This presentation is the supporting material from a workshop I facilitated at the EuroIA 2023 Conference

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Authentic
Conversations
Your team’s superpower when you don’t have magic lassos
EuroIA 2023
Jennifer Fraser
Image Source:
https://discoveringwonderwoman.com/making-a-magic-lasso/

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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What is an organization anyway?

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Image Source:
https://www.organimi.com/the-evolution-of-org-charts/

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Image Source:
https://www.organimi.com/the-evolution-of-org-charts/

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“Little Boxes” - Malvina Reynolds
Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes made of ticky tacky
Little boxes on the hillside
Little boxes all the same
There's a pink one and a green one
And a blue one and a yellow one
And they're all made out of ticky tacky
And they all look just the same…
Image Credit: IDuke
Videos:
Malvina Reynolds
Pete Seeger
Walk off the Earth

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Image Source:
https://www.bl.uk/collection-items/hobbess-leviathan

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Where does that leave us?

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Image Source:
https://www.organimi.com/the-evolution-of-org-charts/

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Organization
Team
Individual
SCALES OF ENGAGEMENT

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Organization
Team
Individual
SCALES OF ENGAGEMENT

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How to look at the Superpower card through those different scales of engagement:
Individual
The individual has agency to:
Fill out, or not fill out, a card
Select their card style and avatar from templates, or can make their own.
Add whatever they want in the “About Me” section
Add what they feel are their Superpowers.
Team
People are encouraged to add Superpowers that their colleagues might not know that they have.
Cards are encouraged to be updated at a Quarterly cadence in Community of Practice Meetings.
Cards are also being used at Internal Project kick-offs and Project close-out.
Organization
Choosing to fill out your card becomes a step in the new employee onboarding process.
Everyone across the organization has a Superpower card.
What surprised me.
How quickly the cards became used
beyond their original intent.
People’s enthusiasm to add additional
superpowers to colleagues’ cards
SUPERPOWER CARDS

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Goal:
Fill out your own Superpower card by:
- Selecting from the stickers, or by drawing, your own avatar
- Describe something about why you chose that to be your avatar
- Write down three Superpowers you think that you possess
- Is there something you can share about something you are working on?
or something that you have worked on that you are proud of?
- Is there anything else you’d like to share about yourself?
Things to consider:
What changes might you make if you were to implement a card similar
to this within your own team or organization?
How could this activity fit within the context of other existing rituals
that happen at the individual, team or organization scales?
5 mins
Activity #1: fill out your Superpowers card
ACTIVITY

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Goal:
Those at the table that are comfortable doing so, please share what you
have written on your Superpowers card with others at your table.
As a part of that sharing please try and include:
What changes might you make if you were to implement a card similar
to this within your own team or organization?
What existing rituals happen at the individual, team or organization
scales that an activity like this could become a part of?
10 mins
Activity #2: share your Superpowers card
ACTIVITY

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Organization
Team
Individual
SCALES OF ENGAGEMENT

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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1. The Decision-maker Framework

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK
What is this Framework and how does it work?
When using the Decision-maker framework, decisions are made by a single
individual: the decision maker.
The decision maker consults with stakeholders before making the
decision and the person with the ultimate accountability for the decision
(who is not the decision-maker) does have the ability to veto the
decision*.
This approach combines the consultation of consensus with a single point
of accountability.
Who is the decision maker?
This is the most critical question of
this approach.
The choice here is what separates a
culture that supports agency from an
authoritative one.
It is a balance between breadth of
perspective and proximity to the
issue.
* more about this later

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK
The culture
Decisions often have multiple
options, each of which is
well-supported by facts and data.
The decision maker therefore has
to make a decision, choosing one
of many viable options.
We should neither expect nor
desire the alignment of choice
between the decision maker and
others in the organization.
The craft
While the science is somewhat easy
to understand, practicing it
constructively is a craft and,
therefore, requires practice. People
need to practice the craft of the
framework intentional about using
its language.
The science
The framework requires clarity:
What decision needs to be made?
Who is the decision maker?
How will input be gathered?
When will the decision be made?
How will it be communicated?
Who has the accountability of
veto*?
*The mindful use of veto is an important part of the framework.
- Exercising the veto should be infrequent and reserved for avoiding a harmful decision,
not for choosing the preferred one.
- In order to exercise the veto, there needs to be a preponderance of evidence
contrary to the proposed decision.
- The veto should be exercised in private and can be used as a coaching opportunity to
broaden the perspective of the decision maker.

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK
Who is the
Decision-maker
on this?

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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HERO/VICTIM/VILLAIN
Hero
Victim
Villain
The “Drama”
Triangle

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request
Judgement Thoughts Wants Demands

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request
Judgement Thoughts Wants Demands

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice Observation Feelings Needs Request
=COFNR

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice Observation Feelings Needs Request

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
What does it mean to “Observe”?

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
What does it mean to “Observe”?
To see a situation, or person, without evaluation.
This means that we see people, and their behaviour, without
judgement, criticism, or any other kind of analysis

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
Pam was first in line every day this week.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
Pam was first in line every day this week.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
Pam was first in line every day this week.
He is late for all of our meetings.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - OBSERVATION
Some examples1
:
Sam didn’t ask for my opinion during the meeting.
Janice works too much.
For the last three weeks, Janice has worked more than sixty hours per week.
Pam was first in line every day this week.
He is late for all of our meetings.
Our weekly meeting starts at 9:00am and for the last three meetings he has
joined the meeting after 9:05am.
1. The first three examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 3: Exercise 1.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice Observation Feelings Needs Request

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice Observation Feelings Needs Request

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS AND NEEDS
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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS AND NEEDS
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Communication for co-creation.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS AND NEEDS CARD

58. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS
Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.

59. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

60. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

61. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

62. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
I feel misunderstood.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

63. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
I feel misunderstood.
I feel frustrated.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

64. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
I feel misunderstood.
I feel frustrated.
I am happy that you are coming.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

65. Some examples1
:
I feel that you don’t like me.
I feel sad.
I am sad that you are leaving.
I feel misunderstood.
I feel frustrated.
I am happy that you are coming.
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1. All examples are from Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication (PuddleDancer Press,
2015), Chapter 4: Exercise 2.
AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - FEELINGS AND NEEDS
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67. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
You frustrate me when you leave your documents on the counter.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

68. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
You frustrate me when you leave your documents on the counter.
I feel frustrated when you leave your documents on the counter because I
have a need for order.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

69. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
You frustrate me when you leave your documents on the counter.
I feel frustrated when you leave your documents on the counter because I
have a need for order.
Things people say sometimes hurt me.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

70. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
You frustrate me when you leave your documents on the counter.
I feel frustrated when you leave your documents on the counter because I
have a need for order.
Things people say sometimes hurt me.
Sometimes when people say things I feel hurt because I want my
contribution to be considered of value.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

71. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
You frustrate me when you leave your documents on the counter.
I feel frustrated when you leave your documents on the counter because I
have a need for order.
Things people say sometimes hurt me.
Sometimes when people say things I feel hurt because I want my
contribution to be considered of value.
I feel frustrated when you say that because I have a need for community and
cocreation.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

72. AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS - NEEDS
Some examples1
:
You frustrate me when you leave your documents on the counter.
I feel frustrated when you leave your documents on the counter because I
have a need for order.
Things people say sometimes hurt me.
Sometimes when people say things I feel hurt because I want my
contribution to be considered of value.
I feel frustrated when you say that because I have a need for community and
cocreation.
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1. Examples 1 and 2 are loosely based on Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non Violent Communication
(PuddleDancer Press, 2015), Chapter 5: Exercise 3.

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request
Judgement Thoughts Wants Demands

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Goal:
Practice talking about your feeling and needs by:
- Take a few minutes and think about a situation that has happened to you recently, at work,
or outside of work
- Using the Feeling and Needs cards think about what feeling you had in that situation and
what was the underlying need that was being met, or not being met in that situation
- Once enough people in the group have examples that they are willing to share with others,
start talking through them
Things to consider:
Are you truly expressing a feeling, or are using words such as like or as if? Eg: “I feel like a
failure.”, or “I feel as if they don’t understand me.”
Are you connecting your feeling with your need?: “I feel…. because I need….”
What changes might you make if you were to share a card similar to this within your own
team or organization?
Until 16h30
Activity #3: articulating feelings and needs
ACTIVITY

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Plan for today’s session
What is an organization, anyway?
Ice Breaker: Superpower Cards
3 Tools:
Decision-maker Framework
Hero/Victim/Villain
Authentic Conversation
COFNR
Feelings/Needs Card
Practice
Wrap-up

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SCALES OF ENGAGEMENT
Organization
Team
Individual

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DECISION-MAKER FRAMEWORK
Who is the
Decision-maker
on this?

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HERO/VICTIM/VILLAIN
Hero
Victim
Villain
The “Drama”
Triangle

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AUTHENTIC CONVERSATIONS
Choice
Observation Feelings Needs Request
Judgement Thoughts Wants Demands

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The Evolution of Org Charts: From the 1850s to Now
Post by the Org Chart Product Company Organimi
Karpman Drama Triangle
Wikipedia page
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Book by Marshall Rosenberg
Certification in Nonviolent Communication
Via the Centre for Nonviolent Communication
Nonviolent Global Liberation Community
Resources from Miki Kashtan and this NVC rooted community
Pathways to Liberation Self-assessment
From Jori and Jim Manske, certified trainers for the Center for Nonviolent Communication
Thank you.
REFERENCES AND RESOURCES