Serious college work. Very important.

1. How to fight a giraffeBy me
ROAR!!!
“Do the
roar”

2. Introduction
• In our college one of the fundamental skills we need to learn is how
to survive a giraffe attack.
• One day every year a giraffe will appear outside the main doors and
everyone will have to line up and fight it.
• If you win you get a pork pie and are allowed to go into college.
• If you lose the giraffe eats you and you have to stay inside the giraffe
until it disappears again at which point it drops you onto the floor.
•

3. Giraffe fighting techniques.
• In the wild it is often advised that you do not fight such a beast but if
you have no choice or are feeling particularly macho you may find
these next few steps particularly useful.
• Most of the time it is recommended that you wait for the giraffe to
teleport to a local school where it will become confused and bang
it’s head against some walls then teleport back to you, giving you
the upper hand in melee combat.
• If you don’t want to be a little wuss then you can simply approach it
and break those skinny little legs that cannot possibly support the
rest of it’s body. This will lower it to the floor allowing you to go in
and grab it’s brain.

4. Advantages you have over the giraffe.
• Giraffes have motion-heat vision. They can only see heat but they can
only see heat if an object is moving so if you stand perfectly still
when a giraffe is looking at you it cannot see you.
• Giraffes cannot control their teleportation and will often get stuck
inside walls or trees.
• A giraffe’s legs are very thin and can be broken by hitting them with
and only with a stone. Fortunately, stones are very common.
•
•

5. Advantages the giraffe has over you.
• Giraffes are programmed from birth to go back to their home planet which is
known to us as “the moon”. Some giraffes have succeeded on teleporting back
to the moon and will never forget how to do it. Sometimes giraffes will
teleport back to earth grab their prey in their hands that you can’t see and
teleport back to the moon where it will perform a ritual sacrifice.
• Giraffes are ruthless predators and will attempt to eat you if you get too close
to their heads. This is a minor problem because giraffes have very long necks
which take about half an hour to lower.
• Depending on what powers the giraffe decides it has it can either; breathe fire,
fly, shed it’s skin to produce a new giraffe or have force lighting (do it).

6. Where can I find a giraffe?
• The natural habitat (other than the moon) of giraffes is the Coventry
transport museum. In there they are often disguised as people but if
you look closely they will turn into a giraffe.
• The transformation leaves them vulnerable and confused causing
them to fly around the room and bang their heads.
•
• Giraffes can also be found striding the great planes of Tile Hill.

7. Concept artwork of what a giraffe may
look like.

8. You should listen to me because:
• As you can see I have managed to capture and kill a giraffe. The proof
I have of this is that I am currently using his skin as a background for
this slide.

9. The end
• Dedicated to Danny (last name) a noble warrior who died to a giraffe
five seconds ago

10. The end
• Dedicated to Danny (last name) a noble warrior who died to a giraffe
five seconds ago