SlideShare a Scribd company logo
Do You Need Approval?
When I was a kid I love doing
experiments.
I always wanted to see what would
happen if I did something.
Especially things I didn't know about.
I'd mix this and that, or hook up this to
something else.
Once I even stuck my finger in a light
socket just to see what would happen.
When I was in High School, I got kicked
out of chemistry lab because I mixed
two chemicals just to "see" what
would happen.
Most of the time scientific studies
aren't really scientific studies.
Because scientific studies cost a lot of
money.
Which means somebody has to pay for
them.
And the studies have a funny way of
turning out in favor of those who are
paying for the studies.
But sometimes, you find somebody
who does research just to "see" what
will happen.
There was this guy in the seventies
who did something like that.
He would send his team out into the
world, and have them behave in
different ways, just to see how people
would respond.
Like people with business suits were
much more likely to get a pass in a
restaurant when they'd forgotten their
wallets, than people who were
dressed casually.
People who wore beige raincoats
seemed to be more "upper class" than
people who wore black raincoats.
People that walked upright and with
confident body language were
perceived much more attractive than
when they had their shoulders
slumped and looked at the ground
when they walked.
One thing that turned out to be a very
strong undercurrent to everything was
somebody's "congruence."
The more "congruent" people were,
the more attractive and likeable they
were.
The less "congruent" they were, the
harder they were to get along with.
The less people liked talking to them.
The less influential they were.
What exactly is "congruence"?
Everything is consistent. Your words
match your body language.
Your body language matches your
facial expressions. You don't say "yes"
while breaking eye contact and
crossing your arms.
More importantly, you stick to your
intentions.
Meaning you don't keep changing your
mind every twenty seconds.
You don't keep asking everybody their
opinions to make sure it's "safe."
You don't get halfway through a
project and give up because the steady
stream of positive feedback from your
friends and family suddenly dried up.
You set an intention in your mind, and
keep to that intention.
If you think of two different people on
opposite sides of this extreme, you'll
get an idea.
People that are ultra wishy washy and
are always asking for feedback and
approval aren't very attractive or
persuasive.
On the other hand, people that have a
very clear idea of what they want, and
where they are going, are much more
magnetic and charismatic.
How do you become one and not the
other?
mindpersuasion.com/frame-control/

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How To Test and Always Accept Feedback

  • 1. Do You Need Approval?
  • 2. When I was a kid I love doing experiments.
  • 3. I always wanted to see what would happen if I did something.
  • 4. Especially things I didn't know about.
  • 5. I'd mix this and that, or hook up this to something else.
  • 6. Once I even stuck my finger in a light socket just to see what would happen.
  • 7. When I was in High School, I got kicked out of chemistry lab because I mixed two chemicals just to "see" what would happen.
  • 8. Most of the time scientific studies aren't really scientific studies.
  • 9. Because scientific studies cost a lot of money.
  • 10. Which means somebody has to pay for them.
  • 11. And the studies have a funny way of turning out in favor of those who are paying for the studies.
  • 12. But sometimes, you find somebody who does research just to "see" what will happen.
  • 13. There was this guy in the seventies who did something like that.
  • 14. He would send his team out into the world, and have them behave in different ways, just to see how people would respond.
  • 15. Like people with business suits were much more likely to get a pass in a restaurant when they'd forgotten their wallets, than people who were dressed casually.
  • 16. People who wore beige raincoats seemed to be more "upper class" than people who wore black raincoats.
  • 17. People that walked upright and with confident body language were perceived much more attractive than when they had their shoulders slumped and looked at the ground when they walked.
  • 18. One thing that turned out to be a very strong undercurrent to everything was somebody's "congruence."
  • 19. The more "congruent" people were, the more attractive and likeable they were.
  • 20. The less "congruent" they were, the harder they were to get along with.
  • 21. The less people liked talking to them. The less influential they were.
  • 22. What exactly is "congruence"?
  • 23. Everything is consistent. Your words match your body language.
  • 24. Your body language matches your facial expressions. You don't say "yes" while breaking eye contact and crossing your arms.
  • 25. More importantly, you stick to your intentions.
  • 26. Meaning you don't keep changing your mind every twenty seconds.
  • 27. You don't keep asking everybody their opinions to make sure it's "safe."
  • 28. You don't get halfway through a project and give up because the steady stream of positive feedback from your friends and family suddenly dried up.
  • 29. You set an intention in your mind, and keep to that intention.
  • 30. If you think of two different people on opposite sides of this extreme, you'll get an idea.
  • 31. People that are ultra wishy washy and are always asking for feedback and approval aren't very attractive or persuasive.
  • 32. On the other hand, people that have a very clear idea of what they want, and where they are going, are much more magnetic and charismatic.
  • 33. How do you become one and not the other?