Freeman 1 Brandon Freeman Professor Lee English 10.docx

Freeman 1
Brandon Freeman
Professor Lee
English 101
25 February 2017
Problems with Assisted Reproductive Technology and the
Definition of the Family
It is not unusual for people to think of a family in its basic form
as a mother and a
father and the child or children they conceive together. But a
genetic connection
between parents and children is not necessary for a family to
exist. New families are
often created by remarriage after a divorce or the death of a
spouse, so that only one
parent is genetically related to the child or children. Also, the
practice of adoption is
long-standing and creates families where neither parent is
genetically related to the
child or children. There are many single-parent families in the

United States, and some
of these may be families where the parents live together but are
not married (Coontz
147). Couples that consist of two men or two women are also
increasingly common, and
more of these couples now also have or want children
(Buchanan). Although there is no
universal definition of the family, in recent years scholars have
established that the
“normative” definition in most societies is “at least one parent
and one child.” This
definition goes on to say that a child does not have to be
genetically related to the
parent, and “children conceived through artificial insemination
or a surrogate mother”
count (Munro and Munro 553). Though we may accept the idea
that the definition of the
“normative” family is a broad one and that no biological
relationship is needed for a
parent and child to form a family, for many people genetic
heritage remains an
important factor in describing who they are and how they relate
to other members of
their family. This thinking, which persists despite the broad

variety of families that now
Freeman 2
exist, provokes particular conflicts for members of families that
are created with the new
methods of assisted reproductive technology, methods that are
new in human history,
having developed only over the past few decades.
Assisted reproductive technology (including artificial
insemination and in vitro
fertilization) is often used when one member of a male-female
couple is infertile; the
resulting child is usually related to at least one member of the
couple.1 This technology
is also used to allow male-male and female-female couples to
have children. In 2005,
52,041 children were born in the United States through assisted
reproductive
technology, an increase of more than a hundred percent from
1996 (United States 61). It
can be argued that the new families formed through artificial
reproductive technology
“tend to be stronger and more highly functioning than naturally

conceived ones, because
the parents are so motivated to have children, and so gratified
once they arrive” (Mundy
1
This paper uses the term assisted reproductive technology for
both artificial
insemination, where eggs are fertilized in a woman’s body, and
technologies like in vitro
fertilization, in which an egg is fertilized outside the body. In
artificial insemination, a
woman can be impregnated with her husband’s or another man’s
sperm by having a
doctor collect semen and place it into the vagina (Shanley 261).
A woman can become a
surrogate for a couple by being artificially inseminated with the
husband’s sperm. In in
vitro fertilization, eggs are taken from a donor and fertilized by
sperm outside the
woman’s body; the fertilized egg is then placed in a woman’s
uterus. In gamete
interfallopian transfer, unfertilized eggs and sperm are put into
a woman’s fallopian
tubes. In zygote intrafallopian transfer, eggs are fertilized
outside the body and then

placed into a woman’s fallopian tubes (United States 3).
Freeman 3
99). If the parents involved tell their children how they were
conceived and if the sperm
donors, egg donors, or surrogate mothers are not kept
anonymous, then the children
resulting from artificial reproductive technology can have more
than two “parents” or
parental figures in their lives, possibly enriching their
emotional environment. Artificial
reproductive technology can give infertile women the chance to
have a biological
mother’s relationship with a child, since the technology allows
them to bear a child, give
birth, and bond with the child through breastfeeding. The
possibilities given by artificial
reproductive technology thus seem to support the idea that love
and care from parents
(“nurture”) outweigh the importance of genetics (“nature”) in
forming strong families.
But though this may be the case, the fact that many couples
decide on artificial

reproductive technology rather than on adoption means that the
origin of these new
families lies in the enduring importance of genetics in people’s
ideas of what a family
should be.
As Mary Lyndon Shanley points out, genetic relationship in
families creates a
sense of “genetic continuity through the generations” and is
vitally important to many
people’s identity, which is why people want to know who their
biological parents are:
“The right to learn the identity of one’s genetic forebear stems
from some people’s desire
to be able to connect themselves to human history concretely as
embodied beings, not
only abstractly as rational beings or as members of large social
(national, ethnic,
religious) groups” (268). We seem almost unable to see a child
with his or her parents
without looking for a resemblance between them; a lack of
resemblance between parents
and children can be a source of stigma (Mundy 194-95). Like
adopted children, the

children who result from the new reproductive technologies can
be left with “genetic
bewilderment” as they wonder who their biological father or
mother is (and why they
Freeman 4
are genetically related to only one of their parents) and how
many siblings they might
have (103). Lobbying by the children of sperm donors has
resulted in changes in the law
in New Zealand and the United Kingdom: sperm donors can no
longer be anonymous
and can be contacted by their biological children when they
reach the age of eighteen
(Wente). A Web site, The Donor Sibling Registry, has been
established “to assist
individuals conceived as a result of sperm, egg or embryo
donation that are seeking to
make mutually desired contact with others with whom they
share genetic ties” (“Our
History”). The existence of this Web site, along with the
common emotional need for
children to know who their biological parents are, suggests that
genetic heritage is

important to many individuals conceived through assisted
reproductive technology.
Assisted reproductive technology has also led to unexpected and
disturbing
events that show how the technology, which was meant to bring
a genetically connected
family into being, ends up creating something quite different. In
one case, a British
woman who became sterile as a result of cancer treatment but
who had already had
some of her eggs fertilized with her partner’s sperm through in
vitro fertilization was
denied the right (by the European Human Rights Court) to use
those embryos, because
her partner did not want them brought to term. Unable to bear a
child without these
embryos, the woman was forced by a court to allow the embryos
to be destroyed and
give up all chance of ever having a child that was genetically
related to her (Rozenberg).
In another case, the parents of a man who was about to die but
was being kept alive
artificially asked a doctor to obtain sperm from him so that they
could use it in in vitro

fertilization and thus gain a grandchild (Marcotty and Yee). It is
possible that the child
born from this process will feel sadness or confusion if he or
she finds out that his or her
father did not even intend to have a child and was near death in
a hospital when his
Freeman 5
sperm was taken from him without his permission.
Assisted reproductive technology can also mix up the usual
progress of the
generations, thereby taking apart the family structure that it was
meant to promote.
Through assisted reproductive technology, women have given
birth to their own
grandchildren by being implanted with their own daughters’
eggs (“Woman”). In
Canada a mother has frozen some of her own eggs so that her
daughter, who will
become sterile at the onset of puberty because of a rare disease,
will be able to have
genetically related children through in vitro fertilization. This
means that the daughter

will be able to give birth to a child that is her sibling; that child
will be the birth child of
his or her “mother” and the biological child of his or her
“grandmother” (“Mother’s
Eggs”). The urge to create genetic offspring in these cases has
led to confusing and
disturbing relations that distort the family structures we are
most familiar with.
The common use of assisted reproductive technology today
means that many
future families will have children whose relationship to their
parents will be clouded by
the technology used to bring them into the world. Kay S.
Hymowitz, a commentator who
calls for an end to anonymous sperm donation, writes that there
is a great deal of irony
in the way these technologies are used to produce children
without “fathers” at a time
when society bewails the increase in fatherless families—a
problem she sees in terms of
desertion by fathers. Artificial reproductive technology is thus
used to produce families,
but it can also turn the biological father into a genetic
instrument who is not required or

expected to help raise the child. Hymowitz writes:
More ordinary “choice mothers,” as many single women using
AI [artificial
insemination] now call themselves, are usually not openly
hostile to fathers, but
they boast a language of female empowerment that implicitly
trivializes men’s
Freeman 6
roles in children’s lives. The term “choice mothers” frames AI
as a matter of
women’s reproductive rights. Only the woman’s decision
making—or intention—
carries moral weight.
This reduction of a biological parent into a mere instrument
occurs with
surrogate mothers as well. A series of dramatic lawsuits starting
in the 1980s
demonstrated the dangers of treating a woman as primarily a
womb. In the case of
“Baby M” in 1988, Mary Beth Whitehead was artificially
inseminated with the sperm of

William Stern. A contract between Whitehead and Stern said
that the child must be
given up to Stern and his wife at birth. Though the court
involved ended up giving Stern
parental rights, it found that the contract was against “public
policy” (“Developments”
2069-71). Beyond the legal complexities, however, what the
case dramatizes is that a
surrogate mother can bond with the child in her womb to such a
degree that she may not
want to give him or her up. This bonding may occur even when
the baby is the result of
assisted reproductive technology where the surrogate mother’s
egg is not the one used.
A judge may have to decide whether the birth mother (the
surrogate) or the genetic
mother whose egg was fertilized in vitro and implanted in the
surrogate mother is the
legal mother of a child produced by assisted reproductive
technology (2071-72).
Assisted reproductive technology has many unintended
consequences. Despite
the fact that the ability to produce children that are genetically
related to at least one

parent might seem to make the technology a source of family
stability, it sometimes can
create dissension, emotional pain, and legal quandaries. Liza
Mundy points out that the
technology has produced family arrangements where genetic
connection is “often both
affirmed and denied, . . . simultaneously embraced and rejected”
(99). Indeed, the great
lengths people will go to in order to establish a genetic
connection between themselves
Freeman 7
and their children—bypassing the possibilities provided by
adoption—show that genetic
connection between parents and children remains an ideal for
many people, even if it is
not necessary for a family to be “normative.” If a genetic
connection between parent and
child, then, remains the ideal that drives the use of assisted
reproductive technology, it
is proving to be a questionable ideal. When pursued at all costs
by means of this
technology, the biological bond between parents and children
can become a negative

force, producing detrimental results that actually work against
the very values of love,
trust, and stability that the family is supposed to cultivate.
Freeman 8
Works Cited
Buchanan, Wyatt. “More Same-Sex Couples Want Kids: Survey
Looks at Trends among
Homosexuals.” SF Gate, Hearst Communications, 25 Apr. 2006,
www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/NATION-More-same-sex-
couples-want-kids-
Survey-2499131.php.
Coontz, Stephanie. “Not Much Sense in Those Census
Numbers.” Uncommon Threads:
Reading and Writing about Contemporary America , edited by
Robert D.
Newman et al., Longman, 2003, pp. 146-48.
“Developments in the Law: The Law of Marriage and Family.”
Harvard Law Review,
vol. 116, no. 7, 2003, pp. 1996-2122. JSTOR ,

www.jstor.org/stable/1342754.
Hymowitz, Kay S. “The Incredible Shrinking Father.” City
Journal , Spring 2007,
www.cityjournal.org/html/17_2_artificial_insemination.html.
Marcotty, Josephine, and Chen May Yee. “New World of
Fertility Medicine Is a
Big-Money Marketplace.” Seacoastonline.com, Local Media
Group, 30 Oct. 2007,
www.seacoastonline.com/article/20071030/PARENTS/71029007
.
“Mother’s Eggs Could Mean Daughter Gives Birth to Sibling.”
Herald Scotland , Herald
and Times Group, 3 July 2007,
www.heraldscotland.com/news/12779522.Mother_apos_s_eggs_
could_mean_d
aughter_gives_birth_to_sibling/.
Mundy, Liza. Everything Conceivable: How Assisted
Reproduction Is Changing Men,
Women, and the World . Alfred A. Knopf, 2007.
Munro, Brenda, and Gordon Munro. “Family, Definition Of.”
International
Encyclopedia of Marriage and Family, edited by James J.
Ponzetti, Jr., 2nd ed.,

vol. 2, Gale Group, 2003, pp. 549-55.
Freeman 9
“Our History and Mission.” The Donor Sibling Registry,
www.donorsiblingregistry.com/aboutdsr/historyandmission.
Rozenberg, Joshua. “Natallie Breaks Down As Three-Court
Battle Ends.” The Telegraph,
Telegraph Media Group, 11 Apr. 2007,
www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/1548221/Natallie-breaks-
down-as-three-
court-battle-ends.html.
Shanley, Mary Lyndon. “Collaboration and Commodification in
Assisted Procreation:
Reflections on an Open Market and Anonymous Donation.” Law
and Society
Review, vol. 36, no. 2, 2002, pp. 257-84. JSTOR ,
www.jstor.org/stable/1512177.
United States, Department of Health and Human Services,
Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention. 2005 Assisted Reproductive Technology
Success Rates:

National Summary and Fertility Clinic Reports. Oct. 2007,
www.cdc.gov/art/ART2005/508PDF/2005ART508.pdf.
Wente, Margaret. “In the Best Interests of the Child?” The
Globe and Mail , 6 Apr. 2009,
www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-debate/in-the-best-interests-
of-the-
child/article20414097/.
“Woman Gives Birth to Grandchild.” CNN.com , 15 Oct. 2006,
www.cnn.com/2006/WORLD/asiapcf/10/15/japan.granny.reut/in
dex.html.
BUSI 650
General Instructions
You will research a particular, authentic company/industry or a
fabricated company/industry. Must be written in current APA
format and must include the following major elements:
· Title Page
· Table of Contents
· Abstract
· Organizational Setting
· Integration of Chapter Concepts to the Organizational Setting
· Select 8 different key concepts from the textbook that seem to
be most applicable to your organizational setting. Some
examples of key concepts include supply chain management,
Six Sigma, innovation, etc. Provide an in-depth discussion of
each of your chosen key concepts and its application to your
organizational setting.

· For each concept, provide a comprehensive description, what
benefit it may offer to your organization, and what needs to be
done in order to successfully implement this topic into your
organization.
· This section of your project requires at least 14 pages of
graduate-level content and analysis.
· References: You must include at least 15 scholarly sources
formatted in current APA style. Each reference must be current,
having been published within the last 3 years, or, if older, must
contribute important information relevant to historical
background.
· Appendices: Include at least 3 well-developed and
professional documents. Appendices often include information
that is somewhat confidential, detail-oriented, and/or tends to
change often. Some examples include:
· Action Planning: This specifies objectives, responsibilities,
and timelines for completion of objectives.
· Description of Strategic Planning Process Used: This
describes the process used to develop the plan, who was
involved, the number of meetings, any major lessons learned to
improve planning, etc.
· Strategic Analysis Data: This includes information generated
during the external analysis (e.g., environmental scan) and
internal analysis (e.g., SWOT analysis). It also includes a list of
strategic issues identified during these analyses.
·
Goals for Board and Chief Executive Officer: Goals of the
board and CEO must be directly aligned with goals identified
during strategic planning. This appendix will list goals for the
board and can also include recommendations for redesigning
board committees associated with strategic goals. These can be
used (along with the CEO job description) to form the basis for
performance evaluations of the CEO.
· Budget Planning: This depicts both the resources as well as
the required funding for obtaining and using the resources
needed to achieve the strategic goals. Budgets are often

depicted for each term of the year of the strategic plan.
· Operating Plan: This describes the major goals and activities
to be accomplished over the coming fiscal year.
· Financial Reports: These include last year's budget (with
estimated expenses and the actual amounts spent), this year's
current budget (again, with estimated amounts and actual
amounts spent), a balance sheet (or, in the case of a nonprofit
organization, a statement of financial position), an income
statement (or, in the case of a nonprofit organization, a
statement of financial activities), etc.
· Monitoring and Evaluation of Plan: This includes criteria for
monitoring and evaluating as well as the responsibilities and
frequencies of monitoring the implementation of the plan.
· Communication of Plan: This describes the actions that will be
taken to communicate the plan and/or portions of it and
describes to whom the plan will be communicated.
Page 2 of 2
Organizational settings:
In at least 2 pages, describe the mission of your organization
(e.g., what product or service is provided, to what intended
markets, and how the product or service is distinct from those
offered by competitors), who your customers are (internal and
external), what value you add to the organization (how you help
the organization achieve its mission).
Annotated Bibliography:
Create an annotated bibliography with at least 15 scholarly
sources in APA style. Each reference must be current, having
been published within the last 3 years, or, if older, must
contribute important information relevant to historical
background.
Outline:
Create an outline including at least 3 headings and at least 2
subheadings each.
Course Book:
Meredith, J. R., Shafer, S. M. (2019-09-24). Operations and

Supply Chain Management for MBAs, 7th Edition
1. Read the first paragraph. Stop. Does the introduction draw
you in? Are you interested in the topic? Is there a clear thesis
statement stating the writer's position on the topic? Do you
know what the writer wants to do? Write the thesis statement
down if possible; note if you can't find it or are confused about
it.
2. Look at the paper paragraph by paragraph. Does the writer
stick to one point per paragraph? Make a list of the paragraphs
in the paper and write down the main point of each one (include
the list in the letter). Indicate to the writer where this is
difficult because the point of the paragraph is unclear or
because several points are mixed together in a paragraph. Is
each paragraph a cohesive whole? Are transitions between
paragraphs clear?
3. Does the writer try to get the reader interested in the
topic? If so, how and where? Are you ever confused or put-off?
Does the writer exercise appropriate word choice for an
academic paper? Are there interesting examples?
4. Read through the paper again with a pen or pencil in your
hand, circling grammatical errors, typos, etc. (Don't correct,
just mark errors). Double check to see if sources are cited
properly in the paper (in parentheses) and on the works cited
page. Mark places that you find wordy, awkward, or unclear.
Also, mark places you find especially clear and cogent.
5. Does the writer sound credible? Does the paper make clear
that the writer understands the background (history) of this
issue? Does the writer understand opposing viewpoints and
present them fairly? When the writer uses sources to improve
his or her ethos, are they used well and correctly documented?
Name specific places where the ethos is good or needs help.
6. Reread the conclusion. Does it sum up the paper? Does it
give you something to think about?
7. Give the writer your final comments. Tell the writer the

top three things you think should be done to improve for the
next draft. Tell the writer what you think the paper's current
strengths are.
1
*Writing Strength:
The sources you use are published within ten years, ensuring
updated information regarding the issue of the MLDA and
contributing to a credible discussion in showing the opposing
views. Good work!
Main Idea/Thesis
An announcement is a very weak way to determine your
comparative analysis on what the opposing views are regarding
the legal drinking age:
This history and the different discussions have always brought a
conflict of the ideal drinking ages, and thus in this essay, we
compare the varying MLDA’s and their perceived benefits and
criticisms.
It bears no strong impact in knowing the different arguments for
and against what the ideal drinking age is. A thesis statement
will typically be assertive and comprehensive in presenting the
similarities and differences between two subjects to understand
differing views. Look at this example:
Anabolic steroids use in the bodybuilding industry have
been touted as dangerous for the health and unfair for those
wanting to compete naturally, [opposing position] but others
argue that its use is now the norm and can be beneficial when

used responsibly. [supporting position] Whether one supports or
is against the use of anabolic steroids will typically depend on
how one is informed, [comparative point] one’s principles,
[comparative point] and the long-term goal as a bodybuilder.
[comparative point]
This is an effective thesis statement that shows what the two
sides in an issue is and what may be the comparison points from
which to determine the views. It provides a strong guide to the
discussion and how it will be structured. You can use my
example as a guide to revise yours, but you can also use this
link for pointers: Writing a Compare and Contrast Essay.
* Organization:
Your discussion is not properly structured and lacks a smooth
flow because many body paragraphs do not have topic
sentences. In a compare and contrast essay, the topic sentences
will typically reflect the major comparison (similarities and/or
differences) points. In your specific case, the major arguments
for and against MLDA will be shown. However, as an example,
look at how you begin one of your paragraphs:
According to Highson, drinking caused the demise of 2,569
people aged between 26-20.
You’re referring to an outside source here, but it’s considered a
supporting detail. It’s not showing what the overall argument is.
Let’s have some more examples based on my topic:
Opposing anabolic steroid use: Furthermore, some bodybuilders
want to gain/sculpt muscle but are willing to go through a
longer, dedicated process; thus, anabolic steroids are not part of
their ideals.
Supporting anabolic steroid use: On the other hand, other
bodybuilders believe that the bigger the muscles are, the higher
the likelihood to win competitions and gain fame, so they

include steroids in their training regimen.
Look at the examples well. Both topic sentences refer to my
second comparative point (one’s principles) and reflect the two
opposing views that relate to that comparative point. Thus,
they’re strong starting points to develop my paragraphs.
Whatever sources or evidence I’ll show will follow after these
topic sentences. Make your topic sentences based on the major
arguments now.
* the Grammar & Mechanics:
You do not apply the serial or Oxford comma like what’s
missing in this sentence:
Lowering the drinking age is linked to sexual initiation, alcohol
intake during the pregnancy period and lack of paternity
information.
This type of comma is included whenever three or more items
are identified in a sentence and is placed after the item that is
shown before the conjunction “and” or “or.” Look at this
example:
I love my parents, Lady Gaga and Humpty Dumpty.
This can be misinterpreted that my parents are Lady Gaga and
Humpty Dumpty. It's a funny thought, but the misunderstanding
is already there. Look at this one:
I love my parents, Lady Gaga, and Humpty Dumpty.
Now, this is clear in stating that there are three things in the
sentence. Going back to your sentence, how many listed items
are there? Where can another comma be placed? I see other
minor comma concerns, here's a final link to guide you:

Commas.
Summary of Next Steps:
· Create a proper compare and contrast thesis statement.
· Reflect the opposing views’ major arguments in topic
sentences.
· Apply serial commas in sentences that have three or more
listed items.
Thank you for submitting again. Good luck! – Anna B.
_______________________________________________
Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your
essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope
to see you again soon.
Should the Drinking Age be Increased or Decreased?
Alcohol consumption in the world has been a source of
numerous debates as it causes merry and harm in equal
measures. Drinking has been the source of several social
problems from crime increase to fund alcohol, to sexually
transmitted diseases and traffic accidents. These social evils
have raised much criticisms and activism from both government
and non-governmental organizations. These discussions have
led to the debate on the acceptable legal drinking age in many
countries, especially in the United States. Historically the
United States has undergone some changes in the legal drinking
ages. Initially, the legal drinking age was 21 years old, until
Roosevelt Franklin sought a drop of the alcohol consumption
age to 18 years. This was during the Second World War, and the
nation lowered the age for people who can join the United
States Army. Thus the logic that 18-year-olds were mature
enough to fight led to the decrease in the drinking age as it was
assumed that they were mature enough to drink. Later in 1984,
“President Reagan signed an Act raising the drinking age back

to 21 years” (Vance). This history and the different discussions
have always brought a conflict of the ideal drinking ages, and
thus in this essay, we compare the varying MLDA’s and their
perceived benefits and criticisms.
The change of the drinking age from 18 years to 21 years was
driven mainly by organizations that were opposed to states
having the powers to decide the drinking ages such as the
‘Mothers against Drunk Driving’ organization. These groups
were of the opinion that the MLDA should be similar all over
the United States and not differing from one state to
another.They lobbied for a uniform MLDA until legislation was
passed in 1984 requiring all states to adopt the 21 MLDA.
The groups sighted the increase in accidents that are alcohol
related which were mainly caused by drivers in the age bracket
of 18-20 years. These Youth would move from their states
where they were prohibited to drink and drive to neighboring
states where drinking was legal and then return home later
driving while drunk. This led to an emergence of drunk driving
fatalities and the phenomena was named “blood borders.” On
reversing the legislation in 1984 after the alcohol consumption
age was increased to twenty-one years in all the states in
America, it was found out that more than 900 lives were saved a
year from accident fatalities and a record decrease in alcohol
deaths 62% among teenage drivers (Vance). [This is a comma
splice, which happens when a comma is placed in between two
independent clauses or complete sentences. Either a period or a
semi-colon will properly close the first sentence. Which are the
complete sentences here? Where should you place the chosen
punctuation mark? Correct other splices in the draft.]
Furthermore, Tietjen, argues that even with the drinking age in
place four in five students in college consume alcohol and 90%
of these students take alcohol through binge drinking. Cognitive
development of the mind advances to a great extent during the
teenage years. During these teenage years, the mind goes
through a phase of specializing and restructuring. This phase
allows the refining of connections of the subcortical and frontal

regions of the brain and neural connections that are unnecessary
are eliminated. Alcohol intake before the full development of
the brain and especially binge alcohol consumption may result
in cognitive development hindrance and the brain getting
permanently damaged (Curie, 27)［this source is from 2006.
And it’s deleted from your work cited］. Prefrontal cortex
undergoes rapid development in the period when an individual
is a teenager. The prefrontal cortex is the brain's region which
deals with decision making and judgment. Therefore, judgment
lapses are more likely to occur among the teenagers. Combining
this with alcohol consumption will most probably result in
questionable decisions being made and the risk of alcoholism is
higher during the teen years (Tietjen).
According to Highson, drinking caused the demise of 2,569
people aged between 26-20. These demises were as a result of
falls, drowning’s and poisonings. Studies have also shown that
more than 33% of the homicides among youth below 21 years
were related to alcohol consumption. 8% of suicides by males
and 12% of suicides by females below 21 years are also alcohol-
related. Also, 90% of rape cases among college students occur
when the accoster, both or the victim are under the influence of
alcohol. 95% of brutal crimes in universities involve
perpetrators who are under alcohol influence. “The social costs
of underage drinking are conservatively estimated at $53
billion, including $19 billion from traffic crashes and $29
billion from violent crime” (Highson). This shows that the
social burden brought about by teenagers consuming alcohol is
immense both concerning finances and emotional trauma. The
economic, individual and social consequences of teenage
alcohol consumption have led to it becoming the number one
United States health problem (Highson). [Another component of
a focused, cohesive body paragraph is to have a closing
sentence. It acts as a mini conclusion to reflect the major point
again and provides a transitional element to the next paragraph.
Consider this question in making your closing sentences, What
is the paragraph’s overall argument for or against the changing

of the MLDA?]
Bier, in his work, argues that by making alcohol illegal to those
below the age of 21 years, we only manage to push alcohol
consumption by the underage youth underground (30). This thus
means that we force the underage youth to take alcohol in
environments that are uncontrolled and thus making binge
drinking more frequent in the process. The illegal environment
in which the teenagers consume alcohol causes them to create
fallacies about alcohol intake behaviors as they are
inexperienced and new to the act of alcohol consumption (Bier
30). From the year 1984 when the drinking age was raised to 21
years, binge drinking has risen dramatically among the
teenagers (Nugent). This is primarily because youth over 18
years old are allowed to marry, drive and serve in the army but
not to drink. Therefore, the young people in contempt of the law
choose to drink, and since they can’t do it in an environment
where there is supervision, they result to use of alcohol
containing high-octane and in large amounts (Nugent).
Therefore, by increasing the drinking age, alcohol consumption
has bot become less dangerous but rather more hazardous.
Engs disputes the notion that the implementation of the 21-year
drinking age limit resulted in the reduction in accident
fatalities. The decline in accident fatalities is not in question
but what is questionable rather is the causative agent of the
reduction. The decline in accidents began in 1969, the same
year when passenger cars got improvements in crash protection
and accident avoidance features. Further reduction in accidents
was caused by the safety standards introduced by the federal
government. These standards “which allowed for improvements
in over three dozen safety measures not previously found in
automobiles” (Engs). Vance also argues that if the raising of
drinking age to 21 years resulted in a reduction of traffic
accidents by those aged between 18-20 years, then the same line
of thought can be applied to raising the drinking age to 25 years
or any other age or by just prohibiting alcohol use in general.
Barreca & Page carried out a study on the effect of minimum

drinking age on birth outcomes and found out that there is a
connection between the legal drinking age and small weights at
birth and prematurity of babies at birth (12). Lowering the
drinking age is linked to sexual initiation, alcohol intake during
the pregnancy period and lack of paternity information.
Therefore, accidental pregnancies among teenagers result from
lower drinking ages which in turn causes adverse health for
new-borns. This means that lowering the legal drinking age
would be putting the health of the future generations in
jeopardy and those in particular from the African American
community. Alcohol intake among the youth results in a 4.7%
increase in the probability of pregnancy among the youth
(Cintina 54).
Some states in India have recently raised the MLDA for hard
liquor from 21 years to 25 years. Historically alcohol in India
has been highly regulated as it is not used in the region until
India was colonized by the Britons (Luca 31). The states that
raised the MLDA’s sighted the need to protect the youth as one
of the reasons for this legislation. According to Luca’s study on
the contribution of alcohol intake towards violence against
women, he finds out that there is a connection between alcohol
intake and violence towards women by their spouses (31). Luca
observes that restricting access to alcoholic drinks lessens the
probability of a partner consuming alcohol as well as being
violent to his partner. On the other hand, making alcohol easily
accessible means that victimization chances rise. "Thus, by
adopting a higher legal drinking age in India states has some
positive outcomes" (Luca 32).
A country like Canada has its MLDA set at 19 years in most
parts, but in some parts, it remains at 18 years. A study was
done by the ‘Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse’ on the
mortality rate of youths before they attained the MLDA and
after they attained it. It was found out that youth mortality rate
increased once they attained the MLDA. In fact, the research
suggests that raising the MLDA’s in the few regions that have
set them at 18 years would result in saving of seven 18-year

males in Canada in a year. This shows that Canada has
relatively similar conditions and responses to raising their
MLDA as the United States. From the example of India and
Canada, it can be seen that youth in many parts of the universe
react in the same manner to lowering or raising the MLDA.
This paper has shown both the reasons for raising and reasons
for dropping the MLDA in America. This essay has been able to
illuminate on how increasing the legal drinking age reduced
crime levels, unwanted pregnancies, accidents and
psychological conditions. It has also shown clearly that some of
these assumed positive effects might not entirely be true as
there were other contributors to their achievement and thus
raising the MLDA ca not entirely be credited for the outcomes.
The paper has pointed out the brain development process and
how reliable researches have shown that teenagers being
allowed to consume alcohol increase their risk of getting
addicted and their cognitive abilities being hindered. Therefore,
this essay has compared and contrasted the various arguments in
support of the various drinking ages in a bid to illuminate on
the discussion of the ideal drinking age. [Your conclusion is
weak and does not properly end the essay because it’s just
another announcement. A conclusion summarizes and
synthesizes the major arguments for and against the lowering of
the MLDA. Instead of saying what the essay showed, go straight
to the point: What are the major reasons for increasing the
MLDA? What are the major reasons for maintaining the current
MLDA? How do these arguments illustrate the issue of the ideal
drinking age? Revise the conclusion with these questions.]
Work Cited
Barreca, Alan, and E. Page. "A pint for a pound? Reevaluating
the relationship between minimum drinking age laws and birth
outcomes." Unpublished Working Paper (2012).
Bier, Alea. Evaluating The Effectiveness Of The Uniform
Drinking Age Act. 1st ed., 2013,
https://studylib.net/doc/8836708/does-the-drinking-age-of-21-
really-benefit.

Cintina, Inna. "Essays on the Link Between Alcohol
Consumption and Youth Fertility." (2011).
Engs, Ruth C. "Why Drinking Age Should Be Lowered: Dr.
Ruth Engs". Indiana.edu. N.p., 2014. Web. 1 May 2017.
Hingson, Ralph, and Aaron White. "New research findings since
the 2007 Surgeon General’s Call to Action to Prevent and
Reduce Underage Drinking: A review." Journal of studies on
alcohol and drugs 75.1 (2014): 158-169.
Luca, Dara Lee, Emily Owens, and Gunjan Sharma. Alcohol
Consumption and Violence Against Women. Working Paper,
2014.
Nugent, Georgia. "Raising The Drinking Age To 21 Has Been A
Disastrous 30-Year Experiment - Nytimes.Com". Nytimes.Com,
2015, https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2015/02/10/you-
must-be-21-to-drink/raising-the-drinking-age-to-21-has-been-a-
disasterous-30-year-experiment.
Tietjen, Denali. "Why 21? A Look At Our Nation’S Drinking
Age". Boston.Com, 2014,
https://www.boston.com/culture/health/2014/07/17/why-21-a-
look-at-our-nations-drinking-age.
Vance, Laurence. "Why Is The Drinking Age 21? - The Future
Of Freedom Foundation". The Future Of Freedom Foundation,
2013, http://www.fff.org/explore-freedom/article/why-is-the-
drinking-age-21/.
1
Smarthinking Tutor Response Form
Your tutor has written overview comments about your essay in
the form below. Your tutor has also embedded comments [in
bold and in brackets] within your essay. Thank you for choosing
Smarthinking to help you improve your writing!
Hello, 1! I’m Sherry M., and I look forward to working with
you on this Essay Center Review to improve your writing today.
Let's get started!

*Writing Strength:
You effectively use signal phrases that introduce your ideas
with support from outside sources. For example, you wrote:
“Watson & Angela carried out a study on the effect of minimum
birth and prematurity of babies at birth (23).”
This lets the reader know that you are using an outside source,
and shows that your ideas are well-researched. Well done!
*1 has requested that you respond to the Main Idea/Thesis:
Your thesis statement doesn’t give me a clear idea of what your
paper addresses. In a compare and contrast essay, the thesis
make it clear if you will compare, contrast, or both in your
essay. Your thesis is:
“This history and the different discussions have always led to
the query of if 21 is the ideal age or should the age be increased
or decreased.”
Will you compare, contrast, or both to answer your question? Is
there discussion about raising it from 21 to something higher?
Before revising your thesis statement, ask your instructor if you
should be choosing a side, if you should tell why this topic is
relevant in the thesis statement, and if you should list the body
paragraphs in the thesis statement. These are all variations of
the thesis statement for a compare/contrast essay. Your
instructor will be the one who determines if these things are
important.
Introduction/Conclusion
Your conclusion tells what you did, instead of what you said.
This can be condescending to your reader, and it doesn’t act as
a reminder of your main points.
The conclusion should wrap up your paper, summarize your
thoughts, and give your reader a sense of closure. You could

make your conclusion better by considering why you write it.
When revising, ask yourself these questions:
· What are the main ideas you talked about in the essay?
· Why is it important to remind your reader of your main
points?
· How can I use these ideas to give the reader a sense of
closure?
*1 has requested that you respond to the Use of Resources:
More of your references are older than 5 years than less than 5
years old. This can make the reader wonder if your idea is still
relevant. Out of 9 reference entries, 5 of them are older than
2012.
One of the determiners of good references is currency. If your
sources are not current, it might indicate that the topic is no
longer important. Each school has its own guidelines for the
currency of research, so it’s best to check with your instructor
about this. You may even find this information in your school’s
Student Handbook.
A rule of thumb is that less than 10% of your resources are
older than 5 years. If you can’t find sources that are less than 5
years old, ask yourself if this topic is worth your research time.
Summary of Next Steps:
· Revise your thesis statement to tell your reader if you will
compare, contrast, or both.
· Revise your conclusion to give a sense of closure to your
reader, and to remind him of your main points.
· Ensure your topic is still relevant, and adjust your references.
Thank you for submitting your essay for a review, 1. I enjoyed
helping you with this step in the revision process. Have a good
day!—Sherry M.
You can find more information about writing, grammar, and
usage in the Smarthinking Writer's Handbook.

_____________________________________________________
____________________________
Please look for comments [in bold and in brackets] in your
essay below.
Thank you for submitting your work to Smarthinking! We hope
to see you again soon.
Should the Drinking Age be Increased or Decreased?
Alcohol consumption in the world has been a source of
numerous debates as it causes merry and harm in equal
measures. Drinking has been the source of several social
problems from crime increase to fund alcohol, to sexually
transmitted diseases and traffic accidents. These social evils
have raised much criticisms and activism from both government
and non-governmental organizations. These discussions have
led to the debate on the acceptable legal drinking age in many
countries, especially in the United States. Historically the
United States has undergone some changes in the legal drinking
ages. Initially, the legal drinking age was 21 years old, until
Roosevelt Franklin sought a drop of the alcohol consumption
age to 18 years. This was during the Second World War, and the
nation lowered the age for people who can join the United
States Army. Thus the logic that 18-year-olds were mature
enough to fight led to the decrease in the drinking age as it was
assumed that they were mature enough to drink. Later in 1984,
“President Reagan signed an Act raising the drinking age back
to 21 years” (Trex). This history and the different discussions
have always led to the query of if 21 is the ideal age or should
the age be increased or decreased.
The change of the drinking age from 18 years to 21 years was
driven mainly by organizations that were opposed to states
having the powers to decide the drinking ages such as the
‘Mothers against Drunk Driving’ organization. [This topic
sentence implies that you will discuss MADD organization.
However, it doesn't seem to be mentioned after the topic

sentence. Use your topic sentences to introduce your
paragraphs.] The groups sighted the increase in accidents that
are alcohol related which were mainly caused by drivers in the
age bracket of 18-20 years. These Youth would move from their
states where they were prohibited to drink and drive to
neighboring states where drinking was legal and then return
home later driving while drunk. This led to an emergence of
drunk driving fatalities and the phenomena was named “blood
borders.” On reversing the legislation in 1984 after the alcohol
consumption age was increased to twenty one years in all the
states in America, it was found out that more than 900 lives
were saved a year from accident fatalities and a record decrease
in alcohol deaths 62% among teenage drivers (Trex).
Tietjen, argues that even with the drinking age in place four in
five students in college consume alcohol and 90% of these
students take alcohol through binge drinking. [To make it clear
whether this paragraph is in support of lowering the drinking
age, or keeping it the same, use a transition to show how it
relates to the previous paragraph. If it reinforces the previous
paragraph, you might start with something like, “Furthermore,
…” If this paragraph refutes it, you might start with something
like, “On the other hand…”] Cognitive development of the mind
advances to a great extent during the teenage years. During
these teenage years, the mind goes through a phase of
specializing and restructuring. This phase allows the refining of
connections of the subcortical and frontal regions of the brain
and neural connections that are unnecessary are eliminated.
Alcohol intake before the full development of the brain and
especially binge alcohol consumption may result in cognitive
development hindrance and the brain getting permanently
damaged (Curie, 27). Prefrontal cortex undergoes rapid
development in the period when an individual is a teenager. The
prefrontal cortex is the brain's region which deals with decision
making and judgment. Therefore, judgment lapses are more
likely to occur among the teenagers. Combining this with
alcohol consumption will most probably result in questionable

decisions being made and the risk of alcoholism is higher
during the teen years (Tietjen).
According to Curie, drinking caused the demise of 2,569 people
aged between 26-20 (26). These demises were as a result of
falls, drowning’s and poisonings. Studies have also shown that
more than 33% of the homicides among youth below 21 years
were related to alcohol consumption. 8% of suicides by males
and 12% of suicides by females below 21 years are also alcohol-
related. Also, 90% of rape cases among college students occur
when the accoster, both or the victim are under the influence of
alcohol. 95% of brutal crimes in universities involve
perpetrators who are under alcohol influence. “The social costs
of underage drinking are conservatively estimated at $53
billion, including $19 billion from traffic crashes and $29
billion from violent crime” (Curie, 27). This shows that the
social burden brought about by teenagers consuming alcohol is
immense both concerning finances and emotional trauma. The
economic, individual and social consequences of teenage
alcohol consumption have led to it becoming the number one
United States health problem (Curie, 28).
Bier, in his work, argues that by making alcohol illegal to those
below the age of 21 years, we only manage to push alcohol
consumption by the underage youth underground (30). This thus
means that we force the underage youth to take alcohol in
environments that are uncontrolled and thus making binge
drinking more frequent in the process. The illegal environment
in which the teenagers consume alcohol causes them to create
fallacies about alcohol intake behaviors as they are
inexperienced and new to the act of alcohol consumption (Bier
30). From the year 1984 when the drinking age was raised to 21
years, binge drinking has risen dramatically among the
teenagers (Nugent). This is primarily because youth over 18
years old are allowed to marry, drive and serve in the army but
not to drink. Therefore, the young people in contempt of the law
choose to drink, and since they can’t do it in an environment
where there is supervision, they result to use of alcohol

containing high-octane and in large amounts (Nugent).
Therefore, by increasing the drinking age, alcohol consumption
has bot become less dangerous but rather more hazardous.
Miron disputes the notion that the implementation of the 21-
year drinking age limit resulted in the reduction in accident
fatalities (16). The decline in accident fatalities is not in
question but what is questionable rather is the causative agent
of the reduction. The decline in accidents began in 1969, the
same year when passenger cars got improvements in crash
protection and accident avoidance features. Further reduction in
accidents was caused by the safety standards introduced by the
federal government. These standards “which allowed for
improvements in over three dozen safety measures not
previously found in automobiles” (Miron, 16). Vance also
argues that if the raising of drinking age to 21 years resulted in
a reduction of traffic accidents by those aged between 18-20
years, then the same line of thought can be applied to raising
the drinking age to 25 years or any other age or by just
prohibiting alcohol use in general.
Watson & Angela carried out a study on the effect of minimum
birth and prematurity of babies at birth (23). Lowering the
drinking age is linked to sexual initiation, alcohol intake during
the pregnancy period and lack of paternity information.
Therefore, accidental pregnancies among teenagers result from
lower drinking ages which in turn causes adverse health for
new-borns. This means that lowering the legal drinking age
would be putting the health of the future generations in
jeopardy and those in particular from the African American
community. Alcohol intake among the youth results in a 4.7%
increase in the probability of pregnancy among the youth
(Cintina 54).
Some states in India have recently raised the MLDA for hard
liquor from 21 years to 25 years. Historically alcohol in India
has been highly regulated as it is not used in the region until

India was colonized by the Britons (Luca 31). The states that
raised the MLDA’s sighted the need to protect the youth as one
of the reasons for this legislation. According to Luca’s study on
the contribution of alcohol intake towards violence against
women, he finds out that there is a connection between alcohol
intake and violence towards women by their spouses (31). Luca
observes that restricting access to alcoholic drinks lessens the
probability of a partner consuming alcohol as well as being
violent to his partner. On the other hand, making alcohol easily
accessible means that victimization chances rise. "Thus, by
adopting a higher legal drinking age in India states has some
positive outcomes" (Luca 32).
A country like Canada has its MLDA set at 19 years in most
parts, but in some parts, it remains at 18 years. A study was
done by the ‘Canadian Centre on Substance Abuse’ on the
mortality rate of youths before they attained the MLDA and
after they attained it. It was found out that youth mortality rate
increased once they attained the MLDA. In fact, the research
suggests that raising the MLDA’s in the few regions that have
set them at 18 years would result in saving of seven 18-year
males in Canada in a year. This shows that Canada has
relatively similar conditions and responses to raising their
MLDA as the United States. From the example of India and
Canada, it can be seen that youth in many parts of the universe
react in the same manner to lowering or raising the MLDA.
This paper has shown both the reasons for raising and reasons
for dropping the MLDA in America and other countries as well.
[Unless it’s important to your essay that this involves multiple
countries, consider leaving it out. It almost seems like you’re
acknowledging that you got sidetracked.] The arguments are
well laid out, and enough logic is given for the different school
of thoughts. This essay has been able to illuminate on how
increasing the legal drinking age reduced crime levels,
unwanted pregnancies, accidents and psychological conditions.
It has also shown clearly that some of these assumed positive
effects might not entirely be true as there were other

contributors to their achievement and thus raising the MLDA ca
not entirely be credited for the outcomes. However, to clearly
solve the issue of the suitable MLDA, quantitative researches
should be carried out on the benefits and disadvantages of the
different ages and the contribution of the various cultures to the
alcohol consumption problem.
Work Cited
Bier, Alea. Evaluating The Effectiveness Of The Uniform
Drinking Age Act. 1st ed., 2011,
https://studylib.net/doc/8836708/does-the-drinking-age-of-21-
really-benefit.
Cintina, Inna. "Essays on the Link Between Alcohol
Consumption and Youth Fertility." (2011).
Curie, Charles. A COMPREHENSIVE PLAN FOR
PREVENTING AND REDUCING UNDERAGE DRINKING.
U.S. Department Of Health And Human Services, 2006, pp. 20-
168,
http://www.stopalcoholabuse.gov/media/pdf/underagerpttocongr
ess.pdf.
Luca, Dara Lee, Emily Owens, and Gunjan Sharma. Alcohol
Consumption and Violence Against Women. Working Paper,
2014.
Miron, Jeffrey A., and Elina Tetelbaum. "Does the minimum
legal drinking age save lives?." Economic Inquiry 47.2 (2009):
317-336.
Nugent, Georgia. "Raising The Drinking Age To 21 Has Been A
Disastrous 30-Year Experiment - Nytimes.Com". Nytimes.Com,
2015, https://www.nytimes.com/roomfordebate/2015/02/10/you-
must-be-21-to-drink/raising-the-drinking-age-to-21-has-been-a-
disasterous-30-year-experiment.
Tietjen, Denali. "Why 21? A Look At Our Nation’S Drinking
Age". Boston.Com, 2014,
https://www.boston.com/culture/health/2014/07/17/why-21-a-
look-at-our-nations-drinking-age.
Trex, Ethan. "Why Is The Drinking Age 21?". Mentalfloss.Com,

2008, http://mentalfloss.com/article/19437/why-drinking-age-
21.
Vance, Laurence. "Why Is The Drinking Age 21? - The Future
Of Freedom Foundation". The Future Of Freedom Foundation,
2013, http://www.fff.org/explore-freedom/article/why-is-the-
drinking-age-21/.
Watson, Tara, and Angela Fertig. Minimum Drinking Age Laws
and Infant Health Outcomes. No. w14118. National Bureau of
Economic Research, 2008.

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