This document discusses using the Fogg Method of Behavior Change to help a married couple, Addie and Robert, improve their relationship. It describes two failed attempts and one successful attempt to set a goal and identify specific behaviors to work on. The couple ultimately set a goal of "Make each other happy" and chose to say "I love you" before bed and have a weekly physical date night. They will need to create reminders to sustain these behaviors long-term.

1. Noelle Moseley 2015
noelle@d.stanford.edu
I do...but I don’t
Using the Fogg Method of Behavior Change
to Improve a Marriage

2. Noelle Moseley 2015
noelle@d.stanford.edu
Addie & Robert
married for 35 years
still best friends, still in love
Want to change to improve their relationship…
...but dread the process of change
frequently have arguments
and get on each other’s
nerves

3. Noelle Moseley 2015
noelle@d.stanford.edu
Despite their high motivation, obstacles
prevent Addie & Robert from changing
Prefer to DIY…
but haven’t figured out how to “do-it-themselves” in 35yrs
pride fear of
stigma
➢ spurn couples’
counseling and “self-
help” methods
➢ don’t like advice or
direction from others
➢ value their privacy

4. Noelle Moseley 2015
noelle@d.stanford.edu
Applying the Fogg Method
The approach is especially appealing in this situation:
➢ it’s systematic, which helps to temper the highly emotional nature of the
subject matter
➢ it has a strong reputation of success in professional and commercial
applications which makes it less “self-helpy”
➢ once learned, can be DIY
www.foggmethod.comFogg Method of Behavior Change

5. Noelle Moseley 2015
noelle@d.stanford.edu
Learning the steps
Addie & Robert went through these Fogg Method steps, led
by a facilitator (Noelle Moseley) over the phone.
Set the
big goal
Brainstorm
possible
behaviors to
help achieve
the goal
“Crispify” the
behaviors to
make them
clear and
specific
Place the behaviors
on a “Priority Map”
and reach a
consensus on
which to start with
Create a “trigger” to
cue themselves to
actually do the
selected behaviors

6. Noelle Moseley 2015
noelle@d.stanford.edu
Attempt #1: Failed at setting the goal
In the first attempt, Addie & Robert chose as their goal:
“Be more respectful of one another.”
This goal was a disaster!
➢ full of emotional landmines, led the couple to think mostly of negative
behaviors that they each wanted the other to stop doing, not do
➢ many of the behaviors occurred in the mind, very hard to crispify
(ie “Don’t make assumptions”)
(Q: Can the Fogg method work on mindset changes or just outwardly displayed
behavior?)

7. Noelle Moseley 2015
noelle@d.stanford.edu
Attempt #2: Setting the goal
The original goal was revised to “Demonstrate our respect
for one another” which was slightly better because it
focused the behaviors on positive, observable actions. But,
the final revision was even better:
“Make each other happy.”
➢ Addie came up with behaviors she could do to make Robert happy
and vice versa
➢ also focused on positive, observable actions but this time only happy
emotions were associated with the topic

8. Noelle Moseley 2015
noelle@d.stanford.edu
Attempt #2: “Priority Mapping”
I can get
myself to
do this
I canNOT
get myself
to do this
will make the other
person happy
will NOT make the
other person happy
The chosen
behaviors are
highly effective and
easier to do
Each person rated all the
tasks for how much it
would make that person
happy. Do-er rated on the
scale of “I can get myself
to do this”

9. Noelle Moseley 2015
noelle@d.stanford.edu
Follow-through
The winning two behaviors:
Addie & Robert will say “I love you” before going to bed each night
Addie & Robert will have one physical activity date night per week
They were reluctant to create tangible triggers for these
behaviors, insisting that they would just remember. But they
ultimately gave in.
So far, the behaviors happened the first few days but need
to be observed to see how it results in the longer term.