International Men’s Day, 2018
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Discussion on the impact of toxic masculinity and how to address it in the workplace
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International Men’s Day, 2018
- 1. International Men’s Day, 2018 Discussion on the impact of toxic masculinity and how to address it in the workplace Prepared by: Shimsad Narmeen, WorldFish Bangladesh
- 2. On November 19, we celebrate International Men’s Day to •Improve gender relations •Promote unity among men and women •Improve men and boys’ health •Highlight positive male role models. What is International Men’s Day
- 3. Video: Life of a man
- 4. Traditional masculine traits Traditional feminine traits • Strength • Courage • Independence • Violence • Assertiveness • Choosing output over emotions (calculative) • Gentleness • Empathy • Compassion • Tolerance • Driven by emotions
- 5. Source: Promundo, 2012 Bangladesh findings show
- 6. Man up! Don’t act like a girl! Look, he is crying like a girl! Why didn’t you hit him back?! Be a man! Ever seen these?
- 7. Assertive Non-emotional Strong Independent Competitive Toxic masculinity: Men have to be
- 8. Men cannot express emotions They suffer in silence Only violence/aggression proves strength, power, authority Effects of this treatment on men
- 9. - Expected to take on the entire financial burden - Abandon choices that do not make money - Ridiculed for home-making Effects (cont’d)
- 10. Men end up expressing negative emotions through aggression over other methods. Men are also more likely to be ill-treated by other men. Effects (cont’d)
- 11. Why we react the way we do? Our reactions are often guided by fear. We react with violence/aggression when something happens that might cause us danger/dissatisfaction/pain. Let’s break it down.
- 12. *Someone does something wrong* I don’t like it because it will affect my work. I get upset that this person’s work is affecting my performance. I fear being penalized for it. I yell at the person to express my frustration. I believe that if I yell, it is more powerful than me saying it softly. *I think I get the message across*
- 13. Don’t you know how important this document is?! Why can’t you complete it on time? I am really sorry I had 2 field visits this month and did not have enough time to complete the part. I don’t want to hear any excuses! You are a worthless member. Do it right now!
- 14. • Compassion is key. • It is stronger than aggression. From aggression to compassion
- 15. I don’t like it because it will affect my work. I get upset that this person’s work is affecting my performance. I fear being penalized for it. I explain it to the person (without raising my voice) that what they did has affected our project, and what to do differently next time. *Someone does something wrong* *I get the message across*
- 16. Your not being able to complete this work on time has affected our project. I am really sorry. I had 2 field visits this month and did not have enough time to complete the part. If you had informed us that you are busy, then we could have delegated the report or the fieldwork to someone else. We should communicate better from now on for the welfare of the project.
- 17. Respect in the workplace should be extended to everyone regardless of sex, age, and job title.
- 19. Pick a person (in your head) - whose work has caused you inconveniences before OR - who made you feel uncomfortable OR - you feel that you do not communicate well with Activity (no movement required!)
- 20. Focusing on that person, repeat to yourself: Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness for his/her life. Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life. Just like me, this person has felt sadness, loneliness, and despair. Just like me, this person is seeking to fulfill his/her needs. Just like me, this person is learning about life.
- 21. Thank You Special thanks to Afrina Chowdhury, MHM Mostafa Rahman, Nasirul Islam, Sadiyya Sultana, and Zinat Hasiba from WorldFish Bangladesh for their contribution to the content.
Editor's Notes
- Not competing against women. Highlighting mens experiences. * Started in 1999 West Indies, popularized in 2007 India Falls under the 16 days of activities of activism.
- Short video on experiences of a man throughout his lifetime.
- Table compare Let us look at a few traditional traits that we associate with each of the genders.
- Some stats about the family life of men, which is the earliest memories that we have as a person. Findings in BD shows that around 70% men face emotional violence. This could be abuse/blackmail/etc. around 30% have also seen their mother being beaten. This % was higher in urban which is interesting. Around 40% of men have bee called lazy/stupid/ugly by family member and the same number also have been humiliated in public by family members.
- Ever witnessed these dialogues/scenarios? Call out people from the audience to explain one.
- All of these lead to a society with toxic masculinity. Toxic masculinity does not mean that all med are bad. Toxic masculinity is this idea of hyper masculine machoness that a man needs to have in order to be valid Men have to be: Assertive Non-emotional (unless the emotion is anger) Strong (measured by aggressiveness) Independent (cannot ask for help) - Competitive – always prove to be better than someone else. Now, what does this do to the society as a whole? Lets see.
- Men cannot express (or even experience) the range of emotions other than anger. Happiness, annoyed, irritated, elated, in love, care. Violence is seen as the best way to prove strength and power, discouraging all other methods of releasing feelings Men are discouraged from seeking help, They suffer in silence. Men are segregated from women, and later in life find it harder to communicate with women openly.
- Forced to finance. And they cannot even speak about this pressure to people because they will just be told “you’re a man. Its your duty. If you cannot provide for your family, you have failed” Discouraging activities that will not make money later in life. No arts or music or cooking. Limiting the contribution of men as a provider only. Not acknowledging any other quality a man might have. Men who demonstrate some feminine qualities (even if they help people), are considered less of a man and humiliated. We see a lot of men takingcare of household work, who are discouraged. A very personal example here. My aunt/fupu dislikes it heavily that my father does cleaning work around the house and she wont stop talking about it. “oh no my poor brother he has do to so much washing and cleaning”. It doesn’t happen in every household, but it happens, somewhere, to some people. And enough people that we cant ignore it.
- As patriarchal societies, qualities that are valued in men are valued in societies, especially the workplace. Because men do not have access to the range of emotional outlets, they end up expressing negative emotions in the workplace the same as they do at home, by aggression. Men are also more likely to be ill-treated by other men. We never focus any of our values on men. We say respect women, never hit a woman, but that kind of leaves one thing unsaid, that you can hit a man. Treating women well does NOT mean we can treat men badly. We should not be hitting or disrespecting anyone.
- Now, a little insight on our emotions and why we react through anger or aggression. We have a patriarchal society, so almost all of the spaces are dominated by men. Which makes the emotions and attitudes of men the culture of the office as well. Most offices have a very competitive and aggressive environment where expression of anger is also common.
- Lets look at it more visually. We yell at the person because we want them to understand the impact of their action. We feel that yelling at them will transfer our negative feelings to them and that they will work differently next time.
- Now, there are of course several things wrong with this scenario. At the end of the day, the boss thinks that screaming means the employee will work better. But, it might do the opposite. Could be that the guy didn’t even understand the instructions and he is so scared he will not even ask to clarify this. It could also affect the mental health of that person. Lets think of ourselves, if I ever get yelled at I will definitely cry. Does being yelled at give us positive motivation. No? it gives us fear. Transfers the boss’s fear to us.
- So, for a healthy workplace, compassion is key. Anytime we have the chance to be aggressive at someone, we have an equal chance of being compassionate as well. Now, we as people need to figure out how to get to a place of compassion with the person that is causing us distress. Lets looks at an alternative scenario to our last one.
- However, we could try explaining to them why their actions have caused us fear, and that the behavior is unacceptable. They will amend their actions because they understand that their actions were not right. I they still don’t do it, there are formal procedures in the office that tells you what to do when an employee is inadequate. At no point, is there a need to be raising our voices at someone to express dissatisfaction.
- Here, even if I don’t get msg across, the person still has the option to ask for clarification. The conversation is still open instead of being closed. Now of course this is an over simplified scenario and an ideal one. We understand that real life might not work this way. But this is an example of how a different way of handling a situation can lead to different results.
- Last but not the least. yes we should respect women, but that does not men that we can disrespect our men. Now respect has different definitions for everyone. We want to make sure that the definition we want in the office is clear for everyone.
- One person describes each. Personal attack – “khota” “ picking” , “passive aggressiveness”- explain exmples. If I do not agree with you, I should tell you that I don’t agree instead of making fun of your thoughts raising my voice. Gestures are very important. If I am listening but I am acting like your words are not important, that is not respectful.
- Just like me, this person is seeking some happiness for his/her life. Just like me, this person is trying to avoid suffering in his/her life. Just like me, this person has known sadness, loneliness, and despair. Just like me, this person is seeking to fulfill his/her needs. Just like me, this person is learning about life.
- We hope we are able to get the message across of allowing men to be human, to have emotional outlets, to address their struggles. Empathy is the only trait that makes us human, and we hope and encourage empathy to be practiced in the workplace for a healthier and safer environment for both men and women.