This document discusses the tension marketing scholars face between pursuing academic achievement and ensuring their research is relevant to business needs. A survey found most marketing scholars believe their research is moderately or highly relevant to management, but practitioners find academic journals and research less useful than other sources. The document also presents stereotypes of different types of marketing professors and critiques the perceived lack of practical impact of much marketing research. It concludes by metaphorically describing marketing scholars as "couch dwellers" who are uncomfortable and unloved within both the wider academy and business world.