This document discusses issues faced by sexual minority youth and provides guidance for parents on how to support their LGBTQ children. It notes that parental acceptance positively impacts well-being, and that most youth keep their identity secret for around two years due to fears like feeling scared, confused, or vulnerable. The document also addresses challenges LGBTQ youth face in schools like harassment and lack of protections, and provides resources to help advocate for youth and make schools safer and more supportive environments.

1. THE OUT PROJECT A Guide for Parents of Sexual Minority Youth

2. Why do we need a discussion about sexual minority youth? Because… Parental attitudes and support has been shown to have a positive effect on identity consolidation and well-being among sexual minority youth (Floyd, Stein, Harter, Allison & Nye, 1999). As parents we must develop the tools necessary to ensure our developing adolescents overall well-being.

3. Coming Out There is about a two-year period for most youth when they self-identify as non-heterosexual but keep this information a secret from others(AAMFT,2002). Fears about coming out include; Scared ■ Confused ■ Vulnerable ■ Empowered■ Exhilarated ■ Relieved■ Proud ■ Uncertain■ Brave ■ Affirmed (HRC, 2008). LGBTQ youth primarily initiate their search for materials related to their identity on the Internet since it is can be a private resource. Problems arise however, when an internet search return too many hits that may not be appropriate or accurate for LGBTQ youth (SCSM, 2006).

4. When I told my family I was gay “My mom freaked, she went ballistic for a while...I didn’t get a chance to tell my Dad… he saw my profile on my space and then didn’t speak to me for three months.” My little brother and sister (ages 8&9) said “Ok” and that was it. They treat my current girlfriend like another sister.” (J. out age 14).

5. About J Came out to friends at age 13 Came out at age 14 to family Eldest of three children. Close to family with lots of extended family involvement Currently attending Junior year of high school in central Virginia Currently resides with girlfriend in family home

6. How can you help your sexual minority youth teen? Get support for your teen and yourself Remember that your child may also still be struggling with sexual orientation identity formation as well as conflict with the expectation and perceptions that others hold about him/her.(Floyd, Stein, Harter, Allison & Nye, 1999)

7. How can you help your sexual minority youth teen? Reassure your teen: as the normal feeling of adolescence are often exacerbated in sexual minority youth as they learn to navigate within an often intolerant society (Cohler & Hammack). Provide support to your teen.

8. Why do we need to discuss sexual minority youth? Research suggests that there is an increased risk of substance abuse and mental health problems among the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) populations, parental support may act as a deterrent of this behavior. (Craft & Mulvey, 2001). Help alleviate the fear that may be felt by your child which may manifest as feeling of guilt, stigmatization, rejection and alienation (Floyd, Stein et al).

9. School Safety & Harassment “I was pushed down the stairs at school just last week. By a boy who yelled “dyke” as I fell.” “Everyday there’s someone who’s going to pick on me. Reporting it does no good, sexual orientation is not a protected group in my school” “We went to the prom but left early, it wasn’t worth the hassle” (J age 16).

10. Types of Harassment experienced Two-thirds (64.1%) reported that they had been verbally harassed at least some of the time in school in the past year because of their sexual orientation and about half. (45.5%) because of their gender expression. (GLSEN, 2005) Nearly a fifth (17.6%) of students had been physically assaulted because of their sexual orientation. (GLSEN) Relational aggression (such as being the target of mean rumors or lies), and having their property damaged or stolen. (GLSEN)

11. During the 2005 School Year… More than half (56%) of all students who experienced harassment or assault at school never reported the incident to school staff, a parent or guardian (55%), or to another family member (63%) because they felt nothing would be done and feared repercussions. (GLSEN)

12. Public Schools Should… Create an environment where every child feels safe and is able to learn. (Chang & Kleiner, 2001) Include language disallowing bullying and harassment on the basis of sexual orientation/gender identity/expression. (Chang & Kleiner) Enforce a zero tolerance policy related to bullying and harassment. (Chang & Kleiner) Educate the educators related to sexual minority youth issues and to increase the number of supportive faculty and staff available to students. (Chang & Kleiner)

13. Advocate for your Child… Advocate for comprehensive anti-bullying and anti-discrimination legislation at the state and federal level that specifically includes sexual orientation and gender identity (Chang & Kleiner). Get involved in your local schools board to encourage a clear systems for reporting and addressing reported incidents, Support student clubs, such as gay straight student alliances that address diversity issues in education (Chang & Kleiner).

14. I Wish My Parents Had “Said you are not alone…There other; girls and boys, men and women who are going through the same thing. Your not alone! “(T out at 19). “Been supportive on my behalf as I attended school and was more supportive of me.” (K age 18). “Just not ignored what I told them, it was like ignoring me.” (T out age 19)

15. Resources for families in Virginia Richmond Organization for Sexual Minority Youth (ROSMY) www.rosmy.org Commonwealth Education Equality Virginia . http://www.ceevainc.org/ Virginia Safe School Coalition http://www.virginiasafeschools.org/ Hampton Roads Pride http://www.hamptonroadspride.org

16. National Resources Gay/Lesbian Straight Education Network. http://www.glsen.org PFLAF.http://community.pflag.org. National Youth Advocacy Coalition. http://www.nyacyouth.org . National Gay & Lesbian Taskforce. http://www.thetaskforce.org/ GLBT National Help Center. http://www.glnh.org Gay Youth Corner. http://www.thegyc.com/

17. References (Banks, T. personal communication, May 1, 2008)One on one interview with T., who is an19 year old lesbian who o came out at age 16 and is now working in the insurance industry. The interview included questions concerning coming out, family reactions and educational experiences in the public school system. Chang, C. W. & Kleiner, B. H. (2001). New Developments Concerning Discrimination and Harassment of Gay Students. The International Journal of Sociology and Social Policy , 21, 8-10. Retrieved April 18, 2008, from ABI/INFORM Global database.A 2001 research report on the types of discrimination and harassment experienced by many Gay students who depend on the public educational system for educational opportunities. Cohler, B. J. &. Hammack, P. L. (2007). The Psychological World of the Gay Teenager: Social Change, Narrative, and "Normality". Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 36(1), 47-59. Retrieved April 18, 2008, from ABI/INFORM Global database.A discussion of adolescent teenage normal behavior, based on current societal definitions of normalcy and review of current generational cohorts and how these concepts impact gay youth identity development. Craft, E.M. & Mulvey, K.P. (1999). Addressing Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and transgender Issues from the Inside; One Federal Agency’s Approach. American Journal of Public Health , 91(6), 889-995. Retrieved April 18, 2008, from ABI/INFORM Global database.A report on how the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) attempts to serve the GLBT population and strengthen mental health prevention and how diagnosis and treatment for substance abuse and mental illnesses are addressed amongst the GLBT population. Floyd, F. J., Stein, T.S., Harter, K, S.M., Allison, A., Nye, C. L. (1999). Gay, lesbian, and bisexual youths: Separation-individuation, parental attitudes, identity consolidation, and well-being. Journal of Youth and Adolescence, 28(6), 719-739. Retrieved April 18, 2008, from ABI/INFORM Global database. A study of the influences that parental attitudes and acceptance of GLBT youths have on identity consolidation and well-being.

18. References (Continued) Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network.(GLSEN).(2005).Tools for Developing and Implementing a Safe Schools Campaign. The National School Climate Survey. Retrieved May 1, 2008 from http://www.glsen.org/binary-data/GLSEN_ATTACHMENTS/file/585-1.pdf .The GLSEN aspires to implement a safe school and education environment for sexual minority youths. This organization offers assistance to state and local advocates to ensure equal educational opportunities for all. (Hardy K. personal communication, April 29, 2008).One on one interview with K., who is an18 year old gay male who came out at age 16 and is now working in the insurance industry. The interview included questions concerning coming out, family reactions and educational experiences in the public school system. Human Rights Campaign Foundation (HRCF). (2004). Resource guide to coming out for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Americans. Washington, D.C.: HRCF. Retrieved May 4, 2008 from http:// www.hrc.org/Template.cfm?Section =Resources2&Template=/ ContentManagement/ContentDisplay.cfm&ContentID =22631 . Human Rights Campaign Foundation is concerned with insuring that all humans, no matter race, gender, sexual identity or orientation receive fair and equitable access and treatment under local, state and federal laws. Regan, C. & Fogarty, K. (2008). Understanding Sexual Minority Adolescents University of Florida. IFAS. Retrieved May 4, 2008 from http://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/FY749 .Addressing sexually orientation in adolescents and explains Vivian Cass’s’ theory of homosexual identity development in adolescents as well as additional challenges face d by sexual minority youth includes, harassment, discrimination and the potential for social alienation and isolation. Seattle Commission for Sexual Minorities.(SCSM). (2006).Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Questioning (LGBTQ) Youth in Seattle: Report and Policy Recommendations. Retrieved May 6, 2008 from http ://www.seattle.gov/scsm/documents/LGBTQYouthPolicyPa_2D76a.pdf .A report commissioned and presented to the city of Seattle Washington in response to issues and concerns related to sexual minority youth safety in Seattle schools. The report set forth suggestions to improve attendance and addresses issues of minority youth safety and available resources. (Taylor, J. personal communication, May 2, 2008).One on one interview with J., who is a 16 year old lesbian attending public school in central Virginia. The interview included questions concerning coming out, family reactions and educational experiences in the public school system.