This document discusses using "baby steps" to encourage positive changes and progress. It suggests talking to children about goals for changes like sleeping in their own bed or doing homework independently. Baby steps means starting small, like setting an earlier alarm, and including incentives to increase motivation. Parents should have reasonable expectations and praise progress, not just focus on slip-ups, as change takes time in small, gradual steps.

1. Some of you may have seen the old Bill Murray
movie, "What About Bob." Murray plays a man who is
very dependent on his psychiatrist, played by Richard
Dreyfus. Dreyfus encourages his patient to make progress
in his life by "baby steps." He has even written a book by
that name. It's a good spoof on the mental health
profession. Dreyfus is making a bundle with simplistic
advice, and Bob is ultimately the undoing of his pompous
doctor.

2. All the same, there is a lot to be said for the baby steps
idea. At this time of year many of us are ready to turn over
all the leaves that we did not get to last year. Parents are
no different. People are telling their children, "Now you
are big enough to sleep in your own bed all night."
Or, "Now you can do your homework in your room all on
your own." Or "I think you can get up on your own in the
morning." "This year you can be ready for school on time."
"This year when you are rude to me, I will ignore you, and
you will treat me more nicely." These are all good
goals, and every parent has a right them.

3. But it takes baby steps. Another way of putting this is that
all change happens slowly, bit by bit. If you are dealing
with grade school or older children, you will need to
include them in the conversation. They need to agree that
the change you suggest is worthwhile. Then you can
discuss how to start. For instance, when should the alarm
be set? How much time does your child need to get ready
in the morning? Or you will need to explain just what you
mean by rude and say what you would like instead. (This
may sound as absurd as the baby steps book, but believe
me, it is helpful to be very clear.)

4. When you have explained the goal and your child has
agreed, you might also consider incentives to increase
your child's motivation. Incentive does not need to mean
expensive stuff. It could mean a special dessert or fifteen
extra minutes of screen time.

5. The last goal is to moderate your expectations. Remember
baby steps. Your child might get up on time some days and
not on others. She might do her homework on her own for
a day or two but have a meltdown about a new type of
math problem. Try to notice the progress, and not be too
discouraged by the slip-ups. Always praise progress. And
consider whether you can learn from the slip-ups. Maybe
the program needs adjustment.

6. Change takes time. A few good days don't mean you are
out of the woods, but a few good days are definitely a few
good days. Progress happens in baby steps.

7. Good luck to all of you on the changes you are trying to
make in your families in this New Year.

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