Comedy sketches in a time warp - a bit like I've got old news for you...

2. Andy Murray’s exit from Wimbledon (2010)
Radio broadcaster: British tennis fans were left high and dry when Andy Murray
bowed out of Wimbledon in the semi-finals. But what does the general public
think? Is tennis still an elitist sport or has it mass appeal?
Interviewer: What was your reaction to Murray’s exit from centre stage?
Working-class man: To be honest, I never found his pub landlord act very
funny.
Interviewer: Erm, I’m talking about Murray, the sportsman.
Working-class man: Ah, Murray Walker. Motor racing will never be
the same.
Interviewer: What was your reaction to tennis player Andy Murray’s exit from
Wimbledon?
Chav girl: You mean, Tim Henman, innit? He is gorgeous, he can come and mix
my doubles anytime.
Interviewer: What was your reaction to Murray’s exit from Wimbledon?
Old woman: Eh? Did you say Murrays? Have a mint, love.

3. PRESENTER: Americans are still bashing bibles after the photo showing
presidentObama ogling a Brazilian delegate’s lady lumps at the G8 Summit
made headlines worldwide last week. In this photo, Obama stands next to
French president Sarkozy, who was described as a sex dwarf in Prospect
magazine. Eager to establish a French connection, Bill Oddie contacted Mr
Sarkozy on a natural phenomenon unearthed this week by scientists.
ODDIE: Monsieur le President, what do you think of the discovery that frogs
synchronise their mating by the full moon? Do you believe it could be a
worldwide phenomenon?
SARKOZY: I’m sure French frogs are more, how do you say it, entreprenant. I
have approved measures to encourage their, how do you say it, accouplements.
ODDIE: In these tough times, this shows admirable green credentials, Monsieur
le President.
SARKOZY: Mais oui, we must reduce air miles for, how do you say
it, l’alimentation.The French prefer to eat homegrown frogs
but, malheureusement we have to ship them from as far as Indonesia to meet
demand.
ODDIE MAKES CHOCKING SOUND]

4. GARY LINEKER: So Fabioloso, why did you
choose Austria as a potential training base for
the 2010World Cup?
FABIO CAPELLO:
Technically we haven’t qualified yet, Crispy.
LINEKER:
But it’s starting to look like it.
CAPELLO:
And we though you were going to adopt the
Euro, so let’s not count the potatoes before
they are crisped.
LINEKER:
Yes, but why Austria?
CAPELLO:
We were looking for a place to get high.
LINEKER:
Wouldn’tAmsterdam be more appropriate?
CAPELLO:
Not high enough. Plus we have the pitches
standard and floozies [coughs] hospitality in
mind. My good friend Silvio has a chalet in
Fucshtein and he’s arranging the apres-ski.
LINEKER:
Sounds good.
CAPELLO:
And we have a crack team
already arranged.
LINEKER:
Quite. Pundits have suggested
that some players are too old.
CAPELLO:
Like who?
LINEKER:
MichaelOwen?
CAPELLO:
Experience should never be
underestimated. If I can get
them high and let them play
around, who knows what they
can do...
LINEKER:
Can I come?

5. Broadcaster: Last week we incorrectly
reported that Minister Yvette Cooper was
considering China’s hardline approach to
cutting unemployment in the UK. Well, at
least not on the mainland.
We also incorrectly reported that there
was a Bubbles link to Chester Zoo
chimps’ great escape. The chimps never
intended to attend Michael Jackson’s
funeral but had tickets for an Artic
Monkey’s gig in Greenland.
Last but not least, it seems that Michael
Jackson has not left the building. Jackson,
a shadow of his former self, made a live
TV appearance in his own home during
CNN's Inside Neverland. Local fans are
fine-tuning their radios in the hope of an
impromptu white noise performance.

6. Copyright: Simone Castello.You can embed this file on your website or blog but not change it.
Photos:Wikimedia,OMTimes, BenTerrett, Brian Gratwicke,SilentMode
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