This document summarizes key points from Chapter 3 of the book "Hanging Out, Messing Around, and Geeking Out" regarding intimacy practices among teens using new media: 1) The most popular methods teens use for intimacy are cell phones, instant messaging, and social networking sites, which allow easier communication than face-to-face interactions. 2) Teens are reshaping dating and romance norms by incorporating new media into their practices in ways unknown to adults. 3) Breakups can be difficult in the new media age as exes may still be connected on social networks, leading some teens to post about their new relationships or lives to communicate indirectly with exes.

1. AN ABBREVIATED
SUMMARY AND
VISUAL OF
CHAPTER 3:
INTIMACY
BY: NICOLA APON

2. “Using social media, contemporary teens con4nue to cra6 and reshape
da4ng and romance norms and rituals that are now deeply 4ed to the
development of new media literacy's.” (120)
The most popular methods of in4macy prac4ces are cell phones, instant
messaging and social networking sites. These 3 uses of technology are
the easiest ways for teenagers to communicate without feeling as
nervous as face to face communica4on would be.

3. “Young people are at
the forefront of developing, using, reworking, and incorporating new
media into their dating practices in ways that might be unknown,
unfamiliar, and sometimes scary to adults.” (117)
Right now is the 4me that teenagers are
shi6ing the norms and deeply inves4ng their
4me into private communica4on with others.
Because this communica4on isn’t as
controlled as parents or adults want it to be, it
scares them to know that their son or
daughter can be having a secret rela4onship
without them knowing.
Alice and Jesse are an
example of a “secret
rela4onship”, las4ng
longer than 1 year.

4. “Youth do emotional work to maintain a
relationship through digitized media.” (129)
This quote from the text stood out to me as the most
important and interesting quote of the whole book
because it signifies how much teenagers prioritize
new media and put it at the top of their list to
complete. From experience and research, digitized
media; whether its texting, instant messaging or a
website, can actually take a toll on a person and
make them feel as if its “work”. They won’t stop until
its “complete” or they feel they maintained a steady
“digitized day”.

5. GRADY AND LIZ…
“It is easier to talk to them
(girls) there” (122) than in
person, because one can
manage vulnerability through
what Christo Sims (2007) has
termed a “controlled
casualness.”
GRADY HAD A CRUSH ON LIZ BUT DIDN’T
TALK TO HER ALL THAT MUCH IN SCHOOL.
HE NOTICED THAT THEY HAD A MUTAL
FRIEND ON MYSPACE AND HE USED THAT TO
HIS ADVANTAGE. HE MADE A COMMENT IN
SCHOOL TO HER ABOUT HAVING A MUTAL
FRIEND AND USED THAT AS HIS GATEWAY
TO TALK TO HER ON THE COMPUTER. AFTER
MANY ONLINE MESSAGES THROUGH
MYSPACE, THE TWO STARTED DATING.
AS YOU CAN SEE FROM THE GRADY AND LIZ EXAMPLE, SOCIAL
NETWORKING STARTED A RELATIONSHIP FOR THEM. GRADY WAS
OBVIOUSLY TOO NERVOUS TO TALK FACE TO FACE TO LIZ, THAT
MYSPACE WAS HIS ANSWER. HE KNEW HE HAD TO ATLEAST MAKE A
FIRST INITIAL COMMENT TO HER IN SCHOOL, BUT AFTER THAT IT
WAS ALL THE COMPUTER.

6. Hype about “Facebook Official”

7. “OFFICIAL”!
“DATING”
“CHANGED
RELATIONSHIP
STATUS”
“Social network
sites play an
increasingly larger
role as couples
become solidified
and become what
some call
“Facebook
official.” (123)
From the use of cell
phone, instant
messaging and social
networking sites, I
believe Facebook has the
biggest popularity when
it comes to lecng the
world know your current
rela4onship status.

8. • Chapter 3 in Hanging Out, Messing Around and Geeking Out
explains to us the prac4ces of today’s in4macy levels within new
media. Teenagers are the target group for this that are being
evaluated through “norma4ve and non‐norma4ve paeerns.” (118)
• Depending on the intensity and status of the rela4onship,
teenagers tend to “share their passwords, add new friends, post
bulle4ns, or change headlines.” (123)
• But, this can all change with the maeer of a BREAK UP….

10. THE B R E A K U P
• Because new media has deeply invested youth’s, and reshaped their
norms, break ups can be messy business, especially starting with social
networking sites.
• If you just text or talk on the phone with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you
have the upper hand if you get dumped or break up with them. This way,
you don’t need to see their networking profile of any kind. But, this rarely is
the case. I don’t think I even know anyone that has talked or dated
someone that isn’t aware or “friends” with them on any type of networking
page. Whether its Instant Messaging, Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or
anything else people may use, you are left with seeing them on the web.
• Just because you break up with someone, or get dumped, it usually
doesn’t stop you, or them, from using social networking sites and seeing
their face or comments.

11. Although you are broken up, “Teens are aware that their
exes see them in these networked publics and use the
opportunity to communicate with them, though not
directly.” (137)
This means that because you are s;ll “friends”,
“followers”, or know that somehow your ex can s;ll see
your networking page, you make a point for them to
see and know something important or just something
about you in general. Whether its you have a new
boyfriend or girlfriend, you are going to a party Friday
night, you bought a new car, or anything that you know
will get their aLen;on you will post; because that’s
what people (especially teenagers) do today!
It also all depends on the situa;on, whether or not you
got dumped, are seeking “revenge” for some reason,
or anything from them, you will use this opportunity
because new media allows us to do this.

12. Boundaries Monitoring
AND
“Sharing a password both
denotes in4macy and
allows a significant other to
monitor the private por4ons and
manipulate
the public parts of a social
network profile.” (139)
By sharing your password, or even giving
up your cell phone, is quick access for your
significant other to see what is going on in
your life. It all depends on where you are in
your rela4onship in order to do this. Your
in4macy level must be high and you should
be aware that you are lecng boundaries
be broken; but that could be a good thing.

13. An example of Monitoring and
Boundaries…
“For some couples, such as Clarissa and her girlfriend,
Genevre, white seventeen-year-olds in northern California,
sharing a password feels like a way to maintain a
connection even when they are apart.” (139)
This is an example of something good coming out of sharing a
password, this couple just wants to keep in touch or stay
connected when they are away from one another. If you are
trustworthy, and have trust, there should be no problem
with doing something like this.

14. VULNERABILITY!
“New media simultaneously increase teens’ vulnerability and their control over
their emo4onal exposure. This heightened vulnerability may allow teens to cra6
new and strong emo4onal connec4ons with one another.” (142)
“The same technologies that allow youth to
manage emo4onal exposure
might also render them more vulnerable, in
part because of the amount
and type of informa4on shared and the speed
at which it can travel. Teens
are not necessarily in control of digital
representa4ons of in4mate prac4ces
or in control of the audience who sees those
representa4ons.” (144)

15. In;macy and New Media
When mee4ng for the first 4me, or chacng for the first
few 4mes, teens find it difficult and get nervous,
embarrassed and loss of words. It is so much easier to
communicate online or through things like tex4ng. There
is more freedom, less embarrassment and you can take
long as you want to decide on what to say. You can even
meet at par4es or go out in groups. This way, there is less
pressure and more people around to start conversa4on.
New media has come in handy in so many different ways.
It has its ups and downs, but hopefully everyone can use
it to their advantage and find a place of comfort within it.