The document discusses how the student's views on parenting have changed and developed through taking a parenting and child guidance class. Specifically, the student learned about the importance of discussing sexuality openly with children, allowing children autonomy to develop self-efficacy to successfully transition to adulthood, and applying developmental models in parenting. Some views that remained the same include carefully planning before having children and recognizing the social benefits of school for children. Overall, the student feels more informed and aware of the multifaceted aspects of parenting.

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Kelly O’Leary
Parenting and Child Guidance Final Reflection
Before this class, I was more conscious of the “bigger picture” when it came to parenting
and child guidance rather than the details. Also, most of my parenting perspectives were built
upon what I enjoyed or didn’t enjoy from my own childhood, not really textbook material or
research. When I thought about parenting, I placed an importance on the relationships and never
really considered the many other nitty gritty details of parenting. My first thoughts were about
the interpersonal relationships between the parent and the child. For example, I thought (and still
think) that it’s important for the parents to have an individual relationship with each child. Since
I grew up with a lot of siblings, it benefited me greatly to have an individual relationship with
each of my parents compared to my siblings. In the beginning, I also thought that parents should
have a close relationship with their kids, though sometimes those boundaries need to be
established. However, in my own experience I see my mom as my best friend, and I hope to have
a close relationship with my kids when I’m older. Some other bigger picture aspects that I
thought about were education and activities. I think it’s important for parents to send their kids to
schools, not only for the educational benefits but the socialization as opposed to homeschooling.
I also thought it was important for parents to try to facilitate their kids into extracurricular
activities outside of school. I could go on, but mainly my perspective of parenting was in terms
of the big picture necessities -- relationships, schools, and daily life. Though those are still
important things to consider when parenting, this class has definitely brought my attention to
other aspects I had either placed on the backburner or had yet to consider at all. To that point,
much of what I have learned this semester has changed what I will take forward when it comes to
parenting.

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My beliefs about parenting and child guidance have shifted since the start of this class,
though some aspects have remained the same -- I’ll start with what’s changed. Something this
class brought to my attention that I had just never had to consider really was a parent’s role in
discussions of sexual identity and sexuality in general. My parents never gave me the “birds and
the bees'' talk, and left that responsibility to my school. However, this class has made me realize
the importance for kids to make their own sexual identity choices and have a receptive
environment to go through that journey in. As I learned in this class, there’s no one answer to the
etiology of sexual orientation, and interactions of genetics, epigenetics, hormones, biological
factors and even environmental factors all seem to all play a role (Bigner & Gerhardt, 2019, pp.
381-382). We’ve also discussed the continuum of gender identity in other classes, and this class
solidified for me that the gender identity spectrum is not rigid (Bigner & Gerhardt, 2019, pp.
383). It’s not either or anymore, and parents play a large role in developing a receptive
environment for a child going through sexual development. Beyond being open to whatever my
child chooses to identify with, I can play a role in setting up a comfortable environment to
address sexual development. Emotional tone plays a large role in how open my child will be with
me in asking questions, and in turn me being open in answering them. The textbook explained
that the tone of the sexual conversation is more important than the information itself (Bigner &
Gerhardt, 2019, pp. 386). If I want to maintain a close relationship with my child, I’ll change by
making myself the leader of an open and loving discussion.
Another change in my thinking stemmed from learning about the concept of failure to
launch. The text explains that when children become too dependent on their parents, they can fail
to leave the nest. In my own experience, you could say some of my siblings have failed to
launch, partially due to my parent’s desire to continue to help them, but also because of their lack

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of autonomy. It reminded me of another concept we learned about this semester-- self efficacy.
Self efficacy is a child’s judgement of what he/she can do with a skill (Bigner & Gerhardt, 2019,
pp. 200). Children with low self efficacy doubt their abilities and quit, while kids with high self
efficacy take on challenges and adapt to failed strategies (Bigner & Gerhardt, 2019, pp. 200).
Though from different readings, something that developed in my thinking is the connection
between the two. In childhood, it’s critical to raise your kids with high self efficacy so that as
they get older, setbacks and other difficulties don’t push them away from launching. As kids get
older, turning co-regulation into self-regulation is critical in order to turn kids away from relying
on their parents (Bigner & Gerhardt, 2019, pp. 245). Also, the reading explains that oftentimes
parent’s feel like our kids don’t measure up to our expectations, or fail to launch in some way,
though if you’ve given your kid the means to achieve it’s not the parent’s fault (Fay & Cline,
2020, pp. 151). In sum, my thinking has developed in that I don’t want to raise a kid who fails to
launch, and if I want to raise my kids to feel confident enough to face adversity, and therefore
feel capable to launch later on, I need to help them develop self efficacy.
In terms of what hasn’t changed in my thinking, the first would be that kids aren’t a
solution to a troubled marriage, and kids deserve the extensive planning that goes into the
decision to have kids in the first place. The text explains that there’s a misconception that once a
child is born, somehow, the parents will find a way to provide for the child. But, in many cases
this is far from true. About 25 percent of an average American middle-class family’s entire
lifetime working income goes to meeting the costs of raising a child, and not only does the actual
income go towards the child, but oftentimes, the opportunity cost of giving up a job to take care
of that child factors in as well (Bigner & Gerhardt, 2019, pp. 156). There’s a lot to consider

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before having a child, and considering I want to continue to work once I have kids, it has always
been, and will remain to be, a critical thing for my partner and I to plan before having kids.
Another part of my thinking that has been reinforced through this class is applying the
models we learn about in class for real life. We’ve talked about the different developmental
models, like the ecological model of development, which places the child in the inner circle with
expanding rings around them. However, I can actually see how these models apply in real life
now. The more immediate rings, like the micro and mesosystems, include more intimate and
immediate connections for the child, like teachers, siblings and parents. Going outward, there’s
other expanding rings that influence the child, like the exo and macrosystems which include
cultural values and norms. Bidirectional interactions have mutual influence, meaning that the
child and the parent interact with the other, and in turn affect the other (Bigner & Gerhardt, 2019,
pp. 117-119). As such, all the layers play a role in developing the environment surrounding a
child and each relationship that follows. Earlier I explained that the relationships between
siblings and parents should be individual for each kid, but now my reasoning is grounded in this
theory instead of just opinion; Each kid has their own micro and meso systems, so it’s not fair to
parent each child the same.
A final aspect that hasn’t changed in my thinking is the importance of putting my kids
into schools rather than homeschooling. Throughout this class we’ve discussed many types of
schooling, like Montessori and Waldorf. In my opinion, sending your kids to schooling,
whatever form it may be, plays a huge social role in development. The text explains that peer
groups play a critical role in developing companionship, creating a testing ground for behaviors,
transmitting both accurate and inaccurate information, and promoting gender role development
(Bigner & Gerhardt, 2019, pp. 284). I experienced this myself, and though highschool and

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middle school weren’t always pleasant, I think it’s important to have that socialization to build
character and get feedback from a peer group. Social comparison is another aspect discussed in
the text, and learning how to socialize and make friends on your own is something I think will be
important for my kids.
Looking forward, this class has impacted my thinking greatly. I used to consider
parenting in terms of what I knew and what I was raised with, but from now on I’ll be more
aware of families that don’t resemble my own. Although I think a lot of parents expect their kids
to be like them, or have similar lives to their own, this class has equipped me with the tools to
treat each child as an individual. I’m more aware now of why the different adolescent ages
matter for different reasons, and there are aspects to focus on depending on the age of the child.
All in all, I’m more aware of what it means to raise a kid or take part in raising a kid. With my
own children, and for the younger children in my current family, I plan to be more aware going
forward of their age, cognitive abilities and social abilities. I will not be judgemental towards my
children in their sexual discovery, and I will be open to facilitating that discussion.

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Works Cited
Bigner, J. J., & Gerhardt, C. (2019). Parent-Child Relations: An Introduction to
Parenting (10th ed.). NY, NY: Pearson.
Fay, J., & Cline, F. (2020). Parenting Teens with Love and Logic: Preparing Adolescents
for Responsible Adulthood (Enlarged ed., Vol. 3). NavPress.