Discover your Northstar

No one ever intends for it to happen . . .
Abraham—
When a person’s purpose is clear, he can withstand
almost anything. When it has been eroded by
discouragement and creeping doubt, he is easily tossed by
the every wind.
Workbook Page 1

Renewing Your Purpose
Some of us . . .
. . . walk into this seminar with a clear, strong sense
of purpose.
. . . have had our purpose clouded in
the past few years.
And some of us . . .
. . . have never had a clear
purpose in our lives.

The Life Cycle of a Dream:
Birth, Death, and Rebirth

Our Goals for This Seminar
— To sharpen or renew your sense of vision and
purpose, God’s call in your life,
— To identify your strengths so you can maximize
them,
— To identify hurdles so you can avoid or overcome
them, and
— To chart a clear course for the future.

Solomon Had It All . . .
In Ecclesiastes, Solomon lists all the things he used
to try to fill up his life:
— Education
— Pleasure and amusement
— Fine foods
— Achievements and fame
— Accumulated wealth
— Women
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Solomon Had It All . . .
His conclusion?
— All this is meaningless.
— Horizontal living results in hopelessness.
— When our dreams are horizontal instead of vertical,
we are at cross purposes with God.

Symptoms of Death by Inches
— We almost always take the safe
way and are unwilling to take
risks.
— We go to work to pay the bills
and live for vacations.
— We think of work when we’re
home and think of home when we’re at work.
— Nothing excites us.
— Most of life is just going through the motions with
no purpose.
— Our thoughts are consumed with trivial “have to’s.”
— We avoid decisions.

— We blame others for our
misfortunes.
— We daydream about retirement
(even though it’s many years
away).
— We gripe about the specifics of
our ill health far too much.
— We live in and through our children, and we have
no life of our own.
— We can’t sleep, or we sleep too much.
— We eat the same things at the same places with the
same people, and talk about the same things day
after day, week after week, month after month.
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— We are almost always grouchy.
— We withdraw in discouragement
or explode in rage . . . or both.
— We get involved in really dumb
behavior that hurts us and
others, and we won’t or can’t
change.
—We talk a lot about what “we used to do.”
— There’s nothing we really enjoy or that brings us
pleasure.
— Promotions, moves, deaths, betrayals, and health
all seem to be out of our control.

We Say Things Like:
— “I’m never able to do what I want to do.”
— “I feel smothered by her.”
— “I feel so tied down. I wish I could be free.”
— “How did I get so much responsibility and so little
help and time?”
— “Nothing is ever going to change.”
— “My life is out of control, and
there’s nothing I can do about
it.”
— “I feel hopeless. I don’t even
know how to take the first
step.”

— “I’m doing all I know to do, but it isn’t enough. I’m
falling farther behind every day.”
— “I wish I could go back and make different
decisions. There’s nothing I can do about them
now.”
— “I need to find out who I really am.”

Causes of a Dead-end Life
Here are some of the most common—and the most
devastating—causes of death by inches:
— a strained marriage which consumes our mental and
emotional energies
— career disappointments, a belligerent boss, and
unrealistic expectations at work
— children who are out of
control
— severe or chronic health
problems in the
immediate family
— severe financial problems

— dealing with a family member who has severe
emotional or psychological problems, such as
alcoholism
— the corrosive effects of bitterness
— unconfessed sin
— an immoral lifestyle
— the shame of past, unresolved failures

— constant opposition
— unrelieved oppression
— disappointment with God

We Try to Cope. We Try to Hide.
As the frustration and disappoint-ment
build over time, the stress
comes out in any of several ways:
— a volcano, simmering quietly
until pressure builds and it
explodes
— a zombie, emotionless and
apathetic, giving up on love and
meaning
— a wallflower, afraid of being hurt again, unwilling to
take risks
— a critic, finding fault in anything and everything
Workbook Page 5

— a Pollyanna, always pleasant,
always shallow
— a clown, covering the emptiness
and pain with a few laughs
— a fixer, unable to solve his own
problems, so he focuses
on others’ problems
— a marionette, dancing any time someone pulls its
string

Looking for a Star
Remember these principles:
— Your greatest disappointments are often God’s
greatest divine appointments.
— A troubled faith is better than no faith at all.
— Trouble handled well honors God.
— What others mean for evil, God means for good.
— Always focus on what you
still have left instead of what
you’ve lost.

— What may be a shock to you is never a surprise to
God.
— The deeper the valley you walk though, the higher the
mountain you’ll climb.
— God’s silence doesn’t mean he’s not there.
— Wherever God guides,
He provides.

Captain’s Log
We can’t chart a new course until we know where we
are. Change requires objectivity. Embracing reality
requires courage.
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Chart and Sextant
Workbook Page 6

EMBRACE RISK
AS A WAY OF LIFE
TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
BE HONEST ABOUT
YOUR EMOTIONS
NEVER STOP LEARNING
VALUE MEANINGFUL
RELATIONSHIPS
DEVELOP
SPIRITUAL STRENGTH
SEE LIFE AS
AN ADVENTURE

Introduction
David . . .
In the face of incredible obstacles,
David used his God-given abilities to
fulfill God’s call in his life.
“He chose David his servant
and took him from the sheep pens;
from tending the sheep he brought him
to be the shepherd of his people Jacob,
of Israel His inheritance.
And David shepherded them with integrity of heart;
with skillful hands he led them.”
(Psalm 78:70-72) Workbook Page 11

Keys of Leadership from the Life of
David: — Hear a clear call from God.
— Have a shepherd’s commitment.
— Have a heart of integrity.
— Have skillful hands in leading others.

The North Star Principles call us to:
— An intimate walk with God.
— A commitment to excellence.
— Endurance.

#1 Embrace Risk as a
Way of Life
Some of us . . .
. . . refuse to take risks.
Some of us . . .
. . . take far too much risk.
Workbook Page 12

Risk-averse people need to:
— realize that life involves risk.
Relationships, ventures,
decisions.....
— if we avoid risk, we avoid the
joys and excitement of life.
— risk doesn’t have to be foolhardy. Don’t look at the
opposite extreme and think that’s what you need to
become.
— be wise, but take real steps.

Risk-takers need to:
— think. And pray and talk and
listen and think some more.
— take controlled risks.
— communicate well with those
around him. Bring them up to speed. Take as long as
they need. Patiently answer questions.
— watch your timing. Don’t be impulsive. Watch
for God’s hand at work.
— learn from your mistakes.

#2 Take Responsibility
A Responsible Person:
— responds instead of reacts.
— keeps commitments and is trustworthy.
— is loyal.
— knows when to be bold and when to be cautious.
— accepts praise with humility and
criticism with grace.

Some of us are “blame sponges.”
Some of us are “blame throwers.”
People who have been deeply hurt often have a “victim
mentality.” They:
— demand justice
— demand compensation.
— demand guarantees that it won’t
happen again.

People who take responsibility:
— can say “I was wrong” when they make mistakes or
when they sin.
—can say “Thank you” when they are complimented.
— can live in the present and dream about the future
instead of being dragged down by
the past.

#3 Be Honest About Your Emotions
How we deal with our emotions says a lot about our
integrity.
David prayed, “Surely you desire truth in the inner
parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.”
(Psalm 51:6)
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When we are honest about our emotions:
— we have a window on what is going on in our lives:
our disappointments, our joys, our motivations,
— we allow God to shine His light on the deepest parts of
our hearts, and
—we are authentic people.

We often wear masks . . .
— We wear the mask of a hero, but we are afraid to fail.
— We wear the mask of a comedian to hide our hurt and
to divert attention from harsh realities.
— We wear the mask of someone completely in control,
because we are terrified of being out of control.
— We wear the mask of a nice,
accommodating person,
because we want to avoid
conflict at all costs.

— We wear the mask of a person who never fails,
because we only feel safe if everything goes perfectly.
— We wear the mask of a caring person, because we hope
that will win appreciation from those we help.
— We wear the mask of an incompetent slob, because
nobody expects much from somebody like that.

— We wear the mask of a rebel, because it makes people
admire us from a distance.
— We wear the mask of rage, because we want people to
be controlled by our anger.
— We wear the mask of a shy, withdrawn person,
because most people won’t hurt somebody who is so
fragile.

Captain’s Log
— An intimate walk with God.
— A commitment to excellence.
— Endurance.
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#4 Never Stop Learning
“Real power is in the hands of the
learning, not the learned.”
—Ira Blumenthal
There are two kinds of people:
dead and alive.
People who are alive:
— are always growing and learning.
— are committed to excellence.
— are interesting.
— have a sense of purpose.
Workbook Page 19

People who are alive:
— have a plan for continuing
education.
• schedule an hour or two a week to
read a book
• take a class at a local college
• learn a language
• take up a new hobby, ask someone to teach you a new skill
• become an expert on an interesting topic
• become a student of the history of your community or region
• take up a new sport
• subscribe to a tape club; listen to them and implement the
principles

#5 Value Meaningful Relationships
David and His Men—II Samuel 5:1-5
Even the most goal-oriented of us need rich, meaningful
relationships. The apostle Paul . . .
. . . was incredibly committed to
his Lord and his cause, yet he
developed such deep, caring
relationships that the Ephesian
elders wept when he told them he
would never see them again.
Nothing—riches, successes, position, etc.—can take the
place of love in our lives.

Love gives us:
— identity. The apostle John described himself as “the
disciple whom Jesus loved.”
— hope and meaning.
— stability during times of failure and disappointment.

Excuses for not loving:
— I’m too busy.
— People are too needy. I’m not able to help them.
— The demands of my job.
— I’ve tried. He/she won’t respond.
— I’m too hurt from the past to take the risk of being
hurt again.

#6 Develop Spiritual Strength
The mystery and mechanics of spiritual life. . .
God will do what only God can do when we are willing to
do what we can do.
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Spiritual strength comes from:
— an accurate view of the goodness
of God in light of the pain and
disappointments.
— an accurate view of the greatness
of God in light of unanswered
prayer.
— an accurate view of our need for God in light of our
sinfulness and our inability to change things.
— an accurate view of the sovereignty of God in light of
God’s purposes and timing being so different from
what we want and expect (Isaiah 55:8-9).
— consistently experiencing His love, wisdom, and
power.

#7 See Life as an Adventure!
David and Goliath . . .
Adventures always involve risk and potential gain.
Adventures always have significant obstacles and
setbacks to overcome.
Adventures always become great stories.
Adventures are the milestones
of our lives.

Captain’s Log
Are you operating in your strengths?
Are you feasting on the love and strength of Christ?
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Personality and Risk
We compare ourselves to others far
too much. We see someone who is
“successful,” and we try to do what
he does, say what he says, and go
where he goes. Sometimes it works;
often it doesn’t. We need to find our own North Star, not
someone else’s. God charts our course, and he has given
each of us a certain personality to equip us on that
journey.
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North Star Personality Profile
A Self-Scoring Profile
In each statement, which response BEST describes your
actual, typical response?

Evaluation
If any one of the columns contains 12 or more responses,
you have a clear personality type. If any two of them
together contain 15 or more but neither is over 10 by
itself, you have a strong blend of two personality types.
Go back to your answer sheet and examine your
responses carefully. Put a check next to 5 or 6 that stand
out to you as being most indicative of
your personality. Based on this
profile, write a description of your
personality:
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Are goals or people more motivating to you? Explain:
Is your communication predominantly direct (forthright)
or indirect (you’d rather let your actions do the talking)?
Explain:
How do you respond to challenges? (Do they inspire you
or threaten you?)
How do you relate to peers?

How do you relate to authority?
How do you relate to those who report to you?
You prefer a work environment that is:
You prefer relationships that are:

Four Personality Types
For millennia, four distinct personality types have been
recognized. The ancient Greeks assumed these came from
the different body fluids. Later, more sophisticated
psychological frameworks were used to identify the blends
of task-oriented or people-oriented motivations, and
direct or indirect communication styles. For the North
Star Personality Profile, we are using a nautical metaphor
of ships to identify these types of people.

When Your Role, Your
Dream, and Your Personality
Line Up . . .
And When They Collide . . .
Accurate Analysis Is Only Part of the Solution . . .
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Opposites Attract, Then. . .
— We see The Missouri’s protective power as just
bullying and strong-arm tactics.
— We see The Paradise Star’s enthusiasm and flexibility
as shallowness.
— We see The Intrepid’s sensitivity as weakness.
— We see The Calypso’s systematic approach as
emotionless rigidity.
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Make a list of the people you relate to most often or most
intensely (family, staff, committees, etc.). Identify each
person’s personality type.
What strengths do you appreciate?
What weaknesses do you see in that person?
What do you need to focus on to improve the relationship?

Background and Personalities
How has your background provided
a platform for your personality to
shine . . . or clouded the expression
of your personality?
If your personality has been significantly clouded, who is
the real you?
What do you need to do to resolve wounds of the past to
allow you to find hope and fulfillment in the present and
the future?
Workbook Page 37

Captain’s Log
Are you on target with your personality and career
track? We don’t need a perfect fit to be happy, but
we need a role that fits us well enough to allow us to
operate in our strengths a large part of the time.
Take a look at your work schedule every day. How
well does it match your personality profile?

Off the Atlantic Coast . . .
God’s presence and power are the Gulf
Stream of the human spirit. There, life is far
more abundant, more rich and real. A
fisherman can do exactly the same things
in the green water as he does in the blue,
but the results won’t be the same. You and I can do
the same things apart from God’s presence and
power, but it just won’t be the same. The spiritual
dimension makes a tremendous difference in every
single facet of our lives. We need to do whatever it
takes to find the Gulf Stream of God’s Spirit and
stay in that warm, abundant current so our lives
will be richer and more rewarding.
Workbook Page 41

Jesus and the Fishermen—Luke 5:1-11
To see Jesus do a miracle in our lives,
we need to:
— get a word from God.
— get alone with God.
— move into the presence of God.
— act in obedience to God beyond the point
of our understanding.
— take action even when we don’t feel like it.

In summary . . .
You can’t receive all God has for you until you are
willing to let go of what you have.
The only thing that limited the size of the catch was the
size of their net.
Workbook Page 42

The Role of Failure
We usually trust God as a last resort. We try everything
else first. But God loves us so much that He will do
anything to draw us into an intimate, trusting
relationship with him. For most of us, failure is the
factor that God has to use to get our attention.
Failure isn’t the problem—it’s how we interpret it.

Origins of Our Interpretations . . .
We all internalize messages we receive from our parents
and siblings. These messages might be very positive, such
as:
— I love you!
— You are terrific!
— You have great strengths!
— I believe in you!
— Failure is no big deal. Keep going. You’ll
get where you need to go.

But sometimes the messages might be
negative or conditional:
— I can’t believe you are so dumb!
— You can’t do anything right.
— You don’t deserve my time.
— You’d better shape up . . . our else!
— You’d better not mess up again!
— You let me down. I can’t depend on you.
— I love you if. . . .

Personality and Failure
Each personality type deals with failure in its own
unique way:
— The Missouri accepts failure as a part of the
matrix of risk-taking.
— The Paradise Star is concerned about how
other people will view his or her failure.
— The Intrepid tries to avoid failure by
careful planning.
— The Calypso avoids failure by diligence, preparation,
and attention to detail.
Workbook Page 43

Reactions and Responses
If we interpret failure as a colossal statement about our
identity, we will react (or overreact) to it in any of
several ways, including:
— Denial: “What failure? It didn’t happen.”
— Minimize: “Oh, that’s no big deal. Who cares?”
— Make excuses: “Hey, I couldn’t help it.
Give me a break.”
— Blame others: “It wouldn’t have
happened if Sarah hadn’t messed up. It’s
her fault.”
— Withdrawal: We avoid interaction with
those who know or who might bring up
our failures.

— Driven: Instead of wilting and withdrawing when we
fail, some of us feel compelled to prove ourselves.
— Pervasive anxiety: Those who live with the
internalized messages of not being loved and not
feeling competent almost always experience free
floating anxiety and anger.
— Learned helplessness: Some of us have
internalized the message, “You’re
incompetent! You can’t do anything!” And
we’ve quit trying.

— Hurt people hurt people: Those who are victims of
failed relationships become the victimizers of others.
— Spiritualize: Instead of embracing the reality of failure
and learning from it, we hide behind a superficial
spirituality and say, “It doesn’t matter. In Christ, it
doesn’t really hurt at all.”
Workbook Page 44

We can learn to respond to failures more
constructively. Here’s how we can “fail
forward:”
— Accept responsibility
Don’t deny, and don’t blame others for your
mistakes. Learn to say those three little
words: “I was wrong.”

— Look to God
God’s love never fails, and He is a forgiving God. We can
learn wonderful lessons if we put ourselves in His
gracious hands.

— Replace your tapes
When those old tapes start turning in your mind, stop the
machine!
— Learn your lessons
Failure is an unwelcome guest, but it can be our greatest
teacher.

— Try again
If we have a proper view of failure, we won’t be
devastated by it.

Captain’s Log
God is more concerned with our faith than
He is with our success. He takes us through
all kinds of circumstances—good and bad
—to enable us/let us/force us to look to Him
and trust in His kindness and power. The
issue is not “Will we fail?” The more
significant questions are: “How will we
interpret failure?” and “What will we do
now?”

The Process of Change
We need handles. We need to see clear,
workable steps so we can make good
decisions and make real progress. All the
good principles in the world won’t help
unless and until we know how to apply
them.
Workbook Page 49

Awareness
Stage 1 — Awareness
(a) things aren’t all that good
(b) things could be a lot better

Awareness
First Steps
Stage 2 — First Steps
“Man, this is it! I finally have direction
for my life!”

Awareness
First Steps
Regroup
Stage 3 — Regroup
This is the time for honest reflection about the
risks and rewards of going in a new direction
and finding new meaning in life.
Workbook Page 50

Awareness
First Steps
Regroup
Identify Obstacles
Stage 4 — Identify Obstacles
We can choose some changes, but some are
out of our control.

12 Hurdles
1. The Law of Inertia
An object at rest tends to stay at rest.
2. The Comfort Zone
Some of us look at the changes that need to be
made . . . then we look at the way things have
been . . . and we conclude that it is much more
comfortable to stay right where we are!

12 Hurdles
3. The Fear of Failing
The reluctance stems from the dread of
trying and failing.
4. Satisfaction
Some of us are simply happy with our lives and
have no compelling motivation to change.

12 Hurdles
5. Misperception of Benefits and Liabilities
If we aren’t convinced that the benefits of the
change outweigh the liabilities, we will fight
change as long as we can.

12 Hurdles
6. A Lack of Effort
Change requires action.
7. Refusing to Look at New Solutions
Too often, our creative thinking process is
much too narrow.

12 Hurdles
8. Negativity
Change necessarily means loss, so they resist
any and all disruption in the way things are.
9. A Lack of Vision
If we have a clear vision of where we want to
go, we can take charge of our lives and make
those decisions based on the consuming
passion of our lives, not the whims of others.

12 Hurdles
10. A Lack of Confidence.
Even those who seem the most confident
on the outside may have deep, hidden fears
that they might not be up to the task this
time.

12 Hurdles
11. Clinging to Tradition.
There’s nothing in the world wrong with
reinforcing fond memories—unless these
traditions get in the way of necessary
changes.
12. A Lack of Support.
We need the kindness and support of family
and friends in the dreaming stage, the
planning stage, and the action stage of change.

Awareness
First Steps
Regroup
Identify Obstacles
A Clear Plan
Stage 5 — A Clear Plan
Your plan is a wedding of your priorities,
talents, and resources, and a realistic time
frame.
Workbook Page 51

Principles of Planning
1. Identify and describe the goal you want to
reach.
2. Identify the benefits and liabilities of
reaching that goal.
3. Identify the strengths and resources already
available to you.
4. Identify other resources you will need, as
well as the obstacles you will need to overcome.

5. Identify the stages of progress and a realistic
schedule.
6. Identify the people you want to join you on
this journey.
7. Identify the next step you need to take.

Awareness
First Steps
Regroup
Identify Obstacles
Fulfillment
Work the Plan
A Clear Plan
Stage 6—Work the Plan
Enjoy the journey as well as the destination.
When we work our plan, we aren’t alone.
Sometimes we are disappointed with immediate results,
but we must be patient. The growth will come.

Captain’s Log
What has God been saying to you during our
time together? I hope He has clarified and
renewed your sense of purpose, and I hope
He has given you new confidence and new
insights about yourself and your situation.
Many of us face huge hurdles and obstacles. Don’t let one
of those obstacles be doubt. Be honest with God about
your situation. Let Him give you comfort and
encouragement. And follow your North Star......

Chart and Sextant
Workbook Page 52

Discover your Northstar

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