Effective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional Connection

Effective Fraud PreventionThrough
the Power of Emotional Connection
Lola Gershfeld, PsyD
Board Dynamics Specialist

The new science of emotional connection has
revolutionized our understanding of the impact we
have on each other.
levelfiveexecutive.com

Team members depend on each other to make the
company successful.
This dependency creates an attachment.

We have a need for emotional connection.

When we are unsure of that connection
or we feel disconnected, there is a part
of our brain that goes into panic.

This isn’t about how strong you are as a person
or how mature you. It is the fact that you have a
mammalian brain.

Your mammalian brain tells you that being alone
with no one watching your back or looking out
for you is dangerous. And indeed it is.

We are not designed to face the threats of the
economy, competition, or life alone. We don’t do
it well.

When we hear people say,
“They’re just being difficult, or has a personality disorder, or doesn't have any
skills," we look at it through the lens of this new science and say, "No, this
person is actually terrified. They are in a terrible attachment panic and have no
idea how to deal with it.”
So, they deal with it by getting angry or shutting down and withdrawing, which
unfortunately pushes people away.

With emotional connection, you not only create
an environment for people to be open and
transparent, you create an environment where
people care about each other.

Emotional connection starts with how deal with your
emotions and the emotional signals you send to each other.

Emotion is what directs our interaction with each other.
It literally moves us in very specific ways.

Emotion comes from the Latin word emovere,
which means “to move”.

Emotions are contagious. If you are feeling stressed,
the people that you work with will also feel that stress.

Two Most Damaging Emotions to Human Functioning
Fear Shame

The natural tendency for us when we feel shame or afraid is to
“hide and divide”. Underneath that fear and shame is the need
for reassurance.

Auditors play an important role in fraud prevention by creating
emotional safety with the people that are being audited.

6Things Emotionally Connected
Auditors DON’T Do

6Things Emotionally ConnectedAuditors DON’T Do
They Don’t Blame
• When people feel blamed, they become defensive and start
withholding information to protect their safety.
• Blaming can set off a negative pattern and gets you away from
creating safety and connection.

The most common negative cycle starts with one person
complaining, criticizing, blaming and the other defending,
distancing, and stonewalling, withholding information.
Criticizing
Complaining
Blaming
Defending
Distancing
Stonewalling

Then, the cycle gets its own momentum and before you know it,
you start to think of the other person as an enemy and you start
to physiologically respond to them as dangerous.

IfYou CatchYourself Blaming…
• Identify the emotion in yourself – Focus on the most vivid
aspect of the experience.
• Name the emotion and share it with someone that you feel
connected with.
• Expand your experience by identifying the trigger point
when the blame occurs.

They Don’t Create Roadblocks and Cause Confusion
Instead, they understand that in order for the investigation to be
successful they must provide people the confidence they need to
address challenges together.

Emotion is the most powerful thing in team function.

Examples that help maintain emotional balance
• Laying out the process and expectations - creates safety and care.
• Keeping eye contact – sends a message, “I see you.”
• Relaxing your facial muscles - helps people feel more relaxed.
• Using a soft voice - sings a lullaby to the amygdala.
• Hearing the whole person and being open to another’s viewpoints.

They Don’t Shy Away From Differences
Differences are about topics. Topics don’t define a relationship. Significant
fights that define a relationship are always and only about one question,
the attachment bonding question "Are you there for me? "Do I matter?"

Accessible
•Are you accessible to me?
Can I reach you? Will you
hear when I call? Are you
accessible to me even
though you are feelings
stressed?
Responsive
•Are you emotionally
responsive to me? Do you
get my concern, my pain?
When I look into your face
can I see that my emotions
impact you?
Engaged
•Are you be emotionally
engaged with me even
though you are feeling
stressed? Can you help me
to do my job effectively
even though you are feeling
stressed.

All relationship distress, from an attachment point of
view, results from a “no” or an “unsure” answer.

They Don’t Stop Being A.R.E.
Emotionally connected auditors make sure that people to feel
that the answer to the question, “Are you there for me?” is
“yes”. It doesn’t mean that they agree with everything that the
other person is saying, it means that the experience they create
sends a clear message for other people, that they are always
accessible, responsive and engaged.

The main element that defines a secure bond that
lasts is emotional responsiveness. It is being able to
reach somebody emotionally, create that emotional
connection, and trust that you can engage with them
when you need them.

An insecure bond is where you don't trust that and
you're not sure that's going to happen. What ends up
happening is you start pushing for that connection,
becoming very agitated, monitoring it all the time,
being preoccupied with it and never feeling sure that
you are safe.

“Emotional openness and responsiveness is
what creates trust, safety, and secure bonding.”
- John Bowlby, Father of Attachment Theory

They Don’t Stop Forming Bonds
Human beings thrive in secure and safe relationships with each
other. Although your job is to investigate, secure bonding is what
really creates safety for people to be open and transparent.

There areThree Basic MovesTo Connection
Reach Push
Shut
Down

Reach
“I am feeling like we are not
moving anywhere. We are
kind of stuck. Do you think
we can regroup and try
again a bit later?”

Push
I’ll make you respond to me.
“Why do you always argue?
Can't you ever? I'd like you to,"
and it's protesting,
complaining, criticizing,
demanding and it’s pushing,
pushing, pushing for
connection.

The trouble with pushing is it is perceived by the other
person’s mammalian brain as a danger cue, as a threat,
and where you're trying to get people to come towards
you, you are actually pushing them away.

Shut Down
"I'll give up. I don't need a response
from you. I'm hurting. I don't want to
feel rejected or abandoned,"
because we're all terrified of that.
“I give up, I numb out, I turn away."

The tricky part about that shutting down is it leaves
you alone, just like yelling and trying to control.

They Don’t Take Their Role for Granted
They know that creating an effective team is challenging and takes a lot
of work. They also know that when the team is emotionally connected,
serving as an auditor becomes a lot more fun and personally satisfying.

Everything you do is really moving people into that ability
to be emotionally more open and responsive—so that if
someone gets disconnected or feels panicked or afraid,
you can deal with it in the most effective way possible.

Establishing Safety
• No one has to be the bad guy.
• Validating people’s concerns.
• Affirm feelings
• Acknowledge their experience
• Reframe responses in a form of attachment

SecureAttachment
• Makes the team stronger
• Makes people more resilient to stress
• They are less likely to get off track
• They learn faster
• Better at solving challenges
• More vigilant in preventative measures
• You are a much more effective auditor

Creating an effective board or a team is like dancing the
Argentine tango. If you know anything about the Argentine
tango, it is not like a regular traditional tango. The Argentine
tango is improvised.

Creating an effective board or a team is like dancing the
Argentine tango. If you know anything about the Argentine
tango, it is not like a regular traditional tango. The
Argentine tango is improvised.

What determines great
partners from amateurs
is emotional connection.
It is the ability to tune
into your emotion and
be in-tuned with your
partner so as you
improvise the dance,
you move in synchrony,
you move in the same
emotional channel.

So, the Argentine tango is improvised but it has basic
moves, some basic actions.

The same with creating an effective team. The power of
emotional connection helps you to be an effective leader
and every time you work as a team, you create a new
dance, a new interaction but there some basic moves,
some basic actions that you need to know and do in order
to allow that emotional connection to form and evolve.

These actions are summarized in a tool called Be Cards

As well as a book, called
TRUSTMAKERS, that show 52
ways to use Be Cards in building
strong and secure bonds with
each other.

When you approach leadership that is based on this new
science of emotional connection, you have the most
amazing arena for change.

Nothing grows people like emotional connection. I get
more individual change when I work with a board or a
team than when I work with individual directors or
executives because people grow each other.

We are not just social animals, we are homo-vinculum,
we are one who bond.

We hope you’ve enjoyed this presentation.
For more information on fraud prevention through the power of
emotional connection, please contact us at:
Level Five Executive, Inc.
2901 W. Coast Hwy, Suite 200 (714) 992 – 4561
Newport Beach, CA 92663 levelfiveexecutive.com
Email: lola@levelfiveexecutive.com
Twitter: @LevelFiveExec
LinkedIn: Lola Gershfeld
Facebook: Lola @LevelFiveExec

Effective Fraud Prevention Through Emotional Connection

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