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#EverythingSucks
And Nobody Cares.
(with apologies to @LouisCK)
Dave McClure
500 Startups
#PubCon, New Orleans, April 2013
slideshare.net/dmc500hats
#500STARTUPS
#HUMBLEBRAG
http://500.co
Dave McClure
Founding Partner & Chief Troublemaker, 500 Startups
00’s & 10’s:
• VC: Founders Fund, Facebook fbFund, 500 Startups
• Angel: Mashery, Mint.com, SlideShare, Twilio, WildFire, SendGrid
• Marketing: PayPal, Simply Hired, Mint.com, oDesk, O’Reilly
80’s & 90’s:
• Entrepreneur: Aslan Computing (acq’d by Servinet/Panurgy)
• Developer: Windows / SQL DB consultant (Intel, MSFT)
• Engineer: Johns Hopkins‘88, BS Eng / Applied Math
500 Startups
Global Seed Fund & Startup Accelerator
• What is 500?
– $60M+ under management
– 23 people / 11 investing partners
– Locations: SV, NYC, MEX, BRZ, IND, CHN, SEasia
– 1000+ Founders / 200+ Mentors
– Insanity 24x7x365
• 475+ Portfolio Co’s / 30+ Countries
– Wildfire (acq GOOG, $350M)
– Twilio
– SendGrid
– TaskRabbit
– MakerBot
– 9GAG
– Viki
– Gengo
– AppStack
– VivaReal
– MindSnacks
– Visual.ly
500 Startups: Global Seed Fund
Over 100+ startups outside US, in 35+ countries
• Q4/12 added: Germany, Korea, Peru; + Russia, Israel, Turkey in Q1/13
• Priorities in 2012: Brazil, Mexico, India
• Priorities In 2013: China, SE Asia, MENA, Eastern Europe
#WARNING
#FUCKSAHEAD
http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/look-at-all-the-fucks-i-give
WARNING:
this deck is guaranteed to offend, provide
tragically incorrect advice, and perhaps get
you arrested.
fucking deal with it.
This Talk... Sucks.
(Mainly Bcz This is a New Talk)
• I’m doing some new material.
• This is my first time trying this shit out.
• (Sorry, you’re the guinea pigs.)
• It will probably….
• SUCK, because I don’t…
• have all the….
• ….timing down yet.
• But you get to tell your grandkids you saw Dave McClure
• Suck Live, and In Person
• So There U Go.
#EVERYTHINGSUCKS
#NOBODYCARES
Everything is Amazing And Nobody is Happy
Everything Sucks.
And Nobody Cares.
• But, It’s Easy 2 Make Shit Better.
– Especially Because of Technology.
– And, Especially Because of a few Tony Stark geniuses.
• These arrogant douchebags are insufferable, but…
– …they make our lives FUCKING AMAZING.
• They also make it easy for us to copy & use their shit
• TIP: DO NOT TRY 2B ONE OF THESE GIANT BRAINIACS.
• JUST COPY / USE THEIR SHIT. (and Make It Slightly Better)
• 99% of the time -- Copy/Use Other People’s Amazing Shit.
• 1% of the time -- Come Up With Your Own Innovative Shit.
• Improve the Innovative Shit by 1% Every Month.
• Rinse & Repeat.
Most Things Suck.
• Grade School.
• Dating.
• Waiting on Hold.
• Returning Stuff.
• TSA / Checking In / Airport Luggage.
• Getting a Waiter’s Attention.
• Learning How To Speak in Public. (PRACTICE)
• Running a Startup.
Most People Suck.
• Your “Guidance” Counselor.
• Your Cousin Who Likes To Cheat at Cards.
• Most Politicians.
• Most People in Authority.
• Donald Fucking Trump.
• Nuns With Rulers.
• Priests With Altar Boys.
• Bullies.
Suck Isn’t New.
• It’s Been Going on a Looooooooong Time.
• Dinosaurs Sucked. (altho now they’re *awesome*)
• Not Having Fire Sucked.
• Not Having a Car Sucked.
• Being a Serf / Not Being The King Sucked.
• Slavery Sucked BIGTIME.
• Being a Teenager Sucks, and has always sucked.
#TONYSTARK
#DOESNTSUCK
http://marvel.com/ironman3
Over Time, Shit Sucks Less.
• Fire
• The Wheel
• Farming
• Pigs, Cows, Chickens
• Iron, Steel
• Ships
• Printing Press
• Textiles
• Steam Engine
• Electricity
• Cars, Airplanes
• Telephone
• Radio, TV
• Cable
• The Internet
• Social Networks
• FB, Twitter, YouTube
• Mobile Phones
Why No Flying Cars Yet?
(Teleportation? Sexy Robots?)
• Because That Shit is Fucking Hard.
• Not So Many Tony Starks / Elon Musks Around.
• BTW, Those Guys NEVER Got Laid.
• … until, They Got Filthy Stinking Rich.
• You Ain’t All That Smart. Or That Rich.
• But, You Might Get Laid.
• And You Might Get To Use That Shit Some Day.
#HALFMAN
#GIANTGEEK
Game of Thrones - Tyrion Lannister
We Are Mental Midgets
Who Stand on Shoulders of Giant Geeks
• Da Vinci
• Sir Isaac Newton
• James Watt
• Nicola Tesla
• Marie Curie
• Gates
• Jobs
• Bezos
• Larry & Sergei
• Zuck
#INCREMENTALINNOVATION
#ITERATIONFTW
How 2 Boil a Frog
You Don’t Have 2B Tony Stark
• Just Copy/Use the Shit that Tony Stark Makes.
– Pro Tip: Since Most People Suck, They Won’t Notice U Aren’t Tony Stark.
• Copy/Use 99% All The Amazing Shit Out There.
• Innovate on the other 1%.
• Innovate 1% More Every Month.
• Then Kick Back and Have a Beer.
• … and Watch Some Awesome #GoT
Most Businesses Suck @ Innovation.
• They Don’t Know Technology.
• They Don’t Know How to Code.
• They Don’t Know SEO or SEM.
• They Don’t Know Email Marketing.
• They Don’t Know Social, Video, Local, Mobile.
• They Don’t Know Good Design or UX.
• They Don’t Know How to Cut & Paste.
• They Don’t Know How to Use PayPal.
Most Things Are Not Amazing.
• But, We Can Easily Make Most Things Better.
• Tech + Web = Reduced Overhead Costs.
• Search + Social Platforms = Better Marketing.
• Copy Existing Business Model = Reduced Risk.
• FOCUS = Make ONEthing / SOMEthing Better.
#EVILPLAN
#MWAHAHA
Everyone Needs An Evil Plan (Hugh MacLeod)
Asteroids Happen, Bitches.
You May Not Be Tony Stark, But You’re Smarter Than a Dinosaur
• Big Dumb Dinosaurs Don’t Plan for Asteroids.
• Small Smart Marsupials Can Survive Asteroids (sometimes).
• Wait Around Long Enough, Asteroids Happen.
• When Asteroids Happen, Dinosaurs Face Change.
• Q: Guess Who Handles Change Better?
• A: Fucking Marsupials, G.
• Lesson: Be a Nimble Marsupial, Not a Lumbering Dinosaur.
• “In The Land of the Blind, The One-Eyed Man is King”
Formula 4 Awesome:
Notice Things That Suck. Make Them Suck Less.
• Most Brick & Mortar Businesses Are Inefficient.
• Lots of Overhead, Shitty UX, Shitty Marketing.
• Copy Their Business Model (It Already Works).
• Reduce Overhead Cost (Go Online).
• Increase Marketing Efficiency (Go Online).
• Copy/Integrate 99% Awesome Shit (aka Tech)
• Innovate on the Remaining 1%.
• Keep Innovating 1%. Every Month.
• Beat Them Like a Drum, Every Day & 2x on Sunday.
Ok, Let’s Try It.
• Find an existing, physical-world big dumb business that
makes money, but kinda sucks.
• Verify they have high overhead costs, inefficient [offline]
marketing, shitty service.
• Copy the business model, reduce overhead costs, improve
marketing.
• Add some awesome technology, and then innovate on
ONE important thing.
• Beat Complacent Incumbents / Big Dumb Dinosaurs Into
The Ground with Fire, Spears, & The Wheel.
#BRANDING101
#THINKDIFFERENT
Here’s To The Crazy Ones. (Jobs)
3 Basic Types of Brands:
Virgin, Southwest, [Niche]
• Virgin = Mass Luxury
– High-End Look & Feel, priced just barely within reach of most
middle-class customers, who feel like they’re getting the red-
carpet treatment 
• Southwest = Convenience & Value
• Shit that just works, not very expensive, great value for
everybody. (Who doesn’t like Southwest?)
• [Niche] = “Just for You & Me”
– Designed specifically for very well-defined customer segments /
attributes. Because audience is so well-targeted, price should
be higher (at least in the beginning).
– Ex: Gay, Old, Black, Short, Female, Moms, Left-Handed, Etc
Thanks. 
• Again, my apologies if this shit sucked.
• If so, pls tweet @DaveMcClure: What Sucked?
• With your feedback & my iteration, hopefully I
will suck less over time.
• Good Luck Not Sucking!

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Everything Sucks And Nobody Cares

  • 1. #EverythingSucks And Nobody Cares. (with apologies to @LouisCK) Dave McClure 500 Startups #PubCon, New Orleans, April 2013 slideshare.net/dmc500hats
  • 3. Dave McClure Founding Partner & Chief Troublemaker, 500 Startups 00’s & 10’s: • VC: Founders Fund, Facebook fbFund, 500 Startups • Angel: Mashery, Mint.com, SlideShare, Twilio, WildFire, SendGrid • Marketing: PayPal, Simply Hired, Mint.com, oDesk, O’Reilly 80’s & 90’s: • Entrepreneur: Aslan Computing (acq’d by Servinet/Panurgy) • Developer: Windows / SQL DB consultant (Intel, MSFT) • Engineer: Johns Hopkins‘88, BS Eng / Applied Math
  • 4. 500 Startups Global Seed Fund & Startup Accelerator • What is 500? – $60M+ under management – 23 people / 11 investing partners – Locations: SV, NYC, MEX, BRZ, IND, CHN, SEasia – 1000+ Founders / 200+ Mentors – Insanity 24x7x365 • 475+ Portfolio Co’s / 30+ Countries – Wildfire (acq GOOG, $350M) – Twilio – SendGrid – TaskRabbit – MakerBot – 9GAG – Viki – Gengo – AppStack – VivaReal – MindSnacks – Visual.ly
  • 5. 500 Startups: Global Seed Fund Over 100+ startups outside US, in 35+ countries • Q4/12 added: Germany, Korea, Peru; + Russia, Israel, Turkey in Q1/13 • Priorities in 2012: Brazil, Mexico, India • Priorities In 2013: China, SE Asia, MENA, Eastern Europe
  • 7. WARNING: this deck is guaranteed to offend, provide tragically incorrect advice, and perhaps get you arrested. fucking deal with it.
  • 8. This Talk... Sucks. (Mainly Bcz This is a New Talk) • I’m doing some new material. • This is my first time trying this shit out. • (Sorry, you’re the guinea pigs.) • It will probably…. • SUCK, because I don’t… • have all the…. • ….timing down yet. • But you get to tell your grandkids you saw Dave McClure • Suck Live, and In Person • So There U Go.
  • 9.
  • 10.
  • 12. Everything Sucks. And Nobody Cares. • But, It’s Easy 2 Make Shit Better. – Especially Because of Technology. – And, Especially Because of a few Tony Stark geniuses. • These arrogant douchebags are insufferable, but… – …they make our lives FUCKING AMAZING. • They also make it easy for us to copy & use their shit • TIP: DO NOT TRY 2B ONE OF THESE GIANT BRAINIACS. • JUST COPY / USE THEIR SHIT. (and Make It Slightly Better) • 99% of the time -- Copy/Use Other People’s Amazing Shit. • 1% of the time -- Come Up With Your Own Innovative Shit. • Improve the Innovative Shit by 1% Every Month. • Rinse & Repeat.
  • 13.
  • 14. Most Things Suck. • Grade School. • Dating. • Waiting on Hold. • Returning Stuff. • TSA / Checking In / Airport Luggage. • Getting a Waiter’s Attention. • Learning How To Speak in Public. (PRACTICE) • Running a Startup.
  • 15. Most People Suck. • Your “Guidance” Counselor. • Your Cousin Who Likes To Cheat at Cards. • Most Politicians. • Most People in Authority. • Donald Fucking Trump. • Nuns With Rulers. • Priests With Altar Boys. • Bullies.
  • 16. Suck Isn’t New. • It’s Been Going on a Looooooooong Time. • Dinosaurs Sucked. (altho now they’re *awesome*) • Not Having Fire Sucked. • Not Having a Car Sucked. • Being a Serf / Not Being The King Sucked. • Slavery Sucked BIGTIME. • Being a Teenager Sucks, and has always sucked.
  • 18. Over Time, Shit Sucks Less. • Fire • The Wheel • Farming • Pigs, Cows, Chickens • Iron, Steel • Ships • Printing Press • Textiles • Steam Engine • Electricity • Cars, Airplanes • Telephone • Radio, TV • Cable • The Internet • Social Networks • FB, Twitter, YouTube • Mobile Phones
  • 19.
  • 20. Why No Flying Cars Yet? (Teleportation? Sexy Robots?) • Because That Shit is Fucking Hard. • Not So Many Tony Starks / Elon Musks Around. • BTW, Those Guys NEVER Got Laid. • … until, They Got Filthy Stinking Rich. • You Ain’t All That Smart. Or That Rich. • But, You Might Get Laid. • And You Might Get To Use That Shit Some Day.
  • 22.
  • 23. We Are Mental Midgets Who Stand on Shoulders of Giant Geeks • Da Vinci • Sir Isaac Newton • James Watt • Nicola Tesla • Marie Curie • Gates • Jobs • Bezos • Larry & Sergei • Zuck
  • 24.
  • 26.
  • 27. You Don’t Have 2B Tony Stark • Just Copy/Use the Shit that Tony Stark Makes. – Pro Tip: Since Most People Suck, They Won’t Notice U Aren’t Tony Stark. • Copy/Use 99% All The Amazing Shit Out There. • Innovate on the other 1%. • Innovate 1% More Every Month. • Then Kick Back and Have a Beer. • … and Watch Some Awesome #GoT
  • 28.
  • 29. Most Businesses Suck @ Innovation. • They Don’t Know Technology. • They Don’t Know How to Code. • They Don’t Know SEO or SEM. • They Don’t Know Email Marketing. • They Don’t Know Social, Video, Local, Mobile. • They Don’t Know Good Design or UX. • They Don’t Know How to Cut & Paste. • They Don’t Know How to Use PayPal.
  • 30. Most Things Are Not Amazing. • But, We Can Easily Make Most Things Better. • Tech + Web = Reduced Overhead Costs. • Search + Social Platforms = Better Marketing. • Copy Existing Business Model = Reduced Risk. • FOCUS = Make ONEthing / SOMEthing Better.
  • 31. #EVILPLAN #MWAHAHA Everyone Needs An Evil Plan (Hugh MacLeod)
  • 32. Asteroids Happen, Bitches. You May Not Be Tony Stark, But You’re Smarter Than a Dinosaur • Big Dumb Dinosaurs Don’t Plan for Asteroids. • Small Smart Marsupials Can Survive Asteroids (sometimes). • Wait Around Long Enough, Asteroids Happen. • When Asteroids Happen, Dinosaurs Face Change. • Q: Guess Who Handles Change Better? • A: Fucking Marsupials, G. • Lesson: Be a Nimble Marsupial, Not a Lumbering Dinosaur. • “In The Land of the Blind, The One-Eyed Man is King”
  • 33. Formula 4 Awesome: Notice Things That Suck. Make Them Suck Less. • Most Brick & Mortar Businesses Are Inefficient. • Lots of Overhead, Shitty UX, Shitty Marketing. • Copy Their Business Model (It Already Works). • Reduce Overhead Cost (Go Online). • Increase Marketing Efficiency (Go Online). • Copy/Integrate 99% Awesome Shit (aka Tech) • Innovate on the Remaining 1%. • Keep Innovating 1%. Every Month. • Beat Them Like a Drum, Every Day & 2x on Sunday.
  • 34. Ok, Let’s Try It. • Find an existing, physical-world big dumb business that makes money, but kinda sucks. • Verify they have high overhead costs, inefficient [offline] marketing, shitty service. • Copy the business model, reduce overhead costs, improve marketing. • Add some awesome technology, and then innovate on ONE important thing. • Beat Complacent Incumbents / Big Dumb Dinosaurs Into The Ground with Fire, Spears, & The Wheel.
  • 36. 3 Basic Types of Brands: Virgin, Southwest, [Niche] • Virgin = Mass Luxury – High-End Look & Feel, priced just barely within reach of most middle-class customers, who feel like they’re getting the red- carpet treatment  • Southwest = Convenience & Value • Shit that just works, not very expensive, great value for everybody. (Who doesn’t like Southwest?) • [Niche] = “Just for You & Me” – Designed specifically for very well-defined customer segments / attributes. Because audience is so well-targeted, price should be higher (at least in the beginning). – Ex: Gay, Old, Black, Short, Female, Moms, Left-Handed, Etc
  • 37. Thanks.  • Again, my apologies if this shit sucked. • If so, pls tweet @DaveMcClure: What Sucked? • With your feedback & my iteration, hopefully I will suck less over time. • Good Luck Not Sucking!