This document discusses how teenagers use new media and technology in their dating practices. It describes how teens meet, flirt, maintain relationships, and break up using cell phones, instant messaging, social media profiles, and other technologies. While these tools allow for privacy and independence, they also introduce new issues around monitoring, boundaries, and vulnerability in relationships. The document examines various stages of teen dating such as initiation, intimacy building, publicly acknowledging relationships, and ending relationships, and how technology both enhances and complicates these relationship processes.

1. Hanging Out, Messing Around,
and Geeking Out:
Chapter 3 Intimacy
Kelsey O’Brien
CMS 298

2. Teen’s, Dating, & New Media Use
Teenager’s use of new media towards dating practices is
unknown and somewhat scary to adults
Their practices incorporating new media include meeting,
flirting, going out, and breaking up
Along with the above attributes the issues of monitoring,
privacy, and vulnerability also become topics of discussion

3. http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2011/Teens-and-social-media/Part-1/Internet-adoption.aspx

4. Dating & Courtship
After the Industrial Revolution- Parents, families, and
communities heavily monitored young people’s courting
practices where young men would “call” on young
women
Slang term “date” was established based on these
“calling” practices due to the lack of domestic space that
young women needed to entertain the young men, thus
the couple would go out http://www.angelpig.net/victorian/courtship.html
1920’s- Youth moved from work places to public
schools, school dances were developed, and automobile
ownership laid groundwork for the culture of
contemporary teen dating
http://boudoirdenver.tumblr.com/post/13305990687/1920s-couples-

5. Dating & Courtship
1950’s- Teen dating norms became customary and more
formalized by the practice of “going steady”
“Going steady” was reflected by the trading of class rings,
letter sweaters, or wearing matching sweater jackets
http://nicoteen.tumblr.com/post/9435088678
1970’s & 1980’s- practices of “going steady” declined
and dating became one of many forms of social contact
amongst each other
Vocabulary change- “Courtship” and “dating” have been
replaced by “hanging out” and “going out with
someone”
“Contemporary relationships among teens tend to be
‘casual, intense, and brief.’” (p. 119)
http://mixtapemaestro.net/2010/10/the-peptides-dont-leave-me-this-way-harold-melvin-the-blue-notes-cover.html/1950s-love

6. Primary Technologies
Cell Phones- teens can maintain private lines of
communication, keep continual contact, and use as a
means to keep tabs on one another
Instant-Messaging- provides a means for frequent and
casual contact amongst each other
Social Networking Site Profiles- an outlet for
representation of intimacy allowing for teens to
demonstrate the intimacy of a particular relationship
through text and visuals
http://y-i-media.blogspot.com/2008/05/cell-phones-at-school.html
These outlets allow for teens to forge romantic
relationships by going beyond institutional and
geographical constraints

7. Meeting & Flirting
Teens recognize that certain technologies and practices are appropriate for some relationship
stages and that some are not
Written communication such as text messages, instant messages, and comments on social
network sites are better for the “getting to know you” initiation because it allows for control over
the intimacy exploration
Phone calls, texting, and in-person conversation typically occur if the relationship intensifies
Teens feel less vulnerable using IM’s, texts, and social networking sites than in face-to-face
communication. They are given time to think about what they are going to say.
Teens flirt while proceeding cautiously and trying to figure out the other person’s feelings

8. http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2011/Teens-and-social-media/Part-1/How-teens-use-social-network-sites.aspx

9. Hyperpersonal Effect
Online intimacy may be heightened in a way that is not
translated into the same intimacy in an offline relationship
http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/c/cyber_dating.asp
http://members.pioneer.net/~mchumor/chat_rooms1_bframe.html

10. Meeting & Flirting
Most teenagers expressed concern and hesitation about meeting people online
However, in the case of marginalized teens, the Internet allows them to meet others like
themselves
They can participate in digital contact to provide a way for them to be heard or a part of a
community
Gabbie- 17 year old Chinese teenager from California used social networking site Asiantown.net
to find a Chinese boyfriend because her community had limited other potentials
Robert- 17 year old white, gay student at a private school in Chicago expressed his frustration
about not finding other guys to date offline by writing a “note” on Facebook which led to him
being introduced to another boy, Matt, through a mutual friend who read Robert’s note

11. http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2011/Teens-and-social-media/Part-2/Section-2.aspx

12. Going Out
Teens use media technology to go beyond institutional
constraints which allow them to maintain relationship that their
parents may not approve of and to manage relationships that are
geographically challenging
They expect that not only will the relationship be publicly
acknowledge through digital media but also that there will be
constant contact and availability

13. Going Out
Teens use media outlets to define their relationship
status, post pictures, and show affection
“Hands off” message- the amount of time that a couple
has been together reflects the intensity and depth of their
relationship to let others know not to interfere with them
Teens have the sense that the status of the relationship is
best to be made interpersonally before announcing it
digitally
The expectation for availability leads to mobile phones
being used to keep a short leash on significant others http://www.marketingcharts.com/direct/3-in-10-teens-text-more-than-100-times-daily-21555/pew-teens-daily-communication-choices-ma

14. http://tommytoy.typepad.com/tommy-toy-pbt-consultin/2010/08/the-social-networking-and-media-habits-of-american-teens-and-some-interesting-myths.html

15. Breaking Up
The new digital media practices done by teens, requires them to clean up
the digital remnants of their relationship following a break up
Teens view using the media as a poor way to break up with another with
a male teenager, Grady, describes breaking up with someone via IM or
text as “lame”
“Teens acknowledge that breaking up in person is preferable to using
text messages, instant messages, or messaging functions on social
network sites, because face-to-face interaction is more respectful.” (p.
133)

16. Breaking Up
Breakups after often represented passively through status
changes or actively through public messages
Passively public breakups consists of the quiet removal of
pictures, a change in a relationship status, or reordering the list
of Friends
An actively public breakup consists of public animosity, angry
messages towards the specific ex, and by seeking public
validation from other friends

17. Breaking Up
“The same technology used to publicly affirm intimate
relationships can be used to publicly demonstrate their demise
and to communicate anger toward someone with whom a teen
may no longer have direct contact.” (p. 137)

18. Privacy
Teens view the ability to communicate with
others without adults around as important
They may be able to maintain relationships
with people their parents may not approve
of

19. Monitoring & Boundaries
Types of monitoring include: investigating crushes,
using a shared password, checking up on a
significant other
Sharing a password denotes intimacy and allows the
other to monitor private aspects and change the
public parts of a profile
Couples view it as a way to maintain a connection
when apart
Sharing a password is both an intimacy intensifier
and an invasion of privacy
Couple’s use it as a boundary guideline
When it is refused to be shared, girlfriends usually
get frustrated perhaps because they view knowing it
http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2011/Teens-and-social-media/Part-3.aspx?view=all
as having power

20. Monitoring & Boundaries
Some youth alter their digital footprints: messages, search and browser history, phone numbers,
text messages, or even changing names in their phones
Certain types of monitoring that occurs during teenager’s relationships can escalate to serious
emotional control or abuse
“The monitoring capabilities afforded by digital media seem like a way to manage such anxiety as
teens seek to put to rest their fears about vulnerability and betrayal. The ability to monitor others
through these new media venues allows teens to learn about others and makes them vulnerable to
surveillance and control by others.” (p. 141)

21. Vulnerability
Through digital media, teens become more susceptible to being
victimized by friends, acquaintances, and other adults
Boys feel less vulnerable by being able to text or message a girl
so they can save face and not stumble over their words
The amount and speed at which information can travel can make
teens more vulnerable
Example- taking an embarrassing picture of someone and
posting it on Facebook or mass text-messaging it around

22. Vulnerability
A small number of teens
reported having negative
interactions with predatory-
type adults online
Marginalized teens may be
at more risk to encounter
dangerous situations
http://pewinternet.org/Reports/2011/Teens-and-social-media/Part-2/Section-1.aspx

23. Conclusion
Teens create their complex emotional and social worlds publicly and privately. Both online and
offline.
New media allows for teen’s to practice intimacy publicly and privately; while doing so
simultaenously
Relationships and talking about them is encouraged and allowed by new media
The digital technologies that teens use cause their interactions with peers and the pressures they
face to be consistently available
“The snapshot of contemporary teens’ intimacy practices presented in this chapter indicates that
today’s teens are part of a significant shift in how intimate communication and relationships are
structured, expressed, and publicized. Networked publics of different sizes and scales
contextualize these intimate communications and practices, allowing youth to observe the
intimate interactions of others, and conversely, to display their own emotions, practices, and
relationships to select publics.” (p. 147)