attachment

the Safe Haven Cure
There’s God,
There’s You,
There’s Me, &
There’s US !
Putting the Pieces Together
Women Healing from Betrayal
CONTACT US
www.LakePointe.org/HEAL
© 2014 Elizabeth Davis, MA, LPC - All Rights Reserved.
Helping You Heal with God’s Love !

the Safe Haven Cure
“Those who go to God Most High for safety will be
protected by the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, “You are
my place of safety & protection. You are my God and I
trust you.” ”
CONTACT US
God promises to be our Safe Haven
Psalm 43, Psalm 91
The Sacred Romance -- “Lover of our Soul”
01

the Safe Haven Cure
CONTACT US
God, the Father
Our Safe Haven
Centered Self
Becoming a Safe Haven
Your Family
Building A Safe Haven
You are Chosen I am Chosen I Choose You
You are Beloved I am Beloved I Call You Beloved
You can Trust Me I can Depend on God You can Depend on Me
I AM Attuned to You I am Worthy I Reflect Your Worth to You
I AM Available to You I am emotionally, spiritually, & physically
Available to God
I am emotionally, spiritually & physically
Available to you
I Respond to You I Respond to God I Will Respond to your bids for connection
and repair
I Provide comfort, security, love, play,
meaning & affection
I am Provided for I Give You Love – comfort, security, love,
play, meaning & affection
I Sent My Son to Repair our broken
bond
I Reconnect to God Let me minister to your Connection with
God
I can be influenced (open to considering your
feelings & thoughts), I can self reflect (be
objective about myself), I can take
responsibility (own what I need to own),
and I can grow!
02

the Safe Haven Cure
“John 1:12 - But as many as received him, to them gave
he power to become the sons of God, [even] to them that
believe on his name.”
CONTACT US
You & Me, a family
03

the Safe Haven Cure
We are all related.
We are all connected.
CONTACT US
04

the Safe Haven Cure
We are truly born
attached !
CONTACT US
05

the Safe Haven Cure
We can not survive
Outside of
Relationship
…
But not for reasons
you might think!
CONTACT US
06

Most people assume the body they inhabit is self-
regulating – but it is not a closed loop.
Everything else synchronizes with others in the
environment.
Mirror Neurons: Yawns, smiles, empathy, …
Body: anger, menstruation, blood pressure, HRV, …
the Safe Haven Cure 07
CONTACT US
The only closed loop in the body is the more
primitive body regulators – they are on ‘autopilot’.

the Safe Haven Cure
The
Mother-Infant Dance
keeps baby alive!
CONTACT US
08

the Safe Haven Cure
The
Mother-Infant Dance
keeps baby alive!
CONTACT US
09

the Safe Haven Cure
How do we know this
also applies to
humans?
CONTACT US
John Bowlby, MD
1936, London Child Guidance Clinic at Canonbury
• Began to study the effects of ‘maternal
deprivation’
• Mothers would have to be away from
infants due to hospital policies if either
became ill
Rene Spitz, MD
1939, Psychiatrist at Mount Sinai Hospital
•Combined his hobby of film and his
professional interest in maternal
deprivation in infancy and in 1952
released a very controversial film.
Filmed at an unnamed facility.
10

the Safe Haven Cure
The
Mother-Infant Dance
keeps baby alive!
CONTACT US
Spitz, 1952
If mother & infant could be reunited
before 3 months, prognosis was good.
11

the Safe Haven Cure
The
Mother-Infant Dance
keeps baby alive!
CONTACT US
• Many thought Dr. Spitz “made up” the film.
• Many doctors left the presentation upset.
• Some left highly disturbed by what they saw.
• After seeing the film one doctor completely changed
his mind after looking and seeing the distress, despair,
and detachment on his ward. He immediately
instituted unrestricted visiting hours for children under
the age of 5 and encouraged these parents to do so.
12

the Safe Haven Cure
How You & I Respond
to Separation,
Disconnection, Loss or
Betrayal?
CONTACT US
Protest Despair Detachment
Early childhood leaves an …
“internal residue”,
“working model”,
“attachment style”.
13

the Safe Haven Cure
Does this put your
response to
Betrayal in perspective?
CONTACT US
Protest Despair Detachment
Anger
Pursue
Depression
Withdraw
Emotional
Paralysis
Can develop a PD
14

the Safe Haven Cure
CONTACT US
Bernice Makes a Scene

CONTACT US
Type of Mom (Caregiver) Type of Child Attachment
Generally sensitive, responsive &
available
Self – I am loveable & worthy.
Others – You are loveable & worthy
SECURE
Rejecting, cold, irritated at bids, harsh,
rules/obedience, neglect, leave child
alone often
Others – You are not loveable & worthy.
AVOIDANT
Inconsistent, mixed signals. Sometimes
child is wanted, other times burdensome
Self – I am not loveable & worthy.
Others – You are loveable & worthy.
ANXIOUS
Erratic, Abusive, Dissociative,
Frightening
DISORGANIZED

CONTACT US
Type of Child Attachment Characteristics
Others – You are not loveable & worthy
SECURE
Interactive regulation of distress
•Healthy interdependence
•Excels in self expression & other-orientation, composure &
fluent speech (taking turns talking)
AVOIDANT
Autoregulation of distress
•Suppresses attachment needs
•Withdraws , dismissive, autonomous, self-sufficient,
distracts in tasks
•Struggles with self expression & other-orientation
Others – You are loveable & worthy.
ANXIOUS
External regulation of distress
•Overfocus on attachment figure
•Pursues, Criticizes, Enmeshed, codependent, fearful
•Struggles with composure & fluent speech (taking turns
talking)
DISORGANIZED
Isolates
•Loner
•Can be Borderline or Schizoaffective
•Struggles with self expression & other-orientation,
composure & fluent speech (taking turns talking)

CONTACT US
To be SECURELY attached, we need:
•Accessibility: Can I reach you?
•Responsiveness: Can I rely on you to respond to me emotionally?
•Engagement: Do I know you will value me and stay close to me?

CONTACT US
Continuous-
Secure Attachment
Earned-
Secure Attachment
Passing on
“the Blessing”
Breaking the FALL
Mending the lost
connection to God,
ourselves & each other

CONTACT US
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-
present help in trouble. Therefore we will
not fear, though the earth give way and the
mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam and the
mountains quake with their surging. Selah
Psalm 46:1-4

CONTACT US
God Attachment
• As substitute attachment figure (Kirkpatrick, 1992)
• Provides “felt security” (Sroufe, 1977)
• More similar to parent-child relationship but
moderate and consistent link to romantic attachment
(Kirkpatrick, 1992, 1999; Rowatt & Kirkpatrick, 2002)
• Measured on two dimensions: Anxiety and
Avoidance (Beck & McDonald, 2004)

CONTACT US
Attachment style impacts how God is viewed
 Secure: He is there, I can count on Him. He will accepts me,
in spite of my flaws.
 Avoidant: He isn’t there for me when I need Him. I will have
to go at life alone. I don’t really need Him.
 Ambivalent: I’m too flawed; God is sure to reject me. I
probably committed the unpardonable sin.
 Disorganized: I’m flawed, beyond repair. God will strike me
down if I turn toward Him. He will surely reject or punish
me.
Attachment and Spirituality

CONTACT US
What is YOUR Attachment Style?
Take the Test
Sit with Like Attachment Styles
What is YOUR Spouse’s Attachment Style?
To You & To God?

CONTACT US
anxious
disorganized
low avoidance
secure
avoidant
high avoidance
ECR-R
dimensions
1 2 3 4 5 6 7low
anxiety
high
anxiety
7654321

the Safe Haven Cure
CONTACT US
God, the Father
Our Safe Haven
Centered Self
Becoming a Safe Haven
Your Family
Building A Safe Haven
You are Chosen I am Chosen I Choose You
You are Beloved I am Beloved I Call You Beloved
You can Trust Me I can Depend on God You can Depend on Me
I AM Attuned to You I am Worthy I Reflect Your Worth to You
I AM Available to You I am emotionally, spiritually, &
physically Available to God
I am emotionally, spiritually
& physically Available to
you
I Respond to You I Respond to God I Will Respond to your bids
for connection and repair
I Provide comfort, security,
love, play, meaning &
affection
I am Provided for I Give You Love – comfort,
security, love, play, meaning
& affection
I Sent My Son to Repair our
broken bond
I Reconnect to God Let me minister to your
Connection with God
I can be influenced (open to
considering your feelings &
thoughts), I can self reflect (be
objective about myself), I can
take responsibility (own what I
need to own),
and I can grow!
The Goal : SECURE Attachment to God & to Others
Others – You are not loveable & worthy
SECURE
Interactive regulation of distress
•Healthy interdependence
•Excels in self expression & other-orientation, composure & fluent speech (taking turns talking)
24

CONTACT US
Words of Affirmation
Quality Time
Receiving Gifts
Acts of Service
Physical Touch

CONTACT US
As we connect,
not anxiously pursue or avoidantly withdraw,
we balance each other.
We create emotional equilibrium.

CONTACT US
Golden Retriever – Green - Phlegmatic Otter – Yellow - Sanguine
Beaver – Blue - Melancholy
Lion – Red - Choleric
27
the Safe Haven Cure

CONTACT US
28
Breaking Free
1. Remember Your Story – Narrative Recall
2. Recognize Your Pain and Need for Healing –
“Can’t heal what you don’t feel”
3. Reframe the Meaning of Your Story
4. Repair Your Story – ‘forgiveness, grace and
acceptance’
5. Reconnect – deepening emotional strands of
safety, trust and intimacy; able to accept
influence from others
the Safe Haven Cure

CONTACT US
the Safe Haven Cure

www.lakepointe.org
Thank You !
CONTACT US

attachment

Recommended

Recommended

More Related Content

What's hot

What's hot (18)

Similar to attachment

Similar to attachment (20)

More from Elizabeth Davis, MA, LPC

More from Elizabeth Davis, MA, LPC (18)

attachment