenure in
San Diego that Shadia discovered her passion for teaching
while honing the art of connecting through crafted com-
munication. She began as an instructor at Full Sail Univer-
sity as part of the Psychology Department in 2008 and has
taught Interpersonal Communication, Media and Society,
Melissa Looney, MA
Melissa Looney graduated from the University of South
Alabama with a M.A. in Communication with an emphasis
on Intercultural Communication and Humor. She received
the University of West Florida. She also studied abroad in
Germany at the Universität Ulm, leading to her passion for
cross-cultural communication research. Melissa has taught
basic communication courses at several universities and
colleges, including Interpersonal Communication at Full
Sail University.
Kim Samocki, MA
Kim graduated from Purdue University with a MA in
-
terpersonal Communication, Speech, Debate in face-to-
face, hybrid and online delivery modes. Although she has
been teaching at the college level for 20 years, she has
in English - grades 5 through 9 and Speech and Debate
- grades 6 through 12. Kim is equally passionate about
teaching and learning and feels fortunate to be continually
exposed to the diverse knowledge and talents of her col-
leagues and students.
Jamie Vega, MA
Jamie graduated from the University of Central Florida
years spent pursuing her Master of Arts degree at Univer-
sity Of Central Florida allowed her to discover her passion
to impart valuable knowledge unto others; thus, leading
her to pursue a teaching career at the college level. Ja-
mie has taught Developmental Psychology, Interpersonal
Communication, Public Speaking, and Psychology of Hu-
man Interaction through face-to-face and online mediums.
Kelsey Visser, MA
Kelsey graduated from Florida State University with her
from American University in Washington, D.C. In doing
so, she has since had the opportunity to explore the top-
and NGOs. She is most excited about projects that have a
global impact but also focus on improving relationships
on the interpersonal level. She now teaches Interperson-
al Communication for the Psychology Department at Full
Sail University.
Other Contributors
content contributors
Charity De Souza, MSW
Natika Jackson, MA
copy editor
Nicole Oquendo, MFA
Layout & design
Robin Thompson, MFA

51. Interpersonal Comunication