Men tend to engage in sexual relationships while remaining emotionally detached, where sex can increase feelings of intimacy especially for women. When sex leads to romantic feelings, it can awaken previous unmet emotional needs from past relationships. These unconscious needs drive the current relationship without awareness of their influence. Recovering addicts need time alone to address their own issues before entering relationships to avoid being controlled by emotions.

1. Attract True Love
The problem is not the relationship or the
intimacy. It's the sex. Sex tends to increase
one's level of emotional involvement and
intensity of feelings, especially for women. Men
tend to cope by splitting off from their feelings;
that is, are more likely to engage in sexual
relationships while remaining emotionally
divorced or superficial. Sex is a trigger for
emotional over-involvement or under-
involvement relative to the stage of relationship.

2. Attract True Love
What often happens is that sex, exciting enough
as it is, often leads to an infusion of romantic
feelings, which can further heighten the
excitement, which then awakens the "sleeping
giant" -- the backlog of unmet emotional needs
from previous relationships.

3. Attract True Love
The "giant" awakens (emotionally) ravenous and
is not aware of the extent his/her hunger drives
the relationship. Our unmet emotional needs
reside in our unconscious and are sealed off
from our during the first year of recovery that the
addict is to learn how to break the cycle of
addiction. A year of sobriety and 'relationship
abstinence' are meant to allow a sufficient
amount of time to deal with one's own

4. Attract True Love
There is no point of reference. Most recovering
Attract True Love addicts don't realize that
admitting to being out of control and
surrendering to their powerlessness, as having
done so in Steps I and II, also apply to their
emotions when dating and in early stage
relationships.