3. YES = 5 points Somewhat = 3 points no = 0 points
The first 10% of a script is prime real estate.
* TECHNICAL PROSE:
*Devoid of Typos
*Mastery of English Language
*Clear Writing
YES
X Somewhat
no
* PAGE 1:
*Draws Reader In
*Clear Genre
*Hook
X YES
Somewhat
no
* CHARACTER(S):
*Compelling (interesting, relatable)
*Clear Protagonist (hero, anti-hero, ensemble, etc.)
X YES
Somewhat
no
* DIALOGUE:
*Distinctive
*Subtextual
X YES
Somewhat
no
* STORY TRAJECTORY:
*Strong World Building
*Memorable Inciting Incident
*Entices to Keep Reading
X YES
Somewhat
no
Opening Comments (if any):
There was one typo within the opening pages. 1) P.g 4- "Dantes tears of a bite of..." Should be,
"Dantes tears OFF a bite of..."
The opening pages were enticing and provided a strong hook for the rest of the story.
STORY – 60% of score
* Judge's Logline:
After being framed as a traitor Dantes must utilize all of his skills to get justice for the king.
4. After being framed as a traitor Dantes must utilize all of his skills to get justice for the king.
EXCEPTIONAL = 6 points VERY GOOD = 5 points Average = 4 points below average = 3 points
poor = 2 points
* CONCEPT:
*Original
*Compelling
X EXCEPTIONAL
VERY GOOD
Average
below average
poor
* TONE:
*Genre Appropriate
*Consistent Overall
X EXCEPTIONAL
VERY GOOD
Average
below average
poor
* CHARACTER:
*Actor Bait
*Clear Goals
X EXCEPTIONAL
VERY GOOD
Average
below average
poor
* DIALOGUE:
*Subtext
*Interesting
EXCEPTIONAL
X VERY GOOD
Average
below average
poor
* SETTING:
*Cinematic (screen worthy)
*Unique
*Vivid
X EXCEPTIONAL
VERY GOOD
Average
below average
5. below average
poor
* STORY:
*Structure
*Pace
*Theme
X EXCEPTIONAL
VERY GOOD
Average
below average
poor
* LOGIC:
*Plot
*Scene Flow
*Momentum
X EXCEPTIONAL
VERY GOOD
Average
below average
poor
* CONFLICT:
*Tension
*Reversals
*Rising Stakes
X EXCEPTIONAL
VERY GOOD
Average
below average
poor
* RESOLUTION:
*Satisfying
X EXCEPTIONAL
VERY GOOD
Average
below average
poor
* APPEAL:
*Emotional Response
EXCEPTIONAL
X VERY GOOD
Average
below average
poor
6. poor
FINAL SCORE
94
* OVERALL GRADE:
pass (69 or lower)
Consider (70–89)
X RECOMMEND (90–100)
STORY COMMENTS
* What works:
The genre of the script was clear and it remained consistent. The script worked really well as a
period piece.
The characters were all strong and had clear goals that led their actions all through out the script.
Ramiro wanted power and everyone to do exactly as he commanded. It was powerful to see how
many tactics Ramiro used to get people to do what he wanted. Even threatening a child (Nina),
just to get Florin to follow his orders. Dantes was also a compelling character. He was bold, brave,
and the audience rooted for him the entire time.
One of the strongest aspects of the script was the descriptive details. The fight scenes were so
well described that it was easy for the audience to become immersed into all of the action. The
Battle between Sombra and Dantes at the end was especially vivid. All of the sorcery the assasins
used was compelling and added suspense. Such as when Sombra would control her victims by
staring them in the eyes.
The momentum and pace were also strong. The rising of stakes within the script were set
perfectly. There was on going action and continous reversals that kept the audience at the edge of
their seat. Once we hear that Ramiro wants to have the king assasinated the reader is instantly
hooked. The moments of climax were also strong. It was very emotionally appealing when
Catalina reveals that the king was her father.
The resolution was surprising and satisfying. It was great to see Catalina become queen!
* What needs work:
This script is really strong and has clearly been well worked on. The only portion of the script that
could use a bit of work is the dialogue. The dialogue did fit the time period very well and held a lot
of sub text, but all of the characters spoke in a similar manner.
Suggestions or Observations:
-
* Comments embedded in script PDF?
X no
yes
