A rather tongue in cheek look at how bureaucratic local government can be.

2. Once upon a time there was a Council rowing team

3. The Council and a company from the private sector
agreed to hold a race. Each boat would contain eight
men.

4. Both teams worked really hard to get into the best
shape. On the day of the race, both teams were in a
similar condition. The private company team won by
one mile.

5. FINISH

6. The mood in the Council team was really close to freezing
point. The top management decided to win the race next
year. So they established a committee of analysts mostly
internal but with representation from each service, the
stakeholders and a member…oh, and some guy who knew
something about rowing (he’d been on a boating lake when
at school). Their remit was to observe the situation, do a risk
analysis (ensuring each risk was marked red, amber or green)
and recommend an appropriate solution.

8. After several weeks of detailed analysis, the committee
found that the private company team had seven rowers
and only one captain.

9. Plc.

10. …and the Council team had 7 captains and only one rower.

11. DC

12. Facing such a critical scenario the management showed
unexpected wisdom: they hired a consultancy to restructure
the Council team.

14. After several months the consultants came to the
conclusion that there were too many captains and too
few rowers in the Council team. A solution was proposed
based on this analysis: the structure of the Council team
had to change

15. …as of today, there will be only four captains in the
team led by two Directors and a new Head. Besides
that, they suggested that the Council improve the
rower’s working environment, ensure his work/life
balance is OK and offer a reward and recognition
scheme to incentivise high performance and
maximise impactfulnessisation (or any other new
word the Council can think up). There will be a 5-
day workshop for the rower.

16. AC

17. The next year, the private company team won
by two miles.

18. FINISH

19. The Council management dismissed the rower from the
team (following a long and drawn out competency and
capability procedure, followed by a voluntary severance
package), on the grounds of his unsatisfactory performance.

20. …but a bonus was paid to the management team for the
strong leadership and motivation that the team had
showed during the preparation phase
£

21. Performed by ROCE
The consulting company prepared a new analysis
which showed that the strategy was good, the
motivation was O.K, but the tool used was sub-
standard and had to be improved

22. Currently, a new Council out-of-focus group has
been formed and is having a new boat designed.
Human Remains (HR) have advertised nationally for
a new rower for the next race in June. Assessment
centres will take place in May.