Grape is leaving the chat for an unknown period of time to mourn the anniversary of his mother's death. He has been dealing with depression and changes over the summer, including a breakup with his girlfriend. Insults from others in the chat about his mother exacerbated his depression. He hopes his best friend Evan understands and that his leaving doesn't make Evan too sad.

1. October 30, 2012
Dear Evan,
I know you are probably angry and sad that I’m leaving the chat. I know I’ve said this before
and it’s never been permanent, and I don’t even know if this one will be either. I decided since you are my
best friend and brother in all but blood, that you deserve to hear the reason. As you probably don’t know,
my mother’s anniversary is coming up and I usually leave the chat for a while to mourn. I’ve noticed you’ve
been making sure that not a lot of people say jokes about my mom and I thank you about that. One of the
main reasons I’m leaving is because of this though. As you already know, ND and a few others have picked
to insult me about her and then suggested they didn’t know she was dead. I still don’t know if I believe any
of them. Now I won’t say who, but one of the insults really got to me. They asked me if I thought my mom
would be proud of what I was. Though they creatively described what I was with many foul things, the
main part stuck to me. Recently over the summer, my ex-girlfriend was going through the stages of
depression. Later I discovered she never really liked me because she lost her feelings from the depression,
but she wanted comfort from a boy like any 14 year old girl wants. In that summer, I began to realize I was
changing a lot but I didn’t know if I liked these changes or not. I had stopped eating anything and though I
hadn’t cut in over 2 months, I was still depressed. Trying to get happy again, I looked for comfort at the
chat but during a wrong time. This was of course during August. After Leo had banned me, I didn’t know if I
would get that part of me back ever. Of course I know now that it was his blinded attempt to get rid of
drama, but it still greatly effected me. As for horrible timings, I apparently was the target of the day.
During the day following my banned, my girlfriend decided to say her opinions on how she thought I was
using her and how it was just a summer thing. I thought it was the end and was ready to end it. I don’t
remember how many times I cut that night but I know I will always have the scars. Though you’ll probably
never see me in real life, the scars are right on my thigh from that night as I didn’t want anyone to see
them. Of course, my girlfriend texted back saying that it was her depression and that it made her feel crazy
and say things she didn’t mean. I don’t really know when I started to believe that she was using her
medical disease as an excuse, but it came clear about 2 weeks after. Back to the internet life, it was slowly
getting better. Though I was only supported by those who would later betray and make fun of me, it was
getting better. I tried distracting myself with a chat idea I had for a while, and also with minecraft. When I
finally became unbanned at the phc, something happened. I don’t remember how long I was gone, but it
was apparently long enough for people to begin to hate me again. Going through the beginning of school,
it was good but I really had no irl friends to talk to. On the Friday of the first week, it happened. My
girlfriend decided to use the excuse that I didn’t wave to her friend at school to break up with me, and
though she tried to text me, either yelling at me for being a dick or getting her friends to yell at me, she
never really bothered me since. Back at the phc, I was slowly beginning to get better but then the whole
GA incident happened. I know I shouldn’t have flipped out as much as I should have, and I’m sorry for that.
It just enraged me that he asked me to try to overcome my depression, I felt like he thought I didn’t try at
all before that. Though he never apologized formally for it, I forgave and continued my life. Then all the
drama began with ND and Blake and we have gotten to now. I had always planned to leave the chat on
Halloween even for just a week for my Mom but now I don’t know how long it will be. I’ve begun the
downward spiral back to depression and I’ve been asking myself who I want to be. I hope you understand,
and know that I will always love you as a brother, best friend, and homobro.
-Grape
TL;DR: I’m leaving for no one knows how long and I hope I don’t make you sad.