Harmony in the Family- Understanding the Relationship using professional ethics

1. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Harmony in Family
- Understanding Relationship

2. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
RECAP
 Basic Human Aspiration/ Desire is to live in Happiness & Prosperity in Continuity
 Holistic development is transformation to Human Consciousness.
 Education-Sanskar is the Key driver for Transformation
 Program – Process of achieving the desire
Happiness = To be in a state of harmony
To have the feeling of prosperity 2 things are required
1.Right assessment of physical facility along with their required quantity
2. Ensuring the availability/production of more than required physical facility
To Understand and live in the harmony at all 4 levels
 Harmony in the Human being
2. Harmony in the Family
3. Harmony in the Society
4. Harmony in the Nature/Existence

3. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
 Unhappiness in family is more due to lack of physical facility or lack of fulfillment in
relationship?
 Due to lack of fulfillment in relationship
 Can we live in a relationship without understanding relationship?
 We know that it is necessary to understand relationship to live with fulfilment in
relationship
Importance of Relationship

4. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Relationship
1. If we look at the relationship who is recognizing the relationship
 The Self or Body?
2. Relationship is – between one self (I1 ) and other self (I2 )
3. The body is used as an instrument by both of them

5. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Relationship
There are four aspects which we need to understand about relationship
1. Relationship is – between one self (I1 ) and other self (I2 )
2. There are feelings in relationship – in one self (I1 ) for other self (I2 )
3. These feelings can be recognized – they are definite (9 Feelings)
4. Their fulfilment, evaluation leads to mutual happiness

6. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Relationship
1. There are feelings in the relationship
2. Relationship is – between one self (I1 ) and other self (I2 )

7. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Relationship
 We can see that relationship is something which is there, not that we have to make
relationship
 We are related to each other
 The relationship is already there. We need to understand it
When we understand the relationship
 We are able to see that the relationship is there
 We are able to accept the relationship
 Think interms of fulfillment of relationship
When we don’t understand the relationship
We don’t able to see or accept and fulfill the relationship

8. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Feelings in relationship
1. Trust - FOUNDATION VALUE
2. Respect
3. Affection
4. Care
5. Guidance
6. Reverence
7. Glory
8. Gratitude
9. Love - COMPLETE VALUE
We can identify them, investigate them and understand that these are feelings naturally acceptable
to us in relationship with other human being

9. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Feelings can be recognised
 Each of us can investigate if these feelings are naturally acceptable to us or not?
 What is naturally acceptable to you?
 Feeling of Trust or mistrust?
 Feeling of Respect or disrespect?
 Feeling of Affection or jealousy?
 Feeling of Care or Exploitation?
 Feeling of Guidance or misguidance?
 Feeling of Reverence or irreverence?
 Feeling of Glory or inglorious feelings?
 Feeling of Gratitude or ingratitude?
 Feeling of Love or hatred?

10. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Feelings in relationship
1. Trust - FOUNDATION VALUE
2. Respect
3. Affection
4. Care
5. Guidance
6. Reverence
7. Glory
8. Gratitude
9. Love - COMPLETE VALUE
Are these feelings naturally acceptable to you?
Are these feelings naturally acceptable to other?

11. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Feelings in relationship
1. These feelings are naturally acceptable to me. Therefore having these feelings in myself leads to
my happiness
2. These feelings are naturally acceptable to other. Therefore their fulfilment leads to happiness of
other
3. Can you see that the problems in relationship are due to the absence of one or more feelings?
4. When you have these feelings in you, does it lead to your happiness?
5. When you express them to other, does it lead to happiness of other?
Evaluation is required to verify
Whether I have the feelings or not?
Whether I have expressed these feelings with other or not?
Whether it reached to other or not, ultimately?
Whether the result is mutual happiness or not?

12. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Analysis of current situation
 Today we are unhappy because we have not understood these feelings and
they are not in us
 We only expect the other to express these feelings to us
 If others expresses these feelings to us , we are happy
 If others does not express these feelings to us , we are unhappy
 If someone does not have the feeling of respect, then he/she cannot express
the feeling of respect others looking for
 Today people are not able to express the feeling of respect to others, but they
are trying hard to get it from others
 It is like everyone is begging for respect and everybody’s bowl is empty

13. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
The Way Forward
 The most fundamental thing is to understand these feelings. If I understand
these feelings then I have these feelings in me
 If I understand the feeling of respect, I have the feeling of respect with in me
 If I have the feeling of respect, I am comfortable with in myself. This leads to
my happiness
 When I am happy, I naturally express the feeling of respect to others. This
makes others happy
In this way understanding the feeling, having the feeling, expressing the feeling
and the right evaluation of the feeling leads to mutual happiness – Justice in
relation ship

14. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Home Work
1.Reflect on your notion of relationship. Is it based on your self or body?
2.When you think about relationship, what is central?
 Feelings
 Sensation or physical facility
3.Do you think about
 Ensuring these feelings in yourself and expressing them to other
 Getting these feelings from other
4.When you think of relationship, do you think of it with in your family or also outside your family?
5.Find out what effort is being made over the years to understand the relationship and then to
practice to live in relationship?

15. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Trust
 Trust = to be assured
= to have the clarity that the other wants to make me happy &
prosperous

16. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Evaluating Trust – Between 2 Individuals
About your Natural Acceptance
1a. I want to make myself happy √
2a. I want to make the other happy √
3a. The other wants to make herself/himself
happy √
4a. The other wants to make me happy ?
About your Ability
1b. I am able to make myself always happy?
2b. I am able to make the other always happy ?
3b. The other is able to make herself/himself
always happy?
4b. The other is able to make me always happy?
Intention – Natural Acceptance
What is Naturally Acceptable to You
Competence
What You Are (∑ D, T, E)

17. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
About the Other About My Self
The other broke a glass
He comes late to class
If the other makes a mistake even once…
– I doubt his intention
– He makes mistakes intentionally
– I have a feeling of opposition, get irritated,
angry…
– I reinforce “The other is bad”, can not
improve
The glass broke by accident
I became late to class
Even if I make the same mistake 100 times…
– I never doubt my intention
– I make mistakes by accident
– I have a feeling “I am special” –
I reinforce “I am good”. I do not make effort
to improve my own competence
Doubt on intention is a major reason for problems in relationships

18. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
About the Other About My Self
The other broke a glass
He comes late to class
Even if the other makes the same mistake 100
times…
– I am clear about his intention
– I know the mistake is due to lack of competence,
not a lack of intention
– I make effort to help improve his competence
with a feeling of affection
I know that “he may have difficulty in
understanding… and I may have difficulty in
explaining…”
The glass broke by accident
I became late to class
When I make a mistake even once…
– I am clear about my intention
– I know the mistake is due to lack of competence,
not a lack of intention
– I make effort to improve my competence ( I am
willing to learn from other)
Trust on intention is the starting point for mutual development

19. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Trust
 Trust = to be assured
= to have the clarity that the other wants to make me happy &
prosperous
 When there is a trust on intention, you feel related to each other
 Lack of trust on intention leads Doubt, Fear, Opposition

20. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Check within yourself
 If you have unconditional, continuous trust on intention (natural acceptance) of the other and
if the other is lacking competence, what will you do
a) Try to improve his competence If Trust on Intention Response
b) Get irritated
c) Get angry If Doubt on Intention Reaction
d) Have a feeling of opposition
 How many persons do you have trust on intention (natural acceptance) – unconditional,
continuous?
 This is fundamental. Trust on intention is the foundation of relationship
 You can get an idea of the state of your understanding about relationship from this
exploration…
 Feeling born out of understanding can be definite, unconditional, continuous…

21. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Trust- The Foundation of Relationship
 With Trust on intention I feel related to other
 When I make a program with other
 I evaluate his competence as well as my competence
 I make the program in accordance with our current mutual competence
 I am consistently making an effort to learn, to improve my competence
 If the other is lacking in competence, I am committed to help the other to improve
his competence with out becoming irritated

22. Department of Computer Science and Engineering, MVGR(A)
Sum Up
 Trust is to have the clarity that the other wants to make me happy & prosperous
 If I have trust on intention, I feel related to the other. I make a program with the other based
on right evaluation of our mutual competence.
 In case the other is lacking in competence
 I make effort to assure the other
 I make effort to improve his competence once he is assured in relationship (and not before
that).
 If I lack competence, I become ready to take help from the other to improve my competence
 If I have doubt on intention
 I evaluate myself on the basis of my intention and others on the basis of their competence
 I have a feeling of opposition with the other which shows up as irritation or anger (and it
further leads to fighting, struggle and war)