Buddhism vis-à-vis sexuality. A guest lecture I gave in a Spirituality and Sexuality class at the University of West Georgia.

1. Buddhism and Sexuality
Robert Beshara, M.F.A.

2. Outline
• A very brief overview of Buddhism
• Buddhism vis-à-vis sexuality, particularly from
the perspective of the Order of Interbeing,
which falls under the umbrellas of Engaged
Buddhism, and Western Buddhism (even
though it is rooted in a Vietnamese Zen
tradition).

3. Dharmacakra
An intricate representation of the Dharmacakra in Sun temple, Orissa, India

4. What is the Dharmacakra?
• One of the oldest known Buddhist symbols found
in Indian art (c. 3rd
century BCE)
• It represents the wheel of Dharma. Dharma
means the teaching of the Buddha as an
exposition of the Natural Law applied to the
problem of human suffering
• The eight spokes represent the Noble Eightfold
Path (Right View, Right Thinking, Right Speech,
Right Action, Right Livelihood, Right Diligence,
Right Mindfulness, and Right Concentration)

5. What is Buddhism?
• Buddhism is a religion to more than 400
million people around the world. The word
comes from 'budhi', 'to awaken'. It has its
origins about 2,500 years ago when
Siddhartha Gotama, known as the Buddha,
was himself awakened (enlightened) at the
age of 35.

6. Is Buddhism a religion?
• To many, Buddhism goes beyond religion and
is more of a philosophy or 'way of life'. It is a
philosophy because philosophy 'means love of
wisdom' and the Buddhist path can be
summed up as:
(1) to lead a moral life,
(2) to be mindful and aware of thoughts and actions, and
(3) to develop wisdom and understanding.

7. Why is Buddhism becoming popular?
• Buddhism is becoming popular in western
countries for a number of reasons, The first
good reason is Buddhism has answers to many
of the problems in modern materialistic
societies. It also includes (for those who are
interested) a deep understanding of the
human mind (and natural therapies) which
prominent psychologists around the world are
now discovering to be both very advanced
and effective.

8. Early Buddhist art
Representation of the
Buddha in the Greco-
Buddhist art of
Gandhara, 1st
century AD.

9. Who was the Buddha?
• Siddhartha Gotama was born into a
royal family in Lumbini, now located
in Nepal, in 563 BC. At 29, he realised
that wealth and luxury did not
guarantee happiness, so he explored
the different teachings religions and
philosophies of the day, to find the
key to human happiness. After six
years of study and meditation he
finally found 'the middle path' and
was enlightened. After
enlightenment, the Buddha spent the
rest of his life teaching the principles
of Buddhism — called the Dharma —
until his death at the age of 80.

10. Was the Buddha a God?
• He was not, nor did he claim to be. He was a man who
taught a path to enlightenment from his own
experience.
• Do Buddhists worships idols? Buddhists are not idol
worshippers, but they are ideal worshippers.
Buddhists sometimes pay respect to images of the
Buddha, not in worship, nor to ask for favours. A
statue of the Buddha with hands rested gently in its lap
and a compassionate smile reminds us to strive to
develop peace and love within ourselves. Bowing to
the statue is an expression of gratitude for the
teaching.
• Buddha nature = potential

11. Are there different types of
Buddhism?
• There are
three
schools:
Theravada
(South Asia
& Southeast
Asia),
Mahayana
(East Asia),
and
Vajrayana
(Tibet,
Bhutan,
Mongolia,
and the
Russian
republic of
Kalmykia).

12. Is Buddhism scientific?
• Science is knowledge which can be made into
a system, which depends upon seeing and
testing facts and stating general natural laws.
The core of Buddhism fit into this definition,
because the Four Noble truths can be tested
and proven by anyone in fact the Buddha
himself asked his followers to test the
teaching rather than accept his word as true.
Buddhism depends more on understanding
than faith.

13. The basic teachings of the Buddha
• The Four Noble Truths:
I. Life is challenging. For everyone. Our physical bodies,
our relationships-all of our life circumstances-are
fragile and subject to change. We are always
accommodating.
II. The cause of suffering is the mind’s struggle in
response to challenge.
III. The end of suffering-a non-struggling, peaceful mind-
is a possibility.
IV. The program for ending suffering is the Eightfold
Path.

14. The Noble Eightfold Path
1. Wise Understanding: realizing the cause of suffering;
2. Wise Intention: motivation to end suffering;
3. Wise Speech: speaking in a way that cultivates clarity;
4. Wise Action: behaving in ways that maintain clarity;
5. Wise Livelihood: supporting oneself in a wholesome
way;
6. Wise Effort: cultivating skillful (peaceful) mind habits;
7. Wise Concentration: cultivating a steady, focused,
ease-filled mind;
8. Wise Mindfulness: cultivating alert, balanced
attention.

15. Buddhist ethics
• The 5 precepts:
1. Not killing or causing harm to other living
beings
2. Not taking the not-given
3. Avoiding sexual misconduct
4. Avoiding false speech
5. Abstaining from anything toxic that can cloud the
mind

16. Thich Nhat Hanh, the founder of the Order of Interbeing

17. The Order of Interbeing
• The Order of Interbeing, Tiep Hien in Vietnamese, is a
community of monastics and lay people who have
committed to living their lives in accord with the
Fourteen Mindfulness Trainings, a distillation of the
Bodhisattva (Enlightened Being) teachings of
Mahayana Buddhism. Established by Venerable Thich
Nhat Hanh in Saigon in 1966, the Order of Interbeing
was founded in the Linji tradition of Buddhist
meditative practice and emphasizes the Four Spirits:
non-attachment from views, direct experimentation
on the nature of interdependent origination through
meditation, appropriateness, and skilful means.

18. The MLK-TNH connection

19. An excerpt from MLK’s letter to the
Nobel Institute
“January 25, 1967
The Nobel Institute
Drammesnsveien 19
Oslo, NORWAY
Gentlemen:
As the Nobel Peace Prize Laureate of 1964, I now have the pleasure of proposing to
you the name of Thich Nhat Hanh for that award in 1967.
I do not personally know of anyone more worthy of the Nobel Peace Prize than this
gentle Buddhist monk from Vietnam.
This would be a notably auspicious year for you to bestow your Prize on the Venerable Nhat
Hanh. Here is an apostle of peace and non-violence, cruelly separated from his own people
while they are oppressed by a vicious war which has grown to threaten the sanity and security
of
the entire world.”
Source: http://www.mindfulnessdc.org/mlkletter.html

20. The Five Mindfulness Trainings
• The 5 MTs are a list of ethical guidelines but they are
not commandments
• The 5 MTs are a result of an adaptation by Thich Nhat
Hanh of the Five Precepts (common to all Buddhists
traditions) to meet the needs of Western sensibilities
• The 5 MTs:
1. Reverence for life
2. True happiness
3. True love
4. Loving speech and deep listening
5. Nourishment and healing

21. True love
• “Aware of the suffering caused by sexual misconduct, I am
committed to cultivating responsibility and learning ways to protect
the safety and integrity of individuals, couples, families, and
society. Knowing that sexual desire is not love, and that sexual
activity motivated by craving always harms myself as well as others,
I am determined not to engage in sexual relations without true love
and a deep, long-term commitment made known to my family and
friends. I will do everything in my power to protect children from
sexual abuse and to prevent couples and families from being
broken by sexual misconduct. Seeing that body and mind are one, I
am committed to learning appropriate ways to take care of my
sexual energy and cultivating loving kindness, compassion, joy and
inclusiveness – which are the four basic elements of true love – for
my greater happiness and the greater happiness of others.
Practicing true love, we know that we will continue beautifully into
the future.”

22. True love vis-à-vis consummate love
Robert Sternberg’s triangular theory of love

23. On true love:
A Buddhist perspective
• Body & mind are one
• A sexual relationship is an act of communion between body and
mind. This is a very important encounter, not to be done in a casual
manner. Only with someone you trust and love.
• Deep communication means respect, tenderness, and utmost care.
Casual sex cannot be described as love. Love is deep, beautiful, and
whole. And long-term commitment is a big part of it
• “In sexual relationships, respect is one of the most important
elements. Sexual communion should be like a rite, a ritual
performed in mindfulness with great respect, care, and love. If you
are motivated by some desire, that is not love. Desire is not love.
Love is something much more responsible. It has care in it.”

24. True love (cont’d)
• “True love includes the sense of responsibility, accepting
the other person as he is, with all his strengths and
weaknesses. If we like only the best things in the person,
that is not love. We have to accept his weaknesses and
bring our patience, understanding, and energy to help him
transform. Love is maitri, the capacity to bring joy and
happiness, and karuna, the capacity to transform pain and
suffering. This kind of love can only be good for people. It
cannot be described as negative or destructive. It is safe. It
guarantees everything.”
• “A long-term commitment is stronger and more long-
lasting if made in the context of a Sangha [community].”

25. True love (cont’d)
• “Love can be a kind of sickness. In the West and
in Asia, we have the word "lovesick." What
makes us sick is attachment. Although it is a
sweet internal formation, this kind of love with
attachment is like a drug. It makes us feel
wonderful, but once we are addicted, we cannot
have peace. We cannot study, do our daily work,
or sleep. We only think of the object of our love.
We are sick with love. This kind of love is linked
to our willingness to possess and monopolize. We
want the object of our love to be entirely ours
and only for us. It is totalitarian.”

26. The 3 sources of energy:
An Asian model
1. Tinh, sexual energy
2. Khi, breath energy
3. Than, spirit energy

27. Sexual energy
• “When you have more sexual energy than you
need, there will be an imbalance in your body
and in your being. You need to know how to
reestablish the balance, or you may act
irresponsibly. According to Taoism and
Buddhism, there are practices to help reestablish
that balance, such as meditation or martial arts.
You can learn the ways to channel your sexual
energy into deep realizations in the domains of
art and meditation.”

28. than and tinh
• “According to Asian medicine, the power of than is linked to the
power of tinh. When we expend our sexual energy, it takes time to
restore it. In Chinese medicine, when you want to have a strong
spirit and concentration, you are advised to refrain from having
sexual relationships or overeating. You will be given herbs, roots,
and medicine to enrich your source of than, and during the time
you are taking this medicine, you are asked to refrain from sexual
relationships. If your source of spirit is weak and you continue to
have sexual relations, it is said that you cannot recover your spirit
energy. Those who practice meditation should try to preserve their
sexual energy, because they need it during meditation. If you are an
artist, you may wish to practice channeling your sexual energy
together with your spirit energy into your art.”

29. The fourfold sangha
1. Monks
2. Nuns
3. Male lay practitioners
4. Female lay practitioners

30. On sexual abstinence
• “Monks and nuns do not engage in sexual
relationships because they want to devote their
energy to having a breakthrough in meditation.
They learn to channel their sexual energy to
strengthen their spirit energy for the
breakthrough. They also practice deep breathing
to increase the spirit energy. Since they live
alone, without a family, they can devote most of
their time to meditation and teaching, helping
the people who provide them with food, shelter,
and so on.”

31. On responsibility and communication
• “‘Responsibility’ is the key word in the Third Precept.
In a community of practice, if there is no sexual
misconduct, if the community practices this precept
well, there will be stability and peace. This precept
should be practiced by everyone.”
• “The feeling of loneliness is universal in our society.
There is no communication between ourselves and
other people, even in the family, and our feeling of
loneliness pushes us into having sexual relationship
will make us feel less lonely, but it isn't true. When
there is not enough communication with another
person on the level of the heart and spirit, a sexual
relationship will only widen the gap and destroy us
both.”

32. tinh vs. nghia
• “There are two Vietnamese words, tinh and nghia, that are difficult to
translate into English. They both mean something like love. In tinh, you find
elements of passion. It can be very deep, absorbing the whole of your
being. Nghia is a kind of continuation of tinh. With Nghia you feel much
calmer, more understanding, more willing to sacrifice to make the other
person happy, and more faithful. You are not as passionate as in tinh, but
your love is deeper and more solid. Nghia will keep you and the other
person together for a long time. It is the result of living together and
sharing difficulties and joy over time.”
• “All love may begin by being passionate, especially for younger people. But
in the process of living together, they have to learn and practice love, so
that selfishness -- the tendency to possess – will diminish, and the elements
of understanding and gratitude will settle in, little by little, until their love
becomes nourishing, protecting, and reassuring. With nghia, you are very
sure that the other person will take care of you and will love you until your
teeth fall out and your hair becomes white. Nothing will assure you that the
person will be with you for a long time except nghia. Nghia is built by both
of you in your daily life.”

33. I-It vs. I-You
• “In practicing the Third Precept, we should always look into
the nature of our love in order to see and not be fooled by
our feelings. Sometimes we feel that we have love for the
other person, but maybe that love is only an attempt to
satisfy our own egoistic needs.”
• “Sex is used in our society as a means for selling products.
We also have the sex industry. If we don’t look at the other
person as a human being, with the capacity of becoming a
Buddha, we risk transgressing this precept. Therefore the
practice of looking deeply into the nature of our love has a
lot to do with the practice of the Third Precept. ‘I will do
everything in my power to protect children from sexual
abuse and to prevent couples and families from being
broken by sexual misconduct.’”

34. Discussion
• Buddhism on sexual orientation
• Buddhism on marriage
• Buddhism on premarital sex
• Buddhism on masturbation

35. Sources
• Sexual Responsibility:
http://dharma.ncf.ca/introduction/precepts/prec
ept-3.html
• A five minute introduction to Buddhism:
http://www.buddhanet.net/e-
learning/5minbud.htm
• The five mindfulness trainings:
http://plumvillage.org/mindfulness-practice/the-
five-mindfulness-trainings/
• The Order of Interbeing:
http://www.orderofinterbeing.org/